Still not recapping
I'm totally slacking on the recap, I know. I'm still planning on doing it and have my memory paper next to my computer, waiting, but in the mean time life has been happening.
The Candidates are getting closer and closer to enlightenment in the Fraternity, and I'm very excited for them. I've been doing constant Frat stuff on mondays and tuesdays, and I have my class on wednesday. Plus I've been hanging out with everyone alot, cuz I feel bad that I'm never around and it's nice to re-establish old bonds and create new ones.
Last week I went back to Pet's house for the best 5 days I've had, although I infected her with my sickness, so she probably didn't have as great a time as I did. I dunno what it is but it seems like whenever we get together one of us either gets sick or is on the rag and dealing with cramps. We watched a whole bunch of movies again amongst other things and lotsa pill-taking, and I'll just cover a few of the movies, namely 300 and Blade. We went and saw 300 on opening night, standing out in the cold for about 20 minutes. We just made it into the theatre, missing the previews but catching the movie. It was AMAZING. So artistic and beautiful while sad and very historically accurrate at the same time. I love the Spartans and have read alot about them, and while I havn't read specifically about Leonidas and Thermopylae, the queen's line about 'Come back with your shield, or on it' was an actual Spartan saying from what I remember, and the whole thing at the beginning about growing up Spartan was also true. Pet and I loved it and I can't wait to see it again.
We also watched, among other things, Blade 1, 2, and 3, and I have to admit, after years of thinking Blade was a comically stupid guy with funny hair, I've actually come to really really enjoy the movies and I have a damn lot more respect for the guy now. And let it be known, Deacon Frost can fuck me anytime his heart desires. And Hannibal King? Oh God. Yes please. I'm considering getting Deacon's glyph tattooed on me, mostly because I really like the idea of a small symbol that indicates ownership. His symbol also looks a little bit like "Lia" if you squint, which makes my brain squee, and I think it fits into my brain perfectly, as I've always been a whore for my obsessions and being owned, and this would allow me to pretend to be owned without actually submitting my life to a crazy man somewhere, while being a clear indication that I love vampires and sci-fi. It's kinda hard to explain everything going around in my head since it's a little jumbled, but the main idea here is that it makes me smile, feel comforted, and slightly horny all at the same time. I just have to figure out where to put it now.
Since then I've been delving into Deacon/Hannibal porn, because GUH, while waiting for Supernatural to start up again. Oh, and watching Jensen on Jimmy Kimmel, whose show SUCKS BALLS but at least Jensen's parts were good.
In other news, I've come to an impass with my mother. See, she's pissed because I'm slowing down on school, which is apparently the only thing she's had planned for my life forever. She's convinced I'm "wasting my money" and that "I can't rely on other people for my whole life" and all this other stuff that means she's going to start being my mother again for the first time since my dad died, instead of my friend. She's threatened to start denying certain pleasures I enjoy with my money, which I don't have total control over until I'm 35, and she's pressuring me everyday to get a job because she's not going to let me "waste your life on games and trips".
So, I changed my major today, learned that it won't take very long (2 years at most) to graduate, if I really work it, and my classes arn't going to be too challenging because I'm now doing a BA in Theatre Studies with a minor in History. (The minor because I need to take like 4 classes and I'll automatically fulfill it, and those 4 classes go toward my major as well.) And Theatre Studies is like "General Theatre" where I take all intro classes, do some work on sets and be in a few performances, and I'll be done. Where I'm going to go from there, I don't know, but I'll be doing something I've enjoyed since grade school, plus I have an interest in, plus I'll have a degree so I qualify for more shit than without one.
And I'm still shaken about my mother. See, what I talked to her about was learning to ride a motorcycle. I've wanted to do so since I was a kid and a friend's dad bought a Harley. I like crotchrockets better now, but the desire is still there. And my mother is like OMG NO! NEVER! THEY'RE TOO DANGEROUS!!! and I'm like, I know that, I don't care, I'll be careful, I WANT TO DO THIS. And she's like, "Well I won't let you use your trust money to buy one." Which basically means, I won't be getting a motorcycle because I don't have any other money. And it shook me because she's never denied me before.
