(no subject)
for the last week or so, i have felt that the world is out to get me. ive heard of the dreaded "senior-itis" but nothing like this. ive gotten so depressed because i dont know if i am going to graduate this year. and if by an act of god that i do, i wont have a ceremony to do. if i dont pass english, i have to take it in night school and lose my graduation ceremony that "everyone wants to go to". i dont see that it is such a big deal. as long as i get my diploma in my hot little hands, i should be fine....but no.
it feels like we have lost everyone that used to be in ringland. now we have so much more people that are so different in some ways and the same in others. its been hard getting over this graduation shit and friend losses.
over the last week, depression has set in heavy. corrisiden sounded like an answer to my problems. it was for about 3 days, then it hit me with a huge depressed spell. then, i lied to llama about taking it and got her pissed at me. along with pills, i cant get over the one thing that is wrapping my brain ever since i came out. i cant get over it. i always sit in my room and think about it all and write it all out. i even sit in 7th period and go into a mental coma just thinking about this shit. when the bell rings, its like someone snapping their fingers and waking me up from a hypnosis. ive gone through about a half of my little journal with entries in 7th and at night. it isnt something that pills can get rid of and it isnt something that writting van get rid of. the fact that i see the thing(person) everyday doesnt help.it is all too much.
yay! im 18 in 4 days...who gives a flying fuck?! i dont. i really am dreading 18. i am now going through my "experimental" stage even though i should have about 4 years ago. it really sucks. i dont really know what to with me or anything about me right now. llama and i are getting along and i really like that. the one thing that is going well.
hopefully all of this will go away soon. i am starting to go back to the shrink and talk to him. i just hate that i cant go alone. its always with a parent. when i turn 18, i can go get one for myself.
AHH!! goodnight everyone. hope you all are having fun at formal.
~adios
it feels like we have lost everyone that used to be in ringland. now we have so much more people that are so different in some ways and the same in others. its been hard getting over this graduation shit and friend losses.
over the last week, depression has set in heavy. corrisiden sounded like an answer to my problems. it was for about 3 days, then it hit me with a huge depressed spell. then, i lied to llama about taking it and got her pissed at me. along with pills, i cant get over the one thing that is wrapping my brain ever since i came out. i cant get over it. i always sit in my room and think about it all and write it all out. i even sit in 7th period and go into a mental coma just thinking about this shit. when the bell rings, its like someone snapping their fingers and waking me up from a hypnosis. ive gone through about a half of my little journal with entries in 7th and at night. it isnt something that pills can get rid of and it isnt something that writting van get rid of. the fact that i see the thing(person) everyday doesnt help.it is all too much.
yay! im 18 in 4 days...who gives a flying fuck?! i dont. i really am dreading 18. i am now going through my "experimental" stage even though i should have about 4 years ago. it really sucks. i dont really know what to with me or anything about me right now. llama and i are getting along and i really like that. the one thing that is going well.
hopefully all of this will go away soon. i am starting to go back to the shrink and talk to him. i just hate that i cant go alone. its always with a parent. when i turn 18, i can go get one for myself.
AHH!! goodnight everyone. hope you all are having fun at formal.
~adios