fic: a life without regret 40/?
Author's Note: And the day I never thought would arrive...
Author: Gracie
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: No, I don't own it, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. Alias and all the characters belong to Touchstone, ABC and the talented JJ. Abrams.
Timeline: To fit in with future storylines, I have changed the time of when SD-6 was brought down. Sydney is now four months pregnant and this fic begins in early November.
Summary: Sequel to No Regrets. Trying to make normal.
Chapter 40
Sydney POV
There are certain events in your life that you imagine. Events that play out in your mind as a child and further as you grow up that give you a sense of how things are going to go. Let me tell you now, the way that you imagine them aren’t always the way that they play out.
Take my life at present for example. I can’t say that what I have now is what I ever dreamed it would be. It is so much better than any dream I had ever had that sometimes I wake up in the morning and need to get out of bed just to see that everything that I have is actually true.
Nine months ago, had I had a time machine that forwarded me to this time and this place I would have laughed in the face of whoever the genius was that put me here and told them that it wasn’t at all possible. There was no way I would be sitting in a hospital bed waiting for whatever to progress to the point that I was a mom. There was no way, because I was Sydney Bristow, a double agent who risked her life everyday. Mom material wasn’t even a star on the horizon. It was a pipe dream that would never come true.
Yet, here I am. Sydney Vaughn.
Married.
Almost a mom.
Like I said. I would have laughed in the face of that genius. Somehow, it’s not so funny anymore.
“Sydney,” a nurse enters my room, clutching a clip board of papers concerning me. “How are you doing?” she asks.
I’m following long enough to comprehend her words and muffle an answer before my eyes lock back to the door waiting for my husband to arrive. He hasn’t arrived yet. You see, we were all at the hockey rink. Vaughn’s pee wee hockey team had made it to the semi-finals and we, myself, Francie, Will, Eric and Kelley all went to cheer him and the team on. They only needed to win one more game before they made it to playoffs and hopefully victory somewhere in the end. Five minutes into the second period a pain radiated from the bottom of my stomach right up and all through my middle, making me sit down from the cheer we were ranting, my toes curl and take note that something serious was happening. Next thing I know I’m in Francie’s car, rushing down the highway on the way to the hospital.
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen.
“Excuse me,” I ask the nurse. “Has anyone called my husband?” I worry. Eric promised that he would stay behind and bring Vaughn to the hospital the second the game was over. I didn’t want him to leave in the middle of something so important and I knew that if he knew what was happening, he’d pick up and leave, walking out on his team at such a crucial time.
“Uhm, I’m not really sure Mrs. Vaughn. There are a lot of people out there waiting for you though, did you want me to send someone in?” she asks.
“No, that’s okay. I just didn’t think he would be this long, that’s all,” I reply.
Seconds after I let that sentence out, the door to my room slams open and I am brought to tears when I see my husband rush through, his coach’s jacket still on. He rushes toward me without a second thought, taking my hand in his and kissing my forehead.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me as soon as it happened Syd? I would have driven you to the hospital,” he panics.
“Vaughn, I’m okay. I knew you’d want to do that and that’s exactly why we didn’t tell you. How did it go anyway?”
He strokes my hair as he calms down, looking me in the eye just to see if he can pick up any hint of panic within me. He smiles softly before answering. “We were locked 2-2 with thirty seconds to go. Their number eighty-eight gets the puck out of nowhere and skates the length of the ice. We lost by a goal,” he tells me dejectedly.
“Oh no! They were playing so well,” I encourage.
“I know they were. And I told them that in the locker room. You should have seen their faces, they were crushed Syd.”
“I’m sure they were, poor kids.”
“So, Syd,” he turns serious. “What’s going on?”
“Oh you know, got here and they ushered me into a wheelchair, hooked me up to all these machines and I haven’t seen anyone since,” I shrug.
“So you don’t know anything?” he asks, concerned.
“All I know is that whatever happened back at the rink wasn’t like any pain I’d had before,” I tell him unsurely. I’ve started to wonder whether I’ve imagined the entire thing.
“Okay, well, wait here and I’ll go and try to find someone to…” he starts but before he can finish that line our doctor walks in.
“Sydney, Sydney, Sydney,” he starts out in the manner that reminds me exactly why I chose him to be my doctor.
“Hi,” I say timidly.
“Now I thought that at our appointment on Tuesday I said that there was nothing happening at least for another week?” he jokes as he wanders around to the opposite side of the bed that my husband is sitting on. “Hi Michael,” he greets Vaughn as they shake hands. He takes a look at one of the machines that I am hooked up to, then another, marking things down on my chart.
“So you say that you thought you were having some contractions,” he asks.
I nod in reply. “I’d been having some pains all morning, but I just thought they were like the other ones I’d been having. Then I had one and you said that I’d know the difference between the practice ones and real ones, and well,” I shrug not really know what I’m rambling about. I think it’s the nerves that are running rampant right through me.
He quickly performs a pelvic and my husband is amazing, holding my hand the entire time and just being there as much as I need him to be without being overbearing.
“Alright, well, I hate to be the one to break it to you,” he starts and I know exactly where he is going.
“But it was nothing…” I finish for him, sighing in disbelief. Vaughn kisses my temple and sends me a smile that, if I wasn’t in bed would make my knees weak. I really thought it was time.
“It wasn’t exactly nothing. It just means that you’re getting closer to the time when you’re actually going to go into labor for sure. Listen, some advice?” he offers.
“I suppose,” I groan.
My doctor and my husband both laugh at me and Dr. Quinn continues on anyway. “I think that you’ve gotten yourself so worked up with wanting it to be time that you’re missing out on those precious moments right before your world is tipped upside down. Relax, let your hair down. Enjoy this time because from first hand experience, I can tell you that you’re never going to get time like this ever again. Don’t think about, just sit back, get Michael here to give you a massage and have some fun. Trust me, it’s when you’re not wanting it to happen that it’s going to happen.”
“You know Syd, Brian is right,” Vaughn offers. I just scowl at the both of them. Obviously neither of them realize just how uncomfortable I am and for how much I want that time to be right now. “We haven’t been completely relaxed since our honeymoon. And there’s that charity ball that the agency is having but not that we’re all supposed to go to tomorrow night. Who knows, we might kick up our heels and have some fun. You can get all dressed up and have your hair and make-up done. What do you say?”
“Sounds perfect,” my doctor agrees. Oh great, my husband and OB/GYN are in cahoots to get me out. I look between the both of them, scowling. I don’t like it but I have to agree or face the wrath of both of them.
“I think it’s a terrible idea,” I tell them, just to state a point. I start unhooking myself from all of the machines since nothing seems to be happening. I swing my legs over to the side of the bed and look at my husband. “But I suppose that if we have to go, we have to go”.
“And you know Sydney,” my doctor cuts in to remind me. “Your due date isn’t for another three days; you could still have a ways ahead of you.”
“Thank you, doctor, for that reveling piece of information. I’ll be sure to remember it,” I snarl, not amused. Obviously the men in the room think my good humor is hilarious and laugh at me.
“Alright Syd, I can see that you want to get out of here, so I’ll go and get your discharge forms ready,” he tells us as he leaves the room. Just as he swings the door open he turns back. “Oh and Syd? Happy Birthday.” I smile at him, genuinely this time.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
As soon as he leaves the room and Vaughn and I are in private, I wrap my arms around my husband’s waist. “I’m sorry,” I tell him.
“You’re sorry? What for Syd?”
“For overreacting and thinking I was in labor when I wasn’t. For being miserable the past couple of days. I’m just so over all of this and my back is so sore right now. You have no idea,” I tell him, speaking into his shoulder. He’s rubbing soothing circles on my lower back and the feeling is heavenly.
“It’s perfectly okay Syd,” he reassures me. “No harm done.”
“Thank you,” I say, pulling back. Needing to feel him close, I grab a hold of the back of his neck and pull him close, kissing him for as long as I can before the need of air becomes too much. “It’s better that today wasn’t it. What child would want to have the same birthday as their mom?”
He laughs at me. “Come on, let’s get you dressed and we’ll go home.”
“No way mister. You said I have to go to this ball thing. You have to take me shopping now and get me a new dress.”
~*~*~
Thirty two hours later, I feel almost like a new woman. After we left the hospital yesterday, Vaughn took me to The Grove and we shopped until I had a complete new outfit to wear to this thing tonight. I thought that it would take me long, dreaded hours to find something that I not only liked, but also fit into and looked good in but it turns out that luck was on my side and I bought the first dress I saw and tried on. It’s a midnight blue bubble dress and halter style with a thick band of material that sits right around my neck to hold the front and back in place. It’s pleated length ways all over, giving me plenty of room for movement and sits just below mid thigh so it’s sexy enough to pull off, but not too much so that I am hanging out everywhere. The best part of it is that only my shoulders, arms and legs are exposed so I don’t have to feel self-conscious about my chest or belly all night.
After I was done dress shopping, Vaughn dragged me along to the accessory department and I picked out a gorgeous black shawl. He even followed me to the shoe and handbag department where I picked up a new clutch and the most perfect pair of shoes to complete the outfit. He must have been really feeling my pain.
Have I mentioned lately that I have the most perfect husband?
When we arrived home last night he’d followed my wishes and cooked me a special birthday dinner, just the two of us. He’d bought a small tiramisu cake that ended our delicious meal, covered it in exactly twenty-nine candles to make it look like the entire top of the cake was ablaze and sang me happy birthday all the while wearing a goofy looking party hat. In fact, the only thing he had gone slightly overboard with was the massive arrangement of lilies he had delivered to the house before I left for the rink. Afterward, he drew me a bubble bath that I soaked in while he cleaned up downstairs and before we went to bed, he gave me a massage that made me wonder what I was complaining about in the first place. It was my favorite birthday to date, but somehow I know that from now on, it’s going to be a very special day on our calendar.
