Who's Life Is It Anyway?
That's a question I often ask myself. When you've lived much of your life alternating between the isolation of shyness and the bravado it takes to not miss out on life's exciting moments, you often feel lost... lost in false images triggered by your fantasies and your fears.
As a recovering shy person, I've finally found the answer to the question of whose life it is... it's mine. It belongs to no one else but me. I found myself reaffirming that answer about an hour ago when someone said to me, "everyone is doing THIS, you have to do it, too."
Erm... Actually, no, I don't.
But here's some truth... I didn't arrive to that conclusion as quickly as it just took to type those words. I paced around in a circle for a few minutes. My stomach knotted. For a few minutes, I was 13 again, wondering and worrying. In refusing to tow an unnecessary line of peer pressure, would I be ostracized? Would I be hated, even? What are the ramifications of standing to my personal beliefs, and tending to my personal needs... even if they are not in sync with what people want from me?
I spend hours on the radio every morning, bellowing on about how much I don't care about what people think. Well, let's break it down... by the very nature of speaking such words, I betray myself. I do care. Of course, I do. We all do. We all care. What bums me out is how often people will use that innate knowledge we have about each other to manipulate or intimidate you to do what they want. If I'm being fair and honest, I've been on both ends of that game. I consciously strive each and every day to not play that game anymore.
So... be warned... if you ever feel compelled to utter a phrase to me that includes the words "everyone else is doing it," prepare to watch me to turn and walk in the opposite direction. It's taken many years of low self-esteem and far too many moments of doing what I don't want to because someone or everyone deems that I should. Homo, don't play that anymore. At least not without a check with a lot of zeroes at the end of the task.
I'm 43 years old and I'm proud to have a strong mind and a clear vision of what I want and don't want to do. Each day may include a moment of regressing back to my frightened and shy 13-year-old self. But it usually ends with me regaining the sense of maturity and self necessary to send him back where he belongs... in the past.
If I could wish one thing for anyone reading this, it's that you do the same. Stand tall on your own. And never do what doesn't feel right and natural to you.
You'll sleep better at night. I know that I do.
As a recovering shy person, I've finally found the answer to the question of whose life it is... it's mine. It belongs to no one else but me. I found myself reaffirming that answer about an hour ago when someone said to me, "everyone is doing THIS, you have to do it, too."
Erm... Actually, no, I don't.
But here's some truth... I didn't arrive to that conclusion as quickly as it just took to type those words. I paced around in a circle for a few minutes. My stomach knotted. For a few minutes, I was 13 again, wondering and worrying. In refusing to tow an unnecessary line of peer pressure, would I be ostracized? Would I be hated, even? What are the ramifications of standing to my personal beliefs, and tending to my personal needs... even if they are not in sync with what people want from me?
I spend hours on the radio every morning, bellowing on about how much I don't care about what people think. Well, let's break it down... by the very nature of speaking such words, I betray myself. I do care. Of course, I do. We all do. We all care. What bums me out is how often people will use that innate knowledge we have about each other to manipulate or intimidate you to do what they want. If I'm being fair and honest, I've been on both ends of that game. I consciously strive each and every day to not play that game anymore.
So... be warned... if you ever feel compelled to utter a phrase to me that includes the words "everyone else is doing it," prepare to watch me to turn and walk in the opposite direction. It's taken many years of low self-esteem and far too many moments of doing what I don't want to because someone or everyone deems that I should. Homo, don't play that anymore. At least not without a check with a lot of zeroes at the end of the task.
I'm 43 years old and I'm proud to have a strong mind and a clear vision of what I want and don't want to do. Each day may include a moment of regressing back to my frightened and shy 13-year-old self. But it usually ends with me regaining the sense of maturity and self necessary to send him back where he belongs... in the past.
If I could wish one thing for anyone reading this, it's that you do the same. Stand tall on your own. And never do what doesn't feel right and natural to you.
You'll sleep better at night. I know that I do.