WTF Brain?
So I was reading an awesome awesome RDJude fic by k_magique called Sharing is Caring and a part of it broke my brain a little.
Within the course of the blisteringly hot smut going on, Jude is whispering to Robert and mentions this line: "fucking me, fucking you, sucking you, in front of your wife who loves it and touches herself"
This immediately made me go UNF YES, MUST READ THAT FIC. And then my (other) brain took over and I starting thinking about that for a moment.
I love RDJ+Susan for who they are and how much they're in love as real people, that I suddenly had an instinctual "ZOMG RPF NOOOOO" moment to my fic desires. Which made me question myself. Why is it "ok" in my morality to read fiction based on putting self-identifying heterosexual men into homosexual contexts, but it is not "ok" in the same morality to take a heterosexual couple and write fiction about their sex life?
Is it because I dislike reading het fic? Or is it because somehow when you take a couple who is really together, it adds that element of reality that some RPF slashers* try desperately to avoid in order to satisfy their own morality. (*IE: Me.)
Which just leads to my recent moral conundrum that I've been facing. As a theatre techie, I've come in close contact with a number of actors in my (short) time and really, as much as society idolizes them, they're all just people. I can only assume it's the same at the top levels. When you think of Brad Pitt, when you just see the name, there's a level of disconnection that comes with the fact that the name is famous. Pedestals and all that. So recently, I've been applying my behind-the-scenes knowledge to my obsessive nature and they're competing.
I'm obsessed with RDJ and yet I can't help but realize he's just a guy, making decisions, living like all the rest of us. I bring him down to my level, off that pedestal. I accept that there is something about him that my obsessive nature clings to, and that's fine for my morality to see both sides of the obsession. The problem comes in when I apply my sexual desires to my obsessions.
Suddenly they're not just innocent "hey I really like his acting and he's pretty good looking and his sense of humor is awesome so I will follow what he does through picture and youtube." Adding sex to it complicates it for my morality. (as adding sex usually does for me.) If I ever met him, I would not want to be thinking about how I've gotten my rocks off to images of him with other men. (Or, for some reason to a higher degree of "wrong", images of him and his gorgeous wife having sex with each other.)
I mean, how creepy would be it be to go up to two total strangers and be like "Hi, yeah, I've masturbated to writing and reading stories of you fucking your wife."
But when it comes down to it: I like it. I really really do. It gets me off and I enjoy it. I just don't understand how something that feels so wrong can be so enjoyable? And I'm not trying to be cliche about that, with all the "know it's wrong but it feels so right" stuff that we always shove into our fics. This is honestly the only thing I can think of that is questionable to my personal morality and I just don't understand why. Obviously part of me is fine with it.
Morality is such a weird thing, I guess. I don't think there is an answer to this conundrum. I'm just going to have to go back to ignoring it.
I've been up for almost 24 hours now, so that's probably the main reason for this post. I tend to get very introspective when stupidly tired.
Within the course of the blisteringly hot smut going on, Jude is whispering to Robert and mentions this line: "fucking me, fucking you, sucking you, in front of your wife who loves it and touches herself"
This immediately made me go UNF YES, MUST READ THAT FIC. And then my (other) brain took over and I starting thinking about that for a moment.
I love RDJ+Susan for who they are and how much they're in love as real people, that I suddenly had an instinctual "ZOMG RPF NOOOOO" moment to my fic desires. Which made me question myself. Why is it "ok" in my morality to read fiction based on putting self-identifying heterosexual men into homosexual contexts, but it is not "ok" in the same morality to take a heterosexual couple and write fiction about their sex life?
Is it because I dislike reading het fic? Or is it because somehow when you take a couple who is really together, it adds that element of reality that some RPF slashers* try desperately to avoid in order to satisfy their own morality. (*IE: Me.)
Which just leads to my recent moral conundrum that I've been facing. As a theatre techie, I've come in close contact with a number of actors in my (short) time and really, as much as society idolizes them, they're all just people. I can only assume it's the same at the top levels. When you think of Brad Pitt, when you just see the name, there's a level of disconnection that comes with the fact that the name is famous. Pedestals and all that. So recently, I've been applying my behind-the-scenes knowledge to my obsessive nature and they're competing.
I'm obsessed with RDJ and yet I can't help but realize he's just a guy, making decisions, living like all the rest of us. I bring him down to my level, off that pedestal. I accept that there is something about him that my obsessive nature clings to, and that's fine for my morality to see both sides of the obsession. The problem comes in when I apply my sexual desires to my obsessions.
Suddenly they're not just innocent "hey I really like his acting and he's pretty good looking and his sense of humor is awesome so I will follow what he does through picture and youtube." Adding sex to it complicates it for my morality. (as adding sex usually does for me.) If I ever met him, I would not want to be thinking about how I've gotten my rocks off to images of him with other men. (Or, for some reason to a higher degree of "wrong", images of him and his gorgeous wife having sex with each other.)
I mean, how creepy would be it be to go up to two total strangers and be like "Hi, yeah, I've masturbated to writing and reading stories of you fucking your wife."
But when it comes down to it: I like it. I really really do. It gets me off and I enjoy it. I just don't understand how something that feels so wrong can be so enjoyable? And I'm not trying to be cliche about that, with all the "know it's wrong but it feels so right" stuff that we always shove into our fics. This is honestly the only thing I can think of that is questionable to my personal morality and I just don't understand why. Obviously part of me is fine with it.
Morality is such a weird thing, I guess. I don't think there is an answer to this conundrum. I'm just going to have to go back to ignoring it.
I've been up for almost 24 hours now, so that's probably the main reason for this post. I tend to get very introspective when stupidly tired.