Music of the heart?
Tonight I am feeling a little wierd, talking with aaron and drew. Seeing how there relationships are going, I look at mine. SOmetimes I can't help but wonder if something like that will ever happen. As it is now me and emily have our fights, but by the end of the night were just as in love as we ever were. Tonight we had a couple of fights, I don't even know what I did. I know thats what most guys say, but youd have to know me. I am not like other guys when it comes to stuff like this, I care deeply for em's feelings, I love her more then any other person could love someone. Honestly I would gladly die for her, she means that much to me. And still after having all those feelings and loving someone so much we still end up fighting.
I hate it when she cries, especially in a fight that weve had. Even though I know its her hormones, or whatever still it kills me to see her cry/hurt, one ounce. I know that throughout our lives were gonna have arguements, and I accept that. just tonight its hit me harder, then ever, and its not really anything I did. I don't what to go into anything specifically that happene tonight, cause I don't want anyone taking sides. She even realizes that its her fault when we argue and she will apologize, but do that same thing 5 minutes later. I don't know, I truly do love her with all my heart, every second of every day. I want to be married to her, I know we were meant to be. Tonight after I left em's house everything was fine, I get home and call her. well the cell phone starts acting up and she thinks I'm mad at her. She calls back after being disconnected and we have another arguement. (later I found out her dad had yelled at her) But still why does she want to get mad at me for her dad. And also no matter what anyone says words DO hurt especially from someone you love, little piece of advice, don't ever call your significant other names. It hurts them alot more then they will ever tell you. I'm the one who is there always for her, the one who loves her more then anyone on this earth. My mom always says that "actions speak louder then words" I can honestly say that I do show emily every day how much I care about her, and she will admit it too. I'm not saying im mr perfect either, cause I do have my faults also. After all I am human.
On a lighter note, there are fleas or gnats in my house because the crypt keeper hasn't taken a bath in 3 days. Shes driving me nuts also, gosh I love her to death but, old people are hard headed and set in there ways. So many things are going on in my life right now, I'm getting married in Spetember, WoW comes out tuesday, and I got a raise a couple weeks ago. Yet somedays (like today for me) You get a hard kick of reality. I look ahead and realize That I need to save so much money, but look and see I need to spend so much money. Not only for christmas, but just everyday crap. Like yesterday, I spent 30 bucks on an oil change, then another 30 taking my mom and the crypt keeper out to lunch (what a good boy I am) 60 bucks down the drain in less then an hour. and I'm still looking for a place to live. I'm planning on moving out in june or july, looking for an apartment I think. I like the idea of having an aprtment, vs a house. just the type of living space and suroundings. I mean yes financially its wiser to buy a house. I don't know I'm still praying about it. Praying.....I think drew said it best when he said "I know I long for my innocence" It's like after I turned 21 life just hot me hard. Everything that I had been taught and told about, I'm finding myself having a different opinion on them. Instead of just blindly following, I'm finding out for myself. Theres been alot of things in my life that have been total life changers. Reading drews entry made me think of rod and shelly, the youth group, and then my own life. I never went to rod and shellys funeral, I just couldn't do it. for me my closure was just being reminded of all the times we spent together. Everything was so much simpler back then. I think me and all of my friends are growing up. Drew, aaron, eli, eric, and josh. 21 is just a point I think in most everyones lives where you stop and realize, your not a kid anymore. Anyway I'm gonna head to bed, gratz drew on becoming president of akl.
Rusty
I hate it when she cries, especially in a fight that weve had. Even though I know its her hormones, or whatever still it kills me to see her cry/hurt, one ounce. I know that throughout our lives were gonna have arguements, and I accept that. just tonight its hit me harder, then ever, and its not really anything I did. I don't what to go into anything specifically that happene tonight, cause I don't want anyone taking sides. She even realizes that its her fault when we argue and she will apologize, but do that same thing 5 minutes later. I don't know, I truly do love her with all my heart, every second of every day. I want to be married to her, I know we were meant to be. Tonight after I left em's house everything was fine, I get home and call her. well the cell phone starts acting up and she thinks I'm mad at her. She calls back after being disconnected and we have another arguement. (later I found out her dad had yelled at her) But still why does she want to get mad at me for her dad. And also no matter what anyone says words DO hurt especially from someone you love, little piece of advice, don't ever call your significant other names. It hurts them alot more then they will ever tell you. I'm the one who is there always for her, the one who loves her more then anyone on this earth. My mom always says that "actions speak louder then words" I can honestly say that I do show emily every day how much I care about her, and she will admit it too. I'm not saying im mr perfect either, cause I do have my faults also. After all I am human.
On a lighter note, there are fleas or gnats in my house because the crypt keeper hasn't taken a bath in 3 days. Shes driving me nuts also, gosh I love her to death but, old people are hard headed and set in there ways. So many things are going on in my life right now, I'm getting married in Spetember, WoW comes out tuesday, and I got a raise a couple weeks ago. Yet somedays (like today for me) You get a hard kick of reality. I look ahead and realize That I need to save so much money, but look and see I need to spend so much money. Not only for christmas, but just everyday crap. Like yesterday, I spent 30 bucks on an oil change, then another 30 taking my mom and the crypt keeper out to lunch (what a good boy I am) 60 bucks down the drain in less then an hour. and I'm still looking for a place to live. I'm planning on moving out in june or july, looking for an apartment I think. I like the idea of having an aprtment, vs a house. just the type of living space and suroundings. I mean yes financially its wiser to buy a house. I don't know I'm still praying about it. Praying.....I think drew said it best when he said "I know I long for my innocence" It's like after I turned 21 life just hot me hard. Everything that I had been taught and told about, I'm finding myself having a different opinion on them. Instead of just blindly following, I'm finding out for myself. Theres been alot of things in my life that have been total life changers. Reading drews entry made me think of rod and shelly, the youth group, and then my own life. I never went to rod and shellys funeral, I just couldn't do it. for me my closure was just being reminded of all the times we spent together. Everything was so much simpler back then. I think me and all of my friends are growing up. Drew, aaron, eli, eric, and josh. 21 is just a point I think in most everyones lives where you stop and realize, your not a kid anymore. Anyway I'm gonna head to bed, gratz drew on becoming president of akl.
Rusty