Issues 7/?
Chapter Seven
Casey held Olivia for a little while, then pulled back and grinned at her. "Let's go out."
--
Olivia felt very shy and self-conscious in the outfit Casey had chosen for her. Her only consolation was that Casey was dressed the same way - they were both in short skirts and skimpy tops that left little to the imagination. Casey had on sheer black nylons and Liv was wearing fishnets, something that she thought had gone out of style in the eighties. She felt more like a teenager than a detective. But she sure as hell wasn't going to argue... a painful reminder of what would happen was already in effect, making her unable to sit.
Casey paid their way in and held Olivia's hand out for the bouncer to stamp, then dragged her playmate into the dance club, unaffected by the pulsing strobe lights that made Olivia cringe. She led the way to a corner table and sat down, nodding toward the floor by her side, expecting Olivia to put up a fight.
Olivia saw Casey's gesture and blushed, but she didn't want Casey angry again, so she knelt on the floor beside her, a shiver running through her as she did. And... ew, the floor was dirty...
Casey lifted a brow, surprised at Olivia's compliance, and surprised at herself for being annoyed by it. Why was she looking for a fight? Hadn't she just punished Liv enough? She didn't want to send mixed messages, like... 'do what I say, when I say', and then at the same time 'give me a challenge, I dare you'.
Olivia had about a million things running through her head, not the least of which was the fact that a lot of people were staring at them. No one else was kneeling on the floor. However, Olivia would take kneeling on the floor to sitting, anywhere, right about now. Even if it meant enduring strange and wary looks from the other people at the club. She glanced at Casey out of the corner of her eye, and frowned to herself at the ADA's expression. Casey looked irritated. She didn't have time to wonder why before the redhead turned to face her and barked out an order.
"Get up."
Olivia was confused, but she tried not to show it as she slowly rose to her feet, putting her hands behind her back and scuffing the toe of her shoe nervously against the floor.
Again, Liv didn't even hesitate, and Casey found her irritation building, which only made her even more pissed at herself. What the hell was her problem? "Sit," she said sharply, patting her lap, figuring Olivia would at least complain about that, considering how her ass must feel.
Liv thought Casey was being cruel, making her sit, but she bit her lip and lowered herself onto the ADA's lap, forcing herself to swallow the whimper that welled up in her throat. Ohhh, that hurt like a sonofabitch.
"Goddamnit!" Casey cursed, shoving Olivia off her lap. "Up," she snapped, then stood and took Olivia by the hair, leading her angrily toward the exit. She knew she was being ridiculously unfair and probably making Olivia confused as hell, but she couldn't rein it in. She roughly shoved the detective into the cab after hailing it with a shrill whistle, ignoring Liv's cry of pain when her ass hit the leather seat, and climbed in after her, giving the cabbie her address.
Neither woman spoke for the ride to Casey's place, nor for the trip from the cab into the apartment. Once they were inside, Casey pointed to the bedroom. "Go get into pajamas and get in bed," she ordered, facing away from Olivia.
Olivia was still so confused, and hurt... Casey wouldn't even look at her. What had she done wrong? She had done everything Casey told her to do. She couldn't hold back her tears, though she cried in silence as she went to the bedroom, took off her clothes and slipped into a pair of Casey's silk pajamas. The cool silk felt nice, and she brushed her teeth and used the bathroom, then climbed into bed and lay staring at the ceiling, hoping Casey would come in soon and explain why she was so angry. Liv wanted to be held so badly at that moment... she felt lost. She needed something to anchor her, but there was nothing. She was alone in the dark bedroom, in pain, and heartbroken. "Please, Casey, come hold me," she whispered to herself, curling up with a pillow.
Casey threw down her purse, hung her keys on the key rack, and paced back and forth across the living room a few times before stalking back to the bedroom, stripping quickly and putting on a pair of pajamas. She freshened up quickly in the bathroom and then got into bed. She was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look at Olivia. She was terrified of the hurt she knew she would see on her lover's face. So she lay on her back and closed her eyes, trying to shut out the world. Sleep actually came really quickly, though it wasn't very restful.
