Fic: I Belong to Myself (Cara/Denna, NC-17)
Title: I Belong to Myself
Pairing: Cara/Denna
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: aaaangst, some humiliation, anal, semi-explicit recollections of past torture
AN: The first word is from 'Resurrection', but it goes very AU from there, and discounts episode 1x16 entirely.
AN2: Written for Porn Battle XI for the prompts: Legend of the Seeker, Denna/Cara, Mistress, pain, sorrow, bed, temple, submission, silence, innocence
"Denna?"
As she heard the name leave Richard's lips, Cara's blood ran hot. And cold. She stiffened, tried to breathe. He could be mistaken. It was unlikely for Denna to be in D'Hara.
"Richard Rahl," Denna said as she slowly turned. "As I live and breathe."
"You weren't doing much of either the last time I saw you," Richard said, hand on his sword.
Cara's spine tingled, her palms sweating inside her gloves. That was Denna. She would recognize that smoky drawl anywhere - it only belonged to one woman in all the three territories.
"No," Denna said coyly, crimson lips arranged in a pout. "Alas, I was revived, and you had gone." Her eyes scanned his face, then moved to Cara... to the back of her head. "And... well, well, well, Cara Mason," she practically purred, though she could not see Cara's face. "The only Mord-Sith in D'Hara without her braid."
Cara's throat was too dry to swallow, let alone speak. Her arms trembled as she folded them behind her back, standing at a soldier's attention.
Richard looked at Cara, did a double-take. "Cara?" he questioned, alarmed at her pallor. "Are you ill?"
"Come now Cara, is that any way to greet an old friend?" Denna scolded, stepping up to the silent woman and running a finger down the front of her leathers. "Nothing to say? Oh, that's right... you serve a new Lord Rahl now, don't you?" Her eyes flicked to Richard. "Grant her permission to speak to me." Her voice gained a hard edge.
"Permission?" Richard spluttered. "Cara? Permission? She is not my slave. Not everyone thinks like Darken Rahl, Denna. She doesn't need permission from me to do anything."
"Oh, Cara," Denna said slowly, drawing out the name two times longer than it needed to be. "Not even a hello?"
Cara's cheeks flushed, and she wished Richard weren't looking at her. When Denna touched her face, the breath left her lungs in one short rush. Her voice cracked when she spoke. "Hello."
Richard was more than concerned now, his hand tightening around the hilt of his sword. "Take your hands off her, Denna," he warned.
Denna laughed, a rich, throaty sound, keeping her palm to Cara's cheek as she glanced to Richard. "Why don't you ask her if she wants me away," she suggested, seeming to suck the air from the space around them.
"Cara?" Richard asked, aggrieved, his voice rising in pitch through the last syllable.
Cara felt as if the walls were closing in on her; wished it were true. Finally she snapped the outside of her forearm up crossways to the underside of Denna's, forcing the hand from her face, and fled the tavern.
"What did you do to her?" Richard asked angrily, itching to draw his sword.
Denna looked at him mildly. "More than I ever did to you." When Richard turned to follow, she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, which he abruptly shook off, but waited for her to speak. "Let her lick her wounds in private. She will come inside when she's ready."
"She is scared, Denna," Richard said frustratedly.
"And if she knew you said that, or even that you thought it, you would never again be able to please your blushing Confessor. Let her be." The hard edge lingered just beneath the surface; it was a request, but one false move would turn it into a threat.
"And what do I do in the meantime?" He ran his fingers through his hair, his frustration growing.
"Why did you come here to begin with?" Denna asked, and Richard nodded.
--
Cara returned well past nightfall, and Denna invited the two of them to stay for supper, on the house. As they moved to a table, Denna kept her gaze on Cara, a twinkle in her eye. "Do you think you'll be able to join us at the table without wetting yourself, or shall I send for a bowl of porridge and have you eat from the floor at my feet like a dog?"
The point of Richard's sword was at her throat before she had even finished speaking, his arm shaking with rage. "Don't think I won't kill you twice," he forced out, his voice tense, strained with the pain of the magic she was trying to turn against him.
Dark red lips pursed in thought, and Denna stepped back, pulling out a chair for Cara and waving her hand over it in invitation.
Cara chose another chair, with difficulty, fearing her reaction to Denna and doing anything she could to retain her independence.
Denna laughed and took the chair herself, snapping her fingers to have three meals brought to the table.
They ate in silence, and when their plates were cleared, Denna addressed Cara again, this time much more civilly. "Would you care for dessert? My cooks make a delicious bread pudding."
Cara still found it difficult to breathe in Denna's presence, but she fought her instinct down hard, wiping her face with her napkin and clearing her throat. "Yes, thank you."
"And you, Richard?"
"Sounds great."
She snapped her fingers again, and one of the cooks rushed over with three bowls of bread pudding, steaming hot, and after placing them all down, she quickly distributed knives and spoons to each place setting and returned to the kitchens.
Cara could feel Denna's eyes on her as she ate, and did her best to ignore it. The sooner they were gone from here, the better. But the weather was foul, approaching a level in which they could not safely travel, and she knew they would have to spend the night. Her pride would not allow her to ask to share a room with Richard.
--
Cara preferred to sleep naked. This night she slept in her leathers, with her Agiels under her pillow. She knew Denna would come to her.
And Denna did.
Slipping silently into the room, Denna pushed the door closed and bolted the latch.
Cara watched her approach, a tightness in her lungs making it hard to get a full breath.
