Ninsei Chapter 8
I was able to get my word goal of 2,300 words yesterday, and today i've nearly reached 2k already (though my goal for today is 3k). So things are going pretty well so far. I hope things continue to go well this weekend; i could really use a good couple days of writing to catch up.
Despite adding some scenes in the beginning, i have been combining events so that the events in this version of chapter 8 are actually events that happened in version 1's chapters 9-10. This is about where I stopped when I was writing the first version during the first year i did NaNoWriMo.
Current word total: 21857
*EDITED* 6/30/2006
(new word count: 23,121)
Chapter 8: Happiness
There were some whispering going on as I passed through the hallway the next morning, but not very much so I figured Freddy hadn’t gotten around to telling about what happened during our fight the day before.
Looking back now, I think I was deliberately stirring up trouble, but at the time, I convinced myself that I was just going to look for Kelly. Since she wasn’t around her locker, I went to her homeroom, which happened to be Dornstein’s classroom. Kelly wasn’t there either, but Jim was.
“Yo freak!” Jim called out to me. “What do you think you’re doing here?”
I ignored him and approached a girl I knew to be Kelly’s friend. “Have you seen Kelly this morning?”
“She’s not here today,” her friend answered, a little timidly.
“Alright. I guess I’ll talk to her later. Thank you.”
“Freak! I’m talking to you!”
I continued to ignore him, so Jim stormed over to me and pulled me roughly by my shirt. “Yo. It’s said that you’re the one that beat up Freddy and the others.”
The classroom immediately broke out into whispers.
“Yes. So?” I asked him coolly.
“So I don’t believe it.”
I smirked. “That’s your problem.”
“No, freak. I think it’s yours.” Jim swung his arm back to punch me. But it was entirely too easy for me. With just a bit of power to aid my moves, I grabbed his arm and threw him over me. He clattered over a desk and against another chair. There was a loud collective gasp from the other students watching the action.
Jim picked himself up off the floor. His lip was cut and it was already a bit swollen. “You fucker…!”
“After seeing what I did to four guys at once, do you really think you stand any chance against me?” I taunted Jim.
He rushed me again, but with an energy-boosted punch, I struck him against his jaw. He flew backwards against another desk.
We were interrupted by the arrival of Dornstein. “Alright, what’s going on here? Jim? What happened to you? And Duncan, what are you doing in this classroom?” he asked impatiently.
“I was just asking Laura a question,” I answered immediately, cutting off Jim off. “And Jim accidentally tripped. He really ought to be more careful if he wants to play in tonight’s game. Isn’t that right Jim?”
Jim glared at me.
“Is that true?” Dornstein demanded to know.
“…Yeah,” Jim muttered.
Dornstein didn’t look like he believed it, but I didn’t care in the slightest. I defeated Jim in front of the entire homeroom, and that was all that mattered.
“Get back to your own homeroom Duncan. And Jim, get yourself to the nurse’ office.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I left the classroom.
News spread quickly, and by lunchtime everyone had heard of the events that morning with Jim and how I had beaten up Freddy and his friends the night before. I was THE topic of conversation for the entire school.
People gave me a wide pass when I walked down the hallways. I was looked at in awe and fear. I was not a loser anymore. I was the Chosen One.
The terror of me seemed to fade when it became apparently that I wasn’t going around beating everyone up after my initial confrontation with Freddy and Jim. People started to relax since I pretty much ignored them. Still, the slightest sharp look from me was enough to get people running.
I started to eat lunch with Kelly and her friends when Kelly came back to school. When I first sat down at her table, everyone was quite surprised. After all, I was not only suddenly sitting at the popular kids’ table, but I was also sitting next to Kelly Stevenson. Kelly looked a little surprised when I first sat down, but that quickly turned into a smile. Her friends were less then thrilled, and I think one turned a little white. They were too nervous to speak, but that was fine by me because I didn’t care about them in the slightest; I only wanted to speak with Kelly.
To be honest, I have no idea how much she knew. Did she know about how mocked I had been before? Did she know how Jim and Freddy and the like had made my life so miserable? Did she know why I was suddenly so cool? She never said anything, and I never talked about it around her.
