"T-Giving" Deterrence
And now for some history of why we call Thanksgiving "Thanksgiving" and not "T-Giving".
Long ago in the day of the dinosaur there were many periods with names like Mezozoic, Jurassic, and so forth and hencewith. During one of the periods, which one is unimportant due to the fact that since everything I say is true details only make you more confused and distracted from the main point, there was a dinosaur called the Tyrannosaurus Rex, or the T-Rex for short. This "T-Rex" as my sources call it, was the king of all dinosaurs, which means he had a kingdom, serfs, knights, and a royal court which came with a complementary jester. Times were good: Booming economy, no serf uprisings, and the viral capabilities of a disease like the bubonic plague didn't yet exist.
During this time Rex, as I afffectionately call him, was a kind and benevolent ruler. He was fair with taxation taking more from the rich and very little or nothing at all from the poor. In no way was he a tyrant. Often, Rex would take many a stroll through the countryside greeting his commonfolk and exchanging smalltalk with local shopkeepers. He was a popular king. And by no means a tyrant. One day, as he was walking down a country road with his entourage of royal guards including bodyguard raptors, navy diplodocuses, and airforce pterodactyls, (he was well protected, and yet accessible, what a king that Rex), a peasant came up to him and struck up a conversation.
The peasant was a stegosaurus and had just gotten off of his back after a long day of plowing his field. He was very flexible. Stegs was very dirty and sweaty after a long days work and could be smelt (not melted into a liquid in a cauldron, but the artsy form of smelled) from miles away. Unfortunately, today Stegs's smell matched his disposition as he'd just been evicted from his household by his landlord, this was not by any means Rex's fault, but Stegs just needed someone to vent on. So Stegs railed on Rex about how it wasn't fair that the poor farmers were paid what they were (which was actually quite generous, Stegs had simply gambled away a lot of his profits) and how Rex should intervene on his behalf. Rex questioned him as to why he was evicted and Stegs soon became quite defensive ranting things such as "Sure, take HIS side" and "You're just like the rest of the royals". So, Rex did his best to settle Stegs down but with every attempt Stegs became more and more irate. Eventually the noise was so loud that a crowd started to gather, and since Stegs was pulling a ranting philibuster, Rex never got a chance to step in and get a word edgewise. Eventually Stegs's rants spread throughout the town and Rex, the once highly lauded king and benevolent ruler became a regional source of shame and discontent.
The villagers gradually became disheveled with their poorly judged ruler and riots occurred throughout the kingdom. Fires started. Dinos died. And a once Dinotopian society began to crumble around the edges. Fortunately, Rex was not new to matters of state and service and quickly brought the Royal Guards into the village to quell and subdue the uprising. The villagers went back to their normal lives, though with much grumbling and talks of a coup surfacing in the seedy underbelly of the military ranks who had using force on their kin in the riots. As Rex surveyed the damage he realized the royal treasury would never be able to amount to what it would take to repair the kingdom wide damages from the riots. So the next day he consulted with his cabinet and they unanimously agreed that a collection would be made among the villages in order to help raise funds for repair.
Upon hearing the new decree, the villagers became quite upset citing Rex's responsibility as king to do what is in his kingdom's and citizen's best interests, and that was to theoretically not have a collection. Regardless, the next day Rex sent out his collectors into the villages with instructions to take only what people gave them. Unfortunately Rex's collectors were dishnonest men and they would use violence to coerce the serfs and the rich alike into giving all they had. The villagers never considered that this was the work of the collectors and by no means the fault of the king and they quickly labeled Rex as a greedy Tyrant. Throughout the streets the name "Tyrannosaurus Rex" could be heard in whispered tones among the populace. When Rex received the money collected from the villagers (with the majority skimmed off the top by the greedy and now rich collectors) he realized that even with this collection they wouldn't have enough, so he ordered a second collection. With this announcement the villagers rose up and banners of "No more T-Giving, no more T-Rex" flew from all buildings. Rex's empire soon crumbled and a once mighty kingdom fell from alleged "T-Giving", slander, and greed.
So you see young one, this is why we must never abbreviate "Thanksgiving" into
"T-Giving". The connotations are much too negative and the memory of the noble Rex deserves better.
