Rant, ahoy!

[liandriel]

As a single mother, one of the things I've heard a lot from the men I've dated is, "I don't want to compete with your son for your attention." Sometimes, they get creative with the phrasing; usually not.

But after ten years of hearing various iterations of the same thing, I have one thing to say about that:

Bullshit.

Kids require attention.

Comments

[seekingzen]

As a former single mother - now happily married - I call bullshit on the whole "don't want to compete with your kid" thing. It doesn't get much more insecure, self-centered, and downright lame than that nonsense. People who spout that are basically saying they require all your love and attention and won't feel loved and secure if you're giving love and attention to someone else. To be so unable to see the difference between a parent-child relationship and a romantic partnership as to think it's a competition signals to me that somebody needs some serious therapy AND should never be involved with a person with kids.

If you don't want kids in your life then stay away from people who do! Parenting doesn't end when they turn 18. Lots of kids stay in their parents' houses well after entering legal adulthood, and continue to call their parents for help, guidance, solace, advice, etc. for the rest of their lives. Someone who doesn't want to be my partner when I'm raising my children will not want to be my partner when they're grown, either. Something will always come up and a person who thinks they need to compete with a young child will definitely think they need to compete with a grown one, too.

And you are NOT a helicopter parent. Helicopter parents can't let their kids out of their sight, do everything for them, go to extremes to keep them from experiencing anything challenging, and make all the decisions for them. You are committed to raising your child to the best of your ability, which is your job as his parent. Calling you a helicopter parent is a neon sign that they're just being petty and jealous, and being jealous of a person's kid is pathetic.

[liandriel]

Not being involved in my kid's life at all, dude would have no actual idea of how much freedom and independence kiddo has (nor how much kiddo HATES it, being the extrovert that he is). But clearly the fact that he's a good kid who (by and large) follows the rules is obviously a clear indication that I am RUINING HIS LIFE BY CARING TOO MUCH.

I know it's bullshit, but it still pisses me off.

[seekingzen]

I don't blame you one bit for being pissed.