fic: a life without regret 25/?
Author's Note: I've finally had some inspiration for this fic again, and since I have lots to post here to catch-up to my last update over at SD-1 and I need to catch-up on what I've actually written, I figure I can kill two or even three birds with one stone. Let's just hope this trend continues. :)
Author: Gracie
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: No, I don't own it, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. Alias and all the characters belong to Touchstone, ABC and the talented JJ. Abrams.
Timeline: To fit in with future storylines, I have changed the time of when SD-6 was brought down. Sydney is now four months pregnant and this fic begins in early November.
Summary: Sequel to No Regrets. Trying to make normal.
Vaughn POV
Sighing I hang up my phone again and rub my weary eyes. It’s not even lunch yet and I can’t believe how long this past day and a half has felt. I didn’t get home until late last night, staying at the office until well after eleven o’clock. The pile of work on my desk both there and here at ops seems never ending and I can’t see a finish line anywhere in sight. When I finally arrived home, Sydney had a plate of food dished up for me; and I had to eat it in the office while poring over more reports as she slept in our bed upstairs.
Sydney has her second appointment with Barnett this afternoon and that doesn’t help my concentration any. I know that Barnett thinks that Sydney needs to have sessions without me, but I would be a whole lot more comfortable knowing what is going on behind those doors. I know that there is some good coming from these sessions though, and that is the only thing comforting me.
I’ve seen subtle changes in Sydney since we finally settled into our home. She is really starting to ease herself into the whole housewife part, not that I have asked her to or anything. Every day she surprises me with something that I never imagined her to do. The other day I noticed that she started to not tuck in the blankets in my side of the bed because she found out that I don’t like being restricted by them at night. I didn’t call her on it because I know she would feel uncomfortable under what she would see as scrutiny.
Another thing she is doing is insisting on cooking a grand meal for our dinner every night. Last night it was a lamb roast, which is one of the reasons I feel so badly that I came home late. I’m sure she spent much of her day slaving away in the kitchen and I wasn’t home in time to make all of the trouble she went to seem worth it.
I check my emails and find one there from her that she sent a few hours ago. See what I mean when I say I am bogged down with work? I click open the file and can’t help the smile that plays on my lips when I read it. The simple message reads:
[i]For you see, each day I love you more
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.*[/i]
I open a reply message but can’t think of what to say in response to that. Eric comes over and reads the message before I can hide it from his prying eyes.
“Awh isn’t that lovely?” he says sarcastically. “Hey best be careful that baldy doesn’t see that.” He laughs at his own humor. “And you call yourself a spy!”
Rolling my eyes at him, I snap, “What is it Eric?” Maybe the lack of sleep from last night is catching up with me.
He looks proud with his accomplishment. “Kendall has called a briefing at three, just so you know.” I grumble. “A little grouchy today?” he says, pulling a seat over and sitting in it. I’m not really up for his interrogation at the moment. “What time were you here until last night?”
I look over some other emails trying to keep myself busy at the same time. “Ahh, almost midnight, I think,” I scrunch my forehead. “Then I worked at home until three,” I finish for him.
“And you were here before me this morning; and I,” he enunciates, “…was here early.”
“Yeah, well I have a lot of work to do.”
“Yeah and you have your pregnant wife at home too.”
“She’s not my wife Eric,” I tell him, my voice sing-songly as I remind him for the umpteenth time.
“Whatever. Listen, just think about it, ok?” I promise him that I will but he doesn’t go away.
“What is it Eric? Don’t you have work to do?” I laugh, finally able to be at ease, if only a little. It’s funny; I’m working my ass off while he walks around socializing all day.
“Yes I do, but are we still on for tonight?” he enquires, referring to the guy’s night we planned for tonight while Syd and Francie are at yoga. We figured it was time to start using the room we converted the granny flat into for its purpose. So every Tuesday, Eric, Will, myself and a few of the guys from head office that are also on our hockey team will be getting together to play cards, pool or whatever.
“Yep, games start at seven,” I grin, excited for the upcoming event.
“Great, I’ve be looking forward to testing out the new room,” I hear Will behind me and when I turn around he is stretching his arms in front of him, grinning. When Sydney and I first discussed spending Tuesday night’s alone before the baby came she requested that since she would be spending the night with Francie if I would mind asking Will to game night.
“Doesn’t anyone do any work around here?” I wonder out loud. They both look to one another and shrug before continuing the conversation. Eric leaves us after a few minutes of planning tonight’s activities. Who would have thought they would be so excited to test out the new room. I stifle a yawn and stretch back; coffee would be great right about now.
“Oh, and so you know, I just came from your place and Sydney is moving some bags of potting mix around the front patio,” he tells me, referring to the twenty pound bags we bought from the hardware store on Sunday. This grabs my attention and I look at him; the bastard was waiting for my response. “Jeez, I knew you cared, but Eric was right!” he laughs. He starts to walk off but calls back, “She wouldn’t listen to me, maybe she’ll listen to you.”
I pull the phone off the hook and dial our number at a lightening speed. It’s times like these that I wish I had an office here at ops. The phone rings a few times by the time she picks up.
“Before you say anything, it was just one bag and I had already taken a quarter of the mix out by hand; and I was pulling it more than I was lifting it!” she defends herself and I slightly chuckle in spite of the situation.
“Sydney,” I warn, my tone low. “Need I remind you-“ she cuts me off.
“That I’m twenty-nine weeks pregnant and shouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting, yes I know.” I can tell that she is rolling her eyes on the other end of the line. “Anyway, Will got here before I even moved it a foot, so there is no need to worry.”
“You promised I wouldn’t have to worry about you being at home by yourself.”