"Put your Agiels on the floor."
The first words Denna spoke were short and left no room for misinterpretation. Cara moved a shaking hand beneath her pillow and took the Agiels, dropping them over the edge of the bed.
Denna moved forward and kicked them further away, completely out of reach, and sat. "I was very disappointed by your greeting this evening," she said, voice smooth as silk. "Your reticence hurts me, Cara."
Cara's palms were sweating again; she wanted to take off her gloves. The tightness in her chest grew painful. Even after all this time, disappointing Denna was like an Agiel to the gut. "Please," she trembled.
"Please nothing," Denna barked, raising a hand to strike her, stopping at the last second and composing herself, taking a breath and lowering her hand gently instead, stroking Cara's flushed cheek. "You know I want to have you tonight."
Cara nodded, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.
"And if I wished it, I could simply take you."
Again Cara nodded, unable to defy her Mistress. Former. Former Mistress. Denna was not her Mistress anymore, and she did not have to obey. She repeated that in her head like a mantra, over and over and over. She was not a frightened little girl, she was a Mord-Sith, and she could defend herself. But Denna didn't move to force her.
"I am not going to take you," Denna said kindly, rubbing her thumb over Cara's tears. "A Mistress would never truly hurt her Mord-Sith. If you do not wish me to touch you, I will not."
Cara did not miss the note of regret in Denna's voice at the last.
"Allow me to kiss you, Cara. Allow me to show you how I have changed."
Tears formed new and slid down Cara's cheeks to the sheets. "You humiliated me in front of my Lord Rahl," she choked out softly.
"And you survived," Denna told her. "You are stronger now for it."
"I don't feel strong around you. I thought I was, until I heard your voice this evening. As soon as you opened your mouth, I was your pet all over again, begging you to love me."
"And I did love you," Denna whispered, stroking away her tears, "in the only way a Mord-Sith knows to love. I brought you as much pain as I possibly could."
Cara closed her eyes, leaned into the touch. "A part of me is still yours," she confessed. "I fear it always will be."
"And is that so bad?" Denna asked, a small smile tugging the corners of her mouth.
"I have yet to find that out," Cara sighed. "I cannot call you Mistress. I would lose myself."
"Does that mean I may have you tonight?"
Cara nodded. "Rahl help me, but yes."
"What can you call me?" Denna asked, eyes shining with lust and possibilities. "Because 'Denna' just won't do."
"What else is acceptable?" Cara whispered.
Denna thought, idly stroking Cara's face as she did. "I would very much like for you to come up with something, Cara," she decided, pressing her lips beneath Cara's right eye, leaving a soft trace of her lipstick there.
Cara's eyes closed, her skin on fire from the simple touch of Denna's lips. "I will call you Mistress," she acquiesced.
Denna's mouth curled into a smirk, but held no malice this time as she shook her head. "Thank you, my pet, but no. You will leave here tomorrow with the Seeker, and you must be able to do so. As much as it pains me to admit, I cannot keep you. You have more important places to be. You will not call me Mistress."
"Mistress, please..."
"No!" Denna snapped. "Do you wish to displease me?"
"No," Cara answered, eyes squeezed shut tight, giving a shake of her head. She could feel herself slipping away.
Denna saw it happening and cradled Cara's face in her hands, as she had done very few times before. "Cara," she crooned, her voice gentle once again. "You have a kind and generous Lord Rahl to serve. I am selfish to want you this night. Spirits move me, I can't resist you," she whispered, bringing their mouths together in communion. "You are a fierce warrior, and that is who I want in my bed. Not the girl I broke, but the woman I created."
Cara slowly came back to herself, thinking of Richard and Zedd and Kahlan, of how free she was when she was with them, despite how guarded they thought her to be. "Then allow me to call you Denna, as an equal."
"Oh, that would be very hard for me, my pet," Denna said, rubbing her cheek against Cara's.
Cara moaned softly, her hands going to Denna's shoulders, resting there without pressure.
"I will try." It was the best she could do. She kissed her way from Cara's cheek to the corner of her mouth, tongue feathering across subtly parted lips to push inside.
Cara had never felt anything so soft, and she slid her own tongue to meet Denna's in a sensual dance.
When the Mistress pulled back, she smiled down at Cara, lazy, far-off clouds in her eyes. "Do you remember the night I took your innocence?"
Cara's pulse raced. "How could I ever forget?"
"You hated me then."
"Is that what you think?"
"Yes."
"Maybe a little. But only because of how badly I wanted you to tame me. I was ashamed for wanting it, and resented you for making me crave it. When I saw how jealous the other sisters were, I stopped being ashamed."
"Never be ashamed of your desires, Pet."
"Stop calling me that." It took great effort for Cara to demand anything of her former Mistress, but that word brought her back too vividly.
"What did you think, the first time I touched your insides with my Agiel?"
Cara recoiled a little, sighing. "I thought I would die."
"I would never have let you die," Denna promised, kissing her again, pulling Cara's bottom lip between her teeth and biting just enough to get a squirm. "And now? If I were to do it now?"
"If you were to do it now, I would climax," Cara said without emotion.
"I trained you well," Denna purred, her words clearly laced with pride.
Cara stiffened. "I don't want to talk about my training any more."
Denna couldn't hold back one last comment. "My favorite part of your training was the night you begged me to take you from the temple."
