anxiety
okay, so i'm pretty much completely anxious right now. i just got an e-mail from my newer staffing agent, and she told me that the company that has been considering hiring me will be contacting her around 2 today to let her know if i have the position. i want this position, and i kind of need it too - i've been getting by, and it's been just enough, but as everyone knows, my life is about to change dramatically, and the kind of income that this would provide is through-the-roof awesome, and craig and i both really want/need this. also, it would allow me to get the schooling i would need for after i have kids, to start up a business from home.
only problem is that i truly don't want a job between now and the wedding - from an entirely selfish standpoint. i want to have the freedom to get up when i want, to pack, and get things prepared for the wedding. i have all my bills taken care of, i truly don't need to have a real job between now and then. at the same time, this is a great opportunity, and i need to take advantage of it. i am going to push to not start until after tuesday, maybe even after wed. so that i can get some more of this stuff done. this is going to be a very highly demanding job, with a lot of intense training, and i am about to start my period on wed., and don't think that i'm up to much of anything. i should probably wait to start until next week, in all honesty. i wonder how craig is going to feel about that one. the thing is that i don't want to start on wed., start my period, be jacked up on thurs. and have to call in, after working for one day. that's lame, and entirely unprofessional. i'd rather just wait to start the job until monday, when i'll be done with that, and then i could work almost a full 2 weeks before the wedding, and then take two weeks off, and be ready to go on monday the 21st.
i don't want to be stressing right now about this. i really don't. i really need this job, but i'm being a selfish little brat about it - and i don't want that to mess it up either. arg. and the whole thing about this job is that it's a kitchen/restaurant position. this is particularly frustrating because it seems that someone doesn't understand how that works - i'm deathly afraid of not having holidays off, and having to work weekends - obviously not as big of a deal after we're married, and able to sleep together, but still, it's a big deal to me. quite frankly, i feel like i've paid my dues, working jobs when i was younger on weekends and holidays - and even if it is time and a half, i still would rather have the time to hang out with family, instead of being stuck in a kitchen dealing with chef's. the only thing that is saving me from totally crumbling about this is because it's an executive position, i think i would follow the days-off schedule for the rest of the executive staff, which is all holidays off, and two or three floaters. i was completely upfront and honest about needing the two weeks off for my wedding, including the friday before hand (to tie up loose ends with moving, spend time with family, and get ready to get married). i truly don't think that will be a problem with my boss either. i don't think he cares enough to not hire me over that. the only things i can foresee happening to not get the job are 1) God doesn't want me there, and 2) the staffing agency charging too much to buy me out. i wish i didn't know what time i was going to find out at. it makes it worse. i think i prefer being in limbo land.
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in other news, i did have a relitively good weekend. i spent almost all of it on the game, which hindered my time with craig, and even though we were next to each other all weekend, i still miss him. it's my own fault though.
today will be productive. i'm actually almost done with all my computer stuff, which is super-nice. :D i only have a little more to go and i'll be finished, probably before 10 even, which will be nice. i can then get a move on, and accomplish other things besides living on my computer all day, again. like i did last week, trying to catch up on everything. i do need to check xangas, but fortunately that goes pretty quickly - even when i get far behind.
okay, that's all for now. loves and hugs
only problem is that i truly don't want a job between now and the wedding - from an entirely selfish standpoint. i want to have the freedom to get up when i want, to pack, and get things prepared for the wedding. i have all my bills taken care of, i truly don't need to have a real job between now and then. at the same time, this is a great opportunity, and i need to take advantage of it. i am going to push to not start until after tuesday, maybe even after wed. so that i can get some more of this stuff done. this is going to be a very highly demanding job, with a lot of intense training, and i am about to start my period on wed., and don't think that i'm up to much of anything. i should probably wait to start until next week, in all honesty. i wonder how craig is going to feel about that one. the thing is that i don't want to start on wed., start my period, be jacked up on thurs. and have to call in, after working for one day. that's lame, and entirely unprofessional. i'd rather just wait to start the job until monday, when i'll be done with that, and then i could work almost a full 2 weeks before the wedding, and then take two weeks off, and be ready to go on monday the 21st.
i don't want to be stressing right now about this. i really don't. i really need this job, but i'm being a selfish little brat about it - and i don't want that to mess it up either. arg. and the whole thing about this job is that it's a kitchen/restaurant position. this is particularly frustrating because it seems that someone doesn't understand how that works - i'm deathly afraid of not having holidays off, and having to work weekends - obviously not as big of a deal after we're married, and able to sleep together, but still, it's a big deal to me. quite frankly, i feel like i've paid my dues, working jobs when i was younger on weekends and holidays - and even if it is time and a half, i still would rather have the time to hang out with family, instead of being stuck in a kitchen dealing with chef's. the only thing that is saving me from totally crumbling about this is because it's an executive position, i think i would follow the days-off schedule for the rest of the executive staff, which is all holidays off, and two or three floaters. i was completely upfront and honest about needing the two weeks off for my wedding, including the friday before hand (to tie up loose ends with moving, spend time with family, and get ready to get married). i truly don't think that will be a problem with my boss either. i don't think he cares enough to not hire me over that. the only things i can foresee happening to not get the job are 1) God doesn't want me there, and 2) the staffing agency charging too much to buy me out. i wish i didn't know what time i was going to find out at. it makes it worse. i think i prefer being in limbo land.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in other news, i did have a relitively good weekend. i spent almost all of it on the game, which hindered my time with craig, and even though we were next to each other all weekend, i still miss him. it's my own fault though.
today will be productive. i'm actually almost done with all my computer stuff, which is super-nice. :D i only have a little more to go and i'll be finished, probably before 10 even, which will be nice. i can then get a move on, and accomplish other things besides living on my computer all day, again. like i did last week, trying to catch up on everything. i do need to check xangas, but fortunately that goes pretty quickly - even when i get far behind.
okay, that's all for now. loves and hugs