“And you don’t Michael! Just get off your high horse, would you?” she snaps at me. I rub the bridge of my nose, leaning forward in my seat, elbows on my messy desk and breathe deeply.
“Syd,” I try to reason.
“No Michael, I’m home by myself all day what do you expect me to do, sit around and watch Oprah? I’m not the type and you know it.”
“Sydney, that’s not what I meant and you know it,” I tell her straight out.
I can hear the deep breaths she is taking to calm herself down. “You weren’t home for dinner,” she says. “And you were gone before I woke up this morning.”
“I know, I’m sorry. Things are pretty hectic around here at the moment. Dinner was delicious though, thank you.” She says nothing and that scares me a little; is she really that angry with me for caring? “Syd?”
“I’m here. I’m gonna leave for my appointment in about forty minutes. Do you want me to come early so we can grab some lunch together?”
“Ah, no actually. Unless you want to come to lunch with your father and I?” I ask.
“You and my dad are going to lunch together?” she exclaims, a little surprised by the admission. I take a breath to answer. “No, don’t answer that, I don’t think I want to know.” Jack approaches, ready to leave. There’s nothing like the feeling of knowing you need to eat according to the clock. “My dad is there right now, isn’t he?” I look over at him, holding a finger up indicating I won’t be a second. “Okay, I’m just going to put on some music, light some candles and go have a hot shower, you know, cause moving that heavy bag around made me all sweaty and-“ I cut off her teasing knowing she won’t stop.
“Syd, I gotta go,” I gulp and she laughs on the other end, knowing she hit her mark.
“Serves you right for being an ass,” she quips.
“Good bye Sydney.”
“Bye Michael,” she says angelically. Oh yeah, payback is a bitch.
Hanging the phone back up, I look up and greet Jack. “Michael,” he greets in reply. He has started to call me by my first name lately and it creeps me out a little. This, remember is the same guy who held the end of a gun to my head the first time we met. Two years later, I’ve become romantically involved with his daughter and we’re having a baby together. I think it’s justifiable to still be a little scared of my future father in law.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, his tone uneasy, but his face stoic as always.
I pull my coat from the back of my chair and slip it on. “Oh yeah, Sydney is just being stubborn as usual,” I tell him but his facial expression doesn’t alter.
Right and I am willingly having lunch with him. Stay calm Michael, just stay calm.
~*~*~
We arrive at the Chinese restaurant, incidentally, the same one as that first meeting all those years ago and take our seat. There is no need to order as the servers already know what to bring out for our lunch. I don’t argue.
“You’ve been working long hours this past week,” he starts.
I’m sipping a glass of water when he does so, and nod my head before replying. “I have. There is a lot of work there, I don’t know how I’m ever going to get through it all,” I admit.
An uncomfortable silence, at least, for me overcomes us and we wait for the food to be brought out. I shift uncomfortably in my seat every now and then, uneasy under his glare. I know there was a reason he asked to have this lunch; honestly I would have preferred grabbing something on the go in between my time at ops and the office. I wait for him to get to the point since he has started conversation about tedious things such as my work load.
“I’ve heard that you are going to be submitting your resignation permanently for the field,” he enquires. I didn’t know that this was common information since only Sydney, myself and Director Devlin had any knowledge of it.
“Ah, yeah, that’s right.” I don’t know how much to tell him. Since everything that happened with the takedown of the Alliance, I requested for a break in any field work; too preoccupied with other matters to be risking everything I have by jetting around the world without a moments hesitation. “I had been thinking over my choices for the future in the agency,” I admit. “Sydney and I have been talking it over and since she doesn’t want to return to active duty, both desk or field work and with the baby coming, it didn’t make sense for me to be doing that line of work anymore.”
“What do you see yourself doing instead?” he wonders.
I take a mouthful of chicken chow mien and think about the answer. Question is, do I even know that myself? “Ah, I don’t know. At the moment I am busy enough with all the cases against those involved in SD-6 and the Alliance and with the documents and reports that come with that, I haven’t really thought that far ahead yet.”
“Something supervisory would be ideal, or am I wrong in making that assumption?” he pushes.
I laugh nervously. “No, no you wouldn’t. Jack, what’s this about?” I get to the point, standing up for myself with all this questioning.
“Nothing at all, I was just wondering. I wouldn’t mind putting in a good word for you, keeping a heads up of any position that arises. Of course, you’d have to work for it, but I can’t see why you wouldn’t be able to do that line of work.” Am I hearing my ears right? Jack Bristow is helping me go up the ladder in my career?
“Thanks Jack, that, that would be great,” I tell him gratefully.
“Sydney is still insistent on keeping away from the agency as much as possible?” he moves conversation along.
“Yes, yes she is. It’s what she always wanted, and she is enjoying playing housewife, I think,” I grin.
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” I continue. “She did the whole house herself you know, well, she picked out everything and made all the decisions. She has taken it under her belt to cook us both a grand dinner every night, refuses to let me take anything aside from my suits to the dry cleaners.” That even manages to crack a smirk out of him. “She wants to buy a new car,” I tell him. Maybe if I make Jack understand my point of view on what she should buy then maybe he’ll help me persuade her.
“The truck is getting a little old,” he comments. “What is she looking at?”
I tell him the story of how she wanted a Beetle and he understands me in my argument about it. “I’ve tried talking her into getting another SUV at least, but she doesn’t seem to warming up to that.”
“What is she looking at then?”
“I think a hatchback; she seems to be looking at the smaller cars. Uhh, I’m not so comfortable with that,” I admit.
“That’s understandable. I prefer larger cars myself. Now that she is having a baby, safety should be put first and something like an SUV would be more…”
“Appropriate?” I finish for him and he nods. “Trust me, I’ve tried putting the idea out to her but she won’t hear any of it.”
