Silent Melody Chapter 4
Sector 1
Chapter 4.) - in which the Remnants hunt for hobos
*
*
*
When the three clones were finally ready to go, Reno was just coming downstairs again.
Iscariot: Canon-rape aside, Slave is doing her trademark labeling again. They're not people, boys or young men, they're just "clones." For someone who claims to be goth and counterculture, she sure likes sticking dehumanizing labels on everyone.
He'd stopped outside Sephiroth's door, but heard nothing from within, and hadn't knocked to check up on him as he'd originally planned.
Lian Hua: So what if he's hanging by a beam in his room? Better not disturb!
Tseng and Rude were long gone, so now he had to get the clones over to Sector 1.
"You guys ready to go?" He asked, forcing himself to act cheerful.
"Yeah." Kadaj nodded.
Leading them out to the landing pad, Reno let them climb in, and then took off toward Midgar, still battling his memories.
The ride over was spent in relative silence. Reno briefly discussed what the three were to look for, and told them to give him a call when they wanted to be picked up.
Lian Hua: What are they to look for? Some info would be useful here! By agreeing to let these three newly freed guys help, the Turks are endangering them. Juliaverse!Cloud and his friends are unwilling to believe that Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz are innocent, so they will attack on sight, forcing them to defend themselves and making escape very difficult. So this suspicious activity better be worth risking their safety over!
Iscariot: Maybe that the suspicious activity consisted of a bunch of sightings of a pasty faced, psychotic Sue crying and screaming about Sephiroth.
He found a place to land, and waited only long enough for them to get clear of the chopper before heading back to Healin as Tseng requested.
"What's with him?" Kadaj asked, staring after the helicopter.
Yazoo shook his head. "I'll try to explain later. For now, we really need to do our job."
Iscariot: Why does Slave insist that Kadaj be upjumped by Yazoo? Is it because Yazoo is the prettiest and has the longest hair and is most like Sephiroth in looks?
He began walking toward the center of Midgar's remains, drawn to the Shinra Building for reasons unknown even to himself. Something was pulling him closer, telling him the answers for the 'suspicious activity' reports would be found there.
Lian Hua: Hmm. Jenova? A revived Hojo?
All three paused outside the broken-down skyscraper. All of Midgar was silent. There were no people, no animals…there was no noise, and very little light.
Lian Hua: The skies above post-Meteor Midgar were cloudy and gloomy, but there was enough light.
Iscariot: The pollution in the skies above the city had partially wore off by the time of the film.
An inexplicable feeling of dread hung thickly in the air…choking all emotion…leaving only emptiness in its place.
Lian Hua: Julia is lurking here! Run, you poor people, run!
"…I…don't think we should go in there…" Loz muttered, beginning to back away, his Sue senses tingling.
"Shut up, Loz." Kadaj growled. He calmly kicked the doors open, and proceeded in with Yazoo, leaving Loz hovering, nearly in tears, by the entrance.
*
Lian Hua: Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, what is this drivel? Loz was emotional over his mother and did have a childish personality, but he was never a coward! And didn't Slave say in the author's note that perhaps Jenova made Loz appear child-like so others can underestimate him more easily, and that his true personality is different? Well, Jenova is gone now, and he's still like that!She just took his canon personality, removed the confidence and turned the childishness up to eleven!
Iscariot: Well, what do we expect, it's Slave. If she doesn't turn them into raging assholes, she takes away their spine, or just does both. She's got three characters. The asshole, the spineless coward, and the spineless, cowardly asshole.
Lian Hua: What does she have against Loz, anyway? I get the feeling she doesn't like him. NOT PRETTY ENOUGH?
"…I really wish he hadn't been dropped on his head as a baby…" Yazoo sighed.
Iscariot: Oh gods of common sense, give me your strength.
......
Yazoo teases Loz once, but other than that the trio works as a perfect team, with a synchronization that makes them look like they have a constant mental connection. They never pick on each other, get mad at each other or argue. In canon this is because they're technically all different aspects of Sephiroth's persona, but in this story it could be explained by the fact that they grew up together, in very close quarters, trained among themselves and therefore are well attuned to one another and can anticipate each other's movements. Instead, it appears that growing up in Hojo's labs and enduring the trauma together didn't make them grow closer. The pretty, effeminate Kadaj and Yazoo seem to consider Loz a lazy, stupid nuisance that they got saddled with.
