It is and it isn't

[liberationmaker]

She's sitting right across the hall from me. I want so badly to just go to her and grab her and tell her that I want her. Not just her body. I want her mind, I want to breathe what she breathes and see how she sees. I want to be a part of someone again. It's so cold in here, and I'm tired and scared. I have too much work to do. I look at how much I have to do and I'm paralyzed, I simply can't do it.

And then she walks in, after all the nonsense. She puts her arms around me and I can feel her breath on my cheek, feel her warmth and oh God it makes me shake. It takes all I have not to cry and kiss her and take her and take her. It's not fair of me to make an assessment of her current relationship, but from what it looks like she's not getting what she needs. It looked like that for me not too long ago, and it was true, so I can't help but wonder if it's the same. Do I really need a relationship now? Is it healthy? I've already mourned it, but is there an amount of time that I need to be taking for myself to get my head straight? Maybe. But if I do that alone, I don't think I'll be able to be there for someone else. I've been so lonely these few months and I'm fucking sick of it. And from what it looks like she is too. This is a most real pain.

I want to be in love again.

This is not fair.