“Well, I’ll have a word with her,” he states but then looks to me and adds, as if he needs permission. “If that’s okay with you.”
“If you can get through to her when I can’t, I’m all for it.”
“Speaking of, there is something I have wanted to talk to you about for quite some time. I’ve never really… found the appropriate time to do it, maybe now is?”
“What’s that?” I wipe my mouth with the napkin provided.
“I ah, just wanted to thank you. For looking after her as much as you have, for making her happy. I know I’ve said that last part before, but she has been simply radiant, more so even, since your return from France.” I don’t know how to reply just at this second. “Don’t say anything, I never expected anything in return, I just wanted you to know. You’ve given her more than could ever have, more than I ever did, she deserves that.”
“She does,” I nod.
“There is one final thing,” he adds.
It is my turn to be surprised. “Oh?”
“I wanted to give you some warning.
“You probably won’t want to hear this, there is no easy way to put what I am about to tell you, so I’ll just come right out and say it,” he says finally.
“Why do I get the feeling that neither you nor I or even Sydney are going to like this?”
His lips curve upward uncomfortably. “That’s probably because your feelings are right.” He takes a deep breath. “As you know, Irina Derevko is still being held in the holding facilities at the JTF.” I grit my jaw waiting for more to come. “Assistant Director Kendall has been using her to decipher some documents and to analyze some reports our analysts have not been able to. I’ve glanced over some of these papers; and well, sooner rather than later she will find out that Sydney is in fact alive.” And the penny drops.
Both Sydney and I talked about this topic after the takedown and her return and Sydney’s anger about the topic was off the charts. She asked that under no uncertain circumstances her mother find out the truth about her. Seeing her was something that she didn’t want to face just yet and so, since then, nothing has been said.
“What about Sydney’s request?”
He shakes his head gravely. “It is out of my hands. I’ve tried to coerce Kendall into disallowing the prisoner’s help in these matters; but I’m afraid the information she is providing is too great for that.”
“She is going to want to see Sydney, you know that Jack,” I get a little angry and sharp with my words. “And she’ll come up with some scheme and Kendall will make it an order for Sydney to see her.” I shake my head. I never wanted to let my feelings overcome me, especially in front of Jack Bristow, but when it comes to matters on this topic, I just can’t help it. “God damn it, she doesn’t need this now!” I yell. Jack doesn’t falter and that frustrates me even more.
“I know it’s not fair. I’ve been trying and I will keep trying to not have this information disclosed to Derevko,” he promises.
“Good, because I won’t be the one to tell Sydney that she has to go see her mother after what she has done to her,” I rationalize, still upset. I get up and leave a pile of cash on the table to cover the bill. “I got a lot of work to do, if we’re done.” He sighs a response and I walk out leaving him sitting there alone. Surprisingly, this was not how I imagined this lunch would go.
~*~*~
I crawl into bed after a long day and find Sydney already asleep. It’s almost eleven thirty and the guys just went home after we spent hours talking, drinking, smoking and playing poker. I inch myself as close as possible to her, resting my head next to hers. She has haphazardly thrown the sheets and blankets about in her so far restless sleep and her belly is poking up into the air, the Kings shirt she is wearing only covering half of it. Even though I bought her a stack of shirts for Christmas for her to wear, she never adjusted to wearing them, still preferring my old worn in ones. I pull the thin material over as much as her as I can, the old thing stretching to capacity over her; I guess it wasn’t really made for pregnant women.
“Don’t you think it was resting there for a reason?” she bites, murmuring.
“Someone is crabby,” I chuckle, pulling the shirt back up to where it was resting, but yanking the blankets over her instead.
“Try sleeping with a baby kicking your insides and tell me you’re not crabby,” she sighs, rolling her head over to look at me. “The shirt is a little tight ok; it’s less restrictive if I pull it up a little.” She opens her eyes. “So that’s what you look like lately?” she jokes.
“What?” I ask, moving forward to kiss her but she pushes me away.
“Beer, cigars and a day old beard does not make for a great kiss Vaughn,” she says in defense of pushing me away. “I haven’t seen you in almost two days,” she tells me, now stroking my cheek.
“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll be home for dinner tomorrow, I promise.
“Okay,” she agrees. “I’d like that.”
I’ve tried to push all thoughts about what Jack brought up at lunch today aside; not wanting to think about what could be happening in the upcoming weeks bother me from having a good time tonight and relaxing. After I spent some time thinking about it, I realized there was no use in worrying about something that might not even happen. I trust that Jack will do whatever he can in his power so Sydney won’t have to face her mother. Again, I push these thoughts from my mind.
“Syd, why are all the flowers from your graduation out in the game room?” I ask.
I see her smile in the dark. “The smells were making me nauseous,” she grins.
“I see. The guys wanted to know how long I have been getting in touch with my feminine side for,” I tell her, thinking back to the jokes they cracked all night, and the lame defenses I had to come up with.
“Hmm,” she replies sleepily, the smile huge on her lips. “Sorry,” she says lamely, trying to be apologetic, but not really getting there.
I fight the urge of letting my eyes close just to savior in one last look at her, one more moment together before the end of the day. “How was yoga?” I ask, in hopes of staying awake just a little longer.
“Good, the instructor is showing me different things I can do the further along I get,” she whispers. This whole conversation has been this way, a quiet moment between the two of us.
“Good. And Barnett?”
She hums, thinking for a moment. “Good,” she giggles.
“Good.”
She doesn’t stop giggling. “Good. Do you want to hear more about it?”