Glancing down one of the main hallways, he headed down in that direction and signaled for Kadaj to go in the other. Peering into each room as he passed the doorway, he consistently found nothing but dust and debris.
Lian Hua: I have two pictures of the Shinra HQ here.
*
Lian Hua: It looks like a ruin to me. I doubt it still has rooms, since everything has probably caved in.
Kadaj came jogging up behind him. "Yazoo…you've got to come-"
At that moment, a blood-curdling shriek issued from the direction of the entrance.
Lian Hua: THE SUE GOT LOZ!
Exchanging a look, both brothers dashed for the doors, drawing their weapons as they went. Arriving outside, Loz was no where to be seen.
"Loz…" Kadaj called softly, looking around.
Lian Hua: Yeah, your brother was probably kidnapped, do call as softly as possible after him.
Yazoo had been stalking through the immediate area, looking for any signs of an attack. As he looked around a large chunk of a building, he caught a glimpse of an extremely mangy Nieble Nibel Wolf running off through the rubble.
Iscariot: What is a Nibel Wolf, named after the Nibelheim region, doing in Midgar? What's next, Midgar Zoloms appearing in Mideel?
Lian Hua: I have a feeling Slave mislabeled the Creepers which show up in the film as Nibel Wolves. Maybe.
Crouched upon an extremely large chunk of the same building was Loz, shaking with terror.
Lian Hua: That's what you get for not being pretty and suave enough, Loz!
"…is it gone?" He whispered hoarsely.
Gesturing to Kadaj, Yazoo had to firmly control the urge to strangle his older brother. When Kadaj arrived by him, he simply pointed up at Loz, and stormed off into the Shinra Building once more.
Lian Hua: Before reading this story, I had no idea Slave hated Loz that much. She turned him into Juliaverse!Cloud.
Iscariot: She must have been feeling pretty offended that a Remnant of her beloved Sephiroth was essentially a masculine looking, brawn-over-brains type.
OXOXO
When Reno returned to the Turks' complex, there were only the sounds of Elena's muffled protests to greet him.
Lian Hua: Guys, Elena has been in a closet since yesterday! And for at least two hours, she's had her hands tied behind her back and her mouth gagged! That's more than eight hours of being confined, and nowhere in the text does it imply that she has been let out at any point! The only time she saw the light of day these past eight or so hours was when Rude opened the closet door to further abuse her!
*
What is with Slave and her torture of female characters?
How can anyone throw so much hate on a minor character like Elena, who served mostly as comic relief in the game, is beyond me. Sure, one can be annoyed with her from the point of view of Shinra, her employer, since she makes one or two blunders, but anyone who has a job has a few funny stories about the mistakes they made in the beginning. Why is Slave so keen on punishing female characters for making blunders (Elena) or being feminine (Aerith), but when it comes to male characters who display overly masculine traits (Zack is violent, macho, hormonal) and make constant blunders (remember Reno during the Wutai war?), she either forgives or appreciates them? Elena and Aerith receive far more hate and punishment for their crimes of being clumsy at a new job or feminine and sweet than Zack, Reno and Rude for example, who did a lot more terrible things, even to Julia herself.
It's a really disturbing double standard.
He hadn't expected Rude and Tseng to be back this early, but he had hoped Sephiroth would be up by now. Sleeping in so late wasn't like him at all.
Unable to ignore the nagging concern eating away at him any longer, he ascended to the third-story apartment Sephiroth was staying in.
Pausing outside the door, it was a moment before he knocked, hoping to receive some positive affirmation of Sephiroth's emotional stability. He was to be sorely disappointed.
At first there was no reply, and Reno knocked again, this time harder than the first. "Sephiroth…?"
"…What do you want?" he asked quietly, making no move to open the door.
"Um…" Now he had to come up with a valid excuse for being there. "You don't have to stay locked in your room all day! Everyone else is out of the house, and I'm bored!"
Lian Hua: You forgot Elena, JERK OF ALL JERKS.
"Let Elena out of the broom closet. Her babbling should entertain you for a while."
Lian Hua: Good to see that you are still a misogynistic and uncaring asshole. I was beginning to wonder if there was anything left of your former personality underneath all that wangst and self-pity.
The thing that really gets to me is the realization that this guy right here is Sephirothslave's ideal man. This is what she wants in a romantic partner: a man who will disconsider every other woman but herself. Doesn't that sound like something that those jealous, extremely insecure women long for? I think it does.