So now, I'm realizing that I'm sick of this. I'm sick of my life being in her hands, and I'm sick of my goddamn trust. I have 2 plans: 1) Get a job and save every penny for myself, not telling my mother that that's what I'm doing. Then use my only my trust to live while stockpiling the other money. 2) Graduate school and find a well paying job and use that to live, saving the rest of my trust. I'm thinking #1 is more likely.
I dunno. I'm just sick of this being in limbo. I want to break completely free and start LIVING instead of this crawling around stuff. I want to make my own decisions and do what I want to do without my mother looking disapprovingly on my entire life. I want to get out of my brother's shadow, which I'm POSITIVE is my mother's mind. I mean, he has the apple pie, American upper-middle-class white male life. He got a full ride to a good univeristy, graduated Magna Cum Laude while working 2 jobs and dating a nice girl, and now has an incredibly good job for a computer company, owns his own giant condo with his fiance, is getting married in the summer to a nice white girl, and goes on expensive trips to luxury resorts for wine tastings. And here I am, kinky bisexual tom-boy left-handed athiest, no goals in life other than sex and kids, no career plans, dreams too impossibly large for accomplishment, no idea what I want to do other than roadtrip, travel, learn to ride motorcycles, get tattoos, read porn on the internet and play my damn trumpet.
And I'm SICK that that is considered WRONG and WASTEFUL. I'm tired of it. I fucking hate society and it's goddamn norms that my brother exemplafies so well. I'm sick of my mother judging me based on her narrowminded views of what the world should be. All my non-band friends are considered "weird", my life is a "waste", and I need to "find a nice boy, arn't there any nice boys in your band?" Yes, but they're either taken, gay, or single for a reason. And what the fuck is wrong with finding a nice girl?
Ok, venting session over for now.
The Candidates are getting closer and closer to enlightenment in the Fraternity, and I'm very excited for them. I've been doing constant Frat stuff on mondays and tuesdays, and I have my class on wednesday. Plus I've been hanging out with everyone alot, cuz I feel bad that I'm never around and it's nice to re-establish old bonds and create new ones.
Last week I went back to Pet's house for the best 5 days I've had, although I infected her with my sickness, so she probably didn't have as great a time as I did. I dunno what it is but it seems like whenever we get together one of us either gets sick or is on the rag and dealing with cramps. We watched a whole bunch of movies again amongst other things and lotsa pill-taking, and I'll just cover a few of the movies, namely 300 and Blade. We went and saw 300 on opening night, standing out in the cold for about 20 minutes. We just made it into the theatre, missing the previews but catching the movie. It was AMAZING. So artistic and beautiful while sad and very historically accurrate at the same time. I love the Spartans and have read alot about them, and while I havn't read specifically about Leonidas and Thermopylae, the queen's line about 'Come back with your shield, or on it' was an actual Spartan saying from what I remember, and the whole thing at the beginning about growing up Spartan was also true. Pet and I loved it and I can't wait to see it again.
We also watched, among other things, Blade 1, 2, and 3, and I have to admit, after years of thinking Blade was a comically stupid guy with funny hair, I've actually come to really really enjoy the movies and I have a damn lot more respect for the guy now. And let it be known, Deacon Frost can fuck me anytime his heart desires. And Hannibal King? Oh God. Yes please. I'm considering getting Deacon's glyph tattooed on me, mostly because I really like the idea of a small symbol that indicates ownership. His symbol also looks a little bit like "Lia" if you squint, which makes my brain squee, and I think it fits into my brain perfectly, as I've always been a whore for my obsessions and being owned, and this would allow me to pretend to be owned without actually submitting my life to a crazy man somewhere, while being a clear indication that I love vampires and sci-fi. It's kinda hard to explain everything going around in my head since it's a little jumbled, but the main idea here is that it makes me smile, feel comforted, and slightly horny all at the same time. I just have to figure out where to put it now.