“Please,” I tell her, opting out of my nightly routine so I can fall asleep with her talking to me and the tender strokes her hand is running through my hair. Tonight I let her be the guardian angel to look over me as I finally give into exhaustion and fall asleep on her shoulder with my arm draped across her chest.
The following morning she makes me sleep in until seven o’clock, not the five o’clock mornings I have been used to for the past week back at work. When I get up and head downstairs I find that she has cooked a big breakfast for me, disallowing any plans I had to eat on the run. Sitting me down, she serves up a plate of eggs with toast, coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice.
“I called my dad and told him you wouldn’t be in until a little bit later today. There is no need for you to be starting any time before eight,” she orders, taking a bite of my toast.
“And you told me off for being overprotective,” I smirk.
“No I told you off because I am capable of doing things myself,” she lets that sit before moving onto the next thing. “Oh and Vaughn? Why would my father be informing me that the new Jeep has great safety features?” I almost spit out my mouthful of hot coffee. I cough to cover it up.
“Oh, ah, maybe he’s thinking about getting one?” I lie horribly. Eric is right, I call myself a spy.
“Ah hmm,” she raises her eyebrows. “It couldn’t possibly because you told him I was buying something smaller could it?” I look at her and she knows straight away. “Vaughnnn! I thought we discussed this. Do you really think I would buy something that I didn’t think was safe?”
“No,” I admit, dryly, not looking at her.
“That’s right. You really need to stop worrying so much. You’re going to give yourself an ulcer before this baby even comes,” she rubs my hand lightly then starts laughing.
“What, what is it?”
“I was just thinking; you’re going to be a pain in the ass in the delivery room,” she covers her mouth with her hand when she sees my expression. “Sorry, I’m sorry. Go to work,” she tells me, seeing that I’ve cleaned my plate.
Moving away from the table I remember something I had to ask her. “Hey, is Francie okay?”
She turns and eyes me worriedly. “Yeah, why do you ask?”
I shrug. “Will is almost pulling his hair out in frustration. He says she has been unbearable the past couple of days.”
“Oh, well, she seemed fine with me last night,” she thinks about it. “Maybe a little quieter than usual. Did he say why?” she asks, her eyebrow furrowing.
I kiss her on the forehead, easing away her worries. “I’m sure it’s nothing, she would have said something, right?”
“Right. I’ll talk to her, see what’s up,” she utters, her voice now laced with worry about her best friend.
I kiss her again to let her know that I am here for her before I rush upstairs and finish getting dressed and head downstairs. She hands me my briefcase and laptop bag and I am out the door. She promises to be good today and I promise her again that I will be home for dinner tonight.
When I reach the first set of lights I maneuver my briefcase onto the seat and open it, looking for a CD I shoved in there yesterday. On top of some files and reports I have in there is a smallish leather bound diary with a post it on top.
Maybe Barnett was right… are the simple words written in her neat script. The light turns green and I search for somewhere to pull over, eager to see what is inside. I see a park up ahead and pull into the lot, turning off the ignition. I impatiently turn the cover and see the same writing and start reading.
Vaughn,
I just had a fight with you. I know that you care about me and that you only want what is best, but sometimes I want to go to the top of the tallest building in the city and scream my lungs out until I have nothing left to give because you frustrate me so much with the fuss you make over me.
I don’t know why I feel like this. Maybe it is because when I was little I had nothing like that, so now when you care so much for me it is showing me boundaries I never had. I love that you care so much, but do you think you could cool it a little bit? *laughs*[/i]
I laugh right along with her. I think I could try to cool it a bit.
[i]You know, it’s funny that I am writing all of this in a book, it’s a little uncomfortable. I don’t understand why I can’t just come to you and tell this to you to your face. Maybe I love you so much that I don’t want to hurt you. Funny huh?
I know that there is a lot I need to tell you. Things I am feeling, things I am thinking. You’re my rock Michael, my guardian angel, and I want you to know. I just need to adjust to having someone to talk to that I have absolutely no barriers with. I have no doubt that you are the person; it’s just going to take some time for me. I hope that you will understand, and that you will put up with me… I have to go now, Barnett is waiting. I think she’d be proud that I’ve started this. Love you, always.
Sydney
PS Baby has the hiccups, again. It’s hilarious to see my tummy “hiccupping”. I can’t wait for you to witness it as well.
I laugh out loud at the last part, my heart swelling with pride. Do they have surgery to make your heart cavity bigger, because I think I will need it soon. Every day that passes I am more proud of her. She says that she thinks Barnett would be proud because she has started it, but what she needs to know is that I am too. I think about all that she has said and it feels like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. I don’t know if she wants me to reply, or even if I am allowed to, but I bite the bullet, pulling out a pen and start writing.
Sydney,
I want you to know just how proud I am of you. I was just wondering if it’s possible to make a person’s heart cavity bigger, because soon they’ll need to do that for me.
I’m not sure that I am allowed to write in here, but I couldn’t resist the urge. I make another promise to you today, my third, and it’s not even nine o’clock in the morning yet. See what you do to me? I promise that I will “cool it” as you put it and trust that you will look after yourself… if you’ll promise me you will think about the SUV?
Only joking.
I didn’t know when you expected me to find this diary, but I came across it at the first set of lights on the way to work. Right now I am sitting in the parking lot of the park just five minutes from our house; I couldn’t wait until I got to the office to read it.
I want you to know that I will always be here for you, I’ve told you that before, but now you have it in plain black and white. I’m patient, and I’ll keep being patient until you find the right time for you to talk. I’ll always be here waiting for you, ready to catch you. Love you always,
Vaughn
PS Tell Squidget to hold off on today’s hiccups until I get home. I can’t wait to be there for that.
