Ninsei Chapter 9 (version 2)
i made my weekend goal yesterday! 3300 words! Today's been going a bit slower, just in general, but still, I'm chugging away as best i can.
This part of the story was the last one i wrote for my first NaNoWriMo, though i didn't type it and post it for months after November. Things are really starting to move along.
Current Word Count: 23784
*EDITED* 6/30/2006
(new word count: 25,216)
Chapter 9: Lust
I didn’t want to talk to anyone; I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to be left alone.
Looking back at it now, I must have been incredibly obnoxious to everyone around me. I pushed them all away, as roughly as I could.
I more or less told the Angel to bugger off when he came to pressure me into doing my mission. After all, the world was a horrible place. So why should I save it?
“Go find someone who actually cares,” I told him. “And have him be your fucking vacume cleaner.”
The Angel said nothing in response. He looked at me contemptuously and then vanished.
At home I was withdrawn. I spent all my time in my room and worried Mom to no end. She kept trying to get me out of my room, and doing things. She wanted me to help her with the garden or to go hiking or other things that she knew I liked doing that she and I could do together. I blew her off.
And it seemed like every time I did leave my room, I’d be picking fights with Antoine and he’d send me right back up to my room. I think Mom was pretty much at her wit’s end as to what to do with me.
I wasn’t any better at school. Kelly seemed to know that she had hurt me pretty badly, and that we couldn’t go back to being friends. She stayed away, which was fine by me. I couldn’t stand to see her, and I really couldn’t stomach seeing her with Jim.
Jim tried to rub it in my face that he took Kelly away from me, but when I threw him against the wall and glared at him with murderous intent, he wisely backed off and avoided me as if I had the plague.
Actually, the other students at school did much the same after the first couple times someone tried to talk to me the Monday after the prom and I nearly ripped their arm off. I did not want to talk about what happened at the prom nor did I want to hear anyone else talking about it either. I made that sufficiently clear.
I went back to eating my lunch alone and ignoring everyone around me. Considering my volatile nature, particularly at that point in time, I think my classmates were just as glad.
Still, there was a major difference between my situation now and what it was before I started dating Kelly. I wasn’t a loser. I may have been a loner, but I was still the biggest bad-ass at the school. I was still the guy everyone knew and looked at in awe and fear.
And I think that my sudden retreat back into being a loner so soon after my sudden rise to power only made me more of a fascinating mystery. I would be talked about in that school for many, many years-long after I left.
I had become a legend at the school, so I shouldn’t have really been surprised that despite my very clear desire to be left alone, there would be those who would risk my temper to be seen close to me.
I had thought I had seen the worst that life could throw at me, but I had been so naïve then. I didn’t see it coming, and I didn’t know what was happening until it was over.
I was sitting alone at a table in the lunchroom, reading a book and generally projecting an aura that made it clear I wanted to be left alone. Previously that had been quite sufficient and no one had bothered to approach me in a couple weeks.
And yet that day, someone came up and stood beside me. I intended to ignore the person completely, but curiosity compelled me to glance to see who the person was. My glance turned into a full look as I found a pair of very perky breasts staring back at me.
The pair of breasts belonged to a sophomore girl. I had seen her around school before, but I didn’t really know who she was.
It wasn’t really my policy to injure girls, but I could have just ignored her and continued reading. I think it was in regards to her prominent display of boobs that I decided to humor her and talk.
“I do not like to be bothered,” I said warningly
“I know.” There was no fear in her voice.
“Everyone else in this school has enough sense to respect that.”
She smirked. “I don’t like to be like everyone else.”
“Just as clearly you don’t like to be safe.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Is there a reason you came over here, or did you just want the adrenaline rush of approaching a sleeping tiger?”
She arched an eyebrow. “Do you think of yourself as a tiger?”
“I’m just as dangerous. Though don’t think that because I’ve been quiet lately, I’m sleeping.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“I haven’t, have I? Well, I came here to ask you if you were going to the Peterson party this weekend.”
“No.”
“You should go,” she said immediately.
“I don’t want to be around people as it is-why would I subject myself to more people when I don’t have to?”
“I’ll be going.”
“And I should care because…?”
She leaned forward, giving me quite a view of her cleavage. “Because if you went, I could make it quite fun for you.” She smiled sexily. “If you know what I mean.”
I looked at her cleavage and then back up to her face. “I think I do.”
She straightened back up. “So let me ask again: are you going to the Peterson party this weekend?”
I had to admit I was interested-what guy wouldn’t be? Still, it wouldn’t do to appear that I could be so easily led. “You present an offer that is difficult to refuse.”
