Complete Indecision, PoSM Ramblings
Maybe if I talk to myself a bit about this something will actually click. Or maybe I'll just keep going in circles.
I have the next (tenth) chapter of PoSM written up. Actually it's been written up for a while, since January in fact. I even contemplated just GOING FOR IT and putting the thing up on Jan. 14th, since that is the fic's "one year since being posted online" anniversary (see my ff.net account, yo). I really CANNOT believe it's been a year, but in the end I've been holding off on the tenth chapter. There are a few things I know I still need to edit and such and... well I have a lot of excuses....
I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant on it this. I feel so uncertain in the OCs and the whole story's direction. I mean, do I feel compelled by the OCs' story myself, and I've been developing that to the point where I'm not writing it all in because it's just not relevant to what the story is about (Usopp). The post-Sogeking-desertion-Usopp is also being elusive in my attempt to write him. I guess I am about as confused about him as he is about himself right now, haha. So I'm musing a lot on the big change and metamorphosis the story has undergone since chapter one, as well as where things are going next. I sort of have the idea of where I want things to go, but the details of getting there are being a pain.
I've even started in on chapter eleven, but I still hesitate on posting ten. My beta said that the OC's POV in ten was interesting, but she wasn't quite sure why I was featuring it. I know why, since I want to build up this "world of the nobles" and muse about why it's so messed up, but sees itself as so right... and why the world nobles are actually incapable of change from within. ... so like the issue of recovery from extremely traumatic events, I'm wondering if I can manage to do "oppressor culture" the justice I want to.
There's a book to blame for getting me thinking about all this, however. Waaaay back in last May Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire was assigned reading for my trip to El Salvador. A rather heavy read, but an interesting on nonetheless. It's about how dominant groups remain in power, what keeps subjected groups from rising up and achieving independence, how dehumanization distorts the worldview of both the oppressor and the oppressed, and how true liberation can occur.
Some of my favorite bits from the first chapter which have really made me think every time I read them:
"Dehumanization, which marks not only those whose humanity has been stolen, but also (though in a different way) those who have stolen it, is a distortion of the vocation of becoming more fully human.
... sooner or later being less human leads the oppressed to struggle against those who made them so. In order for this struggle to have meaning, the oppressed must not, in seeking to regain their humanity (which is a way to create it), become in turn oppressors of the oppressors, but rather restorers of the humanity of both.
The oppressors, who oppress, exploit, and rape by virtue of their power; cannot find in this power the strength to liberate either the oppressed or themselves. Only power that springs from the weakness of the oppressed will be sufficiently strong to free both. Any attempt to “soften” the power of the oppressor in deference to the weakness of the oppressed almost always manifests itself in the form of false generosity ... In order to have the continued opportunity to express their “generosity,” the oppressors must perpetuate injustice as well.
True generosity consists precisely in fighting to destroy the causes which nourish false charity. False charity constrains the fearful and subdued, the “rejects of life” to extend their trembling hands. True generosity lies in striving so that these hands - whether of individuals or entire peoples - need be extended less and less in supplication, so that more and more they become human hands which work and, working, transform the world.
[For the oppressor,] discovering himself to be an oppressor may cause considerable anguish, but it does not necessarily lead to solidarity with the oppressed. Rationalizing his guilt through paternalistic treatment of the oppressed, all the while holding them fast in a position of dependence, will not do. ... The oppressor is in solidarity with the oppressed only when he stops regarding the oppressed as an abstract category and sees them as persons who have been unjustly dealt with, deprived of their voice, cheated in the sale of their labor - when he stops making pious, sentimental, and individualistic gestures and risks an act of love."
I've thought quite a bit about Usopp's first owner, as well as the first owner's father, and how this line of thought might play out in the actions they take ... and the consequences of those actions with regard to Usopp's time as a slave. I just haven't figured out yet what all the pieces are or where they go. Have worked up a tangible "bad guy" though, something the story only had as a vague thought a few chapters ago. Though how the confrontation with him will play out and what kind of catharsis Usopp will gain through it are another few question marks I have.
To completely change the topic... on the RL side of things, the other person who was there before I came to my current job, and was doing the daytime hours, took two weeks off, then decided what they really want is to quit. So now I have the chance to work ~32 hours a week... almost a full time job. I guess I will be taking them, since it seems like with any other choice I would still need to look for a full-time and/or second part-time job, something I hate doing with a passion. I could use the money anyway, I should be getting my own car instead of driving my family's car around. Hope it will go well. I never thought that there'd be a job where having a very laid back, non-confrontational personality would be good for anything except being a wallflower and doormat. But here it is. Apparently I'm doing such a good job they want to give me a raise, too. For now, while I try to figure out what to do with my life, it seems like this is the way to go.
