making it right

[lexilynne]

I was so convinced that I would have such a shitty time that I never even thought that I could have any fun.... it ended up being really nice. kyle was a lot of fun and his brother and his brother's date were very cool. we had a good time.... maybe I'm so against really allowing myself to truly like someone that I sabatoge it before it could ever have a chance. maybe because I've been hurt so badly before.... but that is the past. it's time to move forward with my life and really allow myself to be happy. instead of being annoyed that someone calls me so much, maybe I should be happy that someone cares enough to want to talk to me and wants to see me that much. maybe I just need to grow up..... I'm learning...it's taking time, but I'm trying to be good. I have so much to learn about life. the other day I was going to make dinner and I realized that I don't even know how to make anything. all that I can do is boil noodles....and I even mess that us sometimes...... I'm 20 years old and I'm not even slightly domestic. is that really bad??? at least I'm trying to learn so maybe I won't be such a total disaster.

there has been someone who has believed in me and I screwed him over and now I don't know if we can ever go back..... I wish it was as simple as me saying that I'm sorry and then everything is magically better, but it just isn't that way. I don't think that he will ever know how much I care and how much I want to make things right between us.....he means the world to me and things are no longer the same. we've been there for each other and life without him doesn't feel right. I need to get some courage and call him and make everything alright. I think I need to do it as soon as possible before I chicken out. I should just do it right now....
talk to everyone later. XOXO