As I sit at my dresser and apply the last of my make-up I look into the reflection and watch my husband who is sitting on our bed, watching me as I complete my face.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask.
He shakes his head, caught in his thoughts. “Stuff. You know, when we get home tonight, I need to talk to you about something,” he tells me, and I can’t remember the last time that he ever looked so serious.
I look at him pointedly, and can’t help but worry given the tone of his voice and the expression on his face. “Okay Michael, way to scare me. If it’s so important, I want you to tell me now.”
He gets up from the bed and moves away as I turn around to face him. Having this conversation in the mirror is not an option. “Vaughn?” I call out when he disappears into the wardrobe.
He sticks his head back out, he is now shirtless, obviously getting into his suit. “No, listen Syd. I shouldn’t have said anything, and we’re not talking about this now, because we’re going out, we’re going to relax and we’re going to have a good time.”
Coming out of the wardrobe, he has his tie hanging around his neck, the top two buttons of his crisp white shirt still undone. He sits on the bed and puts his shoes on, tying the laces before standing up again. “Sydney,” he states, knowing I am watching his every move. “Don’t worry about it, don’t listen to me. Finish getting dressed, you look amazing already. I’m going to wait down stairs for your grand entrance,” he tells me as he wanders over and presses a kiss to the side of my forehead. I grab his hand as he starts to walk away and force him to look me dead in the eye. He does so but gives nothing away. I don’t know whether that scares me or not yet. Shaking it off, I know that if he says everything is okay I shouldn’t worry about it. As I push those thoughts aside I take a deep breath. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to an event like this and the nerves are just bundling on top of one another. It is certainly the first time I’ve ever gone to one of these things as me and without a mission to carry out. This should certainly prove to be an interesting night.
Twenty minutes later I am finally dressed and ready to go. I call out to Vaughn that I am ready and make my way out of the bedroom, checking as I go that I have everything I could possibly need for tonight in the tiny purse I picked out. Descending the stairs I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Even though I am completely comfortable in this outfit there is a tiny amount of uncertainty in the back of my mind that is worried about what everyone else will think, my husband included.
I should be slapped across the back of the head because when I reach the landing on the stairs and meet my husband’s waiting eyes, realize that I was wrong. He’s looking me all over, and I know that whatever I was thinking before was completely crazy. The love I see radiating from him simply amazes me.
“See something you like?” I ask as I hold my arms out to the side of me to give him a good look.
He blushes, swipes at the bottom of his nose like he does when he’s embarrassed and uncertain before looking back up at me again. “I don’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful than right in this moment,” he gushes. Okay, now it’s time for me to blush and be all embarrassed.
“You say that to me all the time,” I tell him, moving closer to him.
“Well then you must be getting more beautiful everyday. Actually,” he says stepping back. “You do look pretty good, but from where I’m standing, there’s something missing,” he says tapping his forefinger on his chin.
“I know my wedding band and engagement ring. I’m sorry, but they don’t fit,” I tell him, rubbing my swollen fingers.
“No, no, it’s not that. I knew they didn’t fit,” he says. Reaching inside his jacket pocket, he pulls out a square black velvet box. “Now, before you say anything,” he says, holding up a finger so I can let him finish. “You didn’t actually think that the flowers and dinner was all you were going to get for your birthday, did you?”
I eye him suspiciously. He hands the box over to me and I watch him carefully as I take it in my hands. “I was actually surprised that you’d followed my wishes and didn’t go too extravagant,” I say as I open the box and take in a sharp breath of air. Sitting inside the box is a beautiful pair of diamond drop earrings.
“Now, before you freak out on me, I hadn’t planned on them, but when you’d agreed to go to this event tonight, I knew that you’d need to have some sort of jewellery that would set you apart from the rest.”
“So that’s where you disappeared to yesterday,” I say out loud as I take one of the earrings out of the box and move to the mirror just inside the door to put it on.
“I’m not sure if they go or not, I described your dress to the girl behind the counter and she suggested these. If you don’t like them she said we could return them and you could pick something else out.”
When I’ve clipped the back of the earring onto the second part of the pair I turn to look at him and kiss his cheek. “They’re perfect Vaughn. They’re too much, but they’re perfect anyway. I love them, thank you,” I gush. He smiles and I can tell he’s relieved.
Grabbing his hand, I pull him closer to me so I can straighten his tie. A knock at the front door next to us indicates that our car is here and we’re ready to go. I take a deep breath and we take a second to calm ourselves. He takes my hand ready to walk out the door but I pull him back.
“Wait. Just, Vaughn? Whatever happens tonight, I just wanted to thank you for all of this,” I say, extending my arms to my side and upward. “I never thought all of this could possibly come true, and it has. And all of that’s because of you,” I can feel myself starting to tear up.
“Shh,” he whispers. “You’re going to ruin your make-up,” he giggles.
I sniffle a second and there’s another knock at the door. “We’re coming,” he yells out to the driver, sensing my need for another second.
“You’re my guardian angel,” I profess in a whisper, finally being able to say that to his face and not over some comm. Wire.
“And you, mine.”
~*~*~
A few hours later we’re at the party in the grand ballroom of some hotel downtown and I have to say, the agency, or whoever is throwing this ball really knows how to party in style. There is everything from lush flower arrangements in every spare space around the room to a full orchestra performing on stage.
“So this is what all of our precious tax money goes to pay for,” Francie whispers in my ear as she approaches. We both laugh at the thought that was running through my mind when I first arrived. She sits down next to me in the seat that Vaughn vacated about ten minutes ago. I’m not sure where he’s disappeared to, but I know he’s talking shop somewhere. His status within the agency has greatly improved since the takedown and I know that while he is complaining about his boredom now, there are great things on the horizon for him.
“You look amazing tonight Syd,” she compliments me. I blush and realize that it’s not the first time that has happened tonight.
“So do you,” I respond. Her look tells me she doesn’t agree. “You do!” I insist, slapping her arm. She’s wearing a knee-length off white chiffon cocktail dress that drops dramatically at the back and I’ve never seen her look more radiant.
“Whatever you say,” she says rolling her eyes. Her tone changes completely when she continues her next sentence. “You’ve dropped Syd,” she says, referring to my enormous belly that has ‘dropped’ as they say in all of the books I’ve been reading, in this past week.
“Yeah,” I say distantly.
“You know what that means…”
“Yeah,” I laugh nervously. “Any day now,” I nod, turning to look at her for the first time. I smile encouragingly and I know she wants to hear more.
“And how are you feeling about that?”
I sigh, groaning slightly at the interrogation mode she’s gone into. If I ever thought interrogation by torture was bad I was forgetting how intense my best friend could be if she tried. “Scared,” I laugh nervously. “Yesterday I was ready to go. They could have told me to push and I would have done whatever they wanted me to, to get this baby out.”
“But now?”
“Nooow, I don’t know. I feel like something is going to happen that I’m not ready for and that the baby just needs to stay put for as long as possible.”
Her brow furrows in confusion as she looks at me. “What makes you think that?”
I shake my head, not really knowing the answer myself. “I don’t know. I suppose it’s what Vaughn said to me when I was getting ready before.”
“What did he say?” she asks, concerned.
“He said that he needs to talk to me about something when we get home,” I tell her.
Her eyes narrow. “Cryptic much?”
“I know, right? But the tone he used and the look on his face,” I shake my head. “I don’t know Fran, it hasn’t settled with me ever since he said it.”
“Well, you know, Michael is amazing. I’m sure it’s nothing terrible. If it was anything that bad, he would have told you already Syd,” she reassures me. I know that she’s more than likely right in her thinking but still, something about his demeanor just hasn’t been right this week and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
The man of the topic of discussion comes back into view just as we finish our conversation. “God Syd, check him out, he’s looking particularly hot tonight,” she giggles.
“Back off you whore, he’s taken,” I joke, snorting in laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Vaughn asks as he approaches us.
“Nothing,” both Francie and I say in unison. He knows we were talking about him and looks from Francie to me and back again.
“Okay, well if it’s nothing,” he says. The orchestra picks up again, striking a very familiar cord. “Would you care to dance?” he asks, offering me his hand. I look over at Francie and raise my eyebrows as I put my hand in his and he leads me to the middle of the dance floor.
We sway along to the cords of the rock classicCrazy Love. Vaughn has one hand on the small of my back and holds me as close as we can and I know he’s getting a kick out of showing me off in front of everyone. I look up at him and he questions me.
“What?”
I shake my head and continue to follow his lead. “Nothing.”
He nods and tries to pick up conversation. “How is baby doing tonight?”
“He’s doing good, behaving himself, finally,” I comment.
“And how are you doing?”
“Good,” I smile then correct myself. “Great, I’m having a great time. I never realized that the agency put on events like this.”
”Well they don’t. Not officially of course. There’s some front for it, there always is. I’m not sure what it is this year, but don’t you think there is something creepy about being in a room chock full of CIA and FBI agents?” he laughs, lowering his voice significantly.
I lower my head to his shoulder as we sway along to the music, content to just take this whole moment in. A clearing of the throat interrupts us toward the end of the song and I look up only to see Director Devlin standing next to us.
“What do you say Mr. Vaughn?” I take special note in the use of mister in front of my husband’s last name rather than his proper agency title. “Any chance I could cut in and dance with your wife?” he falters for a second, stuttering slightly when he does answer. His behavior completely off, but I don’t have a chance to question him about it before he passes me off to the director.
“Well I have to say Sydney, you’ve done a fine job, both professionally and personally,” he compliments me.
I try to keep an eye on my husband who has retreated back to our table but given the dancing and my partner, find that task difficult.