But like fanfic, like RL, I don't know what I really should be doing with anything. Or how I'm gonna get there, lol.
I have the next (tenth) chapter of PoSM written up. Actually it's been written up for a while, since January in fact. I even contemplated just GOING FOR IT and putting the thing up on Jan. 14th, since that is the fic's "one year since being posted online" anniversary (see my ff.net account, yo). I really CANNOT believe it's been a year, but in the end I've been holding off on the tenth chapter. There are a few things I know I still need to edit and such and... well I have a lot of excuses....
I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant on it this. I feel so uncertain in the OCs and the whole story's direction. I mean, do I feel compelled by the OCs' story myself, and I've been developing that to the point where I'm not writing it all in because it's just not relevant to what the story is about (Usopp). The post-Sogeking-desertion-Usopp is also being elusive in my attempt to write him. I guess I am about as confused about him as he is about himself right now, haha. So I'm musing a lot on the big change and metamorphosis the story has undergone since chapter one, as well as where things are going next. I sort of have the idea of where I want things to go, but the details of getting there are being a pain.
I've even started in on chapter eleven, but I still hesitate on posting ten. My beta said that the OC's POV in ten was interesting, but she wasn't quite sure why I was featuring it. I know why, since I want to build up this "world of the nobles" and muse about why it's so messed up, but sees itself as so right... and why the world nobles are actually incapable of change from within. ... so like the issue of recovery from extremely traumatic events, I'm wondering if I can manage to do "oppressor culture" the justice I want to.
There's a book to blame for getting me thinking about all this, however. Waaaay back in last May Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire was assigned reading for my trip to El Salvador. A rather heavy read, but an interesting on nonetheless. It's about how dominant groups remain in power, what keeps subjected groups from rising up and achieving independence, how dehumanization distorts the worldview of both the oppressor and the oppressed, and how true liberation can occur.
Some of my favorite bits from the first chapter which have really made me think every time I read them:
"Dehumanization, which marks not only those whose humanity has been stolen, but also (though in a different way) those who have stolen it, is a distortion of the vocation of becoming more fully human.
... sooner or later being less human leads the oppressed to struggle against those who made them so. In order for this struggle to have meaning, the oppressed must not, in seeking to regain their humanity (which is a way to create it), become in turn oppressors of the oppressors, but rather restorers of the humanity of both.
The oppressors, who oppress, exploit, and rape by virtue of their power; cannot find in this power the strength to liberate either the oppressed or themselves. Only power that springs from the weakness of the oppressed will be sufficiently strong to free both. Any attempt to “soften” the power of the oppressor in deference to the weakness of the oppressed almost always manifests itself in the form of false generosity ... In order to have the continued opportunity to express their “generosity,” the oppressors must perpetuate injustice as well.
True generosity consists precisely in fighting to destroy the causes which nourish false charity. False charity constrains the fearful and subdued, the “rejects of life” to extend their trembling hands. True generosity lies in striving so that these hands - whether of individuals or entire peoples - need be extended less and less in supplication, so that more and more they become human hands which work and, working, transform the world.
[For the oppressor,] discovering himself to be an oppressor may cause considerable anguish, but it does not necessarily lead to solidarity with the oppressed. Rationalizing his guilt through paternalistic treatment of the oppressed, all the while holding them fast in a position of dependence, will not do. ... The oppressor is in solidarity with the oppressed only when he stops regarding the oppressed as an abstract category and sees them as persons who have been unjustly dealt with, deprived of their voice, cheated in the sale of their labor - when he stops making pious, sentimental, and individualistic gestures and risks an act of love."
I've thought quite a bit about Usopp's first owner, as well as the first owner's father, and how this line of thought might play out in the actions they take ... and the consequences of those actions with regard to Usopp's time as a slave. I just haven't figured out yet what all the pieces are or where they go. Have worked up a tangible "bad guy" though, something the story only had as a vague thought a few chapters ago. Though how the confrontation with him will play out and what kind of catharsis Usopp will gain through it are another few question marks I have.
To completely change the topic... on the RL side of things, the other person who was there before I came to my current job, and was doing the daytime hours, took two weeks off, then decided what they really want is to quit. So now I have the chance to work ~32 hours a week... almost a full time job. I guess I will be taking them, since it seems like with any other choice I would still need to look for a full-time and/or second part-time job, something I hate doing with a passion. I could use the money anyway, I should be getting my own car instead of driving my family's car around. Hope it will go well. I never thought that there'd be a job where having a very laid back, non-confrontational personality would be good for anything except being a wallflower and doormat. But here it is. Apparently I'm doing such a good job they want to give me a raise, too. For now, while I try to figure out what to do with my life, it seems like this is the way to go.
But like fanfic, like RL, I don't know what I really should be doing with anything. Or how I'm gonna get there, lol.