What's more, she would not have given Sephiroth this mindset unless she herself had it as well. And this was written in 2006, guys. Slave was eighteen at that time. From 2002, the time she started her fanfiction trilogy, to 2006, when she stopped writing the installment which we are currently sporking, Slave's depiction and treatment of women who aren't her OC has been consistenly derogatory and blatantly misogynistic. That's four years of constant female character bashing. And that's only the documented part. Since she stopped writing years ago, her venue for venting her inexplicable hatred of female characters has been restricted to a few choice comments here and there, and the most recent ones prove that she has not moved on from the misogynistic mentality.
For example, people have in vain tried to explain to her that she failed to grasp Aerith's character and that poor Miss Gainsborough is far from being the "sugar, flowers and cotton candy" kind of girl that she accuses her of being. She threatens to rip off Don Corneo's testicles, for God's sake. That takes balls. Of course, all their efforts were in vain.
Okay, I am tempted to start an even bigger rant defending Aerith and her gorgeous, street-smart, flirty little heart, but I'm getting off course here and I don't want to bore anyone.
"Oh, come on, Seph! Do you really think I want to talk to that ditz? She's got the IQ of an eggplant, and still plays with Barbies!" Still attempting to draw him out of his room, Reno continued to complain. "I mean, she doesn't know which way is up most of the time, and can't drink a single beer without passing out. She's no fun at all!"
*
Lian Hua: You know what, Renotard? If Elena is so unevolved, so stupid... aren't you and your posse disgusting human beings for mocking her and treating her in this appalling manner when she cannot change who she is? A person born with limited intelligence can't very well become as intelligent as you, the textbook definition of a brilliant mind. So aren't you a low, vile piece of trash for insulting her for something that she cannot change?
Iscariot: Keep in mind that according to the timeline of Juliaverse, Elena is around 29 at this point. In this context, it would not be a stretch to speculate that she might have some mental deficiency.
Lian Hua: Except Slave totally forgot that her characters are supposed to be close to their thirties, thanks to the premise of Shinra High.
"…I don't drink."
Iscariot: Is it because when you do you become a raging homosexual, as opposed to a closet one?
Lian Hua: We all remember that chapter.
Reno sighed. "Okay, in all seriousness, I still want to talk to you. I know how much you hate people worrying about you, but…hell, even your brothers are starting to notice that something's up. I'm very well aware that you'll be irritated with me for caring, but I'm not leaving until you talk to me."
Lian Hua: Hear that, guys? He'll be irritated with people who care about him. All hail king Jerkface!
Iscariot: This trait was originally Julia's, and it got slammed onto Sephiroth. Remember how Julia was annoyed at those who called and visited her during her pregnancy, and was pissed off at the nurses who were only thinking about her health?
On the other side of the door, there was only silence.
Finally giving up, Reno headed downstairs to watch some mindless movie porn…and try to forget how worried he was, already knowing he'd fail.
Lian Hua: Yeah, don't even think about releasing Elena, it's not like she's been locked in a tight, enclosed space for hours and probably has issues breathing and a horrible shoulder pain.
*
OXOXO
"Okay…so every room that remains in this building is completely destroyed, abandoned and filthy…except this one?" Yazoo asked, not really speaking to anyone in particular.
Lian Hua: Oh noes, someone with a cleaning compulsion has been lurking around the Shinra HQ!
"Were the Turks using it at any point after Meteor?" Kadaj asked Yazoo.
"Not to my knowledge. Call Reno and ask him."
Quickly dialing in Reno's number, Kadaj waited.
"Reno speaking…"
"Hello, Reno." Kadaj began. "Listen, we're in the Shinra Building, looking around like we were told to do because we have no issue doing this immediately after being released from two years worth of being possessed by an evil entity…and we've found something strange."
"Strange…? Look, I got my pants around my ankles and a supply of lotion and tissues at my side, so this better be important enough to interrupt Barely Legal Boybutts Bonanza III...."
"Everything in the building is destroyed, the whole place is clearly abandoned…hell, the whole city is abandoned despite the fact that there are apparently enough people in the area to keep reporting suspicious activity…except for Turk Headquarters. Yazoo and I broke the door open, because it was the only door in the place that wasn't wide open, and it looks like it's still in use. There's no dirt…no dust…nothing."
Iscariot: Does Slave not realize no one can really live in Midgar anymore? There's no way to get clean water, food, electricity, no way to stay warm in winter other than fires...
