another year ending
It's always good to reflect at the end of the year and look back at everything with perspective. Losing my heritage was a burning point to say the least but at least this time I didn't lose any loved ones. i'm not sure i'll be able to rebuild soon but, time will tell I guess. There has been a lot of up and downs but isn't that always the case for everyone? I do think that when you feel bad, you look around you and you tend to see all those who are seemingly having a good time and think, why me, why do I have to suffer so. But actually, it's just that you happened to be at the low tide they hare running high tide, eventually, they will be down too for what ever reason because nothing is ever still in life. The lows makes you appreciate the highs, that's why when you do have highs you must enjoy every second of it and when you have lows you have to cling, hang on till the highs are back again.
In the midst of all drama, I did find a wonderful job, a job that has allowed me to grow and still does, that shows me that I was and still am capable of so much. My sons have grown into men, not perfect, we've had some arguments and issues but we love each other dearly and as long as they know that, I know everything is right. My husband also found a wonderful job he's so good at, first time of his life that he gets to show all that he's capable of and that it matters so much, he has a feeling of doing something that makes a difference. The down side, both these jobs keeps us apart, I'm not sure what's left of our couple in the whirlwind that has become our lives, we'll always care deeply for one another, that's the only thing I am sure of if only as good friends do.
All in all a very tiring year, but it could be worst, then again it could have been better. Was there things I could have changed, was there things I should have accepted....this is the real battle, where do you draw the line, when should you chose to cut your losses and when do you chose to stay and fight? Live and learn they say...
I was contemplating changes also. When I was very young, Christmas was at my grandma's, boy the parties we had there, all the cousins and all the uncles and aunts, all the presents, ppl singing together, or arguing, playing, what ever. After the grand parents seperated, nothing was ever the same. Grandma came to live with us, grand dad stayed alone at their house, no more parties. Then my parents started to organise them and altho the gang had seriously diminished, we managed. Then my kids were born and my cousin's kids too, Christmas finally was back, had so much fun wrapping presents and helping mom fixing food for the parties. Now with my parents gone, I'm the one left to do such and it occured to me that this change is not bigger then the one when we stopped having parties at the grand parents. I had a very depressed moment, missing my parents something fierce and wondering what did I ever find so much fun about Chrismas before, I couldn't muster a happy thought if my life had depended on it. That's when I realised Christmas needs kids to be fun. Mine are older now and not yet old enough to have children of their own. The magic was all about that magic world we create for small children, allowing them to believe anything is possible. My husband took me to see the Nutcracker ballet, he knows I really liked that one be cause that ballet explains it all so well. So I'm going to hold on till the next generation gets here...and we will have Christmas again.
So, I wish you all a merrry Christmas, or holiday or what ever is politically correct for you, may this next 2008 be interesting, moving, breath taking and that at the end of it you can say I surived and am ready for another!
*BIG HUGS*
In the midst of all drama, I did find a wonderful job, a job that has allowed me to grow and still does, that shows me that I was and still am capable of so much. My sons have grown into men, not perfect, we've had some arguments and issues but we love each other dearly and as long as they know that, I know everything is right. My husband also found a wonderful job he's so good at, first time of his life that he gets to show all that he's capable of and that it matters so much, he has a feeling of doing something that makes a difference. The down side, both these jobs keeps us apart, I'm not sure what's left of our couple in the whirlwind that has become our lives, we'll always care deeply for one another, that's the only thing I am sure of if only as good friends do.
All in all a very tiring year, but it could be worst, then again it could have been better. Was there things I could have changed, was there things I should have accepted....this is the real battle, where do you draw the line, when should you chose to cut your losses and when do you chose to stay and fight? Live and learn they say...
I was contemplating changes also. When I was very young, Christmas was at my grandma's, boy the parties we had there, all the cousins and all the uncles and aunts, all the presents, ppl singing together, or arguing, playing, what ever. After the grand parents seperated, nothing was ever the same. Grandma came to live with us, grand dad stayed alone at their house, no more parties. Then my parents started to organise them and altho the gang had seriously diminished, we managed. Then my kids were born and my cousin's kids too, Christmas finally was back, had so much fun wrapping presents and helping mom fixing food for the parties. Now with my parents gone, I'm the one left to do such and it occured to me that this change is not bigger then the one when we stopped having parties at the grand parents. I had a very depressed moment, missing my parents something fierce and wondering what did I ever find so much fun about Chrismas before, I couldn't muster a happy thought if my life had depended on it. That's when I realised Christmas needs kids to be fun. Mine are older now and not yet old enough to have children of their own. The magic was all about that magic world we create for small children, allowing them to believe anything is possible. My husband took me to see the Nutcracker ballet, he knows I really liked that one be cause that ballet explains it all so well. So I'm going to hold on till the next generation gets here...and we will have Christmas again.
So, I wish you all a merrry Christmas, or holiday or what ever is politically correct for you, may this next 2008 be interesting, moving, breath taking and that at the end of it you can say I surived and am ready for another!
*BIG HUGS*