family..what it means to me
my whole life i have been such a supposed, "fuck-up". i have tried so hard to win the affection and love in congruence with that which my mother showed to my two older brothers and younger sister. i could never compare. i still can't. my mother sent me an e.mail stating that her love for me and her 3 other children is equal. following her in depth hallmark cliches, she said this, "I could never think that you would love Gustavo more than me, nor would ever have any fear of it. You may end up LIKING him more than me, because he may not point out truths that you don't want to see or hear."
thanks mom.
by the way she is speaking of the man above all others, which is my Father.. my estranged father of 22 years. the man i want to meet the most.
please comment on what you think about this. i am so saddened, saddened and saddened again by her lack of taste or regard for my feelings altogether.
i have my sister in law, my younger (of two older bros), my niece (with whom which is MY LIFE), as well as her bro, my nephew--- these four are what i consider my family. not because of blood. not because of guilt. not because of their pampering. not because i pamper them.
they all know (well, the adults), that i have done excessive drugs, that i drink, though it doesn't define me an "alcholic" nor "disabled", (as my mom explains me-to my DOWNS SYNDROME sister).
this is all just my shit. this is my life. i love that i can be HONEST. FLIPPEN RIGOROUSLY HONEST with these four humans- and they absolutely, totally- no judgements passed. love me love the hell outta me. thank god for them.
thanks mom.
by the way she is speaking of the man above all others, which is my Father.. my estranged father of 22 years. the man i want to meet the most.
please comment on what you think about this. i am so saddened, saddened and saddened again by her lack of taste or regard for my feelings altogether.
i have my sister in law, my younger (of two older bros), my niece (with whom which is MY LIFE), as well as her bro, my nephew--- these four are what i consider my family. not because of blood. not because of guilt. not because of their pampering. not because i pamper them.
they all know (well, the adults), that i have done excessive drugs, that i drink, though it doesn't define me an "alcholic" nor "disabled", (as my mom explains me-to my DOWNS SYNDROME sister).
this is all just my shit. this is my life. i love that i can be HONEST. FLIPPEN RIGOROUSLY HONEST with these four humans- and they absolutely, totally- no judgements passed. love me love the hell outta me. thank god for them.