“So don’t.”
“I’ll go if I feel like it come Friday.”
“Well do think about it. I’d really like you to come. To the party that is.” The saucy grin she gave as she said this made it quite clear what she really meant.
“I’ll think about it,” I promised. “Miss…?”
“Tina. Tina Bellinger.”
“You very well may see me at the party, Tina.”
“I do hope so.”
Of course I went to the Peterson’s party. How could I not when I was all but promised to get some action from a hot girl?
I don’t know what I was really expecting when I got to the party, but Tina was the sort who defied all expectations.
My entrance to the party definitely created a stir. After all, I had been so violently anti-social and now I was at this party. It caused quite a bit of talking. Tina lapped it up and made a bit of a show about coming over towards me.
“There you are! Come on, I’ve been waiting for you,” she said and pulled me along with her up to one of the bedrooms on the second floor. Before I even quite knew what was happening, she was on her knees giving me a blowjob.
Kelly and I had been going out for about a month and we had barely kissed. But I had just met Tina and didn’t really know here and she was sucking me off. It was so completely unreal, but then, nothing in my life the past couple of months had seemed very ‘real’.
It was my first time, so I came a bit fast. Tina didn’t say anything about that. She just got up and cleaned herself up in the attached bathroom, then brought me out some tissues to clean myself up.
The whole thing was a bit embarrassing to me, but she acted like she did this sort of thing all the time.
“If you’re done, shall we get back to the party?”
“Um, sure. I guess.” I followed her back down the stairs.
I wasn’t really interested in alcohol, but I accepted the bottle that Tina handed me. It was clear that she had had a couple already. I sipped a little of the beer as she led me through most of the rooms. I think even at the time I knew that she was making certain everyone at the party saw her with me.
I don’t know why I stayed at the party. Well, I guess I do. I felt like I owed it to her to spend the evening with her. I don’t know why; she acted on her own so I didn’t owe her anything. I guess I’m just not the type of guy who can do that sort of thing so casually.
And so I let her parade me around.
Tina started to hang around me a lot after that, and I let her. No, that’s not really true; I wanted to her to hang around me. Maybe it was just a rebound from the depression I felt when Kelly and I broke up. Maybe it was just my hormones. But then she made it impossible to NOT be interested in her. She was this hot girl who wanted to be around me. More than that-she wanted me.
As soon as we were alone, she was all over me. I really got swept up with it all. I mean, before I knew it, we were having sex.
I always thought my first time would be with a girl I really loved, but it didn’t turn out to be like that at all. I hardly even knew Tina and I can’t really remember what the first time was like.
I never thought I would be the type who would get involved with someone I didn’t have feelings for, so maybe that was the reason that I convinced myself that I did love her. I even deluded myself into thinking that she really did like me.
Like a moth, I was caught by her flame, and there was nowhere I could turn, no way to escape, until I burned and fell.
Tina wasn’t really interested in me; she was just interested in what being seen with me would do for her reputation. And when it was known throughout the school that she was this punk babe who was able to get close and ‘tame’ the volatile bad-ass, she had no more need for me.
After spending several weeks together, she just stopped, disappearing from my life as suddenly as she had entered it. But I was so stupid back then; I didn’t realize what was going on so I went to find her.
“What’s going on Tina? Why have you been so distant the past couple days?”
She didn’t smile with that twinkle in her eye. She just looked at me with a bored expression, clearly wondering why this stupid boy hadn’t gotten the clue yet. “Look Duncan. It’s over.”
“What do you mean, it’s over?” I couldn’t understand. Two days ago we had been at it like ferrets, but now she was colder and more distant than Pluto.
“It was fun, but it’s over now. I’m with Brian now.”
“Yes, but…”
“Look, stop dragging things out.”
“How can you act like it was no big deal?”
“Because it was no big deal.”
“But we… just the other night…”
“Yeah, so? I don’t understand why you’re making such a fuss. It’s not like we were actually dating or in love or anything.”
I tried to protest.
“Oh please. We both know you’re all hung up on that little Sandy D. cheerleader. You were just using me to get over her, and I was just using you to boost my reputation. So what’s the hang up? We both got something out of it, and you even got to sleep with me to boot. Why are you complaining?”
I felt used and dirty. It’s true that we never were an official couple. But it still felt like I was suddenly getting dumped and she didn’t even bother telling me first. And even now, I still think of her as an old girlfriend.
And even though I didn’t really love her, it still hurt like hell to be dropped so casually by her.
