:( I am sorry that you lost Garnet. I think that I was almost as sad as you were. I tend to grieve less for the pets themselves than for the owners of the pets who dearly love them. But even so, I empathise with their loss.
My concern is also for Ruby. I asked M. whether gerbils were in need of companionship. I had hoped Garnet's death would not throw Ruby off. (That would be doubly sad.)
"Till now, though, I have not suffered the loss of a friend." I was going to say, how close were the people you mourned for? There is a big difference between mourning for somebody abstract (or even barely known) and mourning for a known and loved friend. I have mourned the loss of friendships when those lost have not even died. I can't imagine losing someone with the permanency of death. (Although I have also mourned for small children who have been lost in my former church. It seems almost impossible that a tiny person would die. That is particularly painful.)I have mourned other losses also. (Such as the loss of faith. If eternity is what gives you hope than the loss of that in the life of a friend gives true reason to mourn. Reason to mourn for them, not only yourself.)
I think that grief is someting like being in love, in that neither can be understood without being experienced. People who have experienced true grief are truly in a different category than those who have not. Its not a betterment or difference in kind (as in one person is superiour than another) but rather in the depth of life experience. There are some things which just cannot be understood from the outside. Truly being in love and truly grieving are some of the few emotions deep enough to "recategorize" people, if you will.
There are people, the loss of whom I wondered if it would not kill me. Intimacy is a wonderous thing. . . . It is true, however, that the loss of one person in a truly intimate relationship can be devistating to the other. I can imagine how a person could literally die after the loss of another.
And its not just about touch. Communication is one aspect of it, but the knowledge of their non-existance (as one accessable, that is) is another element. Part of what has kept me going in the past ? years has been the actuality of K's existance. Now, lets talk about someone who I could not see or touch! But the fact that I knew that she was on the receiving end of my letters, that she was reading them and she cared a. was what finally gave me the freedom to begin WRITING about my feelings and b. gave me great comfort and support during times when there truly was no other. I'm closer to K. when she is around, but not so significantly I don't think. So much of our friendship has been built through other methods and means of communication. Had she died, say, my sophomore year of college, I'm not certain that I would have made it through the year. Even knowing her comfort in a better place, I would have been devistated. Human beings can survive a great many things, but it would have taken a lot for me to get over that. It would be too great a loss. (Presently I would also be devistated, but there are reasons for me to stay in life which would be reasons enough to keep me here, I think.)
"I think that grief is someting like being in love, in that neither can be understood without being experienced."
I think I would agree.
I don't think I would be a very healthy griever considering the strength of my emotions.
"(Such as the loss of faith. If eternity is what gives you hope than the loss of that in the life of a friend gives true reason to mourn. Reason to mourn for them, not only yourself.)"
There is one death in particular that I currently fear above all others for this reason. I mostly gave that fear up though, I think. I pray that God would spare me the knowledge of it entirely.
My concern is also for Ruby. I asked M. whether gerbils were in need of companionship. I had hoped Garnet's death would not throw Ruby off. (That would be doubly sad.)
"Till now, though, I have not suffered the loss of a friend."
I was going to say, how close were the people you mourned for? There is a big difference between mourning for somebody abstract (or even barely known) and mourning for a known and loved friend. I have mourned the loss of friendships when those lost have not even died. I can't imagine losing someone with the permanency of death. (Although I have also mourned for small children who have been lost in my former church. It seems almost impossible that a tiny person would die. That is particularly painful.)I have mourned other losses also. (Such as the loss of faith. If eternity is what gives you hope than the loss of that in the life of a friend gives true reason to mourn. Reason to mourn for them, not only yourself.)
I think that grief is someting like being in love, in that neither can be understood without being experienced. People who have experienced true grief are truly in a different category than those who have not. Its not a betterment or difference in kind (as in one person is superiour than another) but rather in the depth of life experience. There are some things which just cannot be understood from the outside. Truly being in love and truly grieving are some of the few emotions deep enough to "recategorize" people, if you will.
There are people, the loss of whom I wondered if it would not kill me. Intimacy is a wonderous thing. . . . It is true, however, that the loss of one person in a truly intimate relationship can be devistating to the other. I can imagine how a person could literally die after the loss of another.
And its not just about touch. Communication is one aspect of it, but the knowledge of their non-existance (as one accessable, that is) is another element. Part of what has kept me going in the past ? years has been the actuality of K's existance. Now, lets talk about someone who I could not see or touch! But the fact that I knew that she was on the receiving end of my letters, that she was reading them and she cared a. was what finally gave me the freedom to begin WRITING about my feelings and b. gave me great comfort and support during times when there truly was no other. I'm closer to K. when she is around, but not so significantly I don't think. So much of our friendship has been built through other methods and means of communication. Had she died, say, my sophomore year of college, I'm not certain that I would have made it through the year. Even knowing her comfort in a better place, I would have been devistated. Human beings can survive a great many things, but it would have taken a lot for me to get over that. It would be too great a loss. (Presently I would also be devistated, but there are reasons for me to stay in life which would be reasons enough to keep me here, I think.)
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I think I would agree.
I don't think I would be a very healthy griever considering the strength of my emotions.
"(Such as the loss of faith. If eternity is what gives you hope than the loss of that in the life of a friend gives true reason to mourn. Reason to mourn for them, not only yourself.)"
There is one death in particular that I currently fear above all others for this reason. I mostly gave that fear up though, I think. I pray that God would spare me the knowledge of it entirely.
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but there will one day be a death that you fear for the sake of the living. (One remaining.)
(This will doubtless be shared in reverse.)
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