The Angel appeared to me a couple times. He never commented on what was going on in my life, but concentrated entirely on lecturing me about energy and urging me to go to this place on the far end of town to gather up this mass of negative energy that had been pooling together.
I was entirely too busy since I became the coolest guy at school, and it was pretty far for walking, so I figured I’d get to it in a couple weeks, when I had the time
Things settled down around school as people grew accustomed to my new position in the ranks. I wouldn’t say I was ‘popular’ because I didn’t really have a lot of friends, because I didn’t get close to anyone. But I was known and held in awe by everyone. If I wanted to sit in a particular seat, the person who had been sitting there immediately got up and let me have his seat. They all saw what happened to the people who got me upset.
Just about everyone in the school acted really friendly to me. I mean, I was suddenly the coolest kid on campus, so they all wanted to my friend. But none of them were worth my time. I let them court my favor but I didn’t care about any of them. The only person that mattered in the slightest was Kelly.
We spent a fair bit of time together at school. I hung out with her before homeroom in the mornings and I would sit with her at lunch. But I wanted to be with her more. So I asked if she was free Friday after school. She replied that she was.
I should have followed up by asking her to the movies or something, but some perverse need to know compelled me to ask why she wasn’t going on a date with Jim. I had to know how close they were. I had to know if I stood any chance of stealing her away.
Kelly looked away and didn’t reply. Her friend Laura whispered to me, “Kelly and Jim broke up. She found out that he had been cheating on her.”
Trying to keep the glee off my face, I turned to Kelly. “I’m so sorry to hear that,” I lied. “I didn’t know. You haven’t said much about him, but I just assumed everything was ok.”
“It’s ok,” Kelly said, but the topic seemed to depress her.
“If you need to talk, or anything at all, I’m here for you,” I told her.
“Thank you.” She smiled. “That means a lot to me.”
And it meant a lot to me that she wasn’t going out with Jim anymore and that there were no more obstacles in my way.
I upped my efforts and started to spend a lot more time with Kelly. Things just seemed to flow my way. It was almost as if I had scripted the entire exchange when Maria asked at lunch one day what the story between Kelly and I was.
“So, are you two going out or not?”
I turned to Kelly. “Yeah, what is the story?” I asked, feigning casualness though my heart was in my throat. I could feel it pounding so hard I was sure it was going to burst at any moment.
“I…I don’t know.” She blushed slightly.
“Easy to rectify then.” It was like I was acting a part, with how easily the lines flowed out of me despite my nerves. “Wanna go out?”
“Sure. I guess. I’d like that.” She smiled at me with her golden smile and I felt like I was being lifted to heaven by all the angels.
I was going out with Kelly Stevenson.
It was a little hard to comprehend; weeks ago I was the biggest loser at the school, mocked and ignored. Now I was the biggest bad ass who no one would mess with, and I was going out with Kelly Stevenson, the goddess of the school.
I loved being around Kelly. She was beautiful and kind and very intelligent. We both loved to read and could spend hours talking about books. I don’t think there could have been much that would have made life any better than it had been those several weeks.
It all kept coming together for me, building up to the panicle of high school romance-the prom.
Naturally Kelly and I went together because we were dating now. I knew, though we never talked about it, that she had originally agreed to go with Jim. But she was my girlfriend now.
I borrowed Antoine’s car for the night and picked Kelly up at her house promptly at 5:45. She was still getting ready when I got there, so her mother answered the door.
“Kelly will just be another moment. Why don’t you go sit on the couch with Earl?”
“Yeah, come in here, Jim!” A voice that must have been Kelly’s father called from the other room.
There was an awkward silence in the hallway between Kelly’s mom and I. She blushed lightly as she called back, “his name is Duncan, dear.”
I followed Kelly’s mom into the sitting room.
“Duncan?” Kelly’s father repeated. “What happened to Jim?”
“Jim and Kelly broke up, dear. She’s dating Duncan now.”
“When did this happen?” he questioned in a tone that indicated that he was irritated by the whole mess.
“Honestly, darling. Do you pay attention at all when Kelly is talking about her day?” Kelly’s mother chided him.
