brrr....
it's COLD out. it's 48 and wind at 21 miles an hour, gusting to 25. it's just frigid for this little phoenician.
i have chocolate cups and water to console my little self.
craig is home, but he's eating dinner - which i think made me sick (as it was leftover steak and a baked potato from sunday). yucky. tomorrow, i am driving around with amy, have an interview at 2, have to pick up isa at 6:30, and have a play to attend (potentially) that we got tickets for, for free.
in very sad/frustrating news, i just can't seem to get past my heartache over the youth group. our old youth leaders left, and i so badly WANT to do the youth group, which is more than i can say for anyone else that's doing it. everyone gets discouraged so easily, and they've turned it into an artsy-fartsy event that's just not reaching the kids at all. it's just hard. so then, i get to sit and watch these people do it and i never get included. it's like the kid with the most spirit towards red rover, who is jumping up and down saying pick me! pick me! oh, please pick me!, and is constantly looked over until finally they say 'i'm sorry, all the places are filled.' and then the kid walks away with head down and shoulders slumped. that's totally me. :'( i want this so badly, and i'm constantly being looked over for it. the real kicker is that the one who is making the decisions on it has done nothing but lead me on since i found out that the old youth leaders were leaving. and it just crushes me. if you're not interested, or don't think i can't do it, please stop saying yes, i'd love to have you help out, and we'll have to sit down this week. it makes my heart hurt.
in WONDERFUL news, i got a christmas tree that's fiber optic. it's really tiny - about a foot tall or less, and it's just the cutest thing ever. amy saw it and bought it for me. she's apparently always felt badly that my fiber optic pen literally fell apart at her house all over her floor. she's been looking for something to replace it since. it matches all the christmas lights in our room. :D squeee!!! i am such a dork. but i love it.
in other truly encouraging news, i have gotten the front of my magazine completely finished with picture and everything, and the first 10 pages are completely finished. i have three pages to fill up now, one for sure i know what to do with, but the other two i'm at a complete loss on. hopefully, things will come together. and then i'll start thinking about the next issue. this was actually a lot easier to put together than i thought it was going to be, and it only took about 1.5 hours. not too shabby. of course, that includes absolutely zero spent on collecting/writing the articles. :P but i really think it's going to turn out well. of course, it's a process and it will probably change fairly drastically over the next year or so, but that's kind of the point.
the magazine is directed at women of a younger to middle range, and it's really to encourage them to be passionate about God where they are...to think about things differently, and encourage them to keep walking the walk, even when it's a blizzard. i'm not sure that i'm entirely thrilled with the layout just yet, but i have a while to work on that since it's not set to be released until jan. i have just over a month, so that's good. it's a free publication to my first 50 people. after that, it's going to be 8 dollars, to cover expenses, and i suppose that i will ask for donations as well. it's really expensive to print off this many copies and get them all mailed, but i know it's worth it and i know even more that it's what i'm supposed to be doing right now. hopefully by the middle of december, i'll have incorporated some more pics in it, and given it some spice. right now, it's just black and white articles, except for the cover. the cover is truly feminine, without being over the top. i'm really happy with that, at the very least.
ever just crave feeling good about yourself? yeah. that's where i am right now. i know that making money is how i feel good about myself, so when i'm not getting a regular paycheck, everything seems harder. when i'm not busy, it creeps up on me even more, and crushes me into a million pieces. i didn't really get out of bed today - and i don't say that for a pity party, but simply because this is my journal, ultimately written for me. sometimes, i forget that. i got up to take a shower, eat, and finally go to church, but i spent the rest of my time in bed. fortunately, i was being moderately productive by working on my ana site, and filling out that application for the job interview tomorrow. everything being online sucks sometimes. but in this case, filling out 40+ minutes of paperwork would have been worse. this way, i could watch t.v. while i thought about what i wanted to say. i'm in a weird place of writing the truth just as the truth, not some doctored up version of the truth, which is what one placement agency did to me. i didn't figure out that they had done it until i showed up to the interview. that was rather awkward, because i had to correct almost every that they asked me about based on the information they recieved from the agency. telling the truth as it is only helps...either you don't get the job or you do, but at least there aren't any false pretenses.