Lian Hua: How did they even see where to clean if there was no light? I can imagine it was pitch dark in there, and even if it had a window, it was surely BROKEN. Dust would have flown in on a daily basis, so there's no way anyone could clean a room there in the first place, let alone keep it clean.
"…Um…" Reno was silent for a minute. "I'm not doing anything at the moment, so I'll come on over and have a look. You guys just hang out there, and be on guard. Oh, one other thing: Was the door shut like someone had used a keycard to close it, or was it jammed open and forced shut?"
"It appears that whoever entered had access with a keycard."
Lian Hua: There is no electricity! A scan panel needs electricity to function!
"…None of us has been in there since Meteor…" He said quietly. "I'm going to call Tseng, and I'll be over there in twenty minutes."
Lian Hua: We have yet another title that has little to do with this chapter. The Shinra HQ is not in Sector 1, it's right in the middle of Midgar, so in Sector 0 if you want to call it that.
While the Remnants are dropped in Sector 1, they leave it immediately and head for the HQ, where most of the chapter's action unfolds.
A/N: Sorry for the length of time in between updates. I have about a million chapters to post, but haven't had internet access for months! Please review - don't flame.
Lian Hua: And so the Saga of Awful comes to a screeching halt. After this chapter, Slave stopped posting, and the internet was spared of the undoubtedly rotten chapters that she had written.
This is it, guys. We're done with the trilogy that has brought us so much entertainment for the past two years.
What does this mean for us?
We will spork the one remaining story of Slave's that we have (a Sephiroth sobfest, sans Julia this time - hooray!), and then proceed to hunt for the next big Sue or at the very least a lulzworthy badfic author. I'm afraid we're a little bit spoiled now, considering that we've dealt with probably one of the most atrocious Sues ever created, so finding a story that's even close to this degree of awfulness will be a great challenge in itself. We've got some ideas, but recommendations are very welcomed.
We will also complete our resporking efforts, which include the last few chapters of Shinra High and its much neglected rewrite, plus the first few chapters of Shinra SOLDIER. As always, any updates on the resporking will be found at the top of the index page so keep an eye out. And of course, we need to finish the final spitefic of Shinra SOLDIER.
Chapter 4.) - in which the Remnants hunt for hobos
*
*
*
When the three clones were finally ready to go, Reno was just coming downstairs again.
Iscariot: Canon-rape aside, Slave is doing her trademark labeling again. They're not people, boys or young men, they're just "clones." For someone who claims to be goth and counterculture, she sure likes sticking dehumanizing labels on everyone.
He'd stopped outside Sephiroth's door, but heard nothing from within, and hadn't knocked to check up on him as he'd originally planned.
Lian Hua: So what if he's hanging by a beam in his room? Better not disturb!
Tseng and Rude were long gone, so now he had to get the clones over to Sector 1.
"You guys ready to go?" He asked, forcing himself to act cheerful.
"Yeah." Kadaj nodded.
Leading them out to the landing pad, Reno let them climb in, and then took off toward Midgar, still battling his memories.
The ride over was spent in relative silence. Reno briefly discussed what the three were to look for, and told them to give him a call when they wanted to be picked up.
Lian Hua: What are they to look for? Some info would be useful here! By agreeing to let these three newly freed guys help, the Turks are endangering them. Juliaverse!Cloud and his friends are unwilling to believe that Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz are innocent, so they will attack on sight, forcing them to defend themselves and making escape very difficult. So this suspicious activity better be worth risking their safety over!
Iscariot: Maybe that the suspicious activity consisted of a bunch of sightings of a pasty faced, psychotic Sue crying and screaming about Sephiroth.
He found a place to land, and waited only long enough for them to get clear of the chopper before heading back to Healin as Tseng requested.
"What's with him?" Kadaj asked, staring after the helicopter.
Yazoo shook his head. "I'll try to explain later. For now, we really need to do our job."
Iscariot: Why does Slave insist that Kadaj be upjumped by Yazoo? Is it because Yazoo is the prettiest and has the longest hair and is most like Sephiroth in looks?
He began walking toward the center of Midgar's remains, drawn to the Shinra Building for reasons unknown even to himself. Something was pulling him closer, telling him the answers for the 'suspicious activity' reports would be found there.
Lian Hua: Hmm. Jenova? A revived Hojo?