“Thank you Director,” I reply.
“Come on Sydney, we’re not in the office tonight, technically, you’re not even working for me anymore, I think we can go by first names, don’t you?”
I smile sweetly. “Of course.”
“Tell me, you must be due any day now.”
“Tuesday actually. Tuesday is the big day,” I laugh. “We’ll see how that goes though. I’ve heard that the due date isn’t always as accurate as it should be.”
“No, that’s true. My wife never hit the mark with any of her dates. They went over, at least by three days for all four pregnancies,” he adds. “Never you mind though, we’ll make sure that your husband is back in time. We couldn’t possibly make one of our best agents miss the birth of his first child.”
I falter for a second, wondering what Devlin is talking about, but realized I must have misheard whatever he said over the music and chatter in the background. I quickly make up the misstep and continue to dance.
“Yes Michael is doing wonderfully. And he will continue to do wonderfully in DC when you two move over there. I tell you, this position is perfect for him, and the timing couldn’t be better, don’t you agree?”
And.it.all.sinks.into.place.
I stutter for a brief second as I try to let what he’s just said sink in. Quickly, as to not raise any suspicion I plaster a fake smile on my face just as I am used to and agree with a nod of the head and a brief sentence. I don’t even know where to begin with the course of emotion that is running through me right now. I don’t know whether it’s anger, sadness, desperation or a general numbness, maybe it’s all mixed into one.
“You know what director,” I say sweetly. “I hope you don’t mind, but I really need to excuse myself to the ladies room, you understand.” I don’t even recognize the tone my voice has taken on. I thought it had long disappeared. I smile and thank him as I turn to walk off the dance floor.
I march right over to my seat to grab my purse and shawl. He is hot on my heels but I can’t even look at him right now to tell him to leave me alone. I ignore the looks I receive as I exit the ballroom, my husband trailing close behind calling out to me. His words are completely jumbled when they reach my ears, anger on my part making them that way.
When I reach the parking lot and fresh air I turn around and he almost runs into me. I point my finger at him accusingly as I scream at him with everything I’ve got within me. “What the hell Michael Vaughn, what the hell!? No, don’t,” I yell, shaking my finger. I feel like I’m about to crumble right here in front of him.
He asks me what was said and all I can think is that he has a hide wanting to know that. I take a deep breath and start pacing back and forth, knowing for the baby’s sake that I need to calm down. My hands are shaking involuntarily and when I’ve pulled myself together enough to face him I feel the onslaught of tears wash over me. I refuse to let him see me cry over this though.
“Syd, please, come inside and I’ll explain, in private.”
“No, no way in hell! What the fuck is there to explain Michael?” I snap. “I think the words, ‘you two moving to DC’ is enough, don’t you?!”
“Syd, please, calm down.”
“Calm down!? Calm down, who the fuck do you think you are!?” I ask him. “Oh god, that’s right. You’re my husband. The funny thing is, I never realized that husbands kept things like moving across the country from their wives. You know Michael, this is so typical of you!”
“Typical of me, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You Michael!” I scream, pointing at him. I’ve become a person I’ve never seen before and I know there are people watching us but I don’t care. “We’ve had this fight before and god! I believed you, you son of a bitch when you told me you’d never keep things from me. And I was so vulnerable, I actually believed you,” I scoff. “How stupid was I?”
“Syd, please, I promise it wasn’t like that. I was going to tell you.” He is so calm about all of this that I just want to strangle the living daylights out of him.
“You were going to tell me? When Michael, when were you going to tell me? Tonight? Huh? Is that what was so important that it could wait until after this shin dig?”
“Sydney!” he yells at me. “It’s not even official yet. Of course I was going to talk it over with you before I made any decisions regarding our future. I would never decide to move us to the other side of the country before I talked it over with you and we agreed, together.”
“Alright, so tell me, what is so fucking important that we need to move to the other side of the country?” I snap, crossing my arms across my chest.
“There’s a position that’s come up. They want me to set up and head a new specialized division that will be aiming to prevent organizations like the Alliance & SD-6,” he breathes out and hangs his head. “Syd, please believe me when I tell you that I was going to talk to you about this. I just didn’t know how to bring it up,” he offers, finally looking up at me.
The tears are brimming my eyes now and I can’t even see straight. I’m biting my top lip to hold from all out sobbing and have to look away from him. My voice is shaky when I start to speak. “So when you say that it’s not official yet, what makes it official?”
“I need to fly to Washington first thing tomorrow. There are two days of meeting already set up. There could be more if and when anything is figured out,” he all but whispers.
It’s all I can do but collapse in a heap right there. Instead I force myself to the nearby wall and lean up against it for support. “I am due to give birth to our baby on Tuesday. TUESDAY Michael!” I yell but my voice has turned hoarse and it is breaking up. “I could go into labor with the flick of a switch, I could give birth at any time Michael, are you understanding me? I’m forty weeks pregnant, there is no turning back and there is no holding off if the time comes. I cannot, I CANNOT do this without you here. If you go to Washington, you are going to be leaving me alone to do this all by myself. You promised me Vaughn,” I state, softer now. “You promised me you’d be there the entire time, holding my hand and getting me through this. I can’t do that if you’re not here,” I shake my head.
He moves closer and I can see what this has done to him with just one look at him. I can’t handle him though at this moment. I do the best thing I know to do. I make a run for it. I find the first car with a driver and jump in, ordering him to just drive. Right now I need to get away but I have no idea where to go.
~*~*~*~
I don’t know how much time passes but when my driver asks me if I have a particular place in mind that I want to go, I automatically blurt out an address by heart. When he pulls the limo up in front of the house I grew up in, I falter for a second, unsure if I should be here or not. Not willing to go back now, and no where else to go anyway, I grab my purse and wrap my shawl over my shoulders. A storm front that the weather people have been talking about for the past three days has finally hit and it is pouring down rain outside.
My door is opened for me and I feel terrible that the driver has been caught up in this and is getting as wet as he is, regardless of the umbrella he is holding. He walks me to the front porch and I offer a tip, but he quickly declines, stating that it has already been taken care of. I tell him that he can head back to the party, I will no longer be requiring his service and he leaves me alone under cover. I can’t remember the last time I ever saw rain this heavy.
I knock on the door but no one answers and I don’t think I’ve stopped sobbing since I left the party. I knock again, more insistently this time and I know he has to be home because in true Jack Bristow style, he wasn’t there. Giving up, I’m about to slump into the bench next to the door when he finally swings it open. I turn to him, and fall into his arms. “Oh Daddy!” I bawl.
“Sydney, what in the name…” he starts but doesn’t finish. “Quickly, come inside, you’re soaked through,” he says and ushers me in but leaving me dripping in the foyer. He disappears for a brief second but comes back and wraps me in a huge bath sheet and takes my purse from my grasp and pulls the shawl from around my shoulders. “Come on sweetheart, let’s get you warmed up,” he tells me, rubbing my shoulders and keeping a firm hold of me as he leads me to the kitchen.
Sitting me on one of the seats at the kitchen table, he goes behind the bench and starts fiddling with the kettle. He returns to me and takes a seat to my opposite, pushing a steaming cup of tea in front of me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, hoarsely. “I didn’t know where else to go and I assumed you’d be home since you weren’t at the party,” I explain.
“May I… ask what happened?”
I sniffle a little and wipe my eyes. Where do I even begin? “We were at the ball and we were dancing,” I begin, taking the quick and to the point route, “Devlin cut in and he was talking about what great work Vaughn is doing. And then he told me about DC, which, I’m sure you…”
He cuts in. “I do. I presumed you must have found out, but didn’t want to…”
I shake my head. No matter how strange their relationship seems on the outside, my husband and my father have it all figured out between them. “He should have told me Dad. I should have been his first call,” I say, raising my eyes to look at him. “I’m his wife I need to know.”
He nods in understanding. “As for the trip tomorrow Sydney? We’ve both been trying frantically to get him out of it, but there’s nothing we can do. He has to be there.”
“I need him here Dad. I need him here, not three thousand miles away,” I choke.
“I know you do sweetheart,” he consoles, reaching for my hand. Without even realizing it I grab a hold of him, needing to feel strength from anywhere I can get it. A car pulls up in the driveway and the engine switches off. I know my husband has come after me. I don’t blame him but right now he’s the last person I want to see.
Coming through the back door, he is soaked through as well, the storm getting impossibly heavier. My father leaves us and I want to scream at him to stay. I’m not ready or willing for round two with my husband. I don’t move an inch, afraid of what will happen if I do.
“I tried to get out of it Syd, I tried. That’s why I was putting off telling you. I figured that if I could get out of it,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know what I thought. I know I should have told you the second I got out of the meeting, but I didn’t and that was stupid.”
“I need you here Michael. I don’t want to be the clingy wife, but for Christ’s sake, I think I have the right to that at this stage.”
“You do, I know you do. But there’s nothing I can do Syd. If anything happens, you have to call me right away and I will jump onto the next plane and be here in six hours.”
“People have babies in much less time than that Michael and you know it.”
“What do you want me to do Syd? I’ve tried everything I can to get out of it.”
“Then don’t go!” I insist.
“I have to go Syd, I have to go.”
“No you don’t Vaughn, you don’t” I say desperately, ready to say anything to make him change his mind.
“Syd, please. Don’t make this any harder than it already is,” he begs, completely broken in physicality as I feel. He is almost on his knees in front of me.
“If you go and you accept this job,” I choke. “We have to move to Washington. We have to leave our friends, our home, everything that we’ve built here and start again. I don’t know whether I can do that again Michael, especially not with a new baby.”
“I know Syd, I know all of that, trust me this has been playing over and over and over again in my mind all week. Why do you think I haven’t told you? Do you think it’s been easy for me knowing what is at stake?”