Cara's cheeks reddened, she pushed Denna off of her and rolled away, jerking the sheet up around her, scant protection but better than feeling so exposed.
"Please, Mistress Denna, it's been so long since I've seen the sky. Would you please take me for a walk?"
Denna's eyebrows lifted in amusement. "You think you deserve to see the sky, Pet? Just yesterday you forced me to punish you for disobedience."
Tears streamed down Cara's cheeks, the memory of her disobedience flaring hot around her ears. "I had not meant to disobey, Mistress," she whispered.
"That is even worse!" Denna yelled, flying into a sudden rage and taking a handful of Cara's hair, throwing her to the floor. "At least if you are going to disobey, have the spine to do it purposefully," she spat. "Get up."
Cara struggled to her feet, her scalp throbbing, shame coloring her face and chest. "Forgive me, Mistress. I withdraw my request."
"You want to see the sky?" Denna asked, eyes twinkling wickedly.
She took Cara into the temple proper, forced her to her hands and knees, and beat her with the Agiel so severely she bled all over the marble. When Cara passed out from the pain, she jerked her awake with a fierce slap to the side of her head, then proceeded to make her paint designs on every statue in the temple with her blood while begging the temple for forgiveness, for asking to go outside, to be away from it.
Then she took Cara outside, naked, bruised and bleeding, and made her sleep on the cold, hard ground, alone. "There's your sky," she sneered. "Enjoy it." She tossed Cara's leash to the ground, preventing her from running away, not that she would anyway, but precautions precautions, and went inside.
"Cara," Denna said soothingly, reaching a hand to rest on the sheet covering Cara's arm.
Cara threw her off savagely and sprung to a sitting position, placing both hands flat on Denna's chest and pushing with a howl of rage.
Denna fell to the floor, unruffled, and waited.
"How could you do that to me?" Cara screamed, her face wet with tears. "All I wanted was to go for a walk! With you! I wasn't asking to be set free, or to go without you! I didn't want to go without you! And you punished me, and punished me, and punished me, and worst of all made me sleep outside alone! And now you remind me of it, and say it was your favorite part of my training? Why do you still want to hurt me? I was nothing but devoted to you!" She had launched herself to the floor astride Denna and was pounding her fists against everything she could reach - Denna's face, her chest, her stomach, the floorboards, the night table.
Denna allowed the beating in silence, and when Cara finally collapsed, sobbing, she held her.
No words needed to be said as Denna removed Cara's leathers, laid her naked in the bed, climbed over her. Steady fingers between her pet's legs milked a climax, two, three, until Cara stopped crying. "I'm sorry," Denna whispered, her words a breath over Cara's ear, making the trembling woman wonder if it was a trick of her senses.
Somehow that was worse. "No," Cara gasped. "You can't put me through that and say you're sorry... you can't invalidate what I went through, you c--"
"No," Denna corrected her with a gentle kiss. "I'm not sorry for what I did to you back then. I'm sorry for bringing it up now, to humiliate you and hurt you. I hope you can understand that hurting others is how I survive."
"Why can't you find another way?" Cara asked gruffly. "I have."
"Yes, yes," Denna replied dismissively, "you have risen above. We aren't all built like you, Cara Mason."
"Are you admitting a Mistress is weaker than her pet?" Cara murmured, squirming when Denna's fingers started to finally slide out of their warm cocoon.
A flash of truth sparked in Denna's eyes as they held Cara's gaze, before she opened her mouth to utter a lie. "Never."
It gave Cara comfort, knowing that Denna found her full of strength even though she would not say it. "Thank you," Cara whispered.
A few moments passed in silence, and Denna groaned softly, a thought having wormed its way into her mind. "Cara," she nearly moaned, pressing her face to Cara's neck. "Will you allow me something?"
Just the fact that Denna asked permission made Cara want to say yes, whatever it was. "What is it?" she forced herself to ask, instead of nodding as she had the urge. Denna rocked her hips against one of Cara's thighs, a soft, subtle motion, but Cara felt it. Her Mistress -- former Mistress -- was aroused.
"I wish to take you as I used to when we traveled to other temples..." She could barely contain the excitement in her voice.
Cara's breath caught, eyes closing to avoid having to look at Denna as she flushed. Jaw quivering, she nodded her assent, and Denna lifted so she could turn over.
Denna couldn't help the shiver that ran through her, settling between her legs as she shifted higher onto all fours, enough to be able to pick up one hand. "Imagine the other Mord-Sith of the temple watching," she said in a husky voice, removing the sheet from her back to expose both of them to the cool air of the room. "Imagine your Lord Rahl watching, and your wizard, and your Confessor..."
Cara pressed her face into a pillow, embarrassment blossoming at Denna's words. A hand stroking her back calmed the embarrassment somewhat, but she was glad that a little of it remained. It made her wetter.
Denna traced patterns across Cara's back, enjoying the way muscles rippled beneath her fingertips, and when she reached her pet's tailbone, she flattened her hand, stroking firmly with her palm. "Do you remember what I used to say?"
Cara nodded, her rippling muscles tensing.
Denna spoke then to an imaginary audience, moving to one side of Cara as if to show her off to the room. "Ladies," she said, "and wizard, and Lord Rahl, this is my bonded pet, my mate. I invite you all to watch, if you wish, as I demonstrate how well she accepts my authority."
Cara groaned. Memories flooded, but she managed to stay in the moment.
Denna dropped role and climbed back over Cara, trailing a lone fingertip in circles at the small of her back.