All three paused outside the broken-down skyscraper. All of Midgar was silent. There were no people, no animals…there was no noise, and very little light.
Lian Hua: The skies above post-Meteor Midgar were cloudy and gloomy, but there was enough light.
Iscariot: The pollution in the skies above the city had partially wore off by the time of the film.
An inexplicable feeling of dread hung thickly in the air…choking all emotion…leaving only emptiness in its place.
Lian Hua: Julia is lurking here! Run, you poor people, run!
"…I…don't think we should go in there…" Loz muttered, beginning to back away, his Sue senses tingling.
"Shut up, Loz." Kadaj growled. He calmly kicked the doors open, and proceeded in with Yazoo, leaving Loz hovering, nearly in tears, by the entrance.
*
Lian Hua: Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, what is this drivel? Loz was emotional over his mother and did have a childish personality, but he was never a coward! And didn't Slave say in the author's note that perhaps Jenova made Loz appear child-like so others can underestimate him more easily, and that his true personality is different? Well, Jenova is gone now, and he's still like that!She just took his canon personality, removed the confidence and turned the childishness up to eleven!
Iscariot: Well, what do we expect, it's Slave. If she doesn't turn them into raging assholes, she takes away their spine, or just does both. She's got three characters. The asshole, the spineless coward, and the spineless, cowardly asshole.
Lian Hua: What does she have against Loz, anyway? I get the feeling she doesn't like him. NOT PRETTY ENOUGH?
"…I really wish he hadn't been dropped on his head as a baby…" Yazoo sighed.
Iscariot: Oh gods of common sense, give me your strength.
......
Yazoo teases Loz once, but other than that the trio works as a perfect team, with a synchronization that makes them look like they have a constant mental connection. They never pick on each other, get mad at each other or argue. In canon this is because they're technically all different aspects of Sephiroth's persona, but in this story it could be explained by the fact that they grew up together, in very close quarters, trained among themselves and therefore are well attuned to one another and can anticipate each other's movements. Instead, it appears that growing up in Hojo's labs and enduring the trauma together didn't make them grow closer. The pretty, effeminate Kadaj and Yazoo seem to consider Loz a lazy, stupid nuisance that they got saddled with.
Glancing down one of the main hallways, he headed down in that direction and signaled for Kadaj to go in the other. Peering into each room as he passed the doorway, he consistently found nothing but dust and debris.
Lian Hua: I have two pictures of the Shinra HQ here.
*
Lian Hua: It looks like a ruin to me. I doubt it still has rooms, since everything has probably caved in.
Kadaj came jogging up behind him. "Yazoo…you've got to come-"
At that moment, a blood-curdling shriek issued from the direction of the entrance.
Lian Hua: THE SUE GOT LOZ!
Exchanging a look, both brothers dashed for the doors, drawing their weapons as they went. Arriving outside, Loz was no where to be seen.
"Loz…" Kadaj called softly, looking around.
Lian Hua: Yeah, your brother was probably kidnapped, do call as softly as possible after him.
Yazoo had been stalking through the immediate area, looking for any signs of an attack. As he looked around a large chunk of a building, he caught a glimpse of an extremely mangy Nieble Nibel Wolf running off through the rubble.
Iscariot: What is a Nibel Wolf, named after the Nibelheim region, doing in Midgar? What's next, Midgar Zoloms appearing in Mideel?
Lian Hua: I have a feeling Slave mislabeled the Creepers which show up in the film as Nibel Wolves. Maybe.
Crouched upon an extremely large chunk of the same building was Loz, shaking with terror.
Lian Hua: That's what you get for not being pretty and suave enough, Loz!
"…is it gone?" He whispered hoarsely.
Gesturing to Kadaj, Yazoo had to firmly control the urge to strangle his older brother. When Kadaj arrived by him, he simply pointed up at Loz, and stormed off into the Shinra Building once more.
Lian Hua: Before reading this story, I had no idea Slave hated Loz that much. She turned him into Juliaverse!Cloud.
Iscariot: She must have been feeling pretty offended that a Remnant of her beloved Sephiroth was essentially a masculine looking, brawn-over-brains type.
OXOXO
When Reno returned to the Turks' complex, there were only the sounds of Elena's muffled protests to greet him.
Lian Hua: Guys, Elena has been in a closet since yesterday! And for at least two hours, she's had her hands tied behind her back and her mouth gagged! That's more than eight hours of being confined, and nowhere in the text does it imply that she has been let out at any point! The only time she saw the light of day these past eight or so hours was when Rude opened the closet door to further abuse her!