“You have to be here Michael; please I can’t do this without you.”
“You’re not going to do this without me, I promise. I promised you I would be there for every contraction, every step of the way, and I will be, just please Syd, please. Please just forgive me,” he’s on his knees now, his arms wrapped around my legs, his head buried in my lap. We’re both sobbing wrecks but I can’t forgive him for not telling me, especially after he promised me months ago that he would never hide anything from me.
“No Michael, no. You should have told me. You should have told me and you didn’t. I can’t even look at you right now. Just please, leave.” I push him away from me and stand up, stepping back as I watch him retreat. My heart is breaking but I know that I need time to heal after this. The door clips shut and I completely break down as my father walks back in.
“Sydney,” he states stoically. “I’ve never been one to involve myself in your business. But that man you just pushed away is completely broken. I know you’re upset, I know he’s hurt you, but you cannot push away your husband like that, especially not now. If you let him leave and you let things stay the way they are you are missing out on so much, you’re taking so much away from him. Trust me when I tell you that that is not something you want to do.”
Looking up at my father I am shocked at his little speech. I wipe the tears away from my eyes and push the hair back that was sticking over my face. Somehow, sanity checks back in and I realize that he is right. He is so right. I can’t push him away, I need to be pulling him closer if possible but I’m doing the complete opposite.
Switching my gaze from my father to the back door, I know I have to run after him. Making a bolt for it, I whip open the door and waddle as best and fast as I can after my husband.
“Vaughn!” I yell, reaching the driveway. The rain is just coming down in sheets as the thunder rolls through the sky in the background. “Vaughn!” I scream frantically, worrying that I am too late. “Vaughn!” I yell when I reach his car, the rain washing over everything in sight. He hasn’t gone yet, but rather sitting in his car not responding. I yell for him again and he looks up, a glimmer of hope crossing his face.
He gets out of the SUV and slams the door shut on our new Lexus before marching over to me. “Sydney, what are you being stupid? Go inside, get out of the storm!” he orders.
We’re both completely drenched but I refuse to listen to anything he has to say. “No way!”
“Sydney, stop being stupid! You cannot be out here right now! It’s not safe for you and it certainly isn’t safe for the baby!” Lightening ripples through the sky, illuminating my husband mere feet in front of me and I can see the pain that is washing right over him. I can feel the water running all over me, through my soaked evening dress and down my legs, eventually mingling back into the water that is flooding my feet.
“No, Vaughn, no!” I yell over the top of the noise of the storm. We can barely hear one another, but it doesn’t matter, we just inch closer together.
“Then what is it Sydney?!”
I stop and look around for a second, needing to find the words for what I want, what I need to say. “I hear that it snows in Washington. How do you think we’ll cope with a baby in the snow?”
He doesn’t say anything, instead making the three steps between us impossibly smaller and wrapping his arms around me. “What does that mean Syd?”
“It means I’ll move wherever you want me to move. It’s only six hours, I can come into LA whenever I get bored of DC,” I grin.
“Oh god Syd,” he sighs, relieved. “I am not going to miss the birth of our daughter, not for all the meetings in the world. I promise.”
“I’ll hold it in until you’re here. I promise.”
With that he pulls me impossibly closer as the biggest smile eases his features and he pulls me in for the most amazing kiss. When we eventually pull back, my hands are all over him and I’ve never needed him more than I do right in this moment.
“Vaughn? Take me home.”
~*~*~
Shuffling in the room many hours later wakes me and I am uncertain as to whether it’s the morning or still night. Peeking my eyes open just a fraction I spot my husband rifling through his toiletries bag that is sitting on the chair in the far corner of the room. Pulling the sheet closer around my body I realize that I must have fallen asleep after we made love last night before I put any clothes on. I shiver a little and open my eyes further, squinting at the light streaming into the room from the bathroom.
“What are you doing Vaughn?” I moan.
“Hey, sorry, go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he tells me looking up.
“You should have shuffled less then,” I point out. “What time is it?”
“Almost five. A car is going to be here to pick me up in ten minutes,” he tells me.
When we arrived home last night we both felt a desperate need to be together and we made love until well after midnight and into the morning. Vaughn worshipped my entire body like he has never done before, kissing every inch of my body and speaking to my belly, cherishing every last moment that he can. I know he was trying to make up for what happened and in a way, I opened myself up to allow him that privilege. I needed to feel him close as I tried to push to the back of my mind that he was leaving in a few short hours. For a brief period it worked, but now the time is inching impeccably closer and I’m not ready to say goodbye.
“Don’t leave Vaughn,” I beg one last time, sitting up in bed.
He stands up straight as he drops his bags ready at the door. “Syd…” he shakes his head.
“No Michael, please don’t. I know I agreed and I know that I said I was okay with it. But something is going to happen, I can feel it,” I weep. “I don’t know what to do!”
Striding over to me, he sits down on the bed next to me, letting one hand rest on my belly as the other one grips the side of my head, his fingers tangling with my mussed hair.
“You know, that if I could stay I would,” he whispers, his lips impossibly close to my forehead as I continue to cry. “Sydney, I want you to listen to me. Are you listening?” he asks, resting his forehead against mine, our noses touching. I nod my head softly. His thumb is rubbing back and forth on my belly and I know that I am making this difficult for him but right now I don’t care. I just want my husband.
“This baby is not going to come until I am here, I am not going to miss out on this. I am going to be at your side, holding your hand, taking every bad thing you scream at me in stride, because I made a promise and I don’t break my promises. You have all my numbers; I’ve programmed the hotel’s number into your phone so you don’t have to go searching for it either. If anything so much as doesn’t feel right, you call me right away and I will be on the plane faster than superman. Hear me?”
“I do, and it doesn’t feel right,” I look up at him with a twinkle in my eye. “Do you still have to go?” I try one last time.
He forces a smile before closing the final inch between our lips and kissing me softly, taking in every last moment he can. Our front door bell rings and we both know that our time is up and he has to leave. He pulls back and tells me he is going to take his bags down and get us a couple of last minutes together. I hold onto his hand as long as I can before I have to let go and watch him walk away. I’m a sobbing mess, but force myself out of bed, wrapping his robe around my body and head after him.
I’m standing on the landing of the stairs when he comes back into the house and he stops for a second taking me in. We both take long, deep visible breaths and I know that I am forcing the tears away. “There’ll be people dropping in to check on you while ever I’m gone. Your dad said he can come over and stay with you if you want it. Just call him if you get lonely, okay? Eric and Will are going to take turns to come over and walk Cookie for you everyday, so they’ll be around as well. Francie said that she doesn’t want you worrying about food because she’ll be cooking for you, otherwise I want you off your feet, so just order-in every night if need be.”
“When did you organize all of this?” I ask, amazed. He’s standing just in front of me now and I’m looking down at him from the elevation I’m on.
“Boy scout, remember?” he smiles. “Last night Syd?” he starts and I know he is referring to the time we spent with one another not fighting one another. “You were amazing. I just wanted to let you know.”
I blush creeps onto my cheeks. “Go, because if you don’t go, I’m going to block the doorway and you know I can.”
He leans over, holding onto my belly for one last time, bending down and placing a kiss there. “And you, treat your mommy good and stay put,” he jokes with baby.
Standing up, he strokes my cheek for the briefest second, before kissing me on the lips tenderly and turning away from me. “Bye Syd,” he says, taking one last look at me before slinking behind the closing door and leaving. The tears are streaming down my face before the lock even clicks and I stomp back upstairs ready to sleep my way through the miserable days ahead.
~*~*~
By Thursday, my husband is still caught up in Washington but thankfully, the baby has followed instructions and has not budged. I’m now two days overdue, totally and completely miserable, not to mention uncomfortable and ready to hop on a plane myself to be with Vaughn. I haven’t been out of the house all week, save for my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday that Francie took me to and the random dinners I was picked up for by Eric and Will.
My husband has been calling me every chance he gets, but the longer we’re apart the more despondent we’re both getting. No matter how hard Vaughn has tried to wrap things up, one thing or another arises setting back his coming home date day by day. So much for assuring me that he’d be home by Wednesday morning at the latest. I sigh, thinking about his three month leave of absence we’re supposed to be enjoying together.
I’ve been receiving random gifts all week, and the longer he’s been away, the more elaborate they’ve been getting. On Monday, it was a simple bunch of flowers, with a note attached telling me how much he was missing me. Tuesday it was a basket of muffins. Tuesday afternoon brought a balloon bouquet with foil “I love you” and “I miss you” balloons. Wednesday morning it was a box of my favourite movies and old TV series’ on DVD, mid Wednesday brought me a massive basket of chocolate and last night it was my dinner - take-out from the Greek restaurant we always go to together. This morning it was a group of men in matching costumes bringing me a singing telegram. I have to give him points for trying.
I’m loading the dishwasher with the dirty plates from my lunch and am expecting the doorbell to ring any minute with whatever surprise is next. When I bend over to load the powder, a strange feeling rushes through me, forcing me to stand up and take a hold of the kitchen bench. A sharp pain hits my side and I hiss as I grab the area of the pain, squeezing my eyes shut and holding my breath. It subsides a minute later and I take a cleansing breath. I refuse to take note of what just happened, pushing all thoughts of that far away in the back of my mind. I finish loading the dishwasher and switch it on, drink a glass of water and waddle over to the single couch chair and sit down.
Resting my head on the back of the chair, I sit there for a minute, not even taking notice that I am taking particular note of the minutes ticking by on the clock. Sure enough, eight minutes later the same pain washes through me and then again eight minutes after that.
I take the deepest breath I can muster, bringing my hand up to cover my eyes as I just sit there in disbelief. Fear creeps in as I rub circles all over my huge belly.