I just stood in the doorway and wished I was some where far away. I was going to have to make more of a connection with her father but at that moment, the conversation was making me feel entirely too awkward.
Kelly’s mother seemed to sense my discomfort and rescued me as best she could. “Kelly darling, are you almost ready?”
“I’m just finishing up now!” Kelly called from upstairs. Another a couple moments later, then she was gliding down the stairs.
My first thought was that she looked like an angel, but knowing an actual angel, I had to admit that she didn’t look very much like him. Rather, I decided, she looked like a goddess. And she was dressed up like this for me.
Heads turned as we made our entrance at the prom. Everyone knew that Kelly and I were dating, so that wasn’t what made people notice. She was just that stunning in her prom dress.
There were Christmas lights lining all the walls, the ceiling, and the columns. Silver balloons and glittery streamers were liberally placed around the room, giving the whole dance hall an ethereal, magical quality. Or perhaps that was only the way it seemed to me, as Kelly was dancing with me so the whole world seemed magical and special that night.
We danced nearly the entire night. And then it was time for the announcement of this year’s prom king and queen. I don’t think anyone, not even myself, were really surprised when Kelly and Jim were the ones called up to the stage. I knew that I couldn’t even be considered as it could only be seniors named, and besides, the voting was done before I became cool.
Still, it did bother me that Jim of all people was the one named prom king to Kelly’s prom queen. Why was it that nobody else in this school really understood what a bastard Jim was?
Still, I graciously stepped to the side while Jim and Kelly went to the center of the dance floor. It was tradition for the prom king and queen to dance together, and I could bite my lip and stand back for one dance.
I watched from the side of the dance floor as Jim pulled Kelly close and started talking into her ear. I grabbed a random girl and took her out to the dance floor so I could get close to Kelly.
As I approached I could hear what Jim was saying to Kelly. He told her about how he was sorry and that those other girls didn’t mean anything to him. He told her that she was the only one he really loved.
And then he kissed her.
What else could I do? I forced them apart and punched him. I was so distraught I didn’t even think to put any energy in my punch, which probably was for the best since I might have killed him if I had any real power backing up my punch. As it was, I still knocked him to the floor.
Kelly sobbed loudly and ran from the room.
“Kelly!” I called. She kept running so I immediately chased after her.
I caught up to her as we reached the parking lot. “Kelly, wait!”
She turned to face me at last. “I’m sorry!” she sobbed.
“No, don’t be!” I pulled her into my arms and she let herself get drawn into an embrace. “Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t your fault. He was the one that suddenly kissed you!”
She kept crying on my shoulder, so I continued, “don’t be sorry. I’m not mad at you. It was just him. I believe in you.”
My words were meant to reassure her. They were supposed to be a comfort. But if anything, they only made her cry harder.
She pulled herself from my arms and shook her head. “I’m sorry…”
I could feel a tightness in the pit of my stomach, but I ignored it. I knew, but I didn’t want to acknowledge the truth. “It’s ok…”
She shook her head again, and crying she broke my heart. “I’m still in love with Jim.”
The tightness turned into a sharp pain, as if there was a knife sticking into my gut. I couldn’t breath.
“But you were so unhappy when you were with him. He’s just going to hurt you again!”
“I know.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“I know.”
The door opened a crack, and a sliver of golden hope filtered out.
“But I still love him. I still want to be with him.”
And with that, the door slammed shut. That impenetrable door. My hope was gone, wrenched from my grasping hand.
“I see.”
“I’m sorry,” she said desperately. “I didn’t think it would happen like this. I wish I could have fallen in love with you, Duncan. You have always been so sweet to me. But I’m in love with Jim. I know he’s not a great guy,” Kelly admitted. “I know he cheated on me. But I still love him. I want to be with him.”
The knife twisted in deeper. What could I say?
“I’m sorry,” she said again. She looked so beautiful.
“I am too.” There was nothing I could do. She didn’t love me. I loved her but she didn’t love me.
There was nothing more to say, and so she went back to Jim and I went home alone.
I don’t remember the drive back to the apartment. I vaguely recall mother’s surprise at how early I was home. I brushed past her, ignoring her concerned questions and Antoine’s annoying chatter. I marched up the stairs to my room.