i think that doing the nanny thing is the major logical conclusion to reach for myself. reason being that it's what i know best, and i rarely if ever get bored doing it. sometimes, i get frustrated, but mostly, it's rewarding. i miss my babies when i'm not with them - and it's something i can actually get excited about. i just want to be excited about a job again. i haven't been since coldstone and hollister, but i can't go back to either. i can't go back to coldstone because my wrists are shot and working that ice cream again would decimate them the rest of the way. coldstone already stole my wrists once, i don't want them taken from me worse than they already are. and i can't go back to hollister because i've put it on a pedistal. it's not what it once was, and why would i even want to go back to working for 5.25 under 25 more store managers? i wouldn't. i don't. it's what was - not what is. it's my egypt in a sense. 60-90 hours a week is essentially slave labor. but i did make the best of it.
i am extremely dizzy right now. probably from being on the computer too much.
it's nights like tonight that make me feel like i should start writing again. but then i remember that i never can fully develop a character or a storyline, so i never get my old stuff out. i really should though. it was a moderately happy time for me, and it could pull something up that i thought was lost. who knows.
tonight's sermon was on being a prisoner of hope, and holding onto hope no matter what. i need to adopt that, because lately, i've been the opposite of hopeful.
we drove by the house last night. we prayed over it, and claimed it as our own. we have good reason to want that house - and we will bless and be blessed by it.
OMG - craig just dropped the remote behind the bed...which is next to impossible to get. i'm laughing.
kaylee - my kitten - is a purring machine. she's crazy. :D
i'm hungry. oh yeah - peanut butter chocolate cups. lol space-girl.
we have an 80's theme party to go to on saturday night. craig is thinking about going as magnum - lol. i have no idea...maybe punky brewster...whatever the case - headband, neon scrunchies, push down socks, tights, a shirt off the shoulder, a classic deb (from napoleon dynamite) side-pony hair style, and bangly bracelets seem to be in order for me...oh, and maybe hightops? lol fun!
talk about a huge post. lol it feels good to write though. i guess that's it for me. have a great sleep, and loves to you all.
i have chocolate cups and water to console my little self.
craig is home, but he's eating dinner - which i think made me sick (as it was leftover steak and a baked potato from sunday). yucky. tomorrow, i am driving around with amy, have an interview at 2, have to pick up isa at 6:30, and have a play to attend (potentially) that we got tickets for, for free.
in very sad/frustrating news, i just can't seem to get past my heartache over the youth group. our old youth leaders left, and i so badly WANT to do the youth group, which is more than i can say for anyone else that's doing it. everyone gets discouraged so easily, and they've turned it into an artsy-fartsy event that's just not reaching the kids at all. it's just hard. so then, i get to sit and watch these people do it and i never get included. it's like the kid with the most spirit towards red rover, who is jumping up and down saying pick me! pick me! oh, please pick me!, and is constantly looked over until finally they say 'i'm sorry, all the places are filled.' and then the kid walks away with head down and shoulders slumped. that's totally me. :'( i want this so badly, and i'm constantly being looked over for it. the real kicker is that the one who is making the decisions on it has done nothing but lead me on since i found out that the old youth leaders were leaving. and it just crushes me. if you're not interested, or don't think i can't do it, please stop saying yes, i'd love to have you help out, and we'll have to sit down this week. it makes my heart hurt.
in WONDERFUL news, i got a christmas tree that's fiber optic. it's really tiny - about a foot tall or less, and it's just the cutest thing ever. amy saw it and bought it for me. she's apparently always felt badly that my fiber optic pen literally fell apart at her house all over her floor. she's been looking for something to replace it since. it matches all the christmas lights in our room. :D squeee!!! i am such a dork. but i love it.
in other truly encouraging news, i have gotten the front of my magazine completely finished with picture and everything, and the first 10 pages are completely finished. i have three pages to fill up now, one for sure i know what to do with, but the other two i'm at a complete loss on. hopefully, things will come together. and then i'll start thinking about the next issue. this was actually a lot easier to put together than i thought it was going to be, and it only took about 1.5 hours. not too shabby. of course, that includes absolutely zero spent on collecting/writing the articles. :P but i really think it's going to turn out well. of course, it's a process and it will probably change fairly drastically over the next year or so, but that's kind of the point.
