not to be a sap in an hour when i'm supposed to be asleep
but i think... i do want a boyfriend... some part would like to reaffirm the academic need to just see what the hell all the fuss is about... but a good part of me that hides behind the academic reasons and probably the part that is trying to assert that my stating this part second is denial of its existence would like a boyfriend... just to have someone to care about me that way... in the way that everyone makes a fuss about. i just want someone to like me... that way. and show me.
the money.
so there. i'd just like to state that for the record.
i want schmoop.
i'll even deal with the heartbreak... i'm kind of tired of having trust issues whose source is of course the denial of my existence by my biological sperm donor asshole of a biological father; i cant seem to not be able to referring the terms biological and (biological) father when referring to the bastard (see what i did there with the parenthesis).
and i'm also tired of being the detached girl. because i am you know. that's how i deal. i detach. i'm kind of tired of being detached.
or maybe i'm just generally tired. and detached.
i want that... growing experience. i want to know what kind of person i'd be if i'm in a relationship... a real one. the kind that's official and not in limbo. not something that can be recovered from... i mean the kind of relationship that... changes the very nature of the relationship between two people irrevocably. i want to be loved damn it. i just do.
i want to trust someone with my heart. and have it broken. or me have to go through the process of realizing that i dont want to be in this hypothetical relationship and have to endure the agony of hurting someone while being so relieved to be free... ala james ingram song, that song that apparently every Filipino knows but whose title is at the tip of my tongue.
i just... want to... learn. to go back to my academic reasons that i like to hide behind. i want to learn and grow in that area of life that i am so severely lacking. i'd just like to state.
so there. God. i am so tired. and i need to wake up early tomorrow.. today.
to spell check or not to spell check: that is the question.
the money.
so there. i'd just like to state that for the record.
i want schmoop.
i'll even deal with the heartbreak... i'm kind of tired of having trust issues whose source is of course the denial of my existence by my biological sperm donor asshole of a biological father; i cant seem to not be able to referring the terms biological and (biological) father when referring to the bastard (see what i did there with the parenthesis).
and i'm also tired of being the detached girl. because i am you know. that's how i deal. i detach. i'm kind of tired of being detached.
or maybe i'm just generally tired. and detached.
i want that... growing experience. i want to know what kind of person i'd be if i'm in a relationship... a real one. the kind that's official and not in limbo. not something that can be recovered from... i mean the kind of relationship that... changes the very nature of the relationship between two people irrevocably. i want to be loved damn it. i just do.
i want to trust someone with my heart. and have it broken. or me have to go through the process of realizing that i dont want to be in this hypothetical relationship and have to endure the agony of hurting someone while being so relieved to be free... ala james ingram song, that song that apparently every Filipino knows but whose title is at the tip of my tongue.
i just... want to... learn. to go back to my academic reasons that i like to hide behind. i want to learn and grow in that area of life that i am so severely lacking. i'd just like to state.
so there. God. i am so tired. and i need to wake up early tomorrow.. today.
to spell check or not to spell check: that is the question.