eight variations on a cliche
Specifically, that cliche where there are two friends, one of which is badly wounded, and the other one is dragging him to safety, and the wounded friend says, "leave me, save yourself." The friend of course refuses. Well, sometimes they get persuaded, but usually there's about four hours of, "no I won't," "yes you will," "no," "please," "never." Then someone comes, deus ex machina. Anyways, here's some new ways of doing it, depending on the personality of the rescuer. For the sake of a clear mental image, assume that the friend is being dragged across, say, a desert, yeah, towards a little fort, using the friend's compass so they don't get lost of course.
1. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "oh don't be silly, no, leave me, but you'll die, I don't care better just me than both of us, we die together or not at all, don't be like that, be practical, no, I'll never leave you never never never." pause. "I realize you were supposed to say half of that, but you're wounded, so I was saving you some breath."
2. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "okies." drops friend, takes three steps, turns around, winks, walks back. "what, you didn't think I was serious or anything, didja?"
3. Wounded, "you can't make it dragging me. Leave me, save yoursel-"
Friend, "look, I know it's rude to interrupt those mortally wounded and attempting to make a heroic gesture, but please, shut up now."
4. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "aw, come on man, I just found a comfortable way of carrying you."
5. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "you know, ten minutes ago you actually had a chance of persuading me of that, but now I'm so tired I honestly think I'm leaning on you as much as you're leaning on me."
6. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "Oh, you wanna have that conversation now? I don't wanna have that conversation. Can't we talk about our feelings, or grasshoppers?"
And for the last two, dramatic version;
Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend says nothing.
Wounded, "I mean, there's no point in us both dying."
Friend says nothing.
Wounded, "no, for real, go on, save yourself."
Friend continues to say nothing.
Wounded, "please, I know you want to be the hero now, but there's nothing that can be accomplished by this....."
Long shot of friend carrying wounded into the sunset.
And the webcomic version
Wounded *opens mouth*
Friend, "you're aren't going to offer to be left behind, are you? 'Cause if you do, I'm going to say, 'It can't get any worse,' thus provoking a torrential rainstorm."
Thunder cracks in the distance.
1. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "oh don't be silly, no, leave me, but you'll die, I don't care better just me than both of us, we die together or not at all, don't be like that, be practical, no, I'll never leave you never never never." pause. "I realize you were supposed to say half of that, but you're wounded, so I was saving you some breath."
2. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "okies." drops friend, takes three steps, turns around, winks, walks back. "what, you didn't think I was serious or anything, didja?"
3. Wounded, "you can't make it dragging me. Leave me, save yoursel-"
Friend, "look, I know it's rude to interrupt those mortally wounded and attempting to make a heroic gesture, but please, shut up now."
4. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "aw, come on man, I just found a comfortable way of carrying you."
5. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "you know, ten minutes ago you actually had a chance of persuading me of that, but now I'm so tired I honestly think I'm leaning on you as much as you're leaning on me."
6. Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend, "Oh, you wanna have that conversation now? I don't wanna have that conversation. Can't we talk about our feelings, or grasshoppers?"
And for the last two, dramatic version;
Wounded, "leave me, save yourself."
Friend says nothing.
Wounded, "I mean, there's no point in us both dying."
Friend says nothing.
Wounded, "no, for real, go on, save yourself."
Friend continues to say nothing.
Wounded, "please, I know you want to be the hero now, but there's nothing that can be accomplished by this....."
Long shot of friend carrying wounded into the sunset.
And the webcomic version
Wounded *opens mouth*
Friend, "you're aren't going to offer to be left behind, are you? 'Cause if you do, I'm going to say, 'It can't get any worse,' thus provoking a torrential rainstorm."
Thunder cracks in the distance.