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[lhiana]

I’ve been quiet as the moon lately, and with good reason. This week-the past two weeks, actually-have had an unpleasant feeling and it’s been seeping into my daily life. I’ve felt more unstable and unfocused than is normal, but I’m making a conscious effort to gain a sentiment of balance

Comments

[theunquietnight]

I know what you mean. I feel like that off an on any given month. Esepcially when the path I'm on has become anything but smooth.

[lhiana]

the whole thing with my mom really shook me up. She and I have not always been close. It's taken some learning on both our parts to understand each other. But yes. My recent interest in astrology is showing some interesting patterns with the times that I feel "off"... I have been thinking a lot lately about how arrogant it is of us to always put ourselves "outside" the rest of the universe. But I'll post more on that later.

I'm feeling better today. I think, honestly, that coffee fogs up my brain. I didn't drink it this morning and I'm feeling much better.

[theunquietnight]

i'm an alcoholic, but you probably knew that. it fogs up my brain too love. just like everything else.

as far as the universe in concerned. I think one of two things. We feel alone, or we feel completely happy.

The rest of our lives fall somewhere in between.

Personally, I had my stretch alone in Vegas. My father ended up saving me.

My moment feeling complete. Maybe that will happen when I have a family, I trust, love and hold dear.

Right now, I'm as empty as a tin can.

Kicked around, and fucked up.
Don't worry about the coffee sweetie. I think you have most things licked. In our lives, we have greater demons to fight.

life can be like that.

[lhiana]

My father was an alcoholic for many, many years. It's a portion of my life that I have mostly either forgotten or blocked out... he finally went to AA while I was in middle school and has been sober ever since. It was rough for him at first, but he is taking care of himself now. He has to. Last year, he had major heart trouble. The doctors pretty much told him that he had to change his lifestyle (eating and exercise habits) or he was going to die. He's gone from a 42 to 32 pants size and exercises regularly now. So does my mom. I'm glad to finally see them healthy

Re: life can be like that.

[theunquietnight]

you and me both in regards to focus.

I'm happy for your mom and dad, it's an incredible thing to turn ones life around. Most languish in apathy in one form or another and finally give up ... I'm trying to do the same thing in my life. It just seems to be taking a very long time.

Thanks for the well wishes sweetie. I've loved your entries lately.

~ steven

and it can be done

[lhiana]

That's what I was hoping to convey -- that although it may take time, slip-ups, and struggle, it IS possible to overcome these things. I tend to pass off my childhood as very incidentless and happy-go-lucky, but in truth I had a lot to deal with. I don't talk about it much, it's not my way. But I don't harbor any ill feelings over it, because those experiences shaped who I am today. Many people consider others with addictions "weak" or somehow inferior, but living with someone who is an alcoholic, you understand that the problem is far more complex. (this is me being a Goldie-locks cheerleader: "You can do it! Rah! Rah!" Don't give up! Rah! Rah!" Now if only I could do the splits