Four Days, One Room - Day Four B

[liberty_stewart]

Title: Four Days, One Room

Fandom: House/Criminal Minds

Pairing: Eve Carter/Jennifer Jareau

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from House or Criminal Minds.

Rating: 14A

Summary/Spoilers: An STD patient and rape victim copes with her turmoil through a special friendship she develops with a certain FBI agent. This is a retelling of House episode ‘One

Comments

[liberty_stewart]

Yeah I tried to format this chapter about 2-3 times already, and it keeps on coming out this way. I'm not a paid LJ user, so I guess I get less space than paid ones.

I basically had two choices to choose from when posting this. Either cut the scene in half or keep it like this. If it was any other scene, I would've chose the first option. However considering this is not only the sex scene but has a sweet conversation between the two women immediately after, I opted for the second choice since I didn't wanted to break the mood. I am open to fan suggestions however, so what do you think would be better? Or do you know some way to increase the amount of space per entry?

I'm glad you liked the adventure line. Since the original episode only had Eve being depressed, I wanted to show more aspects of her personality.

Oh darn if you just quoted a line from the story, I should have wrote that one better. It should have just said "so she simply lies there and allows Eve to do her thing" rather than putting "the" in between "so" and "she". I'm not the best of writers if you can't tell.

As for why JJ is just laying back? As you so well put it, she was able to tell Eve was like a kid in a candy store. So rather than try and take control of the situation, JJ just allowed Eve to go wild.

I totally agree about your confusion about who was saying what. If you suggest for me to cut the scene in half, I'll probably do it. BTW this isn't the last part. I wouldn't end a story like this. The final part is called "Day Four Finale". It would have been easier to spot it if the text wasn't all bunched up together.

[steppenwolf_20]

Oh my, yeah I missed the finale part *g* Have to read that now.
I think you should divide it, it's not pretty but I think it's way better to understand and even to read that way.

The sensation becomes too much for Jennifer, and she breaks out laughing. Eve quickly stops what she’s doing and kisses Jennifer again to muffle the laughter.
Maybe between those two sentences? It's not quite 50/50, but there's a little mood change here, so it might work.

[liberty_stewart]

Thanks for the suggestion! I divided it the way you suggested and it worked like a charm.

Now it shouldn't be an eye sore anymore and the conversation that follows should make more sense now.