I quickly read over my entry and shove it back into my briefcase, pleased with what I said. I shake my head thinking about what we’re doing and smile. I truly am blessed to have her in my life, finally.
* Quote by Rosemonde Gerard
TBC
Author: Gracie
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: No, I don't own it, I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. Alias and all the characters belong to Touchstone, ABC and the talented JJ. Abrams.
Timeline: To fit in with future storylines, I have changed the time of when SD-6 was brought down. Sydney is now four months pregnant and this fic begins in early November.
Summary: Sequel to No Regrets. Trying to make normal.
Vaughn POV
Sighing I hang up my phone again and rub my weary eyes. It’s not even lunch yet and I can’t believe how long this past day and a half has felt. I didn’t get home until late last night, staying at the office until well after eleven o’clock. The pile of work on my desk both there and here at ops seems never ending and I can’t see a finish line anywhere in sight. When I finally arrived home, Sydney had a plate of food dished up for me; and I had to eat it in the office while poring over more reports as she slept in our bed upstairs.
Sydney has her second appointment with Barnett this afternoon and that doesn’t help my concentration any. I know that Barnett thinks that Sydney needs to have sessions without me, but I would be a whole lot more comfortable knowing what is going on behind those doors. I know that there is some good coming from these sessions though, and that is the only thing comforting me.
I’ve seen subtle changes in Sydney since we finally settled into our home. She is really starting to ease herself into the whole housewife part, not that I have asked her to or anything. Every day she surprises me with something that I never imagined her to do. The other day I noticed that she started to not tuck in the blankets in my side of the bed because she found out that I don’t like being restricted by them at night. I didn’t call her on it because I know she would feel uncomfortable under what she would see as scrutiny.
Another thing she is doing is insisting on cooking a grand meal for our dinner every night. Last night it was a lamb roast, which is one of the reasons I feel so badly that I came home late. I’m sure she spent much of her day slaving away in the kitchen and I wasn’t home in time to make all of the trouble she went to seem worth it.
I check my emails and find one there from her that she sent a few hours ago. See what I mean when I say I am bogged down with work? I click open the file and can’t help the smile that plays on my lips when I read it. The simple message reads:
[i]For you see, each day I love you more
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.*[/i]
I open a reply message but can’t think of what to say in response to that. Eric comes over and reads the message before I can hide it from his prying eyes.
“Awh isn’t that lovely?” he says sarcastically. “Hey best be careful that baldy doesn’t see that.” He laughs at his own humor. “And you call yourself a spy!”
Rolling my eyes at him, I snap, “What is it Eric?” Maybe the lack of sleep from last night is catching up with me.
He looks proud with his accomplishment. “Kendall has called a briefing at three, just so you know.” I grumble. “A little grouchy today?” he says, pulling a seat over and sitting in it. I’m not really up for his interrogation at the moment. “What time were you here until last night?”
I look over some other emails trying to keep myself busy at the same time. “Ahh, almost midnight, I think,” I scrunch my forehead. “Then I worked at home until three,” I finish for him.
“And you were here before me this morning; and I,” he enunciates, “…was here early.”
“Yeah, well I have a lot of work to do.”
“Yeah and you have your pregnant wife at home too.”
“She’s not my wife Eric,” I tell him, my voice sing-songly as I remind him for the umpteenth time.
“Whatever. Listen, just think about it, ok?” I promise him that I will but he doesn’t go away.
“What is it Eric? Don’t you have work to do?” I laugh, finally able to be at ease, if only a little. It’s funny; I’m working my ass off while he walks around socializing all day.
“Yes I do, but are we still on for tonight?” he enquires, referring to the guy’s night we planned for tonight while Syd and Francie are at yoga. We figured it was time to start using the room we converted the granny flat into for its purpose. So every Tuesday, Eric, Will, myself and a few of the guys from head office that are also on our hockey team will be getting together to play cards, pool or whatever.
“Yep, games start at seven,” I grin, excited for the upcoming event.
“Great, I’ve be looking forward to testing out the new room,” I hear Will behind me and when I turn around he is stretching his arms in front of him, grinning. When Sydney and I first discussed spending Tuesday night’s alone before the baby came she requested that since she would be spending the night with Francie if I would mind asking Will to game night.
“Doesn’t anyone do any work around here?” I wonder out loud. They both look to one another and shrug before continuing the conversation. Eric leaves us after a few minutes of planning tonight’s activities. Who would have thought they would be so excited to test out the new room. I stifle a yawn and stretch back; coffee would be great right about now.
“Oh, and so you know, I just came from your place and Sydney is moving some bags of potting mix around the front patio,” he tells me, referring to the twenty pound bags we bought from the hardware store on Sunday. This grabs my attention and I look at him; the bastard was waiting for my response. “Jeez, I knew you cared, but Eric was right!” he laughs. He starts to walk off but calls back, “She wouldn’t listen to me, maybe she’ll listen to you.”
I pull the phone off the hook and dial our number at a lightening speed. It’s times like these that I wish I had an office here at ops. The phone rings a few times by the time she picks up.
“Before you say anything, it was just one bag and I had already taken a quarter of the mix out by hand; and I was pulling it more than I was lifting it!” she defends herself and I slightly chuckle in spite of the situation.
“Sydney,” I warn, my tone low. “Need I remind you-“ she cuts me off.
“That I’m twenty-nine weeks pregnant and shouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting, yes I know.” I can tell that she is rolling her eyes on the other end of the line. “Anyway, Will got here before I even moved it a foot, so there is no need to worry.”
“You promised I wouldn’t have to worry about you being at home by yourself.”
“And you don’t Michael! Just get off your high horse, would you?” she snaps at me. I rub the bridge of my nose, leaning forward in my seat, elbows on my messy desk and breathe deeply.
