(no subject)

[liafsesnes]

Hmmmm.... whats going on.... NOTHING! I'm at my moms house for the weekend, its ok i guess. I woke up this morning to find out that they all left me to go out to breakfast acting like i know where anything fuicking is cuz my mom moved while i lived with my dad... its not like i'm that hungry anyways... i need to find a food substitute, cuz i normally have a granola bar and 15 of any kind of chips i want or i can substitute the chips for fruit but she doesn't have either, maybe i just won't eat *shrugs* matters not to me. Its Bree's Birthday today and i doubt that i can even say happy bithday to her. Shes in new york, her grandmother is dying, she has terminal cancer. I doubt that if my dad did let me go to her house on the shore for her birthday that i could even go and see her now....i think i'm gonna try and see her the friday saturday and sunday of thanksgiving break cuz she really wants to see me and calls me crying alot telling me that she needs me and i feel so helpless. What can i do for her from 2 hours away? A fuck of alot of nothing. everyone that i love and care about is so far away and i can never do anything for them. Its like if i can't do anything for them whats the use? I mean Bree and Amy and Tate are just about the only few people i really do care about. My family fucking hates me. My grandparents think that i'm a satan worshipping whore and judge me by my music and never actually took the time to get to know me as a person... I'm just a face to them, a face of another stupid slacker who sets out ruin the world with me and my cult of satan worshippers. I'm not a fucking slacker i have worked fucking hard in my life and gone through alot of bullshit, anyone who really matters knows that. I'm not stupid... I'm far from it, all my classes are advanced and my math level should be higher but i'm the kind of person that is really smart but i don't want to stand out so i kinda just shut up and quietly watch people and analyze them. I dunno whats wrong with me today.... its just that a razor and some drugs look really good right now. Or hurling myself into traffic, or something of the sort. I don't know what the fuck is up with me.... its gotten to the point that i carry a razor with me in my wallet everywhere i go and i'll actually leave class i get so fucking depressed and suicidal and i know what it is but i'm not going back on that medicine... it has fucked me up enough as it is i'm not gonna do it. I'm just gonna quit this rant here cuz no one bothers to fucking read this shit, my life isn't all that great to actually waste the time and read it. so yea.... I'm out....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BREE I LOVE YOU!!!

Later days

~Shane aka Maris

PS- i'm at my moms and can only use my aol name so if you wanna IM me you have to im me on Angelfyre227 for AIM