Isolation
I've been feeling isolated lately. My marriage is so far on the rocks it's hard to see. My transition is going as well as possible. My mom is very supportive, however my dad doesn't seem so on board. My son is great, rambunctious, but great. He calls me "Maddy" and it melts my heart every time.
The problem is the rest of my support structure.
I have one friend, who I meet with every other week, who I tell everything. She's been the best friend I've had in pretty much all my life. We have a lot in common and can talk about everything without difficulty. I have another friend who's like a little sister and has been completely accepting from the beginning. I have another friend who I can talk to but she's busy with several big changes of her own. But with the rest of my friends, several that I work with, I am feeling isolated from. The commonalities that we used to share aren't completely there anymore. Maybe it's because I have some severe changes happening in my life and it changes my viewpoint. I know that talking about my transition constantly with my friends will put them off so I try not to mention it except for milestones. However whenever I seem them outside of a specific setting all I ever hear them talking about is something I have absolutely no interest in. I had tried in the past to be interested in the hobby, but I completely lost interest. It's an expensive hobby and requires time devoted to it.
What am I supposed to do? I feel excluded because of the constant talk about this hobby. I don't feel as accepted. Maybe it's because I'm holding back because of the issues in my marriage and they can all sense it. Maybe it's because of the changes going on and my own comfort level socially. All I know is I feel more isolated from my friends than I have in a long time and I don't know how to bridge the gap. How do I force myself to participate in conversations about a game I have no interest in? Should I feign interest or just stay out of the conversation? Should I drift away and find a group I'm more in tune with? Do I stay and "fight" for my place?
I feel this the most while I'm at work and I am not involved in the conversations at all. In case anyone is wondering the hobby mentioned is Magic the Gathering. I mean, I can't really spend money on a card game because I need to save for trans surgeries. I also just don't enjoy the game. I feel so lonely. I see my best friend once every couple of weeks, I see some friends at work, but it's work. I have one friendly social outing every other week and one of my friends has people over once a month. That is my social calendar. I feel starved for socialization. My weekends are spent not wanting to be home, but having no where to go and no one to go with.