“Syd,” I try to reason.
“No Michael, I’m home by myself all day what do you expect me to do, sit around and watch Oprah? I’m not the type and you know it.”
“Sydney, that’s not what I meant and you know it,” I tell her straight out.
I can hear the deep breaths she is taking to calm herself down. “You weren’t home for dinner,” she says. “And you were gone before I woke up this morning.”
“I know, I’m sorry. Things are pretty hectic around here at the moment. Dinner was delicious though, thank you.” She says nothing and that scares me a little; is she really that angry with me for caring? “Syd?”
“I’m here. I’m gonna leave for my appointment in about forty minutes. Do you want me to come early so we can grab some lunch together?”
“Ah, no actually. Unless you want to come to lunch with your father and I?” I ask.
“You and my dad are going to lunch together?” she exclaims, a little surprised by the admission. I take a breath to answer. “No, don’t answer that, I don’t think I want to know.” Jack approaches, ready to leave. There’s nothing like the feeling of knowing you need to eat according to the clock. “My dad is there right now, isn’t he?” I look over at him, holding a finger up indicating I won’t be a second. “Okay, I’m just going to put on some music, light some candles and go have a hot shower, you know, cause moving that heavy bag around made me all sweaty and-“ I cut off her teasing knowing she won’t stop.
“Syd, I gotta go,” I gulp and she laughs on the other end, knowing she hit her mark.
“Serves you right for being an ass,” she quips.
“Good bye Sydney.”
“Bye Michael,” she says angelically. Oh yeah, payback is a bitch.
Hanging the phone back up, I look up and greet Jack. “Michael,” he greets in reply. He has started to call me by my first name lately and it creeps me out a little. This, remember is the same guy who held the end of a gun to my head the first time we met. Two years later, I’ve become romantically involved with his daughter and we’re having a baby together. I think it’s justifiable to still be a little scared of my future father in law.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, his tone uneasy, but his face stoic as always.
I pull my coat from the back of my chair and slip it on. “Oh yeah, Sydney is just being stubborn as usual,” I tell him but his facial expression doesn’t alter.
Right and I am willingly having lunch with him. Stay calm Michael, just stay calm.
~*~*~
We arrive at the Chinese restaurant, incidentally, the same one as that first meeting all those years ago and take our seat. There is no need to order as the servers already know what to bring out for our lunch. I don’t argue.
“You’ve been working long hours this past week,” he starts.
I’m sipping a glass of water when he does so, and nod my head before replying. “I have. There is a lot of work there, I don’t know how I’m ever going to get through it all,” I admit.
An uncomfortable silence, at least, for me overcomes us and we wait for the food to be brought out. I shift uncomfortably in my seat every now and then, uneasy under his glare. I know there was a reason he asked to have this lunch; honestly I would have preferred grabbing something on the go in between my time at ops and the office. I wait for him to get to the point since he has started conversation about tedious things such as my work load.
“I’ve heard that you are going to be submitting your resignation permanently for the field,” he enquires. I didn’t know that this was common information since only Sydney, myself and Director Devlin had any knowledge of it.
“Ah, yeah, that’s right.” I don’t know how much to tell him. Since everything that happened with the takedown of the Alliance, I requested for a break in any field work; too preoccupied with other matters to be risking everything I have by jetting around the world without a moments hesitation. “I had been thinking over my choices for the future in the agency,” I admit. “Sydney and I have been talking it over and since she doesn’t want to return to active duty, both desk or field work and with the baby coming, it didn’t make sense for me to be doing that line of work anymore.”
“What do you see yourself doing instead?” he wonders.
I take a mouthful of chicken chow mien and think about the answer. Question is, do I even know that myself? “Ah, I don’t know. At the moment I am busy enough with all the cases against those involved in SD-6 and the Alliance and with the documents and reports that come with that, I haven’t really thought that far ahead yet.”
“Something supervisory would be ideal, or am I wrong in making that assumption?” he pushes.
I laugh nervously. “No, no you wouldn’t. Jack, what’s this about?” I get to the point, standing up for myself with all this questioning.
“Nothing at all, I was just wondering. I wouldn’t mind putting in a good word for you, keeping a heads up of any position that arises. Of course, you’d have to work for it, but I can’t see why you wouldn’t be able to do that line of work.” Am I hearing my ears right? Jack Bristow is helping me go up the ladder in my career?
“Thanks Jack, that, that would be great,” I tell him gratefully.
“Sydney is still insistent on keeping away from the agency as much as possible?” he moves conversation along.
“Yes, yes she is. It’s what she always wanted, and she is enjoying playing housewife, I think,” I grin.
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” I continue. “She did the whole house herself you know, well, she picked out everything and made all the decisions. She has taken it under her belt to cook us both a grand dinner every night, refuses to let me take anything aside from my suits to the dry cleaners.” That even manages to crack a smirk out of him. “She wants to buy a new car,” I tell him. Maybe if I make Jack understand my point of view on what she should buy then maybe he’ll help me persuade her.
“The truck is getting a little old,” he comments. “What is she looking at?”
I tell him the story of how she wanted a Beetle and he understands me in my argument about it. “I’ve tried talking her into getting another SUV at least, but she doesn’t seem to warming up to that.”
“What is she looking at then?”
“I think a hatchback; she seems to be looking at the smaller cars. Uhh, I’m not so comfortable with that,” I admit.
“That’s understandable. I prefer larger cars myself. Now that she is having a baby, safety should be put first and something like an SUV would be more…”
“Appropriate?” I finish for him and he nods. “Trust me, I’ve tried putting the idea out to her but she won’t hear any of it.”
“Well, I’ll have a word with her,” he states but then looks to me and adds, as if he needs permission. “If that’s okay with you.”