When I stood in the center of my room, the knife came loose and with the loosening of the tension in the pit of my belly, everything fell out and I fell to the ground sobbing.
Despite adding some scenes in the beginning, i have been combining events so that the events in this version of chapter 8 are actually events that happened in version 1's chapters 9-10. This is about where I stopped when I was writing the first version during the first year i did NaNoWriMo.
Current word total: 21857
*EDITED* 6/30/2006
(new word count: 23,121)
Chapter 8: Happiness
There were some whispering going on as I passed through the hallway the next morning, but not very much so I figured Freddy hadn’t gotten around to telling about what happened during our fight the day before.
Looking back now, I think I was deliberately stirring up trouble, but at the time, I convinced myself that I was just going to look for Kelly. Since she wasn’t around her locker, I went to her homeroom, which happened to be Dornstein’s classroom. Kelly wasn’t there either, but Jim was.
“Yo freak!” Jim called out to me. “What do you think you’re doing here?”
I ignored him and approached a girl I knew to be Kelly’s friend. “Have you seen Kelly this morning?”
“She’s not here today,” her friend answered, a little timidly.
“Alright. I guess I’ll talk to her later. Thank you.”
“Freak! I’m talking to you!”
I continued to ignore him, so Jim stormed over to me and pulled me roughly by my shirt. “Yo. It’s said that you’re the one that beat up Freddy and the others.”
The classroom immediately broke out into whispers.
“Yes. So?” I asked him coolly.
“So I don’t believe it.”
I smirked. “That’s your problem.”
“No, freak. I think it’s yours.” Jim swung his arm back to punch me. But it was entirely too easy for me. With just a bit of power to aid my moves, I grabbed his arm and threw him over me. He clattered over a desk and against another chair. There was a loud collective gasp from the other students watching the action.
Jim picked himself up off the floor. His lip was cut and it was already a bit swollen. “You fucker…!”
“After seeing what I did to four guys at once, do you really think you stand any chance against me?” I taunted Jim.
He rushed me again, but with an energy-boosted punch, I struck him against his jaw. He flew backwards against another desk.
We were interrupted by the arrival of Dornstein. “Alright, what’s going on here? Jim? What happened to you? And Duncan, what are you doing in this classroom?” he asked impatiently.
“I was just asking Laura a question,” I answered immediately, cutting off Jim off. “And Jim accidentally tripped. He really ought to be more careful if he wants to play in tonight’s game. Isn’t that right Jim?”
Jim glared at me.
“Is that true?” Dornstein demanded to know.
“…Yeah,” Jim muttered.
Dornstein didn’t look like he believed it, but I didn’t care in the slightest. I defeated Jim in front of the entire homeroom, and that was all that mattered.
“Get back to your own homeroom Duncan. And Jim, get yourself to the nurse’ office.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I left the classroom.
News spread quickly, and by lunchtime everyone had heard of the events that morning with Jim and how I had beaten up Freddy and his friends the night before. I was THE topic of conversation for the entire school.
People gave me a wide pass when I walked down the hallways. I was looked at in awe and fear. I was not a loser anymore. I was the Chosen One.
The terror of me seemed to fade when it became apparently that I wasn’t going around beating everyone up after my initial confrontation with Freddy and Jim. People started to relax since I pretty much ignored them. Still, the slightest sharp look from me was enough to get people running.
I started to eat lunch with Kelly and her friends when Kelly came back to school. When I first sat down at her table, everyone was quite surprised. After all, I was not only suddenly sitting at the popular kids’ table, but I was also sitting next to Kelly Stevenson. Kelly looked a little surprised when I first sat down, but that quickly turned into a smile. Her friends were less then thrilled, and I think one turned a little white. They were too nervous to speak, but that was fine by me because I didn’t care about them in the slightest; I only wanted to speak with Kelly.
To be honest, I have no idea how much she knew. Did she know about how mocked I had been before? Did she know how Jim and Freddy and the like had made my life so miserable? Did she know why I was suddenly so cool? She never said anything, and I never talked about it around her.
The Angel appeared to me a couple times. He never commented on what was going on in my life, but concentrated entirely on lecturing me about energy and urging me to go to this place on the far end of town to gather up this mass of negative energy that had been pooling together.
