solitude and my new year
A couple of hours ago I was talking to my sister on the phone, and in the course of our conversation she was saying how loneliness can be very destructive, especially in one's older age, and can drive you to illness, and even to madness. And I thought that it is very good that I must come to terms with the fact that I am alone now, when I am young, and can still learn how to be alone and not be lonely, how to be alone and be happy.
Even earlier this year, while reading Dallas Willard's Divine Conspiracy, I was thinking on his words about spiritual disciplines, and especially solitude and silence - I realized that, out of the four main disciplines (Study, Worship, Solitude and Silence) these was the ones I have least practiced in my life.
God, I knew even before, has a way of cutting off from us those things that keep us from turning to him with our all. And many times good is the enemy of the best. I hate being in pain, and most of the time I just want to tell God: please God, just keep me safe and let me be! But I want to choose to take what is happening now as being part of his work with me.
This, then, is a good opportunity to take up solitude as one of the important things for the new year.
It's not my habit at all to have New Year's resolutions. Up to now, I have made much too many promises that I didn't keep - had enough of that. So the four important things for the new year are not resolutions, are not promises, they are written here just as a reminder to myself, to keep me from getting too sidetracked.
In the new year, I want:
When we enter into solitude to be with God alone, we quickly discover how dependent we are. Without the many distractions of our daily lives, we feel anxious and tense. When nobody speaks to us, calls on us, or needs our help, we start feeling like nobodies. Then we begin wondering whether we are useful, valuable, and significant. Our tendency is to leave this fearful solitude quickly and get busy again to reassure ourselves that we are "somebodies." But that is a temptation, because what makes us somebodies is not other people's responses to us but God's eternal love for us.
To claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as to the One who makes us who we are.
Even earlier this year, while reading Dallas Willard's Divine Conspiracy, I was thinking on his words about spiritual disciplines, and especially solitude and silence - I realized that, out of the four main disciplines (Study, Worship, Solitude and Silence) these was the ones I have least practiced in my life.
God, I knew even before, has a way of cutting off from us those things that keep us from turning to him with our all. And many times good is the enemy of the best. I hate being in pain, and most of the time I just want to tell God: please God, just keep me safe and let me be! But I want to choose to take what is happening now as being part of his work with me.
This, then, is a good opportunity to take up solitude as one of the important things for the new year.
It's not my habit at all to have New Year's resolutions. Up to now, I have made much too many promises that I didn't keep - had enough of that. So the four important things for the new year are not resolutions, are not promises, they are written here just as a reminder to myself, to keep me from getting too sidetracked.
In the new year, I want:
- to write (stories, poems, songs)
- to develop and teach my course
- to sing
- to learn how be alone without being lonely
When we enter into solitude to be with God alone, we quickly discover how dependent we are. Without the many distractions of our daily lives, we feel anxious and tense. When nobody speaks to us, calls on us, or needs our help, we start feeling like nobodies. Then we begin wondering whether we are useful, valuable, and significant. Our tendency is to leave this fearful solitude quickly and get busy again to reassure ourselves that we are "somebodies." But that is a temptation, because what makes us somebodies is not other people's responses to us but God's eternal love for us.
To claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as to the One who makes us who we are.