(no subject)
Saleh and I decided to take a break. I'm sure people are spreading mad gossip about it but it's really nothing interesting. Some shit went down and we both decided we needed to take a step back and not take things so seriously. We both thought this whole thing was going to be perfect, but it obviously wasn't. So, for now, this is the way things need to be.
Doesn't mean I like this at all, though. I woke up depressed, lost and confused. I don't really know how to feel or where to go from here. I think I'm just in a vortex of emotion and I don't know if I can get through it. I'm so split on where to go from here, it's disgusting. I want so badly for everything just to be normal but going right back into it would be counter-productive. I don't know. I'm just sad and hurt in so many ways.
Part of me wishes he didn't agree to this too. Part of me wishes he had fought to keep things as normal as possible. Not his fault for not being able to read my mind but I guess that's just what I had hoped for. I need to stop being so involved and just let go a little bit. Whatever he decides to do is his own business, whether we're dating or not. Doesn't mean I have to like it or stay with him when he does that, but he is free to make his own choices. I guess that's what I need to learn most.
Actually, I have a lot to learn in general. Even though I've dated quite a bit, I have a long way to go from being the gf I want to be. And that's what I hope to resolve during this time. This is something I need more than him and I'm going to do the best I can.
Doesn't mean I like this at all, though. I woke up depressed, lost and confused. I don't really know how to feel or where to go from here. I think I'm just in a vortex of emotion and I don't know if I can get through it. I'm so split on where to go from here, it's disgusting. I want so badly for everything just to be normal but going right back into it would be counter-productive. I don't know. I'm just sad and hurt in so many ways.
Part of me wishes he didn't agree to this too. Part of me wishes he had fought to keep things as normal as possible. Not his fault for not being able to read my mind but I guess that's just what I had hoped for. I need to stop being so involved and just let go a little bit. Whatever he decides to do is his own business, whether we're dating or not. Doesn't mean I have to like it or stay with him when he does that, but he is free to make his own choices. I guess that's what I need to learn most.
Actually, I have a lot to learn in general. Even though I've dated quite a bit, I have a long way to go from being the gf I want to be. And that's what I hope to resolve during this time. This is something I need more than him and I'm going to do the best I can.