an actual post. wow.
i have that feeling again
i hate this feeling.
the world, everything is speeding past me
and im just sitting here.
music is playing fater, movies are playing faster
and im here, slow, everything has picked up in pace and i havent.
i dont know what to do.
ah. i dislike this.
my heart is beating extremely fast.
i just realised in seven days
im going to wake up and derek and tarah will be sleeping next to me. on the floor of my mum's house. im going to make them macaroni and cheese and mt dew for breakfast. oh, im excited. but im scared.
its really material of me. and i'm rarely material.
and i know there are such more important things going on.
my fathers health, my mum, my family, my friends, people i love.
but all i seem to be thinking about.
and its really pathetic
is, i need to get new jeans. i hope my hair straightener works. i need new foundation. i need a new hoodie. blah blah blah.. this ALWAYS happens before i go back, i have to make surei have everything, i look okay, i dont know.
im pathetic. maybe im just worrying about that stuff, because i can do something about them, unlike my fathers or family's health, or other things i cant do anything about.
blah.
i talked to my friend Nic last night, and basically told him i really liked him, but then, i that. i .. i give up on everything.
seriously. im tired of people. i dont want to like/date anymore. gosh. fuck. except mister george and fred weasley. obviously. speaking of harry potter. MY FATHER FELL ASLEEP DURRING IN. Allie cried her eyes out. I laughed, and Swooned, and I dont know, I kind of wished I haddent read the book, I think thats what ruined it for me.
I was disapointed. I wanted more to be in it, even though it was almost three hours long, I wanted more.
Somebody Please Tell Me What Am I Suppost To Do.
I pretty much am IN LOVE with Emery.
hahahhaha, I like how I change topic so much.
SO Im getting rid of mostly everything.
I will just buy new clothes in america, I cant be bothered taking everything back with me, most of the clothes I have I dont wear, or is now too big for me. So yeah.
I dont know what to take back actually. everything still has those memories attached to HIM
and speaking of him I really am missing him lately. FUCK, I dont want to be.. but I miss our talks, or the way he made me laugh, I miss those first 6 days. I miss when shell grabbed a knife and went to "stab" me, and he freaked out, and we laughed for ever. I miss that, but I DONT miss being used. fuck, i remember it so well, how stupid I was.. I look back on what happened, and see how clearly i was used, and how I was so blinded by loving him I let him use me. fuck, that makes me sick, so I guess I dont miss him. ha.
SO AMERICA IN 6 DAYS. 5 NOT COUNTING TODAY!!
hahahhha, so yeah, i dont know my current feelings at the moment, im excited, lonely, missing people, others make me sick, disapointed, sad, happy.. fuck, hahah. wow. im wonderful.
lets hang out.
i hate this feeling.
the world, everything is speeding past me
and im just sitting here.
music is playing fater, movies are playing faster
and im here, slow, everything has picked up in pace and i havent.
i dont know what to do.
ah. i dislike this.
my heart is beating extremely fast.
i just realised in seven days
im going to wake up and derek and tarah will be sleeping next to me. on the floor of my mum's house. im going to make them macaroni and cheese and mt dew for breakfast. oh, im excited. but im scared.
its really material of me. and i'm rarely material.
and i know there are such more important things going on.
my fathers health, my mum, my family, my friends, people i love.
but all i seem to be thinking about.
and its really pathetic
is, i need to get new jeans. i hope my hair straightener works. i need new foundation. i need a new hoodie. blah blah blah.. this ALWAYS happens before i go back, i have to make surei have everything, i look okay, i dont know.
im pathetic. maybe im just worrying about that stuff, because i can do something about them, unlike my fathers or family's health, or other things i cant do anything about.
blah.
i talked to my friend Nic last night, and basically told him i really liked him, but then, i that. i .. i give up on everything.
seriously. im tired of people. i dont want to like/date anymore. gosh. fuck. except mister george and fred weasley. obviously. speaking of harry potter. MY FATHER FELL ASLEEP DURRING IN. Allie cried her eyes out. I laughed, and Swooned, and I dont know, I kind of wished I haddent read the book, I think thats what ruined it for me.
I was disapointed. I wanted more to be in it, even though it was almost three hours long, I wanted more.
Somebody Please Tell Me What Am I Suppost To Do.
I pretty much am IN LOVE with Emery.
hahahhaha, I like how I change topic so much.
SO Im getting rid of mostly everything.
I will just buy new clothes in america, I cant be bothered taking everything back with me, most of the clothes I have I dont wear, or is now too big for me. So yeah.
I dont know what to take back actually. everything still has those memories attached to HIM
and speaking of him I really am missing him lately. FUCK, I dont want to be.. but I miss our talks, or the way he made me laugh, I miss those first 6 days. I miss when shell grabbed a knife and went to "stab" me, and he freaked out, and we laughed for ever. I miss that, but I DONT miss being used. fuck, i remember it so well, how stupid I was.. I look back on what happened, and see how clearly i was used, and how I was so blinded by loving him I let him use me. fuck, that makes me sick, so I guess I dont miss him. ha.
SO AMERICA IN 6 DAYS. 5 NOT COUNTING TODAY!!
hahahhha, so yeah, i dont know my current feelings at the moment, im excited, lonely, missing people, others make me sick, disapointed, sad, happy.. fuck, hahah. wow. im wonderful.
lets hang out.