remembering.
it really hit me today for some reason. not as much as it will at future point i am sure. but right after the presentation that i had so well prepared for (which got me tied into knots while giving it, again. which means i might have an actual limitation, and there's a whole pile of i have no idea how to deal with that) after i felt bad for the trees involved and recycled all the paper that I used and did not distribute. there are people i will not see again. ever. its simple, and i should have known it, and did. but really... its a hard thing to know.
and then i started missing. missing sitting on top of campus buildings, not understanding everything i hear, the cats, night snacks, "wai?", my stupid cell phone ring from 1997, mo's laugh, jill's language, rachel's wit, will's smile, the flipping annoying sounds cross walks make, totally blind people accesable cityscape, bamboo scafolding a green cloth, having only theories about how to get places, tin hau temples EVERYWHERE, the constant movement of the city which reminded me to slow down, the passing conversations with other exchange students, people asking me why i'm not wearing shoes, the security gaurd in my building, jenny, funny coke tabs, fu tai, the wet market, eating late night snacks on the playground, pointing at things that i want and getting them with a smile, warm weather, castle peak, the skyline, tst and indian food, would you like a watch, handbag?, public transportation, the mrt, the west rail, siu hong, drinking wine with friends, dancing, life, bobsy, the organic bookstore, monsoon season, the way i got used to it being so warm that i was cold when it should have (comparatively to here) felt warm, every sort of food in stick form, grapefruit soda, lime soda, the thai restraunt, anne, the spicy basil tofu delight available at the thai place, KGB: Join the Revolution!, the chiangchan beer bottle caps with their fancy tree and elephats, that the local brew was called sam miguel... but brewed only in hk, dim sum wake up calls, class with dr li, beijing with love, clothing wrapped in plastic, getting lost in town centre, walking around just kidding town centre, tequilla buddies, all the stupid inside jokes that no one here understands when i drop them in at the moment, sandy, walking into the canteen and deciding i want no part in that, calling things university, speaking broken cantonese phrases (i am forgetting so many already), night markets, markets in general, the way the city (and campus) looks at night, waiting for jill to get the bill, different colored money with flowers and stupid purple lattice work, the women who worked at east asian bank who always smiled at me, the library, the one kid in my class who would tell me what was going on, LOK YUEN for being so so nice to me and so unique, spontaneous (though few) lounge conversations with local students, bad cantonese soap operas, the groovy mule (RIP), wan chai, central, and all the other districts, even mong kok when it smells like stinky dofu with its crowds and crowds and crowds of asian persons, hearing kate speak mandarin to cantonese people, how the light show was never new, hanging out with kate and andrew, people watching at lkf and lux (even if it was mostly lame and creepy), the sketchy hong kong kill you places that you were never aware of walking into before it was too late, parknshop, never getting a bag ANYWHERE, seven 11 and the goofy 20 dollar campaigns, mere's jersey accent, talking to jill when it was more like stand up comedy (have you ever tried to reaaaad a statistics book?), the 45 minute ride home on the same train so you could just be, ordering a pizza and having it arrive with thousand island dressing for sauce, the fact that pizza hut is a classy establishment, that pizza hut also calls you back after you place your order for reasons i never figured out, perhaps how in general food was never what you expected, and that was part of it, ching shan monastery, the way i got to know home by a mountain, side trips and day trips and riddiculous excursions soley for the purpose of getting some kind of food, LAMMA ISLAND, digesting, indian food babies, chinese gardens, being illiterate, a place mixed with so much high city but so much natural beauty, cooking with friends, bumming around in lounges and watching movies, vcds, being so tired and so into my essentially plywood bed, man, i even miss the goofy blue and green flower comfortor they supplied me with... and there's so much more, but i feel like i should stop. because there is so much. i think i just need to sleep. and get through this however i can.
and then i started missing. missing sitting on top of campus buildings, not understanding everything i hear, the cats, night snacks, "wai?", my stupid cell phone ring from 1997, mo's laugh, jill's language, rachel's wit, will's smile, the flipping annoying sounds cross walks make, totally blind people accesable cityscape, bamboo scafolding a green cloth, having only theories about how to get places, tin hau temples EVERYWHERE, the constant movement of the city which reminded me to slow down, the passing conversations with other exchange students, people asking me why i'm not wearing shoes, the security gaurd in my building, jenny, funny coke tabs, fu tai, the wet market, eating late night snacks on the playground, pointing at things that i want and getting them with a smile, warm weather, castle peak, the skyline, tst and indian food, would you like a watch, handbag?, public transportation, the mrt, the west rail, siu hong, drinking wine with friends, dancing, life, bobsy, the organic bookstore, monsoon season, the way i got used to it being so warm that i was cold when it should have (comparatively to here) felt warm, every sort of food in stick form, grapefruit soda, lime soda, the thai restraunt, anne, the spicy basil tofu delight available at the thai place, KGB: Join the Revolution!, the chiangchan beer bottle caps with their fancy tree and elephats, that the local brew was called sam miguel... but brewed only in hk, dim sum wake up calls, class with dr li, beijing with love, clothing wrapped in plastic, getting lost in town centre, walking around just kidding town centre, tequilla buddies, all the stupid inside jokes that no one here understands when i drop them in at the moment, sandy, walking into the canteen and deciding i want no part in that, calling things university, speaking broken cantonese phrases (i am forgetting so many already), night markets, markets in general, the way the city (and campus) looks at night, waiting for jill to get the bill, different colored money with flowers and stupid purple lattice work, the women who worked at east asian bank who always smiled at me, the library, the one kid in my class who would tell me what was going on, LOK YUEN for being so so nice to me and so unique, spontaneous (though few) lounge conversations with local students, bad cantonese soap operas, the groovy mule (RIP), wan chai, central, and all the other districts, even mong kok when it smells like stinky dofu with its crowds and crowds and crowds of asian persons, hearing kate speak mandarin to cantonese people, how the light show was never new, hanging out with kate and andrew, people watching at lkf and lux (even if it was mostly lame and creepy), the sketchy hong kong kill you places that you were never aware of walking into before it was too late, parknshop, never getting a bag ANYWHERE, seven 11 and the goofy 20 dollar campaigns, mere's jersey accent, talking to jill when it was more like stand up comedy (have you ever tried to reaaaad a statistics book?), the 45 minute ride home on the same train so you could just be, ordering a pizza and having it arrive with thousand island dressing for sauce, the fact that pizza hut is a classy establishment, that pizza hut also calls you back after you place your order for reasons i never figured out, perhaps how in general food was never what you expected, and that was part of it, ching shan monastery, the way i got to know home by a mountain, side trips and day trips and riddiculous excursions soley for the purpose of getting some kind of food, LAMMA ISLAND, digesting, indian food babies, chinese gardens, being illiterate, a place mixed with so much high city but so much natural beauty, cooking with friends, bumming around in lounges and watching movies, vcds, being so tired and so into my essentially plywood bed, man, i even miss the goofy blue and green flower comfortor they supplied me with... and there's so much more, but i feel like i should stop. because there is so much. i think i just need to sleep. and get through this however i can.