the magazine is directed at women of a younger to middle range, and it's really to encourage them to be passionate about God where they are...to think about things differently, and encourage them to keep walking the walk, even when it's a blizzard. i'm not sure that i'm entirely thrilled with the layout just yet, but i have a while to work on that since it's not set to be released until jan. i have just over a month, so that's good. it's a free publication to my first 50 people. after that, it's going to be 8 dollars, to cover expenses, and i suppose that i will ask for donations as well. it's really expensive to print off this many copies and get them all mailed, but i know it's worth it and i know even more that it's what i'm supposed to be doing right now. hopefully by the middle of december, i'll have incorporated some more pics in it, and given it some spice. right now, it's just black and white articles, except for the cover. the cover is truly feminine, without being over the top. i'm really happy with that, at the very least.
ever just crave feeling good about yourself? yeah. that's where i am right now. i know that making money is how i feel good about myself, so when i'm not getting a regular paycheck, everything seems harder. when i'm not busy, it creeps up on me even more, and crushes me into a million pieces. i didn't really get out of bed today - and i don't say that for a pity party, but simply because this is my journal, ultimately written for me. sometimes, i forget that. i got up to take a shower, eat, and finally go to church, but i spent the rest of my time in bed. fortunately, i was being moderately productive by working on my ana site, and filling out that application for the job interview tomorrow. everything being online sucks sometimes. but in this case, filling out 40+ minutes of paperwork would have been worse. this way, i could watch t.v. while i thought about what i wanted to say. i'm in a weird place of writing the truth just as the truth, not some doctored up version of the truth, which is what one placement agency did to me. i didn't figure out that they had done it until i showed up to the interview. that was rather awkward, because i had to correct almost every that they asked me about based on the information they recieved from the agency. telling the truth as it is only helps...either you don't get the job or you do, but at least there aren't any false pretenses.
i think that doing the nanny thing is the major logical conclusion to reach for myself. reason being that it's what i know best, and i rarely if ever get bored doing it. sometimes, i get frustrated, but mostly, it's rewarding. i miss my babies when i'm not with them - and it's something i can actually get excited about. i just want to be excited about a job again. i haven't been since coldstone and hollister, but i can't go back to either. i can't go back to coldstone because my wrists are shot and working that ice cream again would decimate them the rest of the way. coldstone already stole my wrists once, i don't want them taken from me worse than they already are. and i can't go back to hollister because i've put it on a pedistal. it's not what it once was, and why would i even want to go back to working for 5.25 under 25 more store managers? i wouldn't. i don't. it's what was - not what is. it's my egypt in a sense. 60-90 hours a week is essentially slave labor. but i did make the best of it.
i am extremely dizzy right now. probably from being on the computer too much.
it's nights like tonight that make me feel like i should start writing again. but then i remember that i never can fully develop a character or a storyline, so i never get my old stuff out. i really should though. it was a moderately happy time for me, and it could pull something up that i thought was lost. who knows.
tonight's sermon was on being a prisoner of hope, and holding onto hope no matter what. i need to adopt that, because lately, i've been the opposite of hopeful.
we drove by the house last night. we prayed over it, and claimed it as our own. we have good reason to want that house - and we will bless and be blessed by it.
OMG - craig just dropped the remote behind the bed...which is next to impossible to get. i'm laughing.
kaylee - my kitten - is a purring machine. she's crazy. :D
i'm hungry. oh yeah - peanut butter chocolate cups. lol space-girl.
we have an 80's theme party to go to on saturday night. craig is thinking about going as magnum - lol. i have no idea...maybe punky brewster...whatever the case - headband, neon scrunchies, push down socks, tights, a shirt off the shoulder, a classic deb (from napoleon dynamite) side-pony hair style, and bangly bracelets seem to be in order for me...oh, and maybe hightops? lol fun!
talk about a huge post. lol it feels good to write though. i guess that's it for me. have a great sleep, and loves to you all.