Since then I've been delving into Deacon/Hannibal porn, because GUH, while waiting for Supernatural to start up again. Oh, and watching Jensen on Jimmy Kimmel, whose show SUCKS BALLS but at least Jensen's parts were good.
In other news, I've come to an impass with my mother. See, she's pissed because I'm slowing down on school, which is apparently the only thing she's had planned for my life forever. She's convinced I'm "wasting my money" and that "I can't rely on other people for my whole life" and all this other stuff that means she's going to start being my mother again for the first time since my dad died, instead of my friend. She's threatened to start denying certain pleasures I enjoy with my money, which I don't have total control over until I'm 35, and she's pressuring me everyday to get a job because she's not going to let me "waste your life on games and trips".
So, I changed my major today, learned that it won't take very long (2 years at most) to graduate, if I really work it, and my classes arn't going to be too challenging because I'm now doing a BA in Theatre Studies with a minor in History. (The minor because I need to take like 4 classes and I'll automatically fulfill it, and those 4 classes go toward my major as well.) And Theatre Studies is like "General Theatre" where I take all intro classes, do some work on sets and be in a few performances, and I'll be done. Where I'm going to go from there, I don't know, but I'll be doing something I've enjoyed since grade school, plus I have an interest in, plus I'll have a degree so I qualify for more shit than without one.
And I'm still shaken about my mother. See, what I talked to her about was learning to ride a motorcycle. I've wanted to do so since I was a kid and a friend's dad bought a Harley. I like crotchrockets better now, but the desire is still there. And my mother is like OMG NO! NEVER! THEY'RE TOO DANGEROUS!!! and I'm like, I know that, I don't care, I'll be careful, I WANT TO DO THIS. And she's like, "Well I won't let you use your trust money to buy one." Which basically means, I won't be getting a motorcycle because I don't have any other money. And it shook me because she's never denied me before.
So now, I'm realizing that I'm sick of this. I'm sick of my life being in her hands, and I'm sick of my goddamn trust. I have 2 plans: 1) Get a job and save every penny for myself, not telling my mother that that's what I'm doing. Then use my only my trust to live while stockpiling the other money. 2) Graduate school and find a well paying job and use that to live, saving the rest of my trust. I'm thinking #1 is more likely.
I dunno. I'm just sick of this being in limbo. I want to break completely free and start LIVING instead of this crawling around stuff. I want to make my own decisions and do what I want to do without my mother looking disapprovingly on my entire life. I want to get out of my brother's shadow, which I'm POSITIVE is my mother's mind. I mean, he has the apple pie, American upper-middle-class white male life. He got a full ride to a good univeristy, graduated Magna Cum Laude while working 2 jobs and dating a nice girl, and now has an incredibly good job for a computer company, owns his own giant condo with his fiance, is getting married in the summer to a nice white girl, and goes on expensive trips to luxury resorts for wine tastings. And here I am, kinky bisexual tom-boy left-handed athiest, no goals in life other than sex and kids, no career plans, dreams too impossibly large for accomplishment, no idea what I want to do other than roadtrip, travel, learn to ride motorcycles, get tattoos, read porn on the internet and play my damn trumpet.
And I'm SICK that that is considered WRONG and WASTEFUL. I'm tired of it. I fucking hate society and it's goddamn norms that my brother exemplafies so well. I'm sick of my mother judging me based on her narrowminded views of what the world should be. All my non-band friends are considered "weird", my life is a "waste", and I need to "find a nice boy, arn't there any nice boys in your band?" Yes, but they're either taken, gay, or single for a reason. And what the fuck is wrong with finding a nice girl?
Ok, venting session over for now.