(no subject)
i didn't get in.
"fail" defined by the random house college dictionary can be defined as many terms
1- to fall short of success or achiebement in something expected, attempted, desired or approved
2- to be or become deficient or lacking; to fall short; be insufficient or absent
3-to be unsuccessful in the performace or completion of
therefore i fail at everything i have ever dreamed of. everything i wanted this year..... didn't happen. i wanted to be swim team captain- i failed. i wanted to be ASB treasurer- i failed. i wanted to be in play production- i failed. i wanted to get into SPU but because of not high enough GPA- i failed. there is absolutely no point for me to even go to school next year, or college for that matter. everything i have ever wanted in my life- i failed at. it doesn't matter that i'll be in a few "ADVANCED" classes, or chior, it won't matter because none of it holds the leadership positions that colleges want to see. it doesn't matter anymore. no college will want me, or pay for me..... unless i want to go to shoreline community college, i will not get in.
why can't i succeed at one thing? why can't i be good at anything? i don't understand why i never progress..... i stay stuck in one spot. no one will ever remember the girl that never made a difference. i hate it when people i love and myself don't get things we deserve. we work harder than a lot of other crap people, but we don't get anything we want. i understand why i didn't make it into play production- because i'm obviously not good enough. i know why i didn't get captain. because i'm not good enough. i know why i didn't get treasurer. i'm not good enough.
ENOUGH WITH THIS SHIT!!!! WHO NEEDS HIGHSCHOOL OR COLLEGE. to hell with life. i hate all extra cirricular activities. the only thing that hasn't been pulled out from under me is my pictures. my camera. my film. it's the only thing that's not left me cold on the street corner at midnight. if only i could imagine what it feels like to get something you so badly want, because i never have. i've never gotten that. nope. ... never.
ha- even my girl scout troop is falling apart- who knows if we'll be together still next year. i have nothing to work for. absolutely nothing. my photographs.......... that's the only thing. and my writing. ....... next year i'll go outside to take pictures, and i'll come in to do my 3 writing classes. i will not go swimming. i will not jump up and down at homecoming. i will not go to any plays. i will not pass go and collect $200. i will simply work my ass off and hope that i can get into SCC. *yes*. that's so hot.