New Chapter, Fresh Page...
Watching him go through security-check is always painful... even after three-and-a-half years. My chest tightens. My stomach knots. My eyes well up.
After he clears the metal detector and has put his shoes back on, we stand and wave wildly for a minute or so. Turning away and heading to the taxi stand is brutal. It means stepping out of my happy life with Shane and back into my alternate universe as a solitary, Oscar Madison-like slob. It means working too much, clinging to our cats for companionship, and spending hours on long-distance phone lines.
Ahhh, the life of a man in a bi-national relationship.
The good news is that Shane and I are independent and trusting enough to survive the geography. Also good? The knowledge that no gap of miles can break us. The cosmos have thrown us countless curve balls over the years, and nothing has split us. Nothing will.
As hard as it was to get in the taxi and head home from the airport alone tonight, there was something different swirling around Shane and me as we hugged and kissed goodbye. Actually, it was a word... husband. I said, "talk to you in the morning, husband." He said, "I love you, husband."
For a second, our smiles weren't brave faces. They were warm and genuine. In that fleeting moment in time, our eyes locked. We felt more secure. More connected. A plane ride for one of us won't change that.
I've always known why people in our community (Shane and I, included) have fought for marriage equality. But the week since we had our civil union, I get it even more. Ideally, spoken vows and a license don't change the core of a relationship. But to feel like the world recognizes our commitment, as well as the fact that we have legal ties to each other, seems to deepen everything. In short, it has been a brilliant, amazing week since we tied the proverbial knot.
The past week has also snuffed a lot of people from my past out of the woodwork. Lots of them. It's amazing how many people read the New York Daily News (which featured a photo of us after our ceremony last week). I haven't responded to any of them yet. I will... I think. But I haven't yet. I wanted to concentrate on spending my first "married" week with Shane alone.
Now that I'm easing back into the reality of daily life, I'm contemplating my past, my present, and my future. Some things have fallen by my life's wayside. Why did they? Should I bring some of them back into my present? No answer yet. I will say this... no matter how much I complain, I love my present. I have a wonderful husband, a job I truly love, cats that I adore, and friends who keep me smiling. We're all a product of our past, of course. But is it necessary to carry every piece of luggage along into the future? There's much to ponder in the days and weeks to come.
In the meantime, I'm looking past my laptop screen and out the window. The sky is dark, yet warmed by the glorious and soothing moon that Shane and I admired earlier tonight. I'm grateful that Shane's plane will have a clear sky to sail into. I already miss him desperately. Yes, that's dramatic language, but it's accurate. The apartment feels instantly empty without him. But it's temporary. As long as I remember that, as well as the fact that my husband and I have a future filled with adventure and joy, I'll be more than fine.
New Chapter, fresh page... can't wait to see what happens next.
After he clears the metal detector and has put his shoes back on, we stand and wave wildly for a minute or so. Turning away and heading to the taxi stand is brutal. It means stepping out of my happy life with Shane and back into my alternate universe as a solitary, Oscar Madison-like slob. It means working too much, clinging to our cats for companionship, and spending hours on long-distance phone lines.
Ahhh, the life of a man in a bi-national relationship.
The good news is that Shane and I are independent and trusting enough to survive the geography. Also good? The knowledge that no gap of miles can break us. The cosmos have thrown us countless curve balls over the years, and nothing has split us. Nothing will.
As hard as it was to get in the taxi and head home from the airport alone tonight, there was something different swirling around Shane and me as we hugged and kissed goodbye. Actually, it was a word... husband. I said, "talk to you in the morning, husband." He said, "I love you, husband."
For a second, our smiles weren't brave faces. They were warm and genuine. In that fleeting moment in time, our eyes locked. We felt more secure. More connected. A plane ride for one of us won't change that.
I've always known why people in our community (Shane and I, included) have fought for marriage equality. But the week since we had our civil union, I get it even more. Ideally, spoken vows and a license don't change the core of a relationship. But to feel like the world recognizes our commitment, as well as the fact that we have legal ties to each other, seems to deepen everything. In short, it has been a brilliant, amazing week since we tied the proverbial knot.
The past week has also snuffed a lot of people from my past out of the woodwork. Lots of them. It's amazing how many people read the New York Daily News (which featured a photo of us after our ceremony last week). I haven't responded to any of them yet. I will... I think. But I haven't yet. I wanted to concentrate on spending my first "married" week with Shane alone.
Now that I'm easing back into the reality of daily life, I'm contemplating my past, my present, and my future. Some things have fallen by my life's wayside. Why did they? Should I bring some of them back into my present? No answer yet. I will say this... no matter how much I complain, I love my present. I have a wonderful husband, a job I truly love, cats that I adore, and friends who keep me smiling. We're all a product of our past, of course. But is it necessary to carry every piece of luggage along into the future? There's much to ponder in the days and weeks to come.
In the meantime, I'm looking past my laptop screen and out the window. The sky is dark, yet warmed by the glorious and soothing moon that Shane and I admired earlier tonight. I'm grateful that Shane's plane will have a clear sky to sail into. I already miss him desperately. Yes, that's dramatic language, but it's accurate. The apartment feels instantly empty without him. But it's temporary. As long as I remember that, as well as the fact that my husband and I have a future filled with adventure and joy, I'll be more than fine.
New Chapter, fresh page... can't wait to see what happens next.