(no subject)
wow
ok last night, i just dont know what happened. i was happy and playing drinking games with bidz and talking interesting talks with her. i went to find a mate, simon. christian dude. really cool guy. i went to talk to him. because of last week
* he had dropped a bunch of drunk mates around where ever they needed to be, and he stopped at andrews where we were staying the night. i dont know fully what we were talking about but it boiled down to sex. and i was thinking, why the hell is this guy mates with us? we are totally against everything we believe in. just the topic of convosation showed that. and i was thinking, how does he hold to what he is, and keep that with all of us like we are*
so i wanted to tell him that. tell him that hes a great mate for sticking in there with us. and i did. and i nearly couldnt. i dont know why, but i started crying. maybe because i wanted to be strongly where he is, but then i want to be the opposite too. and i couldnt handle it on my own by myself. and then i found biddy, and she looked after me and we buggered off for a bit of a talk with her, and she looked after me. and i cant totally remembered what she said, but i was crying a lot more by that time. it was hard to talk. i think she pretty much said that i have to be ok with myself and make my piece with that. and its true. and its hard.
we went back into renees. and jp found me and asked me if i was ok. but i didnt really want to get into too much detail.
hamish asked if i was ok, and gave me a huge hug. which is pretty good for him. he doesnt always realise what a hug can do. i think we talked for a while. we stood there and hugged for atleast 10mins while i tryed to collect myself.. i think i said a bit more about brett im not to sure. and i felt better, hehe his chin fitted on my head. shit im turning short! and it was really nice. i can remember telling him he smelt nice and he laughed at me, maybe cause he doesnt know how to react otherwise. i felt a lot more at piece.
and then later on sam found me! wow that was not really sam, and i think because it was so out of charater it made it that much more special. we started talking a lil when he came out of the toliet, pretty much me asking about him if he had slepted with rachel his girlfriend. which he hadnt. which i admire him alot for. but we got interupted and we didnt want to carry on with ppl hearing us so we said we would get back to it. a wee while later we did. he was very sweet. grabed 6 couch thingys.... and we went a way from everyone and sat down on the lawn and talked. he asked what was up with me and hamish.. and i said i was just upset. so he asked why. he said that he was sure he had heard worse..... so i told him about brett. he was sooo amazinly sweet. lol said ok no i havent heard worse than that. said he didnt know what to say to me. he gave me a hug which i really needed. and said that he was always there if i ever needed to talk, and he put his home number in my phone so if i needed to ring him. bizaar. cause i didnt think he liked me too much. he kept his arm around me and it was.... good, nice.. comforting. the funniest thing was that he said that he didnt know what to say or do and he said everything and did everything completely right. while we were talking.. a few ppl interupted us. sam tryed to be poliet and get rid of them, eventally he realised, shit these ppl are way to drunk to listen so told them "we're having a private convosation.. get outa here!" or something to the effects. and they did. his mates he told to go. and his girlfriend just sat and waited us out. which was really good of her. sam gave me a big hug and had to leave then. and sent me some txts. so very sweet. i just didnt know he had it in him!
lol funny shit he thought i needed to go get on a phone line! i dont think so
that was my strange evening. i had such a good time and thats the scary thing. i enjoyed myself before hand... had a good cry which i hadnt done in so long, and just the fact my mates were really supportive and there. and i love them so much for it! it was.. amazing. bizaar
ok last night, i just dont know what happened. i was happy and playing drinking games with bidz and talking interesting talks with her. i went to find a mate, simon. christian dude. really cool guy. i went to talk to him. because of last week
* he had dropped a bunch of drunk mates around where ever they needed to be, and he stopped at andrews where we were staying the night. i dont know fully what we were talking about but it boiled down to sex. and i was thinking, why the hell is this guy mates with us? we are totally against everything we believe in. just the topic of convosation showed that. and i was thinking, how does he hold to what he is, and keep that with all of us like we are*
so i wanted to tell him that. tell him that hes a great mate for sticking in there with us. and i did. and i nearly couldnt. i dont know why, but i started crying. maybe because i wanted to be strongly where he is, but then i want to be the opposite too. and i couldnt handle it on my own by myself. and then i found biddy, and she looked after me and we buggered off for a bit of a talk with her, and she looked after me. and i cant totally remembered what she said, but i was crying a lot more by that time. it was hard to talk. i think she pretty much said that i have to be ok with myself and make my piece with that. and its true. and its hard.
we went back into renees. and jp found me and asked me if i was ok. but i didnt really want to get into too much detail.
hamish asked if i was ok, and gave me a huge hug. which is pretty good for him. he doesnt always realise what a hug can do. i think we talked for a while. we stood there and hugged for atleast 10mins while i tryed to collect myself.. i think i said a bit more about brett im not to sure. and i felt better, hehe his chin fitted on my head. shit im turning short! and it was really nice. i can remember telling him he smelt nice and he laughed at me, maybe cause he doesnt know how to react otherwise. i felt a lot more at piece.
and then later on sam found me! wow that was not really sam, and i think because it was so out of charater it made it that much more special. we started talking a lil when he came out of the toliet, pretty much me asking about him if he had slepted with rachel his girlfriend. which he hadnt. which i admire him alot for. but we got interupted and we didnt want to carry on with ppl hearing us so we said we would get back to it. a wee while later we did. he was very sweet. grabed 6 couch thingys.... and we went a way from everyone and sat down on the lawn and talked. he asked what was up with me and hamish.. and i said i was just upset. so he asked why. he said that he was sure he had heard worse..... so i told him about brett. he was sooo amazinly sweet. lol said ok no i havent heard worse than that. said he didnt know what to say to me. he gave me a hug which i really needed. and said that he was always there if i ever needed to talk, and he put his home number in my phone so if i needed to ring him. bizaar. cause i didnt think he liked me too much. he kept his arm around me and it was.... good, nice.. comforting. the funniest thing was that he said that he didnt know what to say or do and he said everything and did everything completely right. while we were talking.. a few ppl interupted us. sam tryed to be poliet and get rid of them, eventally he realised, shit these ppl are way to drunk to listen so told them "we're having a private convosation.. get outa here!" or something to the effects. and they did. his mates he told to go. and his girlfriend just sat and waited us out. which was really good of her. sam gave me a big hug and had to leave then. and sent me some txts. so very sweet. i just didnt know he had it in him!
lol funny shit he thought i needed to go get on a phone line! i dont think so
that was my strange evening. i had such a good time and thats the scary thing. i enjoyed myself before hand... had a good cry which i hadnt done in so long, and just the fact my mates were really supportive and there. and i love them so much for it! it was.. amazing. bizaar