Cara fisted the sheets in anticipation. She hated this... and she loved it, so much.
Denna's eyes sparkled as she crawled two fingers like a spider down toward the cleft of Cara's behind, reveling in the twitch of her pet's backside. "Rise to me," she commanded quietly, her free hand clenching air.
Cara panted against the pillow, her heart racing, pulse pounding in her ears. She slowly pressed her backside up until she felt Denna's fingertip slip between her cheeks. She gasped for breath now, sweat glistening on the back of her neck.
"The wizard left, Lord Rahl is straining in his trousers, and the Confessor is blushing with her hand beneath her skirts," Denna whispered into Cara's ear, pressing her fingertip down further, past the hole she would violate momentarily, until she felt wetness, and twisted her hand to gather some on the pad of her finger.
The slow speed was torture, but gave her time to prepare, and she breathed hard into the pillow, unable to resist writhing a little in discomfort. She imagined Richard and Kahlan, staring at her naked body, exposed and vulnerable, and her thighs clenched.
"Relax for me," Denna coaxed, dragging her lubricated fingertip back up between Cara's cheeks, pressing lightly at her rear. "Relax," she repeated as Cara's body jerked. Her free hand came to grip Cara's hip, steadily pressing her back down to the mattress.
"But you asked me to rise," Cara protested, afraid she had done something wrong.
"And you did," Denna assured her, patting her bottom. "Now I want you relaxed. Settle, please."
Cara blew out a long breath, and settled. She said nothing, afraid that if she spoke, she would say 'yes, Mistress'.
Denna smiled and gave a small push with her finger, the tip disappearing inside. She splayed the rest of her fingers, and thumb, over Cara's buttocks, allowing for less leverage but a more comfortable position, with more intimate contact.
Cara groaned, the sound muffled by the pillow but still startlingly loud, and squirmed. The partial penetration was maddening.
Denna was grinning broadly, and wiggled her fingertip, delighting in Cara's repeated groan and renewed squirming. "I think we've inspired our audience," she drawled. "Your Lord Rahl is behind the Confessor."
Cara pictured it, just as Denna's finger forced its way in deeper, and she cried out, pushing her arms straight to lift her chest from the bed, head thrown back.
Denna grunted softly with the effort of pushing past Cara's body's natural resistance, and penetrated her fully. In the past, she had always asked Cara who she belonged to at this point. Now she clenched her teeth to keep quiet and leaned over to press gentle kisses along the curve of Cara's left shoulder blade.
Cara waited for the question that never came, and found tears welling in her eyes at its absence. It was true, though, she no longer belonged to Denna in that way. But she would always belong to her in at least some way, and she could still answer to that. "Please, ask," she choked out past the lump in her throat.
Denna needed no further encouragement, the words on the tip of her tongue already. "Who do you belong to?" she breathed against Cara's skin.
"I belong to myself," Cara answered, a tear spilling over. "And also to you."
Denna didn't know what she had expected, but she gasped, tears welling in her own eyes as she pressed her lips to the back of Cara's neck. Half of her had wondered whether she would be called 'Mistress', and the other half if she would be left out of the answer altogether. She rested her finger still, just lying there half on top of Cara, lips against her neck.
The gasp made Cara think she had made Denna angry, but the kiss calmed her fears.
Denna's voice broke when she spoke. "Yes, you belong to yourself," she agreed, freeing Cara of the bonds she had wound so tightly years ago. "And I hope that whenever you may find yourself passing through, you will come to me, for a night... Will you do that for me, Cara?"
"Yes, Denna, I will."
It was strange to hear Cara address her that way, but not entirely unpleasant, she found. "I do love you, in my own mad way, you know that, don't you?"
"I do," Cara whispered, nodding and shifting to turn onto her side, letting Denna's finger slip out of her. She closed her eyes briefly at the empty feeling, but looking Denna in the eye was more important. "And in my own mad way, I will always love you more than life itself."
A tear slid down Denna's cheek; she smiled. "We are both mad as idiots," she proclaimed with a wistful laugh.
Their attention was wrested from each other as the door exploded open, the latch thrown from the wall, useless, apparently. Richard burst into the room, sword drawn. "Cara! D'Harans are here, they said Grix never came b--" He stopped, staring at the scene in front of him, and nearly flailed. The sword burned in his hand as Denna tried to keep him from advancing on her with it.
"I'm all right, Richard," Cara sighed, rubbing her eyes as she sat up, unthinkingly giving him an unhindered view of her breasts. She didn't realize it until she couldn't catch his eye. "Lord Rahl?" she drawled, head tilted to one side. "What is more important, the D'Harans or my breasts?"
"Breasts," Richard mumbled, then snapped out of it, shaking his head, hair flying. "D'Harans! Denna, don't you want to protect your... girls?!"
Denna smirked, rising from the bed, using Richard's momentary distraction to knock the sword to the floor with its magic. "That won't be necessary. General Grix will stand the soldiers down."
"General Grix is here?" Richard asked, bending to pick up the sword, no longer intent on using it to run Denna through. "You told me he wasn't."
"And I am always so honest," Denna said with a nod, lips pushed into a pout.
Cara stood, walked slowly to Richard, enjoying the power her nakedness seemed to have over him. She stopped in front of him, leaning up to whisper in his ear. "You should have seen what Denna was doing to me five minutes ago... it would have had you dying to fuck Kahlan in the ass."
