So is it really 42?
So, folks, I'm in an existential mood tonight. I've been reading this self-help book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, and I got stuck at a very early chapter. Everything in the book is related to strong desire, thought to define it, and action to realize it. I'm just sort of stuck...I actually can't think of anything that provokes this "strong desire" the book speaks often of.
I've had a problem with motivation for a long time. Ever since I realized that I was smarter than the other kids in elementary school, I've been taking it easy academically. "Minimum effort to get by" was, more or less, the philosophy I kept during my formative years. The only thing I actually had a strong desire for in my childhood was friends, and those came...eventually. I sufficed with daydreaming about video games, anime, and a long-lost childhood friend...these things kept me sane until I made those friends I so desperately needed. After I found platonic (and romantic) relationships, those daydreams faded.
Now I face graduation and independant life as an adult, and I still lack any sort of empowering desire for something tangible or achievable. I am adrift, in a manner of speaking, waiting for some purpose to reach me. Until now I've always stated that my ambitions in life were limited to enjoying myself and experiencing all the different places and fun things life had to offer. But really, indulgent adventuring, while fun, isn't a strong enough impulse to motivate me.
Twice in the last 4 years have I experienced a future-oriented desire. Incidentally, both were caused by women in my life. The first time, I was having fun daydreaming about a possible future with her and starting to shop for a ring. Those hopes were dashed, and I was adrift for a long time, and drifted into a hedonistic and self-indulgent lifestyle for a while. About a full year after finally parting ways with her, I met another girl. The hopes / dreams I had about this one were strong...sometimes talking to her, I'd find out some new detail about her persona and my mind would flash to a vision of a future with her. She inflamed the embers of a dormant fire within me and inspired me to improve myself. had Anyway, things with her didn't get a chance to go anywhere, and now, again, that fire within is dying down.
So what now? I apparently really need some overwhelming desire, or purpose, or hope to fulfill. Atleast, I need it if I'm to improve myself. I need to find something that isn't as fickle as a woman's affections to stoke my ambitions. If only my ambitions were simple and clearly defined... "be happy / at peace with myself and support those I cherish" is too vague to be a workable goal. At this point, self-improvement seems the only path I see that has a tangible goals and means I can use to obtain them. Lose weight, improve fitness, clear up complexion, expand my knowledge and skill set...improve my sensitivity and subtlety with dealing with people...I guess these are all good goals. I have no idea if any of them are going to make me happy...but atleast it's something definite I can reach for. It's just...my motivation isn't strong enough, the ambition not powerful enough to change my course of action. I've been too used to having things given to me or obtaining them easily through natural gifts...
...but then again, I am deeply disturbed by the idea "this is as good as it gets", and specifically, "this is as good as *I* get". Given the option of staying as I am or actually making something of myself, I think I've maybe found what I need to work towards some goals.
Laters
-Alex
I've had a problem with motivation for a long time. Ever since I realized that I was smarter than the other kids in elementary school, I've been taking it easy academically. "Minimum effort to get by" was, more or less, the philosophy I kept during my formative years. The only thing I actually had a strong desire for in my childhood was friends, and those came...eventually. I sufficed with daydreaming about video games, anime, and a long-lost childhood friend...these things kept me sane until I made those friends I so desperately needed. After I found platonic (and romantic) relationships, those daydreams faded.
Now I face graduation and independant life as an adult, and I still lack any sort of empowering desire for something tangible or achievable. I am adrift, in a manner of speaking, waiting for some purpose to reach me. Until now I've always stated that my ambitions in life were limited to enjoying myself and experiencing all the different places and fun things life had to offer. But really, indulgent adventuring, while fun, isn't a strong enough impulse to motivate me.
Twice in the last 4 years have I experienced a future-oriented desire. Incidentally, both were caused by women in my life. The first time, I was having fun daydreaming about a possible future with her and starting to shop for a ring. Those hopes were dashed, and I was adrift for a long time, and drifted into a hedonistic and self-indulgent lifestyle for a while. About a full year after finally parting ways with her, I met another girl. The hopes / dreams I had about this one were strong...sometimes talking to her, I'd find out some new detail about her persona and my mind would flash to a vision of a future with her. She inflamed the embers of a dormant fire within me and inspired me to improve myself. had Anyway, things with her didn't get a chance to go anywhere, and now, again, that fire within is dying down.
So what now? I apparently really need some overwhelming desire, or purpose, or hope to fulfill. Atleast, I need it if I'm to improve myself. I need to find something that isn't as fickle as a woman's affections to stoke my ambitions. If only my ambitions were simple and clearly defined... "be happy / at peace with myself and support those I cherish" is too vague to be a workable goal. At this point, self-improvement seems the only path I see that has a tangible goals and means I can use to obtain them. Lose weight, improve fitness, clear up complexion, expand my knowledge and skill set...improve my sensitivity and subtlety with dealing with people...I guess these are all good goals. I have no idea if any of them are going to make me happy...but atleast it's something definite I can reach for. It's just...my motivation isn't strong enough, the ambition not powerful enough to change my course of action. I've been too used to having things given to me or obtaining them easily through natural gifts...
...but then again, I am deeply disturbed by the idea "this is as good as it gets", and specifically, "this is as good as *I* get". Given the option of staying as I am or actually making something of myself, I think I've maybe found what I need to work towards some goals.
Laters
-Alex