Why didn’t I learn that every time I became close to someone, I just got hurt? Why did I keep trying? I guess I’m just stupid. Or a glutton for pain.
This part of the story was the last one i wrote for my first NaNoWriMo, though i didn't type it and post it for months after November. Things are really starting to move along.
Current Word Count: 23784
*EDITED* 6/30/2006
(new word count: 25,216)
Chapter 9: Lust
I didn’t want to talk to anyone; I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to be left alone.
Looking back at it now, I must have been incredibly obnoxious to everyone around me. I pushed them all away, as roughly as I could.
I more or less told the Angel to bugger off when he came to pressure me into doing my mission. After all, the world was a horrible place. So why should I save it?
“Go find someone who actually cares,” I told him. “And have him be your fucking vacume cleaner.”
The Angel said nothing in response. He looked at me contemptuously and then vanished.
At home I was withdrawn. I spent all my time in my room and worried Mom to no end. She kept trying to get me out of my room, and doing things. She wanted me to help her with the garden or to go hiking or other things that she knew I liked doing that she and I could do together. I blew her off.
And it seemed like every time I did leave my room, I’d be picking fights with Antoine and he’d send me right back up to my room. I think Mom was pretty much at her wit’s end as to what to do with me.
I wasn’t any better at school. Kelly seemed to know that she had hurt me pretty badly, and that we couldn’t go back to being friends. She stayed away, which was fine by me. I couldn’t stand to see her, and I really couldn’t stomach seeing her with Jim.
Jim tried to rub it in my face that he took Kelly away from me, but when I threw him against the wall and glared at him with murderous intent, he wisely backed off and avoided me as if I had the plague.
Actually, the other students at school did much the same after the first couple times someone tried to talk to me the Monday after the prom and I nearly ripped their arm off. I did not want to talk about what happened at the prom nor did I want to hear anyone else talking about it either. I made that sufficiently clear.
I went back to eating my lunch alone and ignoring everyone around me. Considering my volatile nature, particularly at that point in time, I think my classmates were just as glad.
Still, there was a major difference between my situation now and what it was before I started dating Kelly. I wasn’t a loser. I may have been a loner, but I was still the biggest bad-ass at the school. I was still the guy everyone knew and looked at in awe and fear.
And I think that my sudden retreat back into being a loner so soon after my sudden rise to power only made me more of a fascinating mystery. I would be talked about in that school for many, many years-long after I left.
I had become a legend at the school, so I shouldn’t have really been surprised that despite my very clear desire to be left alone, there would be those who would risk my temper to be seen close to me.
I had thought I had seen the worst that life could throw at me, but I had been so naïve then. I didn’t see it coming, and I didn’t know what was happening until it was over.
I was sitting alone at a table in the lunchroom, reading a book and generally projecting an aura that made it clear I wanted to be left alone. Previously that had been quite sufficient and no one had bothered to approach me in a couple weeks.
And yet that day, someone came up and stood beside me. I intended to ignore the person completely, but curiosity compelled me to glance to see who the person was. My glance turned into a full look as I found a pair of very perky breasts staring back at me.
The pair of breasts belonged to a sophomore girl. I had seen her around school before, but I didn’t really know who she was.
It wasn’t really my policy to injure girls, but I could have just ignored her and continued reading. I think it was in regards to her prominent display of boobs that I decided to humor her and talk.
“I do not like to be bothered,” I said warningly
“I know.” There was no fear in her voice.
“Everyone else in this school has enough sense to respect that.”
She smirked. “I don’t like to be like everyone else.”
“Just as clearly you don’t like to be safe.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Is there a reason you came over here, or did you just want the adrenaline rush of approaching a sleeping tiger?”
She arched an eyebrow. “Do you think of yourself as a tiger?”
“I’m just as dangerous. Though don’t think that because I’ve been quiet lately, I’m sleeping.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“I haven’t, have I? Well, I came here to ask you if you were going to the Peterson party this weekend.”
“No.”
“You should go,” she said immediately.
“I don’t want to be around people as it is-why would I subject myself to more people when I don’t have to?”
“I’ll be going.”
“And I should care because…?”
She leaned forward, giving me quite a view of her cleavage. “Because if you went, I could make it quite fun for you.” She smiled sexily. “If you know what I mean.”
I looked at her cleavage and then back up to her face. “I think I do.”
She straightened back up. “So let me ask again: are you going to the Peterson party this weekend?”
I had to admit I was interested-what guy wouldn’t be? Still, it wouldn’t do to appear that I could be so easily led. “You present an offer that is difficult to refuse.”
“So don’t.”
“I’ll go if I feel like it come Friday.”