Olivia's heart broke into more pieces when Casey didn't even say good-night to her, let alone hold her or tell her what she'd done wrong. She really needed to feel safe right now, and she didn't, at all. Casey fell asleep almost immediately, and Olivia debated whether to curl up against her or not. She wanted to be close, and Casey was already asleep, so she wouldn't get upset... and Liv wasn't going to be able to sleep without feeling more secure. Finally she rolled onto her side and carefully curled up with the ADA, draping an arm over her stomach and resting her head on Case's chest, just below her shoulder.
The instant she touched Casey, Olivia's body relaxed. She laid awake for awhile, but slowly drifted off toward sleep. She was about halfway there. She thought she was just snuggling closer to the redhead, but in her half-asleep state she was nuzzling Case's neck with her lips and absently stroking her cheek with gentle fingertips.
Casey's eyes fluttered open when she felt lips on her neck, and a glance at Olivia revealed the detective to be pretty much asleep. The ADA tried to ignore the feelings and go back to sleep, when she became aware of just how close Olivia's warm body was to hers, pressed flush against her, and Liv started making little mewling sounds against her neck. She wasn't sure exactly what the sounds meant - they sounded somewhere between aroused and frightened. But the effect they had on Casey was definitely not fear... she felt her body starting to respond despite her effort to remain passive and go back to her restless dreams.
Oh dear God, the tiny mewls escalated to whimpers, and they were definitely sounds of arousal. Coupled with the warmth of Liv's body and the lips against her neck, Casey had to press her thighs tightly together as she shivered. Damnit, she was getting wet. She still didn't want to interact with Olivia, because she needed to figure out a way to be honest before she did that, and it just wasn't coming to her... she felt absolutely horrible for the way she'd treated her lover tonight, and even worse that she hadn't tried to explain why. Okay, now there was a moan, and Casey nearly lost it. Then Olivia's fingers were pressing lightly against her lips, and she couldn't stop herself from opening her mouth to suck on them.
Liv moaned again, and Casey gently took hold of her wrist, keeping her hand still so she could properly give her fingers what she wanted to give a strap-on. She sucked them in and out of her mouth, swirling her tongue around, back and forth, alternating between soft licks and hard suction. She felt Liv start to wake up, and she debated pretending she was still asleep, but she was too far gone. At the quiet gasp from her lover, she knew Liv was fully awake, and she pulled Liv's fingers away from her mouth, rolling onto her side as she drew the detective close for a searching kiss.
Olivia didn't know what she'd done to deserve the pleasure of waking up to this, but she put her heart into the kiss, returning it twice as deep. She whimpered softly when Casey parted their lips, her wide brown eyes afraid once again that her lover was angry... but the delicate hand sliding behind her neck and playing in her hair reassured her. "I love you," she breathed, not even fully aware that she was saying it until it was too late to stop.
Casey froze, her heart beating overtime in her chest, her green eyes wild like a caged animal.Oh, God. Tears welled their way from her tightly choked-up throat to her eyes, spilling over and sliding silently down her cheeks. How could she have been such a selfish, inconsiderate, unfair asshole to this amazing woman? Olivia deserved to know how wonderful she was, not to be punished for Casey's irritation at herself. And still, after all the hurt and confusion she'd inflicted, Olivia was confessing her love. She didn't deserve it. She never had. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, stroking Olivia's cheek with her fingertips and staring into her eyes. Liv's expression was somewhere between frightened and nervous, and that only made Casey feel worse. She tried to say more, but the words wouldn't come out just yet, they were still too jumbled inside her head to make any sense.
Casey's heart broke into a thousand pieces at the rejected look that fell over Liv's gorgeous features, and she watched and felt Olivia start to pull away. "No!" she gasped, swiping at her tears and reaching for Liv, who now looked confused as hell but stopped her retreat.
"C-Casey, you don't love me, that's okay," Liv said quietly. Though really it wasn't okay. But she wasn't going to make a scene or insist that Casey change her mind. "I'm a big girl, I can deal with it, I'll just leave." Her voice was gentle, and she was glad that she managed to control the shakiness enough to sound normal. Inside, though, she had never felt anything so painful in all her life.