Richard dropped the sword on his foot. At least Cara was back to normal.
Pairing: Cara/Denna
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: aaaangst, some humiliation, anal, semi-explicit recollections of past torture
AN: The first word is from 'Resurrection', but it goes very AU from there, and discounts episode 1x16 entirely.
AN2: Written for Porn Battle XI for the prompts: Legend of the Seeker, Denna/Cara, Mistress, pain, sorrow, bed, temple, submission, silence, innocence
"Denna?"
As she heard the name leave Richard's lips, Cara's blood ran hot. And cold. She stiffened, tried to breathe. He could be mistaken. It was unlikely for Denna to be in D'Hara.
"Richard Rahl," Denna said as she slowly turned. "As I live and breathe."
"You weren't doing much of either the last time I saw you," Richard said, hand on his sword.
Cara's spine tingled, her palms sweating inside her gloves. That was Denna. She would recognize that smoky drawl anywhere - it only belonged to one woman in all the three territories.
"No," Denna said coyly, crimson lips arranged in a pout. "Alas, I was revived, and you had gone." Her eyes scanned his face, then moved to Cara... to the back of her head. "And... well, well, well, Cara Mason," she practically purred, though she could not see Cara's face. "The only Mord-Sith in D'Hara without her braid."
Cara's throat was too dry to swallow, let alone speak. Her arms trembled as she folded them behind her back, standing at a soldier's attention.
Richard looked at Cara, did a double-take. "Cara?" he questioned, alarmed at her pallor. "Are you ill?"
"Come now Cara, is that any way to greet an old friend?" Denna scolded, stepping up to the silent woman and running a finger down the front of her leathers. "Nothing to say? Oh, that's right... you serve a new Lord Rahl now, don't you?" Her eyes flicked to Richard. "Grant her permission to speak to me." Her voice gained a hard edge.
"Permission?" Richard spluttered. "Cara? Permission? She is not my slave. Not everyone thinks like Darken Rahl, Denna. She doesn't need permission from me to do anything."
"Oh, Cara," Denna said slowly, drawing out the name two times longer than it needed to be. "Not even a hello?"
Cara's cheeks flushed, and she wished Richard weren't looking at her. When Denna touched her face, the breath left her lungs in one short rush. Her voice cracked when she spoke. "Hello."
Richard was more than concerned now, his hand tightening around the hilt of his sword. "Take your hands off her, Denna," he warned.
Denna laughed, a rich, throaty sound, keeping her palm to Cara's cheek as she glanced to Richard. "Why don't you ask her if she wants me away," she suggested, seeming to suck the air from the space around them.
"Cara?" Richard asked, aggrieved, his voice rising in pitch through the last syllable.
Cara felt as if the walls were closing in on her; wished it were true. Finally she snapped the outside of her forearm up crossways to the underside of Denna's, forcing the hand from her face, and fled the tavern.
"What did you do to her?" Richard asked angrily, itching to draw his sword.
Denna looked at him mildly. "More than I ever did to you." When Richard turned to follow, she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, which he abruptly shook off, but waited for her to speak. "Let her lick her wounds in private. She will come inside when she's ready."
"She is scared, Denna," Richard said frustratedly.
"And if she knew you said that, or even that you thought it, you would never again be able to please your blushing Confessor. Let her be." The hard edge lingered just beneath the surface; it was a request, but one false move would turn it into a threat.
"And what do I do in the meantime?" He ran his fingers through his hair, his frustration growing.
"Why did you come here to begin with?" Denna asked, and Richard nodded.
--
Cara returned well past nightfall, and Denna invited the two of them to stay for supper, on the house. As they moved to a table, Denna kept her gaze on Cara, a twinkle in her eye. "Do you think you'll be able to join us at the table without wetting yourself, or shall I send for a bowl of porridge and have you eat from the floor at my feet like a dog?"
The point of Richard's sword was at her throat before she had even finished speaking, his arm shaking with rage. "Don't think I won't kill you twice," he forced out, his voice tense, strained with the pain of the magic she was trying to turn against him.
Dark red lips pursed in thought, and Denna stepped back, pulling out a chair for Cara and waving her hand over it in invitation.
Cara chose another chair, with difficulty, fearing her reaction to Denna and doing anything she could to retain her independence.
Denna laughed and took the chair herself, snapping her fingers to have three meals brought to the table.
They ate in silence, and when their plates were cleared, Denna addressed Cara again, this time much more civilly. "Would you care for dessert? My cooks make a delicious bread pudding."
Cara still found it difficult to breathe in Denna's presence, but she fought her instinct down hard, wiping her face with her napkin and clearing her throat. "Yes, thank you."
"And you, Richard?"
"Sounds great."
She snapped her fingers again, and one of the cooks rushed over with three bowls of bread pudding, steaming hot, and after placing them all down, she quickly distributed knives and spoons to each place setting and returned to the kitchens.
Cara could feel Denna's eyes on her as she ate, and did her best to ignore it. The sooner they were gone from here, the better. But the weather was foul, approaching a level in which they could not safely travel, and she knew they would have to spend the night. Her pride would not allow her to ask to share a room with Richard.
--
Cara preferred to sleep naked. This night she slept in her leathers, with her Agiels under her pillow. She knew Denna would come to her.
And Denna did.
Slipping silently into the room, Denna pushed the door closed and bolted the latch.
Cara watched her approach, a tightness in her lungs making it hard to get a full breath.