“Well do think about it. I’d really like you to come. To the party that is.” The saucy grin she gave as she said this made it quite clear what she really meant.
“I’ll think about it,” I promised. “Miss…?”
“Tina. Tina Bellinger.”
“You very well may see me at the party, Tina.”
“I do hope so.”
Of course I went to the Peterson’s party. How could I not when I was all but promised to get some action from a hot girl?
I don’t know what I was really expecting when I got to the party, but Tina was the sort who defied all expectations.
My entrance to the party definitely created a stir. After all, I had been so violently anti-social and now I was at this party. It caused quite a bit of talking. Tina lapped it up and made a bit of a show about coming over towards me.
“There you are! Come on, I’ve been waiting for you,” she said and pulled me along with her up to one of the bedrooms on the second floor. Before I even quite knew what was happening, she was on her knees giving me a blowjob.
Kelly and I had been going out for about a month and we had barely kissed. But I had just met Tina and didn’t really know here and she was sucking me off. It was so completely unreal, but then, nothing in my life the past couple of months had seemed very ‘real’.
It was my first time, so I came a bit fast. Tina didn’t say anything about that. She just got up and cleaned herself up in the attached bathroom, then brought me out some tissues to clean myself up.
The whole thing was a bit embarrassing to me, but she acted like she did this sort of thing all the time.
“If you’re done, shall we get back to the party?”
“Um, sure. I guess.” I followed her back down the stairs.
I wasn’t really interested in alcohol, but I accepted the bottle that Tina handed me. It was clear that she had had a couple already. I sipped a little of the beer as she led me through most of the rooms. I think even at the time I knew that she was making certain everyone at the party saw her with me.
I don’t know why I stayed at the party. Well, I guess I do. I felt like I owed it to her to spend the evening with her. I don’t know why; she acted on her own so I didn’t owe her anything. I guess I’m just not the type of guy who can do that sort of thing so casually.
And so I let her parade me around.
Tina started to hang around me a lot after that, and I let her. No, that’s not really true; I wanted to her to hang around me. Maybe it was just a rebound from the depression I felt when Kelly and I broke up. Maybe it was just my hormones. But then she made it impossible to NOT be interested in her. She was this hot girl who wanted to be around me. More than that-she wanted me.
As soon as we were alone, she was all over me. I really got swept up with it all. I mean, before I knew it, we were having sex.
I always thought my first time would be with a girl I really loved, but it didn’t turn out to be like that at all. I hardly even knew Tina and I can’t really remember what the first time was like.
I never thought I would be the type who would get involved with someone I didn’t have feelings for, so maybe that was the reason that I convinced myself that I did love her. I even deluded myself into thinking that she really did like me.
Like a moth, I was caught by her flame, and there was nowhere I could turn, no way to escape, until I burned and fell.
Tina wasn’t really interested in me; she was just interested in what being seen with me would do for her reputation. And when it was known throughout the school that she was this punk babe who was able to get close and ‘tame’ the volatile bad-ass, she had no more need for me.
After spending several weeks together, she just stopped, disappearing from my life as suddenly as she had entered it. But I was so stupid back then; I didn’t realize what was going on so I went to find her.
“What’s going on Tina? Why have you been so distant the past couple days?”
She didn’t smile with that twinkle in her eye. She just looked at me with a bored expression, clearly wondering why this stupid boy hadn’t gotten the clue yet. “Look Duncan. It’s over.”
“What do you mean, it’s over?” I couldn’t understand. Two days ago we had been at it like ferrets, but now she was colder and more distant than Pluto.
“It was fun, but it’s over now. I’m with Brian now.”
“Yes, but…”
“Look, stop dragging things out.”
“How can you act like it was no big deal?”
“Because it was no big deal.”
“But we… just the other night…”
“Yeah, so? I don’t understand why you’re making such a fuss. It’s not like we were actually dating or in love or anything.”
I tried to protest.
“Oh please. We both know you’re all hung up on that little Sandy D. cheerleader. You were just using me to get over her, and I was just using you to boost my reputation. So what’s the hang up? We both got something out of it, and you even got to sleep with me to boot. Why are you complaining?”
I felt used and dirty. It’s true that we never were an official couple. But it still felt like I was suddenly getting dumped and she didn’t even bother telling me first. And even now, I still think of her as an old girlfriend.
And even though I didn’t really love her, it still hurt like hell to be dropped so casually by her.
Why didn’t I learn that every time I became close to someone, I just got hurt? Why did I keep trying? I guess I’m just stupid. Or a glutton for pain.