I was entirely too busy since I became the coolest guy at school, and it was pretty far for walking, so I figured I’d get to it in a couple weeks, when I had the time
Things settled down around school as people grew accustomed to my new position in the ranks. I wouldn’t say I was ‘popular’ because I didn’t really have a lot of friends, because I didn’t get close to anyone. But I was known and held in awe by everyone. If I wanted to sit in a particular seat, the person who had been sitting there immediately got up and let me have his seat. They all saw what happened to the people who got me upset.
Just about everyone in the school acted really friendly to me. I mean, I was suddenly the coolest kid on campus, so they all wanted to my friend. But none of them were worth my time. I let them court my favor but I didn’t care about any of them. The only person that mattered in the slightest was Kelly.
We spent a fair bit of time together at school. I hung out with her before homeroom in the mornings and I would sit with her at lunch. But I wanted to be with her more. So I asked if she was free Friday after school. She replied that she was.
I should have followed up by asking her to the movies or something, but some perverse need to know compelled me to ask why she wasn’t going on a date with Jim. I had to know how close they were. I had to know if I stood any chance of stealing her away.
Kelly looked away and didn’t reply. Her friend Laura whispered to me, “Kelly and Jim broke up. She found out that he had been cheating on her.”
Trying to keep the glee off my face, I turned to Kelly. “I’m so sorry to hear that,” I lied. “I didn’t know. You haven’t said much about him, but I just assumed everything was ok.”
“It’s ok,” Kelly said, but the topic seemed to depress her.
“If you need to talk, or anything at all, I’m here for you,” I told her.
“Thank you.” She smiled. “That means a lot to me.”
And it meant a lot to me that she wasn’t going out with Jim anymore and that there were no more obstacles in my way.
I upped my efforts and started to spend a lot more time with Kelly. Things just seemed to flow my way. It was almost as if I had scripted the entire exchange when Maria asked at lunch one day what the story between Kelly and I was.
“So, are you two going out or not?”
I turned to Kelly. “Yeah, what is the story?” I asked, feigning casualness though my heart was in my throat. I could feel it pounding so hard I was sure it was going to burst at any moment.
“I…I don’t know.” She blushed slightly.
“Easy to rectify then.” It was like I was acting a part, with how easily the lines flowed out of me despite my nerves. “Wanna go out?”
“Sure. I guess. I’d like that.” She smiled at me with her golden smile and I felt like I was being lifted to heaven by all the angels.
I was going out with Kelly Stevenson.
It was a little hard to comprehend; weeks ago I was the biggest loser at the school, mocked and ignored. Now I was the biggest bad ass who no one would mess with, and I was going out with Kelly Stevenson, the goddess of the school.
I loved being around Kelly. She was beautiful and kind and very intelligent. We both loved to read and could spend hours talking about books. I don’t think there could have been much that would have made life any better than it had been those several weeks.
It all kept coming together for me, building up to the panicle of high school romance-the prom.
Naturally Kelly and I went together because we were dating now. I knew, though we never talked about it, that she had originally agreed to go with Jim. But she was my girlfriend now.
I borrowed Antoine’s car for the night and picked Kelly up at her house promptly at 5:45. She was still getting ready when I got there, so her mother answered the door.
“Kelly will just be another moment. Why don’t you go sit on the couch with Earl?”
“Yeah, come in here, Jim!” A voice that must have been Kelly’s father called from the other room.
There was an awkward silence in the hallway between Kelly’s mom and I. She blushed lightly as she called back, “his name is Duncan, dear.”
I followed Kelly’s mom into the sitting room.
“Duncan?” Kelly’s father repeated. “What happened to Jim?”
“Jim and Kelly broke up, dear. She’s dating Duncan now.”
“When did this happen?” he questioned in a tone that indicated that he was irritated by the whole mess.
“Honestly, darling. Do you pay attention at all when Kelly is talking about her day?” Kelly’s mother chided him.
I just stood in the doorway and wished I was some where far away. I was going to have to make more of a connection with her father but at that moment, the conversation was making me feel entirely too awkward.
