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I don't know what to say. Honestly, I'm so confused by my own feelings, and the actions, or lack thereof, of others. I don't know where to turn. I've already done things I swore I never would. I've felt things I thought I'd never feel again, I've said thinngs I thought I'd never say again, and I feel something, I prayed I would never feel again
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i know EXACTLY how your feeling. its hard to "read" someone by there words but only by actions and emotions. its the hardest reading there is to do. but only to explain meerly in words is impossible. you dont know how to take certain things so you take them as they come and just sit and wait for the next. its hard not to be able to talk to someone and get what your listening for.
about the whole asking her to hang out, i know how that goes too. something happened today that gives a good example of that. my friends live at the end of my street (this is otis by the way). it seems like i always have to go down there and they never want to walk the same distance to hang with me. ive since learned that it is a milestone in live that we must only be able to step over without falling off the edge.
now i do not know anna at all. i havent even ever talked to her but a friendly "hello" in your presence. i do know from what i hear and from what others say, she means alot to you as you do to her. i myself am in a state of love. love is a word ive only said once before. its a very sensitive word. its a word of great power. i can truley say that i am in love and i have your same pain
if you dont mind ill tell you my story for a minute which is so hard to explain in words. she means sooo much to me. she is one of my best friends. however she currently has a boyfriend. she also happens to live 4 hours away and only spends a few weeks in the summer here. i am truely and deeply in love with her. she is all i can think about ever. at night, i go to sleep with tears in my eys knowing that alls we are, is friends. it ist the fact she has a boyfriend, because she is really happy with him. the fact she is with someone she is really happy with makes me happy. what upsets me is everytime i look into her eyes i know the world is just awsome and i feel as if im flying, suspended in animation 10 feet above the world. everytime i hug her i feel as if her arms are wrapped around me forever. everytime i rub her back, i feels as if there is just SOMETHING there. for then the reality of "another guy" hits me. it hits me as if i were 15,000 feet in the air and i jsut got hit by a boeing 747 traveling over seas. im brought back down to earth spirling. i make contact with ground but the only thing that pain is felt through is my heart. i love her so much. it hurts me every day at work, every night i spend alone, every moment im not with her.
so shane, i know we never were really like best freinds but shane, i do know how you feel. 1st person, first hand. any time you need advice or need to talke im always avalible. snowflyerxx@gmail.com or cell me 537 1189. anytime. i know how you feel
(ps. she lives in vermont in the heart of snowboarding land. you should scome up with me sometime and we can catch some fresh fallen snow on some mountain somewhere!)
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