(no subject)
a wolf at the table, pp. 116-117
i was startled awake in the night by my dog brutus standing on the bed over my body so that i looked up at his belly. he was facing the door and growling into the dark. a deep, threatening rumble was coming from him that i had never heard before. he sounded almost like an engine, like one of the machines that ripped the yard apart. i could feel him trembling, all his muscles were tensed. as though he would not be able to hold himself back from lunging for much longer.
that's when i saw him. my father, standing in my room at the foot of the bed. "dead?" i whispered.
he said nothing, just watched.
deeply asleep, then abruptly awake, beneath the growling dog, my father standing in eerie silence--it was all so confusing that i wanted to put my head back down and close my eyes.
"dead?" i said again.
he turned and walked out of my room.
gradually, brutus sank back down to the bed, his tense, powerful muscles relaxing. but now, he was awake, on guard. he faced my bedroom door. i could not see his face clearly in the dark, but i could see his eyes clear and wet, wide open.
i'd been dreaming of fish hooks. and my father had been in my dream. i didn't remember what happened. but i knew i'd had the dream before. it seemed to me, maybe, i had the dream every night.
when will my mother be home? i wondered.
i was startled awake in the night by my dog brutus standing on the bed over my body so that i looked up at his belly. he was facing the door and growling into the dark. a deep, threatening rumble was coming from him that i had never heard before. he sounded almost like an engine, like one of the machines that ripped the yard apart. i could feel him trembling, all his muscles were tensed. as though he would not be able to hold himself back from lunging for much longer.
that's when i saw him. my father, standing in my room at the foot of the bed. "dead?" i whispered.
he said nothing, just watched.
deeply asleep, then abruptly awake, beneath the growling dog, my father standing in eerie silence--it was all so confusing that i wanted to put my head back down and close my eyes.
"dead?" i said again.
he turned and walked out of my room.
gradually, brutus sank back down to the bed, his tense, powerful muscles relaxing. but now, he was awake, on guard. he faced my bedroom door. i could not see his face clearly in the dark, but i could see his eyes clear and wet, wide open.
i'd been dreaming of fish hooks. and my father had been in my dream. i didn't remember what happened. but i knew i'd had the dream before. it seemed to me, maybe, i had the dream every night.
when will my mother be home? i wondered.