“Oh my god.”
TBC
Author: Gracie
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: No, I don't own it, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. Alias and all the characters belong to Touchstone, ABC and the talented JJ. Abrams.
Timeline: To fit in with future storylines, I have changed the time of when SD-6 was brought down. Sydney is now four months pregnant and this fic begins in early November.
Summary: Sequel to No Regrets. Trying to make normal.
Chapter 40
Sydney POV
There are certain events in your life that you imagine. Events that play out in your mind as a child and further as you grow up that give you a sense of how things are going to go. Let me tell you now, the way that you imagine them aren’t always the way that they play out.
Take my life at present for example. I can’t say that what I have now is what I ever dreamed it would be. It is so much better than any dream I had ever had that sometimes I wake up in the morning and need to get out of bed just to see that everything that I have is actually true.
Nine months ago, had I had a time machine that forwarded me to this time and this place I would have laughed in the face of whoever the genius was that put me here and told them that it wasn’t at all possible. There was no way I would be sitting in a hospital bed waiting for whatever to progress to the point that I was a mom. There was no way, because I was Sydney Bristow, a double agent who risked her life everyday. Mom material wasn’t even a star on the horizon. It was a pipe dream that would never come true.
Yet, here I am. Sydney Vaughn.
Married.
Almost a mom.
Like I said. I would have laughed in the face of that genius. Somehow, it’s not so funny anymore.
“Sydney,” a nurse enters my room, clutching a clip board of papers concerning me. “How are you doing?” she asks.
I’m following long enough to comprehend her words and muffle an answer before my eyes lock back to the door waiting for my husband to arrive. He hasn’t arrived yet. You see, we were all at the hockey rink. Vaughn’s pee wee hockey team had made it to the semi-finals and we, myself, Francie, Will, Eric and Kelley all went to cheer him and the team on. They only needed to win one more game before they made it to playoffs and hopefully victory somewhere in the end. Five minutes into the second period a pain radiated from the bottom of my stomach right up and all through my middle, making me sit down from the cheer we were ranting, my toes curl and take note that something serious was happening. Next thing I know I’m in Francie’s car, rushing down the highway on the way to the hospital.
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen.
“Excuse me,” I ask the nurse. “Has anyone called my husband?” I worry. Eric promised that he would stay behind and bring Vaughn to the hospital the second the game was over. I didn’t want him to leave in the middle of something so important and I knew that if he knew what was happening, he’d pick up and leave, walking out on his team at such a crucial time.
“Uhm, I’m not really sure Mrs. Vaughn. There are a lot of people out there waiting for you though, did you want me to send someone in?” she asks.
“No, that’s okay. I just didn’t think he would be this long, that’s all,” I reply.
Seconds after I let that sentence out, the door to my room slams open and I am brought to tears when I see my husband rush through, his coach’s jacket still on. He rushes toward me without a second thought, taking my hand in his and kissing my forehead.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me as soon as it happened Syd? I would have driven you to the hospital,” he panics.
“Vaughn, I’m okay. I knew you’d want to do that and that’s exactly why we didn’t tell you. How did it go anyway?”
He strokes my hair as he calms down, looking me in the eye just to see if he can pick up any hint of panic within me. He smiles softly before answering. “We were locked 2-2 with thirty seconds to go. Their number eighty-eight gets the puck out of nowhere and skates the length of the ice. We lost by a goal,” he tells me dejectedly.
“Oh no! They were playing so well,” I encourage.
“I know they were. And I told them that in the locker room. You should have seen their faces, they were crushed Syd.”
“I’m sure they were, poor kids.”
“So, Syd,” he turns serious. “What’s going on?”
“Oh you know, got here and they ushered me into a wheelchair, hooked me up to all these machines and I haven’t seen anyone since,” I shrug.
“So you don’t know anything?” he asks, concerned.
“All I know is that whatever happened back at the rink wasn’t like any pain I’d had before,” I tell him unsurely. I’ve started to wonder whether I’ve imagined the entire thing.
“Okay, well, wait here and I’ll go and try to find someone to…” he starts but before he can finish that line our doctor walks in.
“Sydney, Sydney, Sydney,” he starts out in the manner that reminds me exactly why I chose him to be my doctor.
“Hi,” I say timidly.
“Now I thought that at our appointment on Tuesday I said that there was nothing happening at least for another week?” he jokes as he wanders around to the opposite side of the bed that my husband is sitting on. “Hi Michael,” he greets Vaughn as they shake hands. He takes a look at one of the machines that I am hooked up to, then another, marking things down on my chart.
“So you say that you thought you were having some contractions,” he asks.
I nod in reply. “I’d been having some pains all morning, but I just thought they were like the other ones I’d been having. Then I had one and you said that I’d know the difference between the practice ones and real ones, and well,” I shrug not really know what I’m rambling about. I think it’s the nerves that are running rampant right through me.
He quickly performs a pelvic and my husband is amazing, holding my hand the entire time and just being there as much as I need him to be without being overbearing.
“Alright, well, I hate to be the one to break it to you,” he starts and I know exactly where he is going.
“But it was nothing…” I finish for him, sighing in disbelief. Vaughn kisses my temple and sends me a smile that, if I wasn’t in bed would make my knees weak. I really thought it was time.
“It wasn’t exactly nothing. It just means that you’re getting closer to the time when you’re actually going to go into labor for sure. Listen, some advice?” he offers.
“I suppose,” I groan.
My doctor and my husband both laugh at me and Dr. Quinn continues on anyway. “I think that you’ve gotten yourself so worked up with wanting it to be time that you’re missing out on those precious moments right before your world is tipped upside down. Relax, let your hair down. Enjoy this time because from first hand experience, I can tell you that you’re never going to get time like this ever again. Don’t think about, just sit back, get Michael here to give you a massage and have some fun. Trust me, it’s when you’re not wanting it to happen that it’s going to happen.”
“You know Syd, Brian is right,” Vaughn offers. I just scowl at the both of them. Obviously neither of them realize just how uncomfortable I am and for how much I want that time to be right now. “We haven’t been completely relaxed since our honeymoon. And there’s that charity ball that the agency is having but not that we’re all supposed to go to tomorrow night. Who knows, we might kick up our heels and have some fun. You can get all dressed up and have your hair and make-up done. What do you say?”
“Sounds perfect,” my doctor agrees. Oh great, my husband and OB/GYN are in cahoots to get me out. I look between the both of them, scowling. I don’t like it but I have to agree or face the wrath of both of them.
“I think it’s a terrible idea,” I tell them, just to state a point. I start unhooking myself from all of the machines since nothing seems to be happening. I swing my legs over to the side of the bed and look at my husband. “But I suppose that if we have to go, we have to go”.
“And you know Sydney,” my doctor cuts in to remind me. “Your due date isn’t for another three days; you could still have a ways ahead of you.”
“Thank you, doctor, for that reveling piece of information. I’ll be sure to remember it,” I snarl, not amused. Obviously the men in the room think my good humor is hilarious and laugh at me.
“Alright Syd, I can see that you want to get out of here, so I’ll go and get your discharge forms ready,” he tells us as he leaves the room. Just as he swings the door open he turns back. “Oh and Syd? Happy Birthday.” I smile at him, genuinely this time.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
As soon as he leaves the room and Vaughn and I are in private, I wrap my arms around my husband’s waist. “I’m sorry,” I tell him.
“You’re sorry? What for Syd?”
“For overreacting and thinking I was in labor when I wasn’t. For being miserable the past couple of days. I’m just so over all of this and my back is so sore right now. You have no idea,” I tell him, speaking into his shoulder. He’s rubbing soothing circles on my lower back and the feeling is heavenly.
“It’s perfectly okay Syd,” he reassures me. “No harm done.”
“Thank you,” I say, pulling back. Needing to feel him close, I grab a hold of the back of his neck and pull him close, kissing him for as long as I can before the need of air becomes too much. “It’s better that today wasn’t it. What child would want to have the same birthday as their mom?”
He laughs at me. “Come on, let’s get you dressed and we’ll go home.”
“No way mister. You said I have to go to this ball thing. You have to take me shopping now and get me a new dress.”
~*~*~
Thirty two hours later, I feel almost like a new woman. After we left the hospital yesterday, Vaughn took me to The Grove and we shopped until I had a complete new outfit to wear to this thing tonight. I thought that it would take me long, dreaded hours to find something that I not only liked, but also fit into and looked good in but it turns out that luck was on my side and I bought the first dress I saw and tried on. It’s a midnight blue bubble dress and halter style with a thick band of material that sits right around my neck to hold the front and back in place. It’s pleated length ways all over, giving me plenty of room for movement and sits just below mid thigh so it’s sexy enough to pull off, but not too much so that I am hanging out everywhere. The best part of it is that only my shoulders, arms and legs are exposed so I don’t have to feel self-conscious about my chest or belly all night.
After I was done dress shopping, Vaughn dragged me along to the accessory department and I picked out a gorgeous black shawl. He even followed me to the shoe and handbag department where I picked up a new clutch and the most perfect pair of shoes to complete the outfit. He must have been really feeling my pain.
Have I mentioned lately that I have the most perfect husband?
When we arrived home last night he’d followed my wishes and cooked me a special birthday dinner, just the two of us. He’d bought a small tiramisu cake that ended our delicious meal, covered it in exactly twenty-nine candles to make it look like the entire top of the cake was ablaze and sang me happy birthday all the while wearing a goofy looking party hat. In fact, the only thing he had gone slightly overboard with was the massive arrangement of lilies he had delivered to the house before I left for the rink. Afterward, he drew me a bubble bath that I soaked in while he cleaned up downstairs and before we went to bed, he gave me a massage that made me wonder what I was complaining about in the first place. It was my favorite birthday to date, but somehow I know that from now on, it’s going to be a very special day on our calendar.
