On Rudeness
In my recent entry on locker room nudity and whether or not it is rude[1], an anonymous commenter used the term "rude-if-act-against-majority". This got me thinking about what exactly rudeness is.
Webster says:rude 2: lacking refinement or delicacy: a: ignorant , unlearned b: inelegant , uncouth c: offensive in manner or action : discourteous d: uncivilized , savage e: coarse , vulgar
For most of these definitions, it seems to me that the issue is more a matter of cultural expectations than of any sort of moral or ethical issue. Take 2 a:, for example: rude people may simply be "ignorant" or "unlearned" as to these cultural expectations.
As is the case with much etiquette, there is little logic behind the reasoning of many cultural expectations.
On the other hand, I don't think it is a good thing to consciously offend others. I think we should try not to.
But this raises the issue as to why I may feel offended if someone does or says something to me.
Is it because someone has injured me?
Is it because someone has stolen an opportunity from me?
Is it because someone has slandered me with false information?
Is it because someone said something I don't like?
Is it because someone did something I think is wrong?
Is it because someone did something that the majority of people don't do?
I have a hard time justifying why some of these things should emotionally bother or offend me. A couple examples to contrast:
If someone cuts in front of me in line, one could argue that he or she has "stolen" time from me, I suppose. This would be rude, and I would be offended by this action. I think I could logically argue that I had been wronged.
If someone burps in front of me, he or she has done something that I don't like to hear, something that I try very hard not to do in the presence of other people. This would be rude, and I would be offended by this action. But should I be? Could I logically argue that I had been wronged? I don't think so. What purpose does my taking offense serve?
I wonder, if people were not so focused on the times they feel offended, would they consider as many things that other people do to be rude?
I would propose that -- before I write-off people of as rude -- I should consider whether they are simply ignorant to my cultural expectations, consider that their intent may not be to offend me or make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe they were never taught that burping is culturally unacceptable. Perhaps, I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the problem is not their rudeness but my being too quick to take offense, too prideful.
Maybe. But sadly, today, I think that many people are intentionally trying to offend. This really is just rude, plain and simple.
Webster says:rude 2: lacking refinement or delicacy: a: ignorant , unlearned b: inelegant , uncouth c: offensive in manner or action : discourteous d: uncivilized , savage e: coarse , vulgar
For most of these definitions, it seems to me that the issue is more a matter of cultural expectations than of any sort of moral or ethical issue. Take 2 a:, for example: rude people may simply be "ignorant" or "unlearned" as to these cultural expectations.
As is the case with much etiquette, there is little logic behind the reasoning of many cultural expectations.
On the other hand, I don't think it is a good thing to consciously offend others. I think we should try not to.
But this raises the issue as to why I may feel offended if someone does or says something to me.
I have a hard time justifying why some of these things should emotionally bother or offend me. A couple examples to contrast:
I wonder, if people were not so focused on the times they feel offended, would they consider as many things that other people do to be rude?
I would propose that -- before I write-off people of as rude -- I should consider whether they are simply ignorant to my cultural expectations, consider that their intent may not be to offend me or make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe they were never taught that burping is culturally unacceptable. Perhaps, I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the problem is not their rudeness but my being too quick to take offense, too prideful.
Maybe. But sadly, today, I think that many people are intentionally trying to offend. This really is just rude, plain and simple.