(no subject)
i am not into numbers. yet, i do accounting for my dad's business. does this make sense? not really. :P
my back is aching, and i'm not even close to being done. it's after 5, so i'll probably be at this for another hour or so, but then i'll be able to take a shower and just relax for a bit before i head back home. i brought all my shower stuff (since it's travel-ready, it's not complicated to grab and go) and i brought all my laundry too. so at least the day is personally productive as well as financially.
i don't regret leaving my dad's company. it's just that it would have been solid income for the last several months. but sitting here today just...well, it makes me sad. i gave my dad so many ideas on how to improve and organize, and he constantly refused to listen. i begged him for time to organize everything, and he absolutely wouldn't give me the time of day. in fact, he made me feel worthless, and like my suggestions were crap. it's hard, because now he's hired someone to come in every monday and say the same exact things i had said for a year. i just don't understand why it was so hard for him to listen to me. i'm just as valid as these other women he's brought it - but the fact that i'm his daughter and he thinks that i'm entirely incapable of anything just invalidates everything i say.
sometimes, i think that just leaving him behind altogether would be best for me. i just wish things were different. but there are things i will never be able to fully get past about my dad, and there are things that he refuses to recognize about me. so we have a stale-mate. i don't know why i came to work for him in the first place. did i forget the miserable hours spent rushing his accounting because he's too lazy to keep it up through the year? apparently.
i'm overly sensitive when it comes to my friendships. i want everyone to like me, and no one to find a reason not to. i always make enemies when it comes to hp, christmas, easter, and birth control. and yet, i bring them up. oh well. someday i'll get it.
lately, i've been very lonely. marriage is great, and it's wonderful to always be with my best friend. i guess at times i just feel inadequate for our relationship financially and that manifests itself by me feeling lonely. also, scraping off the walls of my heart to take out the bad and replace it with good is always hard.
marriage doesn't make the problems go away. it amplifies them. and then both people have to, er, get to deal with it.
i haven't got anything else to say and this is rather blah. so i might cut it.