On the Master, Mister, Mistress, Mrs., Ms., Miss Mess
Often I need to say something to a stranger. "Excuse me, sir," is generally how I would address a male adult. A woman older than me I would address with "ma'am" and a girl or woman who is unmarried with "miss". This is nothing new.
What do I say to a boy or a man younger than me? I really have no useful term; I must resort to, "Excuse me," with no vocative term.
I am equally confused when I come across a woman whose age is not immediately apparent or whose marital state is not obvious. Oftentimes, I find myself akwardly and secretly searching for a wedding ring, but these are not universal, and sometimes girls and women will wear rings on this finger (just to confuse other people it seems). So I am left with, "Excuse me," once again.
Of course, the titles of direct address are different than the honorifics. I am not Sir L______; I am Mister L______.
These are just as complicated, as everyone is familiar.
Call me a feminist, but I am happy for the existence of "Ms." (except that I hate the way it is pronounced), for it allows me to be polite in writing without fear of insulting someone. It also makes a lot more sense with women who are divorced but still retain their ex-husband's last name rather than reverting to their maiden name.
However, I am not so much a feminist that I think we should never use the term Miss. I think it is extremely helpful in this culture to distinguish married and unmarried people. (I especially thought this when I was a single male.) Rather than dropping the use of Miss and Mrs. and going entirely to Ms., I would rather there were more terms for males than just Mr. (And this is what inspired me to write this post.) It would be really useful to have an honorific for unmarried and/or young men.
To be fair, there was -- at least until relatively recently. I recall being taught in private elementary school that the proper way to address boys was with "Master". I thought this was ludicrous. From what planet were my textbook-writers? Nobody uses "Master"! But then I became a pen-pal with an elderly woman who always did address her mail to me, "Master J____ L______." (I kind of liked the sound of that.)
Now that I am a linguistic snob, the actual system we do have seems silly to me though. All of the terms are the same word really!
"Mister" is obviously a corruption of "Master".
"Mistress" is the feminine form of "Mister" -- as "actress" is to "actor". This is the only term that actually would make some sense, but it is ironically used for women not married to a man!
"Mrs." is the abbreviation for "Mistress" but is pronounced like "Mis'ess" a contraction of "Mistress".
"Miss" is simply another contraction of "Mistress."
"Ms." is the Southern pronunciation of "Mrs." where the s and z sounds have been slurred together.
That all of these mispronunciations and contractions of one basic word have such separate distinctions is humorous to me. (But I am a nerd.) And it is even more funny to me that such things are built into our culture's proper etiquette.
(The story is similar for "ma'am"; it's a contraction for "madam", but you probably want to avoid the use of the latter word unless you frequent brothels. One is polite, the other scandalous -- yet the same word.)
Anyhow, the issue still remains that I am just as likely -- despite the above knowledge -- to accidentally insult a desk clerk next week by calling her miss when I should have said ma'am.
What do I say to a boy or a man younger than me? I really have no useful term; I must resort to, "Excuse me," with no vocative term.
I am equally confused when I come across a woman whose age is not immediately apparent or whose marital state is not obvious. Oftentimes, I find myself akwardly and secretly searching for a wedding ring, but these are not universal, and sometimes girls and women will wear rings on this finger (just to confuse other people it seems). So I am left with, "Excuse me," once again.
Of course, the titles of direct address are different than the honorifics. I am not Sir L______; I am Mister L______.
These are just as complicated, as everyone is familiar.
Call me a feminist, but I am happy for the existence of "Ms." (except that I hate the way it is pronounced), for it allows me to be polite in writing without fear of insulting someone. It also makes a lot more sense with women who are divorced but still retain their ex-husband's last name rather than reverting to their maiden name.
However, I am not so much a feminist that I think we should never use the term Miss. I think it is extremely helpful in this culture to distinguish married and unmarried people. (I especially thought this when I was a single male.) Rather than dropping the use of Miss and Mrs. and going entirely to Ms., I would rather there were more terms for males than just Mr. (And this is what inspired me to write this post.) It would be really useful to have an honorific for unmarried and/or young men.
To be fair, there was -- at least until relatively recently. I recall being taught in private elementary school that the proper way to address boys was with "Master". I thought this was ludicrous. From what planet were my textbook-writers? Nobody uses "Master"! But then I became a pen-pal with an elderly woman who always did address her mail to me, "Master J____ L______." (I kind of liked the sound of that.)
Now that I am a linguistic snob, the actual system we do have seems silly to me though. All of the terms are the same word really!
That all of these mispronunciations and contractions of one basic word have such separate distinctions is humorous to me. (But I am a nerd.) And it is even more funny to me that such things are built into our culture's proper etiquette.
(The story is similar for "ma'am"; it's a contraction for "madam", but you probably want to avoid the use of the latter word unless you frequent brothels. One is polite, the other scandalous -- yet the same word.)
Anyhow, the issue still remains that I am just as likely -- despite the above knowledge -- to accidentally insult a desk clerk next week by calling her miss when I should have said ma'am.