In a quest to find who I am

Oct 24, 2008 20:48

Certainly, it would be very easy to say YOU, namely, yourself, are the best person who relatively knows every single bit about yourself. But sometimes, you achingly find yourself questioning, who am I in the first place? Contrary to popular belief, the self is usually the best person who knows everything about one's self. But sometimes, this in itself is rather inaccurate. Yes, you know yourself pretty well, your thoughts, emotions, philosophies, goals, aspirations, and everything that comprises you as an individual, but you may not know one thing- how you project yourself to others and how they perceive you as a person. That in itself remains unknown. You ask yourself, should you even bother with what people actually think about you? Or how you project yourself to others? The answer in itself is debatable and often times can be argued with a simple yes or no. It too probably depends on the situation per se. I ask you, to care, or not to care?

My mom has taught me several lessons in life and one thing she makes certain of is my appearance towards others, first impressions, in short. In some of the books I've read, they constantly say that first impression lasts. I for one is a unbeliever of that quote. Instead, I believe that first impressions make an impact. First impressions don't usually last because once you've established a certain relationship or friendship with a certain person, you've learn to view who that person really is. You don't take chance in following what you first thought of that person anymore. In fact, you'd even think that what you thought about was something really silly or hilarious to start with. Impact is the key and one example of this is getting hired in a job interview. For example, two people end up in a job interview, interviewee number one comes in corporate attire with resumes and requirements submitted in a crisp clean envelope whereas interviewee two comes in late, in rugged jeans and passes several crumpled sheets of paper in what she passes as a resume. If you were the boss, you'd certainly pick interviewee number one, the person who made the best positive impact. You're impression of interviewee number two wont even last because like the rest of the failed applicants, they end up in your "Trash Bin." So, first impressions do make an impact, or they affect rather than last.

The other reasoning we believe is that we shouldn't bother with how we project ourselves to others since we can't somehow please every single person in this world, afterall, we do have our own ideas that may seem odd or indifferent to other people and vice versa. Often times, we see this reasoning used in arguments in between people. We and our friends often try to reason out that it doesn't matter on how people [particularly an enemy/enemies] think of you, what's important is what you think of yourself and how you've lived your life. We find comfort in assuring ourselves with this notion. It gives us a sense that we can't please everyone. Someone might have a contrasting belief than we do, or we can't practically get along with every single person in this face of the earth. This in itself is comforting but shouldn't we think of the bigger picture? If life were to happen this way, then, there would be a day where everyone would treat each other indifferently. To not care, to be apathertic would mean the world comprising of nothing but "plastics"- no real ties for that matter.

I sit in front of the computer, with a moleskine and drawing pen in front of me, not knowing what to write or doodle on it. Not knowing what and where to start with, not knowing what lies ahead of me, but only with memories of my past that define me as a person.
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