"Yes, I do!" Casey blurted out, frantic for Olivia to stay and let her try to make sense of her behavior the last couple of days. And it was true, she did love Olivia, more than life itself, but she had been down that road in the past with other girlfriends and only ended up miserable. She had hoped to avoid admitting how she felt this time around. But if she didn't tell the truth, then she would lose Olivia, and that thought was much worse than the thought of being hurt in the long run. "I do, Olivia, I love you more than you could ever know," she continued once Olivia had settled back onto the bed and did not appear to be planning an escape anymore. "I just didn't want to tell you."
Olivia's body flooded with relief and she wrapped herself tightly around the redhead, burying her face in Casey's neck and taking a deep breath. "Why?" she asked after she processed Casey's last sentence.
"Because I don't have a good track record when it comes to letting women know how I feel," Casey said with a sigh. "I've had my heart handed to me one too many times."
Liv was quiet for a long time, just content to be close to Casey. Then she hesitantly asked a question. "What... what did I do wrong last night?" She knew she was blushing, and was grateful that she was still pretty much hiding her face against Case's neck.
"Absolutely nothing," Casey confessed, exhaling slowly and wrapping Liv up tight in her arms. "You were perfect. I was a stupid bitch, and I would love to tell you why, but the problem is that I don't exactly know the reason myself. I think I was probably just so pissed at myself for loving you that I wanted a reason to fight. And when you didn't give me any, I just did it anyway. I don't know... maybe I thought that if I drove you away, it would hurt less. God Olivia, I'm so sorry... you didn't deserve that. I know I hurt you and confused you and treated you so badly... and made you go to sleep thinking you had done something wrong... I'm a fucking idiot. I don't deserve you at all."
Liv chose her words carefully. "You're right, I was hurt and confused, but mostly I was just afraid of losing you. I thought... I thought I'd done something to make you so angry that you couldn't even look at me. I just wanted you to tell me it was okay, or that we'd talk in the morning... *any*thing... but you didn't. And, you know, yes, it broke my heart, and I cried, and I waited until you fell asleep so I could be close to you. But hearing you say that you love me? Casey, that makes it all disappear. Please, don't say you don't deserve me... that's just an excuse not to be with me. And I want to be with you, Casey. More than I've ever wanted to be with anyone."
Casey hugged Olivia tight, kissing the top of her head and sighing. "It's not an excuse, it's the truth... but if you'll have me, then I'd love to take you up on that offer. I want to be with you too, Liv. So much."
Liv purred contently and snuggled up, nuzzling Casey's neck with her nose. "Are you sorry for... what exactly was it that you did to my ass yesterday? Was that a caning?"
"Yes, it was a caning, and no, I'm not sorry for that. You earned it," Casey said, finally able to laugh a little. "And I'll do it again if you repeat the offense." Olivia pouted up at her, and she thought it might well have been the most adorable thing she'd ever seen.
"It still hurts. A lot."
Casey laughed and kissed the pout away. "Well then be a good girl and I won't have to cane you again."
Liv shivered at just hearing the word 'cane' as a threat when she was still so tender. She actually could not imagine the pain. "Oh I'll be good," she assured Casey quickly. "So good."
"I know you will," Casey whispered, all traces of teasing gone from her voice. "Ever since you took off your pants in my office and got across my lap, I knew you'd always be a good girl."
"I haven't received my letter of apology regarding that incident, Counselor," Liv said cheekily.
"Olivia?"
"Yes?"
"Turn over."
"Oh God, Casey I was just joking, come on," Liv said, making her best puppy eyes at Casey.
"And I was just saying how good you are," Casey tsk-ed, shaking her head. "If I have to turn you over, it'll be worse."
Olivia pouted sweetly, knowing it would make Casey smile even though it wouldn't get her out of trouble. "Can I at least go across your lap?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.
Casey laughed and sat up, nodding her head. "Yeah. Come on."
Liv moved so Casey could swing her legs over the edge of the bed, then started to crawl across her lap.
Casey cleared her throat. "You think you get to keep the pajamas up?" she asked, raising a brow.
"Yes?" Liv guessed hopefully.
"No," Casey answered, twirling her finger in the direction of the pants. "Down to your knees."
Olivia shivered, bringing her hands to the waistband and slowly pulling her pants and underwear all the way down to her knees, then carefully lowered herself over the ADA's lap and wriggled to get comfortable.