Kelly’s mother seemed to sense my discomfort and rescued me as best she could. “Kelly darling, are you almost ready?”
“I’m just finishing up now!” Kelly called from upstairs. Another a couple moments later, then she was gliding down the stairs.
My first thought was that she looked like an angel, but knowing an actual angel, I had to admit that she didn’t look very much like him. Rather, I decided, she looked like a goddess. And she was dressed up like this for me.
Heads turned as we made our entrance at the prom. Everyone knew that Kelly and I were dating, so that wasn’t what made people notice. She was just that stunning in her prom dress.
There were Christmas lights lining all the walls, the ceiling, and the columns. Silver balloons and glittery streamers were liberally placed around the room, giving the whole dance hall an ethereal, magical quality. Or perhaps that was only the way it seemed to me, as Kelly was dancing with me so the whole world seemed magical and special that night.
We danced nearly the entire night. And then it was time for the announcement of this year’s prom king and queen. I don’t think anyone, not even myself, were really surprised when Kelly and Jim were the ones called up to the stage. I knew that I couldn’t even be considered as it could only be seniors named, and besides, the voting was done before I became cool.
Still, it did bother me that Jim of all people was the one named prom king to Kelly’s prom queen. Why was it that nobody else in this school really understood what a bastard Jim was?
Still, I graciously stepped to the side while Jim and Kelly went to the center of the dance floor. It was tradition for the prom king and queen to dance together, and I could bite my lip and stand back for one dance.
I watched from the side of the dance floor as Jim pulled Kelly close and started talking into her ear. I grabbed a random girl and took her out to the dance floor so I could get close to Kelly.
As I approached I could hear what Jim was saying to Kelly. He told her about how he was sorry and that those other girls didn’t mean anything to him. He told her that she was the only one he really loved.
And then he kissed her.
What else could I do? I forced them apart and punched him. I was so distraught I didn’t even think to put any energy in my punch, which probably was for the best since I might have killed him if I had any real power backing up my punch. As it was, I still knocked him to the floor.
Kelly sobbed loudly and ran from the room.
“Kelly!” I called. She kept running so I immediately chased after her.
I caught up to her as we reached the parking lot. “Kelly, wait!”
She turned to face me at last. “I’m sorry!” she sobbed.
“No, don’t be!” I pulled her into my arms and she let herself get drawn into an embrace. “Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t your fault. He was the one that suddenly kissed you!”
She kept crying on my shoulder, so I continued, “don’t be sorry. I’m not mad at you. It was just him. I believe in you.”
My words were meant to reassure her. They were supposed to be a comfort. But if anything, they only made her cry harder.
She pulled herself from my arms and shook her head. “I’m sorry…”
I could feel a tightness in the pit of my stomach, but I ignored it. I knew, but I didn’t want to acknowledge the truth. “It’s ok…”
She shook her head again, and crying she broke my heart. “I’m still in love with Jim.”
The tightness turned into a sharp pain, as if there was a knife sticking into my gut. I couldn’t breath.
“But you were so unhappy when you were with him. He’s just going to hurt you again!”
“I know.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“I know.”
The door opened a crack, and a sliver of golden hope filtered out.
“But I still love him. I still want to be with him.”
And with that, the door slammed shut. That impenetrable door. My hope was gone, wrenched from my grasping hand.
“I see.”
“I’m sorry,” she said desperately. “I didn’t think it would happen like this. I wish I could have fallen in love with you, Duncan. You have always been so sweet to me. But I’m in love with Jim. I know he’s not a great guy,” Kelly admitted. “I know he cheated on me. But I still love him. I want to be with him.”
The knife twisted in deeper. What could I say?
“I’m sorry,” she said again. She looked so beautiful.
“I am too.” There was nothing I could do. She didn’t love me. I loved her but she didn’t love me.
There was nothing more to say, and so she went back to Jim and I went home alone.
I don’t remember the drive back to the apartment. I vaguely recall mother’s surprise at how early I was home. I brushed past her, ignoring her concerned questions and Antoine’s annoying chatter. I marched up the stairs to my room.
When I stood in the center of my room, the knife came loose and with the loosening of the tension in the pit of my belly, everything fell out and I fell to the ground sobbing.