As I sit at my dresser and apply the last of my make-up I look into the reflection and watch my husband who is sitting on our bed, watching me as I complete my face.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask.
He shakes his head, caught in his thoughts. “Stuff. You know, when we get home tonight, I need to talk to you about something,” he tells me, and I can’t remember the last time that he ever looked so serious.
I look at him pointedly, and can’t help but worry given the tone of his voice and the expression on his face. “Okay Michael, way to scare me. If it’s so important, I want you to tell me now.”
He gets up from the bed and moves away as I turn around to face him. Having this conversation in the mirror is not an option. “Vaughn?” I call out when he disappears into the wardrobe.
He sticks his head back out, he is now shirtless, obviously getting into his suit. “No, listen Syd. I shouldn’t have said anything, and we’re not talking about this now, because we’re going out, we’re going to relax and we’re going to have a good time.”
Coming out of the wardrobe, he has his tie hanging around his neck, the top two buttons of his crisp white shirt still undone. He sits on the bed and puts his shoes on, tying the laces before standing up again. “Sydney,” he states, knowing I am watching his every move. “Don’t worry about it, don’t listen to me. Finish getting dressed, you look amazing already. I’m going to wait down stairs for your grand entrance,” he tells me as he wanders over and presses a kiss to the side of my forehead. I grab his hand as he starts to walk away and force him to look me dead in the eye. He does so but gives nothing away. I don’t know whether that scares me or not yet. Shaking it off, I know that if he says everything is okay I shouldn’t worry about it. As I push those thoughts aside I take a deep breath. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to an event like this and the nerves are just bundling on top of one another. It is certainly the first time I’ve ever gone to one of these things as me and without a mission to carry out. This should certainly prove to be an interesting night.
Twenty minutes later I am finally dressed and ready to go. I call out to Vaughn that I am ready and make my way out of the bedroom, checking as I go that I have everything I could possibly need for tonight in the tiny purse I picked out. Descending the stairs I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Even though I am completely comfortable in this outfit there is a tiny amount of uncertainty in the back of my mind that is worried about what everyone else will think, my husband included.
I should be slapped across the back of the head because when I reach the landing on the stairs and meet my husband’s waiting eyes, realize that I was wrong. He’s looking me all over, and I know that whatever I was thinking before was completely crazy. The love I see radiating from him simply amazes me.
“See something you like?” I ask as I hold my arms out to the side of me to give him a good look.
He blushes, swipes at the bottom of his nose like he does when he’s embarrassed and uncertain before looking back up at me again. “I don’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful than right in this moment,” he gushes. Okay, now it’s time for me to blush and be all embarrassed.
“You say that to me all the time,” I tell him, moving closer to him.
“Well then you must be getting more beautiful everyday. Actually,” he says stepping back. “You do look pretty good, but from where I’m standing, there’s something missing,” he says tapping his forefinger on his chin.
“I know my wedding band and engagement ring. I’m sorry, but they don’t fit,” I tell him, rubbing my swollen fingers.
“No, no, it’s not that. I knew they didn’t fit,” he says. Reaching inside his jacket pocket, he pulls out a square black velvet box. “Now, before you say anything,” he says, holding up a finger so I can let him finish. “You didn’t actually think that the flowers and dinner was all you were going to get for your birthday, did you?”
I eye him suspiciously. He hands the box over to me and I watch him carefully as I take it in my hands. “I was actually surprised that you’d followed my wishes and didn’t go too extravagant,” I say as I open the box and take in a sharp breath of air. Sitting inside the box is a beautiful pair of diamond drop earrings.
“Now, before you freak out on me, I hadn’t planned on them, but when you’d agreed to go to this event tonight, I knew that you’d need to have some sort of jewellery that would set you apart from the rest.”
“So that’s where you disappeared to yesterday,” I say out loud as I take one of the earrings out of the box and move to the mirror just inside the door to put it on.
“I’m not sure if they go or not, I described your dress to the girl behind the counter and she suggested these. If you don’t like them she said we could return them and you could pick something else out.”
When I’ve clipped the back of the earring onto the second part of the pair I turn to look at him and kiss his cheek. “They’re perfect Vaughn. They’re too much, but they’re perfect anyway. I love them, thank you,” I gush. He smiles and I can tell he’s relieved.
Grabbing his hand, I pull him closer to me so I can straighten his tie. A knock at the front door next to us indicates that our car is here and we’re ready to go. I take a deep breath and we take a second to calm ourselves. He takes my hand ready to walk out the door but I pull him back.
“Wait. Just, Vaughn? Whatever happens tonight, I just wanted to thank you for all of this,” I say, extending my arms to my side and upward. “I never thought all of this could possibly come true, and it has. And all of that’s because of you,” I can feel myself starting to tear up.
“Shh,” he whispers. “You’re going to ruin your make-up,” he giggles.
I sniffle a second and there’s another knock at the door. “We’re coming,” he yells out to the driver, sensing my need for another second.
“You’re my guardian angel,” I profess in a whisper, finally being able to say that to his face and not over some comm. Wire.
“And you, mine.”
~*~*~
A few hours later we’re at the party in the grand ballroom of some hotel downtown and I have to say, the agency, or whoever is throwing this ball really knows how to party in style. There is everything from lush flower arrangements in every spare space around the room to a full orchestra performing on stage.
“So this is what all of our precious tax money goes to pay for,” Francie whispers in my ear as she approaches. We both laugh at the thought that was running through my mind when I first arrived. She sits down next to me in the seat that Vaughn vacated about ten minutes ago. I’m not sure where he’s disappeared to, but I know he’s talking shop somewhere. His status within the agency has greatly improved since the takedown and I know that while he is complaining about his boredom now, there are great things on the horizon for him.
“You look amazing tonight Syd,” she compliments me. I blush and realize that it’s not the first time that has happened tonight.
“So do you,” I respond. Her look tells me she doesn’t agree. “You do!” I insist, slapping her arm. She’s wearing a knee-length off white chiffon cocktail dress that drops dramatically at the back and I’ve never seen her look more radiant.
“Whatever you say,” she says rolling her eyes. Her tone changes completely when she continues her next sentence. “You’ve dropped Syd,” she says, referring to my enormous belly that has ‘dropped’ as they say in all of the books I’ve been reading, in this past week.
“Yeah,” I say distantly.
“You know what that means…”
“Yeah,” I laugh nervously. “Any day now,” I nod, turning to look at her for the first time. I smile encouragingly and I know she wants to hear more.
“And how are you feeling about that?”
I sigh, groaning slightly at the interrogation mode she’s gone into. If I ever thought interrogation by torture was bad I was forgetting how intense my best friend could be if she tried. “Scared,” I laugh nervously. “Yesterday I was ready to go. They could have told me to push and I would have done whatever they wanted me to, to get this baby out.”
“But now?”
“Nooow, I don’t know. I feel like something is going to happen that I’m not ready for and that the baby just needs to stay put for as long as possible.”
Her brow furrows in confusion as she looks at me. “What makes you think that?”
I shake my head, not really knowing the answer myself. “I don’t know. I suppose it’s what Vaughn said to me when I was getting ready before.”
“What did he say?” she asks, concerned.
“He said that he needs to talk to me about something when we get home,” I tell her.
Her eyes narrow. “Cryptic much?”
“I know, right? But the tone he used and the look on his face,” I shake my head. “I don’t know Fran, it hasn’t settled with me ever since he said it.”
“Well, you know, Michael is amazing. I’m sure it’s nothing terrible. If it was anything that bad, he would have told you already Syd,” she reassures me. I know that she’s more than likely right in her thinking but still, something about his demeanor just hasn’t been right this week and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
The man of the topic of discussion comes back into view just as we finish our conversation. “God Syd, check him out, he’s looking particularly hot tonight,” she giggles.
“Back off you whore, he’s taken,” I joke, snorting in laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Vaughn asks as he approaches us.
“Nothing,” both Francie and I say in unison. He knows we were talking about him and looks from Francie to me and back again.
“Okay, well if it’s nothing,” he says. The orchestra picks up again, striking a very familiar cord. “Would you care to dance?” he asks, offering me his hand. I look over at Francie and raise my eyebrows as I put my hand in his and he leads me to the middle of the dance floor.
We sway along to the cords of the rock classicCrazy Love. Vaughn has one hand on the small of my back and holds me as close as we can and I know he’s getting a kick out of showing me off in front of everyone. I look up at him and he questions me.
“What?”
I shake my head and continue to follow his lead. “Nothing.”
He nods and tries to pick up conversation. “How is baby doing tonight?”
“He’s doing good, behaving himself, finally,” I comment.
“And how are you doing?”
“Good,” I smile then correct myself. “Great, I’m having a great time. I never realized that the agency put on events like this.”
”Well they don’t. Not officially of course. There’s some front for it, there always is. I’m not sure what it is this year, but don’t you think there is something creepy about being in a room chock full of CIA and FBI agents?” he laughs, lowering his voice significantly.
I lower my head to his shoulder as we sway along to the music, content to just take this whole moment in. A clearing of the throat interrupts us toward the end of the song and I look up only to see Director Devlin standing next to us.
“What do you say Mr. Vaughn?” I take special note in the use of mister in front of my husband’s last name rather than his proper agency title. “Any chance I could cut in and dance with your wife?” he falters for a second, stuttering slightly when he does answer. His behavior completely off, but I don’t have a chance to question him about it before he passes me off to the director.
“Well I have to say Sydney, you’ve done a fine job, both professionally and personally,” he compliments me.
I try to keep an eye on my husband who has retreated back to our table but given the dancing and my partner, find that task difficult.
“Thank you Director,” I reply.