Happy Thanksgiving
Alex
Long ago in the day of the dinosaur there were many periods with names like Mezozoic, Jurassic, and so forth and hencewith. During one of the periods, which one is unimportant due to the fact that since everything I say is true details only make you more confused and distracted from the main point, there was a dinosaur called the Tyrannosaurus Rex, or the T-Rex for short. This "T-Rex" as my sources call it, was the king of all dinosaurs, which means he had a kingdom, serfs, knights, and a royal court which came with a complementary jester. Times were good: Booming economy, no serf uprisings, and the viral capabilities of a disease like the bubonic plague didn't yet exist.
During this time Rex, as I afffectionately call him, was a kind and benevolent ruler. He was fair with taxation taking more from the rich and very little or nothing at all from the poor. In no way was he a tyrant. Often, Rex would take many a stroll through the countryside greeting his commonfolk and exchanging smalltalk with local shopkeepers. He was a popular king. And by no means a tyrant. One day, as he was walking down a country road with his entourage of royal guards including bodyguard raptors, navy diplodocuses, and airforce pterodactyls, (he was well protected, and yet accessible, what a king that Rex), a peasant came up to him and struck up a conversation.
The peasant was a stegosaurus and had just gotten off of his back after a long day of plowing his field. He was very flexible. Stegs was very dirty and sweaty after a long days work and could be smelt (not melted into a liquid in a cauldron, but the artsy form of smelled) from miles away. Unfortunately, today Stegs's smell matched his disposition as he'd just been evicted from his household by his landlord, this was not by any means Rex's fault, but Stegs just needed someone to vent on. So Stegs railed on Rex about how it wasn't fair that the poor farmers were paid what they were (which was actually quite generous, Stegs had simply gambled away a lot of his profits) and how Rex should intervene on his behalf. Rex questioned him as to why he was evicted and Stegs soon became quite defensive ranting things such as "Sure, take HIS side" and "You're just like the rest of the royals". So, Rex did his best to settle Stegs down but with every attempt Stegs became more and more irate. Eventually the noise was so loud that a crowd started to gather, and since Stegs was pulling a ranting philibuster, Rex never got a chance to step in and get a word edgewise. Eventually Stegs's rants spread throughout the town and Rex, the once highly lauded king and benevolent ruler became a regional source of shame and discontent.
The villagers gradually became disheveled with their poorly judged ruler and riots occurred throughout the kingdom. Fires started. Dinos died. And a once Dinotopian society began to crumble around the edges. Fortunately, Rex was not new to matters of state and service and quickly brought the Royal Guards into the village to quell and subdue the uprising. The villagers went back to their normal lives, though with much grumbling and talks of a coup surfacing in the seedy underbelly of the military ranks who had using force on their kin in the riots. As Rex surveyed the damage he realized the royal treasury would never be able to amount to what it would take to repair the kingdom wide damages from the riots. So the next day he consulted with his cabinet and they unanimously agreed that a collection would be made among the villages in order to help raise funds for repair.
Upon hearing the new decree, the villagers became quite upset citing Rex's responsibility as king to do what is in his kingdom's and citizen's best interests, and that was to theoretically not have a collection. Regardless, the next day Rex sent out his collectors into the villages with instructions to take only what people gave them. Unfortunately Rex's collectors were dishnonest men and they would use violence to coerce the serfs and the rich alike into giving all they had. The villagers never considered that this was the work of the collectors and by no means the fault of the king and they quickly labeled Rex as a greedy Tyrant. Throughout the streets the name "Tyrannosaurus Rex" could be heard in whispered tones among the populace. When Rex received the money collected from the villagers (with the majority skimmed off the top by the greedy and now rich collectors) he realized that even with this collection they wouldn't have enough, so he ordered a second collection. With this announcement the villagers rose up and banners of "No more T-Giving, no more T-Rex" flew from all buildings. Rex's empire soon crumbled and a once mighty kingdom fell from alleged "T-Giving", slander, and greed.
So you see young one, this is why we must never abbreviate "Thanksgiving" into
"T-Giving". The connotations are much too negative and the memory of the noble Rex deserves better.
Happy Thanksgiving
Alex