I.am.22.Going.on.56.
I'm 22 and I feel like I'm 56. I really feel like my life is over - it's an awful feeling.
I feel full of regret and wish I'd spent my life differently and actually achieved something.
I'm settling down and I'm not ready to.
I have a house( rented), my own furniture, TV, Sky, a cat. Mikey is getting on bettr at work, he has an iPhone, he's on a college course and he's enjoying it.
Every week has the same routine, we don't do anything spontaneous and we can't afford to go have fun.
I don't like it.
I haven't had any life experience. I haven't gone on holiday with friends, i haven't done anything crazy with friends, I haven't reallly gone anywhere or done anything.
I want to travel the world. I want to volunteer in Africa or in Thailand or Brazil! But it's never going to happen because Mike is ready to settle down.
I can't go off for 6 months and do something like volunteer, Mike would have to move out of the house and everything would be harder for him, and it's not what he deserves.
It's a horrid feeling being in love with someone but knowing that you both want dfferent things. In some ways I feel like I'm waiting for him to end it. If he ended it I would go abroad and do these things. Why don't I end it? Because I still love him and want to be with him. Its a weird feeling.
The last few years I've really changed as a person. Regressed. I'm nervous, quiet, anxious, down. I don't feel like I'm me. I feel like 'me' has been lost and replaced with this oddball person.
I hate social situations and I'm so sensitive. I read in to every little thing that someone says to me. I rehearse what I'm going to say to someone before I say it, if I say it. When it comes to speaking to people I feel like even though I'm breathing, I'm short of air. Like suffocating, but not.
Paralysed. I can't speak to people I don't know. I can't small talk, my mind goes blank. I come accross as odd because I don't speak, when in reality I don't speak because I don't want to come accross as odd.
That's not me! I'm funny (sometimes), bouncy and talkative. I do things that make me feel scared, just to do it! I "feel the fear and do it anyway".
I don't like who I am right now.
I know it sounds all dramatic and what not, but I really feel like everyday that passes the likeliness of me ever doing anything spontaneous and amazing is getting less and less.
I'm always going from high to low in my moods lately too =[ today is a bit of a low.
Anyways, im going off to watch tv! (wootwoot!)
I feel full of regret and wish I'd spent my life differently and actually achieved something.
I'm settling down and I'm not ready to.
I have a house( rented), my own furniture, TV, Sky, a cat. Mikey is getting on bettr at work, he has an iPhone, he's on a college course and he's enjoying it.
Every week has the same routine, we don't do anything spontaneous and we can't afford to go have fun.
I don't like it.
I haven't had any life experience. I haven't gone on holiday with friends, i haven't done anything crazy with friends, I haven't reallly gone anywhere or done anything.
I want to travel the world. I want to volunteer in Africa or in Thailand or Brazil! But it's never going to happen because Mike is ready to settle down.
I can't go off for 6 months and do something like volunteer, Mike would have to move out of the house and everything would be harder for him, and it's not what he deserves.
It's a horrid feeling being in love with someone but knowing that you both want dfferent things. In some ways I feel like I'm waiting for him to end it. If he ended it I would go abroad and do these things. Why don't I end it? Because I still love him and want to be with him. Its a weird feeling.
The last few years I've really changed as a person. Regressed. I'm nervous, quiet, anxious, down. I don't feel like I'm me. I feel like 'me' has been lost and replaced with this oddball person.
I hate social situations and I'm so sensitive. I read in to every little thing that someone says to me. I rehearse what I'm going to say to someone before I say it, if I say it. When it comes to speaking to people I feel like even though I'm breathing, I'm short of air. Like suffocating, but not.
Paralysed. I can't speak to people I don't know. I can't small talk, my mind goes blank. I come accross as odd because I don't speak, when in reality I don't speak because I don't want to come accross as odd.
That's not me! I'm funny (sometimes), bouncy and talkative. I do things that make me feel scared, just to do it! I "feel the fear and do it anyway".
I don't like who I am right now.
I know it sounds all dramatic and what not, but I really feel like everyday that passes the likeliness of me ever doing anything spontaneous and amazing is getting less and less.
I'm always going from high to low in my moods lately too =[ today is a bit of a low.
Anyways, im going off to watch tv! (wootwoot!)