On Two Kinds of Shyness/Introversion
Most of my life, people have considered me shy or introverted.
I've recently observed something, however; my shyness or introversion seems to be very different from that of others, which is causing me to suspect that - as often is the case - people use the the term(s) for what I consider to be significantly different things.
I've noted that some people who insist to me that they are shy seem only so in regards to meeting new people. That is, they are quite uncomfortable about going to parties where they don't know anyone; they are very unlikely to strike up a conversation with a stranger; they often don't like to speak in front of a crowd of stangers. However, some of these same people, when among people they know, are the focus of attention and the life of the party. They are the ones doing most of the talking and getting people to laugh at their jokes.
I'm very different than that. I'm fine with meeting new individuals and can be very talkative with them. I'm rather content giving talks in front of large audiences. True, I don't like to talk with strangers, but it's because I don't like small talk; if I have something to say to them, I will.
How I am different is that I am never the life of the party. In a group of more than, say, three people, I am rarely ever the one talking. It usually doesn't matter whether I know the people or not.
Now, an exception to this is if I am in some sort of study discussion. For some reason, I am ok with that. But I think it may be because such discussions sort of have "rules".)
Essentially, I love to converse with one or two people, but as soon as it becomes "a crowd", I defer to the other speakers.
Groups of people, frankly, tire me out. It's not a matter of fear or timidness; I simply get drained by communicating with a group of people at the same time.
I'm not sure if psychologists distinguish between these types of things or not; I'd be curious to find out whether I'd be considered shy by the book or not. But I don't think I am unique in this case either. So what am I? Shy? Introverted? Are they even considered the same thing?
I've recently observed something, however; my shyness or introversion seems to be very different from that of others, which is causing me to suspect that - as often is the case - people use the the term(s) for what I consider to be significantly different things.
I've noted that some people who insist to me that they are shy seem only so in regards to meeting new people. That is, they are quite uncomfortable about going to parties where they don't know anyone; they are very unlikely to strike up a conversation with a stranger; they often don't like to speak in front of a crowd of stangers. However, some of these same people, when among people they know, are the focus of attention and the life of the party. They are the ones doing most of the talking and getting people to laugh at their jokes.
I'm very different than that. I'm fine with meeting new individuals and can be very talkative with them. I'm rather content giving talks in front of large audiences. True, I don't like to talk with strangers, but it's because I don't like small talk; if I have something to say to them, I will.
How I am different is that I am never the life of the party. In a group of more than, say, three people, I am rarely ever the one talking. It usually doesn't matter whether I know the people or not.
Now, an exception to this is if I am in some sort of study discussion. For some reason, I am ok with that. But I think it may be because such discussions sort of have "rules".)
Essentially, I love to converse with one or two people, but as soon as it becomes "a crowd", I defer to the other speakers.
Groups of people, frankly, tire me out. It's not a matter of fear or timidness; I simply get drained by communicating with a group of people at the same time.
I'm not sure if psychologists distinguish between these types of things or not; I'd be curious to find out whether I'd be considered shy by the book or not. But I don't think I am unique in this case either. So what am I? Shy? Introverted? Are they even considered the same thing?