*
What is with Slave and her torture of female characters?
How can anyone throw so much hate on a minor character like Elena, who served mostly as comic relief in the game, is beyond me. Sure, one can be annoyed with her from the point of view of Shinra, her employer, since she makes one or two blunders, but anyone who has a job has a few funny stories about the mistakes they made in the beginning. Why is Slave so keen on punishing female characters for making blunders (Elena) or being feminine (Aerith), but when it comes to male characters who display overly masculine traits (Zack is violent, macho, hormonal) and make constant blunders (remember Reno during the Wutai war?), she either forgives or appreciates them? Elena and Aerith receive far more hate and punishment for their crimes of being clumsy at a new job or feminine and sweet than Zack, Reno and Rude for example, who did a lot more terrible things, even to Julia herself.
It's a really disturbing double standard.
He hadn't expected Rude and Tseng to be back this early, but he had hoped Sephiroth would be up by now. Sleeping in so late wasn't like him at all.
Unable to ignore the nagging concern eating away at him any longer, he ascended to the third-story apartment Sephiroth was staying in.
Pausing outside the door, it was a moment before he knocked, hoping to receive some positive affirmation of Sephiroth's emotional stability. He was to be sorely disappointed.
At first there was no reply, and Reno knocked again, this time harder than the first. "Sephiroth…?"
"…What do you want?" he asked quietly, making no move to open the door.
"Um…" Now he had to come up with a valid excuse for being there. "You don't have to stay locked in your room all day! Everyone else is out of the house, and I'm bored!"
Lian Hua: You forgot Elena, JERK OF ALL JERKS.
"Let Elena out of the broom closet. Her babbling should entertain you for a while."
Lian Hua: Good to see that you are still a misogynistic and uncaring asshole. I was beginning to wonder if there was anything left of your former personality underneath all that wangst and self-pity.
The thing that really gets to me is the realization that this guy right here is Sephirothslave's ideal man. This is what she wants in a romantic partner: a man who will disconsider every other woman but herself. Doesn't that sound like something that those jealous, extremely insecure women long for? I think it does.
What's more, she would not have given Sephiroth this mindset unless she herself had it as well. And this was written in 2006, guys. Slave was eighteen at that time. From 2002, the time she started her fanfiction trilogy, to 2006, when she stopped writing the installment which we are currently sporking, Slave's depiction and treatment of women who aren't her OC has been consistenly derogatory and blatantly misogynistic. That's four years of constant female character bashing. And that's only the documented part. Since she stopped writing years ago, her venue for venting her inexplicable hatred of female characters has been restricted to a few choice comments here and there, and the most recent ones prove that she has not moved on from the misogynistic mentality.
For example, people have in vain tried to explain to her that she failed to grasp Aerith's character and that poor Miss Gainsborough is far from being the "sugar, flowers and cotton candy" kind of girl that she accuses her of being. She threatens to rip off Don Corneo's testicles, for God's sake. That takes balls. Of course, all their efforts were in vain.
Okay, I am tempted to start an even bigger rant defending Aerith and her gorgeous, street-smart, flirty little heart, but I'm getting off course here and I don't want to bore anyone.
"Oh, come on, Seph! Do you really think I want to talk to that ditz? She's got the IQ of an eggplant, and still plays with Barbies!" Still attempting to draw him out of his room, Reno continued to complain. "I mean, she doesn't know which way is up most of the time, and can't drink a single beer without passing out. She's no fun at all!"
*
Lian Hua: You know what, Renotard? If Elena is so unevolved, so stupid... aren't you and your posse disgusting human beings for mocking her and treating her in this appalling manner when she cannot change who she is? A person born with limited intelligence can't very well become as intelligent as you, the textbook definition of a brilliant mind. So aren't you a low, vile piece of trash for insulting her for something that she cannot change?
Iscariot: Keep in mind that according to the timeline of Juliaverse, Elena is around 29 at this point. In this context, it would not be a stretch to speculate that she might have some mental deficiency.
Lian Hua: Except Slave totally forgot that her characters are supposed to be close to their thirties, thanks to the premise of Shinra High.
"…I don't drink."
Iscariot: Is it because when you do you become a raging homosexual, as opposed to a closet one?
Lian Hua: We all remember that chapter.