“Come on Sydney, we’re not in the office tonight, technically, you’re not even working for me anymore, I think we can go by first names, don’t you?”
I smile sweetly. “Of course.”
“Tell me, you must be due any day now.”
“Tuesday actually. Tuesday is the big day,” I laugh. “We’ll see how that goes though. I’ve heard that the due date isn’t always as accurate as it should be.”
“No, that’s true. My wife never hit the mark with any of her dates. They went over, at least by three days for all four pregnancies,” he adds. “Never you mind though, we’ll make sure that your husband is back in time. We couldn’t possibly make one of our best agents miss the birth of his first child.”
I falter for a second, wondering what Devlin is talking about, but realized I must have misheard whatever he said over the music and chatter in the background. I quickly make up the misstep and continue to dance.
“Yes Michael is doing wonderfully. And he will continue to do wonderfully in DC when you two move over there. I tell you, this position is perfect for him, and the timing couldn’t be better, don’t you agree?”
And.it.all.sinks.into.place.
I stutter for a brief second as I try to let what he’s just said sink in. Quickly, as to not raise any suspicion I plaster a fake smile on my face just as I am used to and agree with a nod of the head and a brief sentence. I don’t even know where to begin with the course of emotion that is running through me right now. I don’t know whether it’s anger, sadness, desperation or a general numbness, maybe it’s all mixed into one.
“You know what director,” I say sweetly. “I hope you don’t mind, but I really need to excuse myself to the ladies room, you understand.” I don’t even recognize the tone my voice has taken on. I thought it had long disappeared. I smile and thank him as I turn to walk off the dance floor.
I march right over to my seat to grab my purse and shawl. He is hot on my heels but I can’t even look at him right now to tell him to leave me alone. I ignore the looks I receive as I exit the ballroom, my husband trailing close behind calling out to me. His words are completely jumbled when they reach my ears, anger on my part making them that way.
When I reach the parking lot and fresh air I turn around and he almost runs into me. I point my finger at him accusingly as I scream at him with everything I’ve got within me. “What the hell Michael Vaughn, what the hell!? No, don’t,” I yell, shaking my finger. I feel like I’m about to crumble right here in front of him.
He asks me what was said and all I can think is that he has a hide wanting to know that. I take a deep breath and start pacing back and forth, knowing for the baby’s sake that I need to calm down. My hands are shaking involuntarily and when I’ve pulled myself together enough to face him I feel the onslaught of tears wash over me. I refuse to let him see me cry over this though.
“Syd, please, come inside and I’ll explain, in private.”
“No, no way in hell! What the fuck is there to explain Michael?” I snap. “I think the words, ‘you two moving to DC’ is enough, don’t you?!”
“Syd, please, calm down.”
“Calm down!? Calm down, who the fuck do you think you are!?” I ask him. “Oh god, that’s right. You’re my husband. The funny thing is, I never realized that husbands kept things like moving across the country from their wives. You know Michael, this is so typical of you!”
“Typical of me, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You Michael!” I scream, pointing at him. I’ve become a person I’ve never seen before and I know there are people watching us but I don’t care. “We’ve had this fight before and god! I believed you, you son of a bitch when you told me you’d never keep things from me. And I was so vulnerable, I actually believed you,” I scoff. “How stupid was I?”
“Syd, please, I promise it wasn’t like that. I was going to tell you.” He is so calm about all of this that I just want to strangle the living daylights out of him.
“You were going to tell me? When Michael, when were you going to tell me? Tonight? Huh? Is that what was so important that it could wait until after this shin dig?”
“Sydney!” he yells at me. “It’s not even official yet. Of course I was going to talk it over with you before I made any decisions regarding our future. I would never decide to move us to the other side of the country before I talked it over with you and we agreed, together.”
“Alright, so tell me, what is so fucking important that we need to move to the other side of the country?” I snap, crossing my arms across my chest.
“There’s a position that’s come up. They want me to set up and head a new specialized division that will be aiming to prevent organizations like the Alliance & SD-6,” he breathes out and hangs his head. “Syd, please believe me when I tell you that I was going to talk to you about this. I just didn’t know how to bring it up,” he offers, finally looking up at me.
The tears are brimming my eyes now and I can’t even see straight. I’m biting my top lip to hold from all out sobbing and have to look away from him. My voice is shaky when I start to speak. “So when you say that it’s not official yet, what makes it official?”
“I need to fly to Washington first thing tomorrow. There are two days of meeting already set up. There could be more if and when anything is figured out,” he all but whispers.
It’s all I can do but collapse in a heap right there. Instead I force myself to the nearby wall and lean up against it for support. “I am due to give birth to our baby on Tuesday. TUESDAY Michael!” I yell but my voice has turned hoarse and it is breaking up. “I could go into labor with the flick of a switch, I could give birth at any time Michael, are you understanding me? I’m forty weeks pregnant, there is no turning back and there is no holding off if the time comes. I cannot, I CANNOT do this without you here. If you go to Washington, you are going to be leaving me alone to do this all by myself. You promised me Vaughn,” I state, softer now. “You promised me you’d be there the entire time, holding my hand and getting me through this. I can’t do that if you’re not here,” I shake my head.
He moves closer and I can see what this has done to him with just one look at him. I can’t handle him though at this moment. I do the best thing I know to do. I make a run for it. I find the first car with a driver and jump in, ordering him to just drive. Right now I need to get away but I have no idea where to go.
~*~*~*~
I don’t know how much time passes but when my driver asks me if I have a particular place in mind that I want to go, I automatically blurt out an address by heart. When he pulls the limo up in front of the house I grew up in, I falter for a second, unsure if I should be here or not. Not willing to go back now, and no where else to go anyway, I grab my purse and wrap my shawl over my shoulders. A storm front that the weather people have been talking about for the past three days has finally hit and it is pouring down rain outside.
My door is opened for me and I feel terrible that the driver has been caught up in this and is getting as wet as he is, regardless of the umbrella he is holding. He walks me to the front porch and I offer a tip, but he quickly declines, stating that it has already been taken care of. I tell him that he can head back to the party, I will no longer be requiring his service and he leaves me alone under cover. I can’t remember the last time I ever saw rain this heavy.
I knock on the door but no one answers and I don’t think I’ve stopped sobbing since I left the party. I knock again, more insistently this time and I know he has to be home because in true Jack Bristow style, he wasn’t there. Giving up, I’m about to slump into the bench next to the door when he finally swings it open. I turn to him, and fall into his arms. “Oh Daddy!” I bawl.
“Sydney, what in the name…” he starts but doesn’t finish. “Quickly, come inside, you’re soaked through,” he says and ushers me in but leaving me dripping in the foyer. He disappears for a brief second but comes back and wraps me in a huge bath sheet and takes my purse from my grasp and pulls the shawl from around my shoulders. “Come on sweetheart, let’s get you warmed up,” he tells me, rubbing my shoulders and keeping a firm hold of me as he leads me to the kitchen.
Sitting me on one of the seats at the kitchen table, he goes behind the bench and starts fiddling with the kettle. He returns to me and takes a seat to my opposite, pushing a steaming cup of tea in front of me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, hoarsely. “I didn’t know where else to go and I assumed you’d be home since you weren’t at the party,” I explain.
“May I… ask what happened?”
I sniffle a little and wipe my eyes. Where do I even begin? “We were at the ball and we were dancing,” I begin, taking the quick and to the point route, “Devlin cut in and he was talking about what great work Vaughn is doing. And then he told me about DC, which, I’m sure you…”
He cuts in. “I do. I presumed you must have found out, but didn’t want to…”
I shake my head. No matter how strange their relationship seems on the outside, my husband and my father have it all figured out between them. “He should have told me Dad. I should have been his first call,” I say, raising my eyes to look at him. “I’m his wife I need to know.”
He nods in understanding. “As for the trip tomorrow Sydney? We’ve both been trying frantically to get him out of it, but there’s nothing we can do. He has to be there.”
“I need him here Dad. I need him here, not three thousand miles away,” I choke.
“I know you do sweetheart,” he consoles, reaching for my hand. Without even realizing it I grab a hold of him, needing to feel strength from anywhere I can get it. A car pulls up in the driveway and the engine switches off. I know my husband has come after me. I don’t blame him but right now he’s the last person I want to see.
Coming through the back door, he is soaked through as well, the storm getting impossibly heavier. My father leaves us and I want to scream at him to stay. I’m not ready or willing for round two with my husband. I don’t move an inch, afraid of what will happen if I do.
“I tried to get out of it Syd, I tried. That’s why I was putting off telling you. I figured that if I could get out of it,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know what I thought. I know I should have told you the second I got out of the meeting, but I didn’t and that was stupid.”
“I need you here Michael. I don’t want to be the clingy wife, but for Christ’s sake, I think I have the right to that at this stage.”
“You do, I know you do. But there’s nothing I can do Syd. If anything happens, you have to call me right away and I will jump onto the next plane and be here in six hours.”
“People have babies in much less time than that Michael and you know it.”
“What do you want me to do Syd? I’ve tried everything I can to get out of it.”
“Then don’t go!” I insist.
“I have to go Syd, I have to go.”
“No you don’t Vaughn, you don’t” I say desperately, ready to say anything to make him change his mind.
“Syd, please. Don’t make this any harder than it already is,” he begs, completely broken in physicality as I feel. He is almost on his knees in front of me.
“If you go and you accept this job,” I choke. “We have to move to Washington. We have to leave our friends, our home, everything that we’ve built here and start again. I don’t know whether I can do that again Michael, especially not with a new baby.”
“I know Syd, I know all of that, trust me this has been playing over and over and over again in my mind all week. Why do you think I haven’t told you? Do you think it’s been easy for me knowing what is at stake?”