"Put your Agiels on the floor."
The first words Denna spoke were short and left no room for misinterpretation. Cara moved a shaking hand beneath her pillow and took the Agiels, dropping them over the edge of the bed.
Denna moved forward and kicked them further away, completely out of reach, and sat. "I was very disappointed by your greeting this evening," she said, voice smooth as silk. "Your reticence hurts me, Cara."
Cara's palms were sweating again; she wanted to take off her gloves. The tightness in her chest grew painful. Even after all this time, disappointing Denna was like an Agiel to the gut. "Please," she trembled.
"Please nothing," Denna barked, raising a hand to strike her, stopping at the last second and composing herself, taking a breath and lowering her hand gently instead, stroking Cara's flushed cheek. "You know I want to have you tonight."
Cara nodded, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.
"And if I wished it, I could simply take you."
Again Cara nodded, unable to defy her Mistress. Former. Former Mistress. Denna was not her Mistress anymore, and she did not have to obey. She repeated that in her head like a mantra, over and over and over. She was not a frightened little girl, she was a Mord-Sith, and she could defend herself. But Denna didn't move to force her.
"I am not going to take you," Denna said kindly, rubbing her thumb over Cara's tears. "A Mistress would never truly hurt her Mord-Sith. If you do not wish me to touch you, I will not."
Cara did not miss the note of regret in Denna's voice at the last.
"Allow me to kiss you, Cara. Allow me to show you how I have changed."
Tears formed new and slid down Cara's cheeks to the sheets. "You humiliated me in front of my Lord Rahl," she choked out softly.
"And you survived," Denna told her. "You are stronger now for it."
"I don't feel strong around you. I thought I was, until I heard your voice this evening. As soon as you opened your mouth, I was your pet all over again, begging you to love me."
"And I did love you," Denna whispered, stroking away her tears, "in the only way a Mord-Sith knows to love. I brought you as much pain as I possibly could."
Cara closed her eyes, leaned into the touch. "A part of me is still yours," she confessed. "I fear it always will be."
"And is that so bad?" Denna asked, a small smile tugging the corners of her mouth.
"I have yet to find that out," Cara sighed. "I cannot call you Mistress. I would lose myself."
"Does that mean I may have you tonight?"
Cara nodded. "Rahl help me, but yes."
"What can you call me?" Denna asked, eyes shining with lust and possibilities. "Because 'Denna' just won't do."
"What else is acceptable?" Cara whispered.
Denna thought, idly stroking Cara's face as she did. "I would very much like for you to come up with something, Cara," she decided, pressing her lips beneath Cara's right eye, leaving a soft trace of her lipstick there.
Cara's eyes closed, her skin on fire from the simple touch of Denna's lips. "I will call you Mistress," she acquiesced.
Denna's mouth curled into a smirk, but held no malice this time as she shook her head. "Thank you, my pet, but no. You will leave here tomorrow with the Seeker, and you must be able to do so. As much as it pains me to admit, I cannot keep you. You have more important places to be. You will not call me Mistress."
"Mistress, please..."
"No!" Denna snapped. "Do you wish to displease me?"
"No," Cara answered, eyes squeezed shut tight, giving a shake of her head. She could feel herself slipping away.
Denna saw it happening and cradled Cara's face in her hands, as she had done very few times before. "Cara," she crooned, her voice gentle once again. "You have a kind and generous Lord Rahl to serve. I am selfish to want you this night. Spirits move me, I can't resist you," she whispered, bringing their mouths together in communion. "You are a fierce warrior, and that is who I want in my bed. Not the girl I broke, but the woman I created."
Cara slowly came back to herself, thinking of Richard and Zedd and Kahlan, of how free she was when she was with them, despite how guarded they thought her to be. "Then allow me to call you Denna, as an equal."
"Oh, that would be very hard for me, my pet," Denna said, rubbing her cheek against Cara's.
Cara moaned softly, her hands going to Denna's shoulders, resting there without pressure.
"I will try." It was the best she could do. She kissed her way from Cara's cheek to the corner of her mouth, tongue feathering across subtly parted lips to push inside.
Cara had never felt anything so soft, and she slid her own tongue to meet Denna's in a sensual dance.
When the Mistress pulled back, she smiled down at Cara, lazy, far-off clouds in her eyes. "Do you remember the night I took your innocence?"
Cara's pulse raced. "How could I ever forget?"
"You hated me then."
"Is that what you think?"
"Yes."
"Maybe a little. But only because of how badly I wanted you to tame me. I was ashamed for wanting it, and resented you for making me crave it. When I saw how jealous the other sisters were, I stopped being ashamed."
"Never be ashamed of your desires, Pet."
"Stop calling me that." It took great effort for Cara to demand anything of her former Mistress, but that word brought her back too vividly.
"What did you think, the first time I touched your insides with my Agiel?"
Cara recoiled a little, sighing. "I thought I would die."
"I would never have let you die," Denna promised, kissing her again, pulling Cara's bottom lip between her teeth and biting just enough to get a squirm. "And now? If I were to do it now?"
"If you were to do it now, I would climax," Cara said without emotion.
"I trained you well," Denna purred, her words clearly laced with pride.
Cara stiffened. "I don't want to talk about my training any more."
Denna couldn't hold back one last comment. "My favorite part of your training was the night you begged me to take you from the temple."
Cara's cheeks reddened, she pushed Denna off of her and rolled away, jerking the sheet up around her, scant protection but better than feeling so exposed.
