Maybe I'm Just Depressed, Maybe I'm A Fool. Either Way, Things Suck Sometimes
I'm going to try this, in an attempt to cool myself down, before I self destruct.
My name is Shane Lashway, and I'm not entirly sure what my problem is. I think I'm generally a happy camper, I mean, I know I am. I love being happy, but like everyone, I get down. I'm not so sure how everyone else stacks up against this next fact, but I tend to get really down. I mean, it's not always for a long time, usually it's just quick, but between me and myself, it gets nasty. Like real nasty. I haven't heard any of my friends mention any of the things that go through my bed, too slow for their own good. I tend to grab the remote, and crank up the volume, and it's gone. Music is my hero, the only thing that keeps me going when "I get knocked down." But "I get up again". I'm not kidding around though, it's helped me more than I can on my own. I let the music sink in, than I start pumping myself back up. I tend to step out of myself, slap on the compliments, thank the Lord for what I have, and than look at my current situation. Most of the time, I'm over reacting, but not always. I first tell myself I've bounced back before. I ask if I really want to sit around mopeing all day, and than follow it up with a "what will that get you?". And it's true, it's never gotten me, any one I know, or any one in any movie I have ever seen, anything. So that usually works. Than, just to make sure I'm clear, I go on to break down the real situation for myself, destroying the made-up version I had been carrying around. I break that thing in half, than agian and again, light it on fire, and than piss on the ashes. Pretty much, I dominate my own insecurities.
(Oh boy, I may be having a relapse...)
So than, after that, I pile on some more motivation, urging myself to get up, go get 'em, and face my problems head on. I ask how I am going to solve anything wallowing around in self-pity. Than I get up, wipe my eyes dry and blow my nose if need be, turn down the music, and put it on some happier songs. I'm usually good by then, and perfectly capable of carrying out the activites of a normal day. This may not be the best method, but when your there, it sure is. It's a dark dark place, but it could be far far darker. Things aren't hardly as they seem, but I don't care to see things how they are. I'm perfectly happy being happy. If I keep the things that shouldn't be real not real, than they aren't real. I can't much remember anything before 6th grade. I mean, I remember some things from before than, but they aren't anything of significance. I remember general ideas of my home life, I remember getting in trouble in kindergarted, and fith grade. I remember basketball camp in fourth or fifth grade with Stoner, and various other things. The thing is, it's all about school. I remember nothing of at home. I remember a bit in 6th grade, but that was just sitting in school, missing home. Maybe that's normal, maybe it's not. Either way, I want to remember it. I try, and I get nothing. I know I was at home then, and I sort of have this glimpses of it every now and then. I'd rather keep it where it is, to be perfectly honest. Its forgotten for a reason.
This ended up getting a little sidetracked, but I think I'm getting better. I didn't get to the music fast enough, I was trying something else. It's taking it's effect now, and I need to put step two into action.
So thanks for listening, and here's what I'm rocking to right now...
"Let's take the boat out on the bay forget your job for just one day
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
It might be inappropriate because
Either way our band get dropped
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret?
Why do I want what I can't get?
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
The three-date theory is getting old everyone is getting left out in the cold
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
So I'll see you with another guy
Who pretends not to hear you when you cry
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
I'll be moving on."
My name is Shane Lashway, and I'm not entirly sure what my problem is. I think I'm generally a happy camper, I mean, I know I am. I love being happy, but like everyone, I get down. I'm not so sure how everyone else stacks up against this next fact, but I tend to get really down. I mean, it's not always for a long time, usually it's just quick, but between me and myself, it gets nasty. Like real nasty. I haven't heard any of my friends mention any of the things that go through my bed, too slow for their own good. I tend to grab the remote, and crank up the volume, and it's gone. Music is my hero, the only thing that keeps me going when "I get knocked down." But "I get up again". I'm not kidding around though, it's helped me more than I can on my own. I let the music sink in, than I start pumping myself back up. I tend to step out of myself, slap on the compliments, thank the Lord for what I have, and than look at my current situation. Most of the time, I'm over reacting, but not always. I first tell myself I've bounced back before. I ask if I really want to sit around mopeing all day, and than follow it up with a "what will that get you?". And it's true, it's never gotten me, any one I know, or any one in any movie I have ever seen, anything. So that usually works. Than, just to make sure I'm clear, I go on to break down the real situation for myself, destroying the made-up version I had been carrying around. I break that thing in half, than agian and again, light it on fire, and than piss on the ashes. Pretty much, I dominate my own insecurities.
(Oh boy, I may be having a relapse...)
So than, after that, I pile on some more motivation, urging myself to get up, go get 'em, and face my problems head on. I ask how I am going to solve anything wallowing around in self-pity. Than I get up, wipe my eyes dry and blow my nose if need be, turn down the music, and put it on some happier songs. I'm usually good by then, and perfectly capable of carrying out the activites of a normal day. This may not be the best method, but when your there, it sure is. It's a dark dark place, but it could be far far darker. Things aren't hardly as they seem, but I don't care to see things how they are. I'm perfectly happy being happy. If I keep the things that shouldn't be real not real, than they aren't real. I can't much remember anything before 6th grade. I mean, I remember some things from before than, but they aren't anything of significance. I remember general ideas of my home life, I remember getting in trouble in kindergarted, and fith grade. I remember basketball camp in fourth or fifth grade with Stoner, and various other things. The thing is, it's all about school. I remember nothing of at home. I remember a bit in 6th grade, but that was just sitting in school, missing home. Maybe that's normal, maybe it's not. Either way, I want to remember it. I try, and I get nothing. I know I was at home then, and I sort of have this glimpses of it every now and then. I'd rather keep it where it is, to be perfectly honest. Its forgotten for a reason.
This ended up getting a little sidetracked, but I think I'm getting better. I didn't get to the music fast enough, I was trying something else. It's taking it's effect now, and I need to put step two into action.
So thanks for listening, and here's what I'm rocking to right now...
"Let's take the boat out on the bay forget your job for just one day
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
It might be inappropriate because
Either way our band get dropped
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret?
Why do I want what I can't get?
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
The three-date theory is getting old everyone is getting left out in the cold
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
So I'll see you with another guy
Who pretends not to hear you when you cry
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
I'll be moving on."