Why must I be so emo?
I don't know why I'm letting this get to me so much. I know I love her, but why am I so scared? I think the reason I am so scared is because I just know in my heart that Katie is going to move on. My heart knows that everything good which has come to it has left it. I can't handle the thought that she's out there expirimenting, yet she still says those three sweet words, "I love you." To me. . . I'm scared because I have put everything I can into making this relationship work. I've done everything I could to make sure the distance and time doesn't destroy us. But it seems that she's moving on. She has her entire high school career ahead of her to figure out her life and find someone else - But I am at the end of mine and I know that she's the one. I am stuck in one spot, while she is free to move on and be happy without me.
That is why I am scared. My eyes are set on only her. But she is setting her eyes other places. This is killing me. The entire thing is literally killing me. In the past week I have lost 5 lbs from not eating. I've lost major concentration from not sleeping. Everyone at school can tell that the usually hyper Jamie is now a little emo bitch sitting in class.
The last 9 nights I've cried myself to sleep, alone. I've been trying to pray to whatever there might be out there to listen. Every night I pray that I get some answers . . . from anyone.
As of right now I hate the thought of seeing the future and I WILL not listen to anyone about "there's other fish in the sea." Katie is the only girl that I can physically, mentally, emotionally see myself with. I can see her in every aspect . . . I know her and she knows me. We've had so many beautiful times together and I wan't more times with her.
I know it's because I'm not there and her friends are influencing her into being away from me. I know that if I were there in the same city as her that it would all be OK. I thought our love was strong enough to conquer the distance . . . My love IS strong enough to conquer the distance and anyone else who tries to take her. I know she has to still feel my love . . . I wish I could still feel hers . . . I wish I could still hear her in my head . . .
Last night, as I was praying I took a vow of celibacy. From myself, and others. I don't want that feeling ever again. Not until I can feel it with her. I've also previously took a vow of not being with anyone else until she comes around. The only future I can see is either one with her, happily ever after, where we're both working on making the relationship work and solving our problems. Making our kids happy, making ourselves happy. And the other future I see is being a lonely, bitter, old man. The second one is starting to come true and I hate it! She doesn't seem to realize that I am here committing myself 100% to our cause of being together.
Jay-Le . . . my little baby girl . . . Will there ever be a day when I can see you and hold you? Katie is the only person I can ever see being your mother.
That is why I am scared. My eyes are set on only her. But she is setting her eyes other places. This is killing me. The entire thing is literally killing me. In the past week I have lost 5 lbs from not eating. I've lost major concentration from not sleeping. Everyone at school can tell that the usually hyper Jamie is now a little emo bitch sitting in class.
The last 9 nights I've cried myself to sleep, alone. I've been trying to pray to whatever there might be out there to listen. Every night I pray that I get some answers . . . from anyone.
As of right now I hate the thought of seeing the future and I WILL not listen to anyone about "there's other fish in the sea." Katie is the only girl that I can physically, mentally, emotionally see myself with. I can see her in every aspect . . . I know her and she knows me. We've had so many beautiful times together and I wan't more times with her.
I know it's because I'm not there and her friends are influencing her into being away from me. I know that if I were there in the same city as her that it would all be OK. I thought our love was strong enough to conquer the distance . . . My love IS strong enough to conquer the distance and anyone else who tries to take her. I know she has to still feel my love . . . I wish I could still feel hers . . . I wish I could still hear her in my head . . .
Last night, as I was praying I took a vow of celibacy. From myself, and others. I don't want that feeling ever again. Not until I can feel it with her. I've also previously took a vow of not being with anyone else until she comes around. The only future I can see is either one with her, happily ever after, where we're both working on making the relationship work and solving our problems. Making our kids happy, making ourselves happy. And the other future I see is being a lonely, bitter, old man. The second one is starting to come true and I hate it! She doesn't seem to realize that I am here committing myself 100% to our cause of being together.
Jay-Le . . . my little baby girl . . . Will there ever be a day when I can see you and hold you? Katie is the only person I can ever see being your mother.