Reno sighed. "Okay, in all seriousness, I still want to talk to you. I know how much you hate people worrying about you, but…hell, even your brothers are starting to notice that something's up. I'm very well aware that you'll be irritated with me for caring, but I'm not leaving until you talk to me."
Lian Hua: Hear that, guys? He'll be irritated with people who care about him. All hail king Jerkface!
Iscariot: This trait was originally Julia's, and it got slammed onto Sephiroth. Remember how Julia was annoyed at those who called and visited her during her pregnancy, and was pissed off at the nurses who were only thinking about her health?
On the other side of the door, there was only silence.
Finally giving up, Reno headed downstairs to watch some mindless movie porn…and try to forget how worried he was, already knowing he'd fail.
Lian Hua: Yeah, don't even think about releasing Elena, it's not like she's been locked in a tight, enclosed space for hours and probably has issues breathing and a horrible shoulder pain.
*
OXOXO
"Okay…so every room that remains in this building is completely destroyed, abandoned and filthy…except this one?" Yazoo asked, not really speaking to anyone in particular.
Lian Hua: Oh noes, someone with a cleaning compulsion has been lurking around the Shinra HQ!
"Were the Turks using it at any point after Meteor?" Kadaj asked Yazoo.
"Not to my knowledge. Call Reno and ask him."
Quickly dialing in Reno's number, Kadaj waited.
"Reno speaking…"
"Hello, Reno." Kadaj began. "Listen, we're in the Shinra Building, looking around like we were told to do because we have no issue doing this immediately after being released from two years worth of being possessed by an evil entity…and we've found something strange."
"Strange…? Look, I got my pants around my ankles and a supply of lotion and tissues at my side, so this better be important enough to interrupt Barely Legal Boybutts Bonanza III...."
"Everything in the building is destroyed, the whole place is clearly abandoned…hell, the whole city is abandoned despite the fact that there are apparently enough people in the area to keep reporting suspicious activity…except for Turk Headquarters. Yazoo and I broke the door open, because it was the only door in the place that wasn't wide open, and it looks like it's still in use. There's no dirt…no dust…nothing."
Iscariot: Does Slave not realize no one can really live in Midgar anymore? There's no way to get clean water, food, electricity, no way to stay warm in winter other than fires...
Lian Hua: How did they even see where to clean if there was no light? I can imagine it was pitch dark in there, and even if it had a window, it was surely BROKEN. Dust would have flown in on a daily basis, so there's no way anyone could clean a room there in the first place, let alone keep it clean.
"…Um…" Reno was silent for a minute. "I'm not doing anything at the moment, so I'll come on over and have a look. You guys just hang out there, and be on guard. Oh, one other thing: Was the door shut like someone had used a keycard to close it, or was it jammed open and forced shut?"
"It appears that whoever entered had access with a keycard."
Lian Hua: There is no electricity! A scan panel needs electricity to function!
"…None of us has been in there since Meteor…" He said quietly. "I'm going to call Tseng, and I'll be over there in twenty minutes."
Lian Hua: We have yet another title that has little to do with this chapter. The Shinra HQ is not in Sector 1, it's right in the middle of Midgar, so in Sector 0 if you want to call it that.
While the Remnants are dropped in Sector 1, they leave it immediately and head for the HQ, where most of the chapter's action unfolds.
A/N: Sorry for the length of time in between updates. I have about a million chapters to post, but haven't had internet access for months! Please review - don't flame.
Lian Hua: And so the Saga of Awful comes to a screeching halt. After this chapter, Slave stopped posting, and the internet was spared of the undoubtedly rotten chapters that she had written.
This is it, guys. We're done with the trilogy that has brought us so much entertainment for the past two years.
What does this mean for us?
We will spork the one remaining story of Slave's that we have (a Sephiroth sobfest, sans Julia this time - hooray!), and then proceed to hunt for the next big Sue or at the very least a lulzworthy badfic author. I'm afraid we're a little bit spoiled now, considering that we've dealt with probably one of the most atrocious Sues ever created, so finding a story that's even close to this degree of awfulness will be a great challenge in itself. We've got some ideas, but recommendations are very welcomed.
We will also complete our resporking efforts, which include the last few chapters of Shinra High and its much neglected rewrite, plus the first few chapters of Shinra SOLDIER. As always, any updates on the resporking will be found at the top of the index page so keep an eye out. And of course, we need to finish the final spitefic of Shinra SOLDIER.