“If you can get through to her when I can’t, I’m all for it.”
“Speaking of, there is something I have wanted to talk to you about for quite some time. I’ve never really… found the appropriate time to do it, maybe now is?”
“What’s that?” I wipe my mouth with the napkin provided.
“I ah, just wanted to thank you. For looking after her as much as you have, for making her happy. I know I’ve said that last part before, but she has been simply radiant, more so even, since your return from France.” I don’t know how to reply just at this second. “Don’t say anything, I never expected anything in return, I just wanted you to know. You’ve given her more than could ever have, more than I ever did, she deserves that.”
“She does,” I nod.
“There is one final thing,” he adds.
It is my turn to be surprised. “Oh?”
“I wanted to give you some warning.
“You probably won’t want to hear this, there is no easy way to put what I am about to tell you, so I’ll just come right out and say it,” he says finally.
“Why do I get the feeling that neither you nor I or even Sydney are going to like this?”
His lips curve upward uncomfortably. “That’s probably because your feelings are right.” He takes a deep breath. “As you know, Irina Derevko is still being held in the holding facilities at the JTF.” I grit my jaw waiting for more to come. “Assistant Director Kendall has been using her to decipher some documents and to analyze some reports our analysts have not been able to. I’ve glanced over some of these papers; and well, sooner rather than later she will find out that Sydney is in fact alive.” And the penny drops.
Both Sydney and I talked about this topic after the takedown and her return and Sydney’s anger about the topic was off the charts. She asked that under no uncertain circumstances her mother find out the truth about her. Seeing her was something that she didn’t want to face just yet and so, since then, nothing has been said.
“What about Sydney’s request?”
He shakes his head gravely. “It is out of my hands. I’ve tried to coerce Kendall into disallowing the prisoner’s help in these matters; but I’m afraid the information she is providing is too great for that.”
“She is going to want to see Sydney, you know that Jack,” I get a little angry and sharp with my words. “And she’ll come up with some scheme and Kendall will make it an order for Sydney to see her.” I shake my head. I never wanted to let my feelings overcome me, especially in front of Jack Bristow, but when it comes to matters on this topic, I just can’t help it. “God damn it, she doesn’t need this now!” I yell. Jack doesn’t falter and that frustrates me even more.
“I know it’s not fair. I’ve been trying and I will keep trying to not have this information disclosed to Derevko,” he promises.
“Good, because I won’t be the one to tell Sydney that she has to go see her mother after what she has done to her,” I rationalize, still upset. I get up and leave a pile of cash on the table to cover the bill. “I got a lot of work to do, if we’re done.” He sighs a response and I walk out leaving him sitting there alone. Surprisingly, this was not how I imagined this lunch would go.
~*~*~
I crawl into bed after a long day and find Sydney already asleep. It’s almost eleven thirty and the guys just went home after we spent hours talking, drinking, smoking and playing poker. I inch myself as close as possible to her, resting my head next to hers. She has haphazardly thrown the sheets and blankets about in her so far restless sleep and her belly is poking up into the air, the Kings shirt she is wearing only covering half of it. Even though I bought her a stack of shirts for Christmas for her to wear, she never adjusted to wearing them, still preferring my old worn in ones. I pull the thin material over as much as her as I can, the old thing stretching to capacity over her; I guess it wasn’t really made for pregnant women.
“Don’t you think it was resting there for a reason?” she bites, murmuring.
“Someone is crabby,” I chuckle, pulling the shirt back up to where it was resting, but yanking the blankets over her instead.
“Try sleeping with a baby kicking your insides and tell me you’re not crabby,” she sighs, rolling her head over to look at me. “The shirt is a little tight ok; it’s less restrictive if I pull it up a little.” She opens her eyes. “So that’s what you look like lately?” she jokes.
“What?” I ask, moving forward to kiss her but she pushes me away.
“Beer, cigars and a day old beard does not make for a great kiss Vaughn,” she says in defense of pushing me away. “I haven’t seen you in almost two days,” she tells me, now stroking my cheek.
“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll be home for dinner tomorrow, I promise.
“Okay,” she agrees. “I’d like that.”
I’ve tried to push all thoughts about what Jack brought up at lunch today aside; not wanting to think about what could be happening in the upcoming weeks bother me from having a good time tonight and relaxing. After I spent some time thinking about it, I realized there was no use in worrying about something that might not even happen. I trust that Jack will do whatever he can in his power so Sydney won’t have to face her mother. Again, I push these thoughts from my mind.
“Syd, why are all the flowers from your graduation out in the game room?” I ask.
I see her smile in the dark. “The smells were making me nauseous,” she grins.
“I see. The guys wanted to know how long I have been getting in touch with my feminine side for,” I tell her, thinking back to the jokes they cracked all night, and the lame defenses I had to come up with.
“Hmm,” she replies sleepily, the smile huge on her lips. “Sorry,” she says lamely, trying to be apologetic, but not really getting there.
I fight the urge of letting my eyes close just to savior in one last look at her, one more moment together before the end of the day. “How was yoga?” I ask, in hopes of staying awake just a little longer.
“Good, the instructor is showing me different things I can do the further along I get,” she whispers. This whole conversation has been this way, a quiet moment between the two of us.
“Good. And Barnett?”
She hums, thinking for a moment. “Good,” she giggles.
“Good.”
She doesn’t stop giggling. “Good. Do you want to hear more about it?”
“Please,” I tell her, opting out of my nightly routine so I can fall asleep with her talking to me and the tender strokes her hand is running through my hair. Tonight I let her be the guardian angel to look over me as I finally give into exhaustion and fall asleep on her shoulder with my arm draped across her chest.