"Mmm, I did a good job on this," the redhead complimented herself, running one fingertip gently along a few of the welts covering Liv's backside and thighs, grinning at the hissing breath her lover sucked in even at the gentle touch. "You *are* a good girl, Livvy," she said lovingly. "I'm not going to spank you."
"Oh thank God," Olivia exhaled with a sigh of relief. "Thank you."
"Mhmm," Casey acknowledged, dragging one fingertip lightly up the inside of one of Liv's thighs.
Olivia gasped, instinctively parting her legs and pressing down into Casey's lap with her hips.
"Well," Casey exclaimed, withdrawing her finger. "Someone gets keyed up pretty easily."
"Only when it's you touching me," Liv informed the ADA.
"Has someone else been touching you?" Casey asked with a smirk.
"No!" Liv said quickly. "That's not how I meant it."
"I know," Casey said, chuckling at Olivia's reaction.
"Can I ask you something?" Liv questioned suddenly.
"Of course."
Okay, how to word this... "When you wouldn't let me touch you... was that for the same reason you were upset last night?"
Ah. Casey had been afraid of that question. "Uh, no," she admitted, feeling distinctly uncomfortable now. Although really, she shouldn't feel uncomfortable, since Olivia was the one half naked and laying over her lap. "That was entirely separate."
"Are you afraid I won't be good at it?" Liv asked, searching in the dark here.
"Fuck no!" Casey replied, laughing out loud. "All I have to do is look at you to know you're good at it." What in the hell kind of question was that?! Afraid Olivia Benson wasn't good at sex? What was this, the Twilight Zone?
"Then what?" Olivia asked, laying her cheek down on the cool sheets.
"I'm sorry Liv, but it's still classified," Casey said regretfully. "It just-- it just has to be the right time and place. I can't talk about it on command."
The detective groaned. "Does that mean I don't get to touch you until this magical time and place pops up?"
"Yeah," Casey said with a sigh. "I really am sorry. But this is me. For better or worse, and I can't change it. If you can't handle my baggage I'll understand."
"Of course I can handle it," Olivia assured her lover. "Everybody has baggage. Mine isn't exactly a light load either."
Casey smiled and slipped her hand under Olivia's pajama top, tenderly rubbing her back in slow circles.
"Can I get up?" Liv asked a few minutes later.
"No," Casey answered simply.
Liv whined softly but stayed where she was.
Casey chuckled, sliding her hand from Liv's back down to her ass, then further down, snaking between her legs and pressing firmly at the crux of her thighs. Mmm, wet.
"Guh," Liv moaned, turning her head to rest her forehead on the mattress as she again pressed down with her hips. "Please," she whispered. "Put your fingers inside me... *please*."
"No," Casey said, stroking Olivia's slick heat up and down. "I want to use something else."
"Something else?" Liv asked absently, trying to ride Casey's fingers, which kept pulling just out of reach. She wasn't really listening.
"Yes," Casey purred, taking her hand completely away so Olivia would listen to her. "Something else. And I want to tie you up, Liv..."
Olivia had never had a lover request to tie her up. A full-body shiver ran through her and she closed her eyes, biting her lip. Was she supposed to give an answer?
"I'll take implied consent," Casey whispered, nibbling on the detective's ear. "Get completely undressed and lay on your back with your hands above your head. Hold onto the headboard and wait quietly. I'll be right back."
Olivia tried to control her breathing as she did what she was asked, watching nervously as Casey disappeared into the walk-in closet. She reached up and wrapped her hands around two of the posts on the headboard, gripping tightly. She wanted to cross her legs, but she knew Casey would disapprove, and she should be past the point of shyness, really. So she even inched them apart a little bit, feeling the gentle rush of cool air against her heated center.
The redhead was only gone for about a minute or two this time, and Liv's eyes nearly popped out of her head when Casey emerged wearing a red glittery harness with a matching dildo. It was big. "Holy fuck," she breathed, staring at Casey's hips, shifting her legs further apart to reveal her glistening wetness.
The ADA groaned at the sight of a naked and spread Olivia Benson on her bed. What could be better than that? Absolutely nothing.
"You're going to take me with that?" Olivia asked, her eyes still riveted to the strap-on.
"Yes," Casey promised. "And Olivia? You look fucking delicious."