tedious routine.
unsuprisingly i have made myself another live journal again!
i really miss my old one but seeing as i'm at a new stage in my life i guess it's a positive thing to start again. it's really weird getting a journal and not being able to add my friends... no one would understand this anyway, as they are all so perfect. i guess it's hard keeping my ED from them and not having their support, but i'm strong enough by myself. this is for myself and no one else. having said that i would really like a buddy if any one is up for that?
Today was an actual nightmare. i got my hair cut and it was the worst thing ever being made to sit in front of the mirror; having nothing to do but stare at my fat repulsive face. i guess it gave me determination if nothing else.
College is getting worse also, all of my friends got their exam results back and they all failed with "u"s bar a few exceptions. I really do have a fear of failure. i have been revising religiously since i heard their marks even though my exams aren't till june to prevent dissapointment. If i didn't get the grades i wanted i would have to completely change everything as my dreams wouldnt be possible anymore. After college i really want to go to a really good uni in London as there are heaps more oppourtunities down here. I want to study fashion and journalism and become a fashion journalist (bet you didn't see that one coming!)
i want to succeed in life. and to be successful, i have to look the part also. which brings me back to this fear of failure. i really wanted to weigh myself before but really didn't want to be disappointed with the results, however i plucked up the courage and did it and i have lost about 4 lbs which is good [[:
i'm only like 2 lbs off the stone below, which would be amazing if i can get there by friday. i'm sure it won't be a problem as things are going really well at the moment (fingers crossed)!
liberty
oox.
i really miss my old one but seeing as i'm at a new stage in my life i guess it's a positive thing to start again. it's really weird getting a journal and not being able to add my friends... no one would understand this anyway, as they are all so perfect. i guess it's hard keeping my ED from them and not having their support, but i'm strong enough by myself. this is for myself and no one else. having said that i would really like a buddy if any one is up for that?
Today was an actual nightmare. i got my hair cut and it was the worst thing ever being made to sit in front of the mirror; having nothing to do but stare at my fat repulsive face. i guess it gave me determination if nothing else.
College is getting worse also, all of my friends got their exam results back and they all failed with "u"s bar a few exceptions. I really do have a fear of failure. i have been revising religiously since i heard their marks even though my exams aren't till june to prevent dissapointment. If i didn't get the grades i wanted i would have to completely change everything as my dreams wouldnt be possible anymore. After college i really want to go to a really good uni in London as there are heaps more oppourtunities down here. I want to study fashion and journalism and become a fashion journalist (bet you didn't see that one coming!)
i want to succeed in life. and to be successful, i have to look the part also. which brings me back to this fear of failure. i really wanted to weigh myself before but really didn't want to be disappointed with the results, however i plucked up the courage and did it and i have lost about 4 lbs which is good [[:
i'm only like 2 lbs off the stone below, which would be amazing if i can get there by friday. i'm sure it won't be a problem as things are going really well at the moment (fingers crossed)!
liberty
oox.