I'm ranting.

May 30, 2011 02:44

 I've been pretty decent so far and kept all my bitching and ranting to myself (mostly because I'm too busy sorting out stuff in RL -the reasons that make me want to bitch-) but since I'm unoccupied and pissed, I'm just going to rant because I want to.



I'm going to make it short and cut out the drama of how all this fucking semester has been one shit after the other, and I just goddamnit can't take anymore of fucking Murphy's crap.

Last week someone died. From my family. Someone way too close. No matter how hard I scrub my stupid toenail, it's still dirty from the cemetery. And it's such a sick and empty feeling, not knowing what to say, or how to act around that person's closest relatives. I remember collapsing and crying because I didn't know what to wear to the burial, or what to say when I spoke to them on the phone. And all those endless hours at the funeral, awkward silence, an occasional joke and the laughter that dies out when someone else breaks into tears.

But it's been a week. I'm as Ok as one can be, what with memories of my half-siblings hugging each other and crying because their mother just died, haunting me, and feeling out of place whenever I try to talk to them, feeling like I'm not entitled to cry or to be there with them, like I'm not entitled to complain or make myself a victim out of this, not even talk about it; because it doesn't feel right, it's not my drama or my tragedy, I feel like an outside witness, incapable of doing anything to help, not even find the right words of comfort.

That saturday I had an appointment for dinner, a friend of mine won a contest and she was going to treat us to free Pizza in a top class Italian restaurant. Because of what happened I had to cancel most of my plans for that weekend (and, figures, I had a tons of them) but I thought I still had time to get to the restaurant for dinner. God knows I needed to get some distraction, so I took a bus in the middle of the night. But when I arrived, there was nobody there, so I called another friend, who was supposed to be at the dinner party and asked about it. Figures the plans had changed last minute and they didn't go to the restaurant, but had the pizzas delivered to my friend's home, whose address I didn't have, and though my other friend gave me her number, she never picked up the phone. So instead of getting some distraction I got to have two more hours to dwell on my misery, cry and wail (because it was late and the fucking bus took ages to arrive).

As the week passed by I thought maybe my bad luck streak had subsided. I was naïve. Tomorrow (kind of today, considering the hour) is my little sister's birthday. My sister is just going through the most torturous and horrendous teenager years. We're always fighting and trying to murder each other, there's not a soul in this planet that can put up with her. But if there's an occassion in which I try my hardest to be nice and ignore her unbearable attitude, that's her birthday. I always buy her a book (I've tried my best -with no great success- to get her into reading) and make her a drawing of an Anime character she likes. Due to college assignmets getting the worst out of me, I didn't have much time to do her drawing until Friday, I was starting to do an adorable drawing of Erza from Fairy Tail (and if I must say so, it was pretty cute so far) but I wasn't done with it yet, so I planned to finish it on Saturday, when she went to sleep.

So Saturday came and she had a teenagehormoneattack. It was 1:30 in the morning and I was begging for the fucking computer, but she got in this attitude "I'm wearing headphones and I'm not listening to you". I'm not an artistic genius, I can't get a drawing done from the top of my head. I need a model, and though I don't trace, I base my drawings from scans that I like. If the little prick didn't give me the stupid machine, I couldn't get her gift done. Not to mention that I was this close to passing out from exhaustion. By 2:30 I was on the verge of tears. I wanted to sleep, damnit, but I wanted to chat with a friend, and I still had to finish her drawing, and she still had the gall to tweet "I'm bored, so bored that I don't know what to do, so I'll just listen to music until I fall asleep". I mean, the little bitch was just keeping the fucking PC just so as to not give it to me. That pushed my final button, I was so pissed I went for the unfinished drawing, gave it to her and told her to do it herself, since there was no way I could finish it before her birthday at this rate.

She went ballistic! At first she cried a lot, she abandoned the computer and all that; I thought she had finally learned that her actions have consequences, but then she came into the room and left a note that said I had ruined her birthday, that I shouldn't bother congratulating her or giving her any present and whatnot. I mean... if any, she ruined her own birthday with her shitty attitude, but whatever, I laughed it off and decided not to pay attention to it. If she wants to ruin her birthday for herself, so be it. She's even gone all teenager on me all day, not talking to me at all and whenever I ask her something she's like "I'm not speaking to you"

Anyway, tomorrow Mom is inviting my half-siblings over to have cake for my sister's birthday, I just hope she'll cut her ridiculous act off, though I think she's capable of saying I ruined her birthday in front of everybody. Not that they'll mind; when I told mom, she cracked laughing and said "well, at least it's you ruining her life and not me hahaha"

End rant.

family, life hates me and i hate it, whining, ramble/rant

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