(no subject)
I murdered three of my fish two days ago, I too them to the sink and ot a knife and sliced their heads off while they were gasping for air...and I felt sick for bout two seconds, then I felt nothing...
ok, one was nearly dead and the second was going kinda the same way...but the third was healthy, I just killed him cos I thought he might and there was no point keeping one and he'd die anyway if I left him as just one...but I killed a pigeon once and cried...it had a hole in it's kneck, one wing had been torn off and he wasn't gonna survive cos my cat got him...and Iv chopped the heads of mice that weren't gonna make it too, but Iv also taken ones that weren't moving and barely breathing and nursed them back to health...
but the ones I killed, I always felt bad, even tho I had no relationship with them...but the fish...I knew them, they had names...dartantion, athos and porthos, but I felt nothing...I had their blue blood on my fingers and the knife...but nothing...Id worry bout myself, but I cant even do that...Im dead inside...and I dont know why...I scared some ppl close to me today cos I couldn't even fake a smile anymore like I used to...some of them are worried bout me...am I really that fucked up...?
should I be worried...?
ok, one was nearly dead and the second was going kinda the same way...but the third was healthy, I just killed him cos I thought he might and there was no point keeping one and he'd die anyway if I left him as just one...but I killed a pigeon once and cried...it had a hole in it's kneck, one wing had been torn off and he wasn't gonna survive cos my cat got him...and Iv chopped the heads of mice that weren't gonna make it too, but Iv also taken ones that weren't moving and barely breathing and nursed them back to health...
but the ones I killed, I always felt bad, even tho I had no relationship with them...but the fish...I knew them, they had names...dartantion, athos and porthos, but I felt nothing...I had their blue blood on my fingers and the knife...but nothing...Id worry bout myself, but I cant even do that...Im dead inside...and I dont know why...I scared some ppl close to me today cos I couldn't even fake a smile anymore like I used to...some of them are worried bout me...am I really that fucked up...?
should I be worried...?