The following morning she makes me sleep in until seven o’clock, not the five o’clock mornings I have been used to for the past week back at work. When I get up and head downstairs I find that she has cooked a big breakfast for me, disallowing any plans I had to eat on the run. Sitting me down, she serves up a plate of eggs with toast, coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice.
“I called my dad and told him you wouldn’t be in until a little bit later today. There is no need for you to be starting any time before eight,” she orders, taking a bite of my toast.
“And you told me off for being overprotective,” I smirk.
“No I told you off because I am capable of doing things myself,” she lets that sit before moving onto the next thing. “Oh and Vaughn? Why would my father be informing me that the new Jeep has great safety features?” I almost spit out my mouthful of hot coffee. I cough to cover it up.
“Oh, ah, maybe he’s thinking about getting one?” I lie horribly. Eric is right, I call myself a spy.
“Ah hmm,” she raises her eyebrows. “It couldn’t possibly because you told him I was buying something smaller could it?” I look at her and she knows straight away. “Vaughnnn! I thought we discussed this. Do you really think I would buy something that I didn’t think was safe?”
“No,” I admit, dryly, not looking at her.
“That’s right. You really need to stop worrying so much. You’re going to give yourself an ulcer before this baby even comes,” she rubs my hand lightly then starts laughing.
“What, what is it?”
“I was just thinking; you’re going to be a pain in the ass in the delivery room,” she covers her mouth with her hand when she sees my expression. “Sorry, I’m sorry. Go to work,” she tells me, seeing that I’ve cleaned my plate.
Moving away from the table I remember something I had to ask her. “Hey, is Francie okay?”
She turns and eyes me worriedly. “Yeah, why do you ask?”
I shrug. “Will is almost pulling his hair out in frustration. He says she has been unbearable the past couple of days.”
“Oh, well, she seemed fine with me last night,” she thinks about it. “Maybe a little quieter than usual. Did he say why?” she asks, her eyebrow furrowing.
I kiss her on the forehead, easing away her worries. “I’m sure it’s nothing, she would have said something, right?”
“Right. I’ll talk to her, see what’s up,” she utters, her voice now laced with worry about her best friend.
I kiss her again to let her know that I am here for her before I rush upstairs and finish getting dressed and head downstairs. She hands me my briefcase and laptop bag and I am out the door. She promises to be good today and I promise her again that I will be home for dinner tonight.
When I reach the first set of lights I maneuver my briefcase onto the seat and open it, looking for a CD I shoved in there yesterday. On top of some files and reports I have in there is a smallish leather bound diary with a post it on top.
Maybe Barnett was right… are the simple words written in her neat script. The light turns green and I search for somewhere to pull over, eager to see what is inside. I see a park up ahead and pull into the lot, turning off the ignition. I impatiently turn the cover and see the same writing and start reading.
Vaughn,
I just had a fight with you. I know that you care about me and that you only want what is best, but sometimes I want to go to the top of the tallest building in the city and scream my lungs out until I have nothing left to give because you frustrate me so much with the fuss you make over me.
I don’t know why I feel like this. Maybe it is because when I was little I had nothing like that, so now when you care so much for me it is showing me boundaries I never had. I love that you care so much, but do you think you could cool it a little bit? *laughs*[/i]
I laugh right along with her. I think I could try to cool it a bit.
[i]You know, it’s funny that I am writing all of this in a book, it’s a little uncomfortable. I don’t understand why I can’t just come to you and tell this to you to your face. Maybe I love you so much that I don’t want to hurt you. Funny huh?
I know that there is a lot I need to tell you. Things I am feeling, things I am thinking. You’re my rock Michael, my guardian angel, and I want you to know. I just need to adjust to having someone to talk to that I have absolutely no barriers with. I have no doubt that you are the person; it’s just going to take some time for me. I hope that you will understand, and that you will put up with me… I have to go now, Barnett is waiting. I think she’d be proud that I’ve started this. Love you, always.
Sydney
PS Baby has the hiccups, again. It’s hilarious to see my tummy “hiccupping”. I can’t wait for you to witness it as well.
I laugh out loud at the last part, my heart swelling with pride. Do they have surgery to make your heart cavity bigger, because I think I will need it soon. Every day that passes I am more proud of her. She says that she thinks Barnett would be proud because she has started it, but what she needs to know is that I am too. I think about all that she has said and it feels like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. I don’t know if she wants me to reply, or even if I am allowed to, but I bite the bullet, pulling out a pen and start writing.
Sydney,
I want you to know just how proud I am of you. I was just wondering if it’s possible to make a person’s heart cavity bigger, because soon they’ll need to do that for me.
I’m not sure that I am allowed to write in here, but I couldn’t resist the urge. I make another promise to you today, my third, and it’s not even nine o’clock in the morning yet. See what you do to me? I promise that I will “cool it” as you put it and trust that you will look after yourself… if you’ll promise me you will think about the SUV?
Only joking.
I didn’t know when you expected me to find this diary, but I came across it at the first set of lights on the way to work. Right now I am sitting in the parking lot of the park just five minutes from our house; I couldn’t wait until I got to the office to read it.
I want you to know that I will always be here for you, I’ve told you that before, but now you have it in plain black and white. I’m patient, and I’ll keep being patient until you find the right time for you to talk. I’ll always be here waiting for you, ready to catch you. Love you always,
Vaughn
PS Tell Squidget to hold off on today’s hiccups until I get home. I can’t wait to be there for that.
I quickly read over my entry and shove it back into my briefcase, pleased with what I said. I shake my head thinking about what we’re doing and smile. I truly am blessed to have her in my life, finally.
* Quote by Rosemonde Gerard
TBC