“You have to be here Michael; please I can’t do this without you.”
“You’re not going to do this without me, I promise. I promised you I would be there for every contraction, every step of the way, and I will be, just please Syd, please. Please just forgive me,” he’s on his knees now, his arms wrapped around my legs, his head buried in my lap. We’re both sobbing wrecks but I can’t forgive him for not telling me, especially after he promised me months ago that he would never hide anything from me.
“No Michael, no. You should have told me. You should have told me and you didn’t. I can’t even look at you right now. Just please, leave.” I push him away from me and stand up, stepping back as I watch him retreat. My heart is breaking but I know that I need time to heal after this. The door clips shut and I completely break down as my father walks back in.
“Sydney,” he states stoically. “I’ve never been one to involve myself in your business. But that man you just pushed away is completely broken. I know you’re upset, I know he’s hurt you, but you cannot push away your husband like that, especially not now. If you let him leave and you let things stay the way they are you are missing out on so much, you’re taking so much away from him. Trust me when I tell you that that is not something you want to do.”
Looking up at my father I am shocked at his little speech. I wipe the tears away from my eyes and push the hair back that was sticking over my face. Somehow, sanity checks back in and I realize that he is right. He is so right. I can’t push him away, I need to be pulling him closer if possible but I’m doing the complete opposite.
Switching my gaze from my father to the back door, I know I have to run after him. Making a bolt for it, I whip open the door and waddle as best and fast as I can after my husband.
“Vaughn!” I yell, reaching the driveway. The rain is just coming down in sheets as the thunder rolls through the sky in the background. “Vaughn!” I scream frantically, worrying that I am too late. “Vaughn!” I yell when I reach his car, the rain washing over everything in sight. He hasn’t gone yet, but rather sitting in his car not responding. I yell for him again and he looks up, a glimmer of hope crossing his face.
He gets out of the SUV and slams the door shut on our new Lexus before marching over to me. “Sydney, what are you being stupid? Go inside, get out of the storm!” he orders.
We’re both completely drenched but I refuse to listen to anything he has to say. “No way!”
“Sydney, stop being stupid! You cannot be out here right now! It’s not safe for you and it certainly isn’t safe for the baby!” Lightening ripples through the sky, illuminating my husband mere feet in front of me and I can see the pain that is washing right over him. I can feel the water running all over me, through my soaked evening dress and down my legs, eventually mingling back into the water that is flooding my feet.
“No, Vaughn, no!” I yell over the top of the noise of the storm. We can barely hear one another, but it doesn’t matter, we just inch closer together.
“Then what is it Sydney?!”
I stop and look around for a second, needing to find the words for what I want, what I need to say. “I hear that it snows in Washington. How do you think we’ll cope with a baby in the snow?”
He doesn’t say anything, instead making the three steps between us impossibly smaller and wrapping his arms around me. “What does that mean Syd?”
“It means I’ll move wherever you want me to move. It’s only six hours, I can come into LA whenever I get bored of DC,” I grin.
“Oh god Syd,” he sighs, relieved. “I am not going to miss the birth of our daughter, not for all the meetings in the world. I promise.”
“I’ll hold it in until you’re here. I promise.”
With that he pulls me impossibly closer as the biggest smile eases his features and he pulls me in for the most amazing kiss. When we eventually pull back, my hands are all over him and I’ve never needed him more than I do right in this moment.
“Vaughn? Take me home.”
~*~*~
Shuffling in the room many hours later wakes me and I am uncertain as to whether it’s the morning or still night. Peeking my eyes open just a fraction I spot my husband rifling through his toiletries bag that is sitting on the chair in the far corner of the room. Pulling the sheet closer around my body I realize that I must have fallen asleep after we made love last night before I put any clothes on. I shiver a little and open my eyes further, squinting at the light streaming into the room from the bathroom.
“What are you doing Vaughn?” I moan.
“Hey, sorry, go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he tells me looking up.
“You should have shuffled less then,” I point out. “What time is it?”
“Almost five. A car is going to be here to pick me up in ten minutes,” he tells me.
When we arrived home last night we both felt a desperate need to be together and we made love until well after midnight and into the morning. Vaughn worshipped my entire body like he has never done before, kissing every inch of my body and speaking to my belly, cherishing every last moment that he can. I know he was trying to make up for what happened and in a way, I opened myself up to allow him that privilege. I needed to feel him close as I tried to push to the back of my mind that he was leaving in a few short hours. For a brief period it worked, but now the time is inching impeccably closer and I’m not ready to say goodbye.
“Don’t leave Vaughn,” I beg one last time, sitting up in bed.
He stands up straight as he drops his bags ready at the door. “Syd…” he shakes his head.
“No Michael, please don’t. I know I agreed and I know that I said I was okay with it. But something is going to happen, I can feel it,” I weep. “I don’t know what to do!”
Striding over to me, he sits down on the bed next to me, letting one hand rest on my belly as the other one grips the side of my head, his fingers tangling with my mussed hair.
“You know, that if I could stay I would,” he whispers, his lips impossibly close to my forehead as I continue to cry. “Sydney, I want you to listen to me. Are you listening?” he asks, resting his forehead against mine, our noses touching. I nod my head softly. His thumb is rubbing back and forth on my belly and I know that I am making this difficult for him but right now I don’t care. I just want my husband.
“This baby is not going to come until I am here, I am not going to miss out on this. I am going to be at your side, holding your hand, taking every bad thing you scream at me in stride, because I made a promise and I don’t break my promises. You have all my numbers; I’ve programmed the hotel’s number into your phone so you don’t have to go searching for it either. If anything so much as doesn’t feel right, you call me right away and I will be on the plane faster than superman. Hear me?”
“I do, and it doesn’t feel right,” I look up at him with a twinkle in my eye. “Do you still have to go?” I try one last time.
He forces a smile before closing the final inch between our lips and kissing me softly, taking in every last moment he can. Our front door bell rings and we both know that our time is up and he has to leave. He pulls back and tells me he is going to take his bags down and get us a couple of last minutes together. I hold onto his hand as long as I can before I have to let go and watch him walk away. I’m a sobbing mess, but force myself out of bed, wrapping his robe around my body and head after him.
I’m standing on the landing of the stairs when he comes back into the house and he stops for a second taking me in. We both take long, deep visible breaths and I know that I am forcing the tears away. “There’ll be people dropping in to check on you while ever I’m gone. Your dad said he can come over and stay with you if you want it. Just call him if you get lonely, okay? Eric and Will are going to take turns to come over and walk Cookie for you everyday, so they’ll be around as well. Francie said that she doesn’t want you worrying about food because she’ll be cooking for you, otherwise I want you off your feet, so just order-in every night if need be.”
“When did you organize all of this?” I ask, amazed. He’s standing just in front of me now and I’m looking down at him from the elevation I’m on.
“Boy scout, remember?” he smiles. “Last night Syd?” he starts and I know he is referring to the time we spent with one another not fighting one another. “You were amazing. I just wanted to let you know.”
I blush creeps onto my cheeks. “Go, because if you don’t go, I’m going to block the doorway and you know I can.”
He leans over, holding onto my belly for one last time, bending down and placing a kiss there. “And you, treat your mommy good and stay put,” he jokes with baby.
Standing up, he strokes my cheek for the briefest second, before kissing me on the lips tenderly and turning away from me. “Bye Syd,” he says, taking one last look at me before slinking behind the closing door and leaving. The tears are streaming down my face before the lock even clicks and I stomp back upstairs ready to sleep my way through the miserable days ahead.
~*~*~
By Thursday, my husband is still caught up in Washington but thankfully, the baby has followed instructions and has not budged. I’m now two days overdue, totally and completely miserable, not to mention uncomfortable and ready to hop on a plane myself to be with Vaughn. I haven’t been out of the house all week, save for my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday that Francie took me to and the random dinners I was picked up for by Eric and Will.
My husband has been calling me every chance he gets, but the longer we’re apart the more despondent we’re both getting. No matter how hard Vaughn has tried to wrap things up, one thing or another arises setting back his coming home date day by day. So much for assuring me that he’d be home by Wednesday morning at the latest. I sigh, thinking about his three month leave of absence we’re supposed to be enjoying together.
I’ve been receiving random gifts all week, and the longer he’s been away, the more elaborate they’ve been getting. On Monday, it was a simple bunch of flowers, with a note attached telling me how much he was missing me. Tuesday it was a basket of muffins. Tuesday afternoon brought a balloon bouquet with foil “I love you” and “I miss you” balloons. Wednesday morning it was a box of my favourite movies and old TV series’ on DVD, mid Wednesday brought me a massive basket of chocolate and last night it was my dinner - take-out from the Greek restaurant we always go to together. This morning it was a group of men in matching costumes bringing me a singing telegram. I have to give him points for trying.
I’m loading the dishwasher with the dirty plates from my lunch and am expecting the doorbell to ring any minute with whatever surprise is next. When I bend over to load the powder, a strange feeling rushes through me, forcing me to stand up and take a hold of the kitchen bench. A sharp pain hits my side and I hiss as I grab the area of the pain, squeezing my eyes shut and holding my breath. It subsides a minute later and I take a cleansing breath. I refuse to take note of what just happened, pushing all thoughts of that far away in the back of my mind. I finish loading the dishwasher and switch it on, drink a glass of water and waddle over to the single couch chair and sit down.
Resting my head on the back of the chair, I sit there for a minute, not even taking notice that I am taking particular note of the minutes ticking by on the clock. Sure enough, eight minutes later the same pain washes through me and then again eight minutes after that.
I take the deepest breath I can muster, bringing my hand up to cover my eyes as I just sit there in disbelief. Fear creeps in as I rub circles all over my huge belly.
“Oh my god.”
TBC