22 to 41 - "A Theory of Entropy"
"A Theory of Entropy"
Alix Ohlin
3rd person
From Babylon
orig. published in Prism, International
story for 3/27
The story of Carson, a brilliant academic writer who is trying to finish his heavily theoretical and dense book on entropy, in a family cabin belonging to his young girlfriend Claire. Claire and Carson's peaceful, rural life is interrupted by the arrival of beautiful editor, Jocelyn, who has come to help him finish it. The story follows the few days that she is there, which changes them all.
I was initially struck with how Ohlin manages to instill a rural, natural feeling without getting bogged down in lugubrious descriptions of the dewdrops on every leaf, just with little details here and there:
The boast skittered a little as she maneuvered around driftwood. On the other side of the lake a motorboat roared and circled. Underneath it and closer in, a smaller sound almost evaporated as it reached her: the hoot of a loon.
I don't know if I feel like my imagination is being insulted or if I just get bored, but loooooong descriptive passages eventually just get on my nerves. Details like this give me just what I need to set the scene, that is, if the place itself is not a character or part of the story. It this instance, it isn't, so we're spared the feel of the moss on the log or the delicate flutter of a dragonfly wing and get the hell on with things. Like the arrival of the striking editor:
Her long, wavy hair had been dyed an unnatural brownish red that looked like dried blood. Behind thick brown frames her eyes were blue. When she stepped off the bus she flung her backpack over her shoulder, like a student, and her eye found Claire's immediately.
Again, a few more details that give you a picture in your head of this woman who is key to the plot.
There's a nice build up here as Claire starts off resenting Jocelyn and makes up excuses to watch and listen to their editing sessions. After a while, she's just hanging out for company, and I went to back to look at how Olin gradually makes this happen. Right before Jocelyn leaves, there's an interesting encounter between the women when Claire knocks on Jocelyn's bedroom door and comes in to chat:
"What are you working on?"
"Paleontology," Jocelyn said. She put down her pencil and stretched, her neck's tendons visible and strong. When she reached up, the sleeves of her t-shirt fell back, showing the very smooth skin at the underside of her arms. "It's a new theory of dinosaur life. Dinosaurs are very big sellers."
"I don't know how you dot it," Claire said. "Understand all these things."
Jocelyn rubbed her eye. "Well," she said and smiled, "they're still dinosaurs right? They still disappeared."
"I guess that's true."....
Claire looked at the manuscript on Jocelyn's lap. Neat penciled notations lined the margins. Suddenly she was horribly conscious of having interrupted her work. She felt herself flush. "I'm sorry for intruding,: she said, getting up and walking to the door.
Jocelyn gathered up the pages and moved them aside. "No," she said, "you didn't."
In a sort of "you make the call" ending, we see Claire looking at Carson's (remember him?) book in the bookstore, then heading out the door, to where Jocelyn (!!!) is waiting for her. Interesting. I'm still not entirely sure what we're meant to make of that, but it's worth reading over and looking at all the encounters again. Particularly since I don't have to wade through tons of nature descriptions.
Alix Ohlin
3rd person
From Babylon
orig. published in Prism, International
story for 3/27
The story of Carson, a brilliant academic writer who is trying to finish his heavily theoretical and dense book on entropy, in a family cabin belonging to his young girlfriend Claire. Claire and Carson's peaceful, rural life is interrupted by the arrival of beautiful editor, Jocelyn, who has come to help him finish it. The story follows the few days that she is there, which changes them all.
I was initially struck with how Ohlin manages to instill a rural, natural feeling without getting bogged down in lugubrious descriptions of the dewdrops on every leaf, just with little details here and there:
The boast skittered a little as she maneuvered around driftwood. On the other side of the lake a motorboat roared and circled. Underneath it and closer in, a smaller sound almost evaporated as it reached her: the hoot of a loon.
I don't know if I feel like my imagination is being insulted or if I just get bored, but loooooong descriptive passages eventually just get on my nerves. Details like this give me just what I need to set the scene, that is, if the place itself is not a character or part of the story. It this instance, it isn't, so we're spared the feel of the moss on the log or the delicate flutter of a dragonfly wing and get the hell on with things. Like the arrival of the striking editor:
Her long, wavy hair had been dyed an unnatural brownish red that looked like dried blood. Behind thick brown frames her eyes were blue. When she stepped off the bus she flung her backpack over her shoulder, like a student, and her eye found Claire's immediately.
Again, a few more details that give you a picture in your head of this woman who is key to the plot.
There's a nice build up here as Claire starts off resenting Jocelyn and makes up excuses to watch and listen to their editing sessions. After a while, she's just hanging out for company, and I went to back to look at how Olin gradually makes this happen. Right before Jocelyn leaves, there's an interesting encounter between the women when Claire knocks on Jocelyn's bedroom door and comes in to chat:
"What are you working on?"
"Paleontology," Jocelyn said. She put down her pencil and stretched, her neck's tendons visible and strong. When she reached up, the sleeves of her t-shirt fell back, showing the very smooth skin at the underside of her arms. "It's a new theory of dinosaur life. Dinosaurs are very big sellers."
"I don't know how you dot it," Claire said. "Understand all these things."
Jocelyn rubbed her eye. "Well," she said and smiled, "they're still dinosaurs right? They still disappeared."
"I guess that's true."....
Claire looked at the manuscript on Jocelyn's lap. Neat penciled notations lined the margins. Suddenly she was horribly conscious of having interrupted her work. She felt herself flush. "I'm sorry for intruding,: she said, getting up and walking to the door.
Jocelyn gathered up the pages and moved them aside. "No," she said, "you didn't."
In a sort of "you make the call" ending, we see Claire looking at Carson's (remember him?) book in the bookstore, then heading out the door, to where Jocelyn (!!!) is waiting for her. Interesting. I'm still not entirely sure what we're meant to make of that, but it's worth reading over and looking at all the encounters again. Particularly since I don't have to wade through tons of nature descriptions.