"Please, Mistress Denna, it's been so long since I've seen the sky. Would you please take me for a walk?"
Denna's eyebrows lifted in amusement. "You think you deserve to see the sky, Pet? Just yesterday you forced me to punish you for disobedience."
Tears streamed down Cara's cheeks, the memory of her disobedience flaring hot around her ears. "I had not meant to disobey, Mistress," she whispered.
"That is even worse!" Denna yelled, flying into a sudden rage and taking a handful of Cara's hair, throwing her to the floor. "At least if you are going to disobey, have the spine to do it purposefully," she spat. "Get up."
Cara struggled to her feet, her scalp throbbing, shame coloring her face and chest. "Forgive me, Mistress. I withdraw my request."
"You want to see the sky?" Denna asked, eyes twinkling wickedly.
She took Cara into the temple proper, forced her to her hands and knees, and beat her with the Agiel so severely she bled all over the marble. When Cara passed out from the pain, she jerked her awake with a fierce slap to the side of her head, then proceeded to make her paint designs on every statue in the temple with her blood while begging the temple for forgiveness, for asking to go outside, to be away from it.
Then she took Cara outside, naked, bruised and bleeding, and made her sleep on the cold, hard ground, alone. "There's your sky," she sneered. "Enjoy it." She tossed Cara's leash to the ground, preventing her from running away, not that she would anyway, but precautions precautions, and went inside.
"Cara," Denna said soothingly, reaching a hand to rest on the sheet covering Cara's arm.
Cara threw her off savagely and sprung to a sitting position, placing both hands flat on Denna's chest and pushing with a howl of rage.
Denna fell to the floor, unruffled, and waited.
"How could you do that to me?" Cara screamed, her face wet with tears. "All I wanted was to go for a walk! With you! I wasn't asking to be set free, or to go without you! I didn't want to go without you! And you punished me, and punished me, and punished me, and worst of all made me sleep outside alone! And now you remind me of it, and say it was your favorite part of my training? Why do you still want to hurt me? I was nothing but devoted to you!" She had launched herself to the floor astride Denna and was pounding her fists against everything she could reach - Denna's face, her chest, her stomach, the floorboards, the night table.
Denna allowed the beating in silence, and when Cara finally collapsed, sobbing, she held her.
No words needed to be said as Denna removed Cara's leathers, laid her naked in the bed, climbed over her. Steady fingers between her pet's legs milked a climax, two, three, until Cara stopped crying. "I'm sorry," Denna whispered, her words a breath over Cara's ear, making the trembling woman wonder if it was a trick of her senses.
Somehow that was worse. "No," Cara gasped. "You can't put me through that and say you're sorry... you can't invalidate what I went through, you c--"
"No," Denna corrected her with a gentle kiss. "I'm not sorry for what I did to you back then. I'm sorry for bringing it up now, to humiliate you and hurt you. I hope you can understand that hurting others is how I survive."
"Why can't you find another way?" Cara asked gruffly. "I have."
"Yes, yes," Denna replied dismissively, "you have risen above. We aren't all built like you, Cara Mason."
"Are you admitting a Mistress is weaker than her pet?" Cara murmured, squirming when Denna's fingers started to finally slide out of their warm cocoon.
A flash of truth sparked in Denna's eyes as they held Cara's gaze, before she opened her mouth to utter a lie. "Never."
It gave Cara comfort, knowing that Denna found her full of strength even though she would not say it. "Thank you," Cara whispered.
A few moments passed in silence, and Denna groaned softly, a thought having wormed its way into her mind. "Cara," she nearly moaned, pressing her face to Cara's neck. "Will you allow me something?"
Just the fact that Denna asked permission made Cara want to say yes, whatever it was. "What is it?" she forced herself to ask, instead of nodding as she had the urge. Denna rocked her hips against one of Cara's thighs, a soft, subtle motion, but Cara felt it. Her Mistress -- former Mistress -- was aroused.
"I wish to take you as I used to when we traveled to other temples..." She could barely contain the excitement in her voice.
Cara's breath caught, eyes closing to avoid having to look at Denna as she flushed. Jaw quivering, she nodded her assent, and Denna lifted so she could turn over.
Denna couldn't help the shiver that ran through her, settling between her legs as she shifted higher onto all fours, enough to be able to pick up one hand. "Imagine the other Mord-Sith of the temple watching," she said in a husky voice, removing the sheet from her back to expose both of them to the cool air of the room. "Imagine your Lord Rahl watching, and your wizard, and your Confessor..."
Cara pressed her face into a pillow, embarrassment blossoming at Denna's words. A hand stroking her back calmed the embarrassment somewhat, but she was glad that a little of it remained. It made her wetter.
Denna traced patterns across Cara's back, enjoying the way muscles rippled beneath her fingertips, and when she reached her pet's tailbone, she flattened her hand, stroking firmly with her palm. "Do you remember what I used to say?"
Cara nodded, her rippling muscles tensing.
Denna spoke then to an imaginary audience, moving to one side of Cara as if to show her off to the room. "Ladies," she said, "and wizard, and Lord Rahl, this is my bonded pet, my mate. I invite you all to watch, if you wish, as I demonstrate how well she accepts my authority."
Cara groaned. Memories flooded, but she managed to stay in the moment.
Denna dropped role and climbed back over Cara, trailing a lone fingertip in circles at the small of her back.
Cara fisted the sheets in anticipation. She hated this... and she loved it, so much.
Denna's eyes sparkled as she crawled two fingers like a spider down toward the cleft of Cara's behind, reveling in the twitch of her pet's backside. "Rise to me," she commanded quietly, her free hand clenching air.
Cara panted against the pillow, her heart racing, pulse pounding in her ears. She slowly pressed her backside up until she felt Denna's fingertip slip between her cheeks. She gasped for breath now, sweat glistening on the back of her neck.
"The wizard left, Lord Rahl is straining in his trousers, and the Confessor is blushing with her hand beneath her skirts," Denna whispered into Cara's ear, pressing her fingertip down further, past the hole she would violate momentarily, until she felt wetness, and twisted her hand to gather some on the pad of her finger.
The slow speed was torture, but gave her time to prepare, and she breathed hard into the pillow, unable to resist writhing a little in discomfort. She imagined Richard and Kahlan, staring at her naked body, exposed and vulnerable, and her thighs clenched.
"Relax for me," Denna coaxed, dragging her lubricated fingertip back up between Cara's cheeks, pressing lightly at her rear. "Relax," she repeated as Cara's body jerked. Her free hand came to grip Cara's hip, steadily pressing her back down to the mattress.
"But you asked me to rise," Cara protested, afraid she had done something wrong.
"And you did," Denna assured her, patting her bottom. "Now I want you relaxed. Settle, please."
Cara blew out a long breath, and settled. She said nothing, afraid that if she spoke, she would say 'yes, Mistress'.
Denna smiled and gave a small push with her finger, the tip disappearing inside. She splayed the rest of her fingers, and thumb, over Cara's buttocks, allowing for less leverage but a more comfortable position, with more intimate contact.
Cara groaned, the sound muffled by the pillow but still startlingly loud, and squirmed. The partial penetration was maddening.
Denna was grinning broadly, and wiggled her fingertip, delighting in Cara's repeated groan and renewed squirming. "I think we've inspired our audience," she drawled. "Your Lord Rahl is behind the Confessor."
Cara pictured it, just as Denna's finger forced its way in deeper, and she cried out, pushing her arms straight to lift her chest from the bed, head thrown back.
Denna grunted softly with the effort of pushing past Cara's body's natural resistance, and penetrated her fully. In the past, she had always asked Cara who she belonged to at this point. Now she clenched her teeth to keep quiet and leaned over to press gentle kisses along the curve of Cara's left shoulder blade.
Cara waited for the question that never came, and found tears welling in her eyes at its absence. It was true, though, she no longer belonged to Denna in that way. But she would always belong to her in at least some way, and she could still answer to that. "Please, ask," she choked out past the lump in her throat.
Denna needed no further encouragement, the words on the tip of her tongue already. "Who do you belong to?" she breathed against Cara's skin.
"I belong to myself," Cara answered, a tear spilling over. "And also to you."
Denna didn't know what she had expected, but she gasped, tears welling in her own eyes as she pressed her lips to the back of Cara's neck. Half of her had wondered whether she would be called 'Mistress', and the other half if she would be left out of the answer altogether. She rested her finger still, just lying there half on top of Cara, lips against her neck.
The gasp made Cara think she had made Denna angry, but the kiss calmed her fears.
Denna's voice broke when she spoke. "Yes, you belong to yourself," she agreed, freeing Cara of the bonds she had wound so tightly years ago. "And I hope that whenever you may find yourself passing through, you will come to me, for a night... Will you do that for me, Cara?"
"Yes, Denna, I will."
It was strange to hear Cara address her that way, but not entirely unpleasant, she found. "I do love you, in my own mad way, you know that, don't you?"
"I do," Cara whispered, nodding and shifting to turn onto her side, letting Denna's finger slip out of her. She closed her eyes briefly at the empty feeling, but looking Denna in the eye was more important. "And in my own mad way, I will always love you more than life itself."
A tear slid down Denna's cheek; she smiled. "We are both mad as idiots," she proclaimed with a wistful laugh.
Their attention was wrested from each other as the door exploded open, the latch thrown from the wall, useless, apparently. Richard burst into the room, sword drawn. "Cara! D'Harans are here, they said Grix never came b--" He stopped, staring at the scene in front of him, and nearly flailed. The sword burned in his hand as Denna tried to keep him from advancing on her with it.
"I'm all right, Richard," Cara sighed, rubbing her eyes as she sat up, unthinkingly giving him an unhindered view of her breasts. She didn't realize it until she couldn't catch his eye. "Lord Rahl?" she drawled, head tilted to one side. "What is more important, the D'Harans or my breasts?"
"Breasts," Richard mumbled, then snapped out of it, shaking his head, hair flying. "D'Harans! Denna, don't you want to protect your... girls?!"
Denna smirked, rising from the bed, using Richard's momentary distraction to knock the sword to the floor with its magic. "That won't be necessary. General Grix will stand the soldiers down."
"General Grix is here?" Richard asked, bending to pick up the sword, no longer intent on using it to run Denna through. "You told me he wasn't."
"And I am always so honest," Denna said with a nod, lips pushed into a pout.
Cara stood, walked slowly to Richard, enjoying the power her nakedness seemed to have over him. She stopped in front of him, leaning up to whisper in his ear. "You should have seen what Denna was doing to me five minutes ago... it would have had you dying to fuck Kahlan in the ass."
Richard